


For Auld Lang Syne III: Many a Weary Foot

by Cybele2013



Series: For Auld Lang Syne [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: HP: Epilogue Compliant, Infidelity, Light BDSM, M/M, Minor Character Death, Some Het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:38:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 96,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cybele2013/pseuds/Cybele2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry gets accustomed to married life and parenthood, while trying to ignore an increasingly persistent attraction toward men.  The secrets Severus keeps to maintain his quiet life are threatened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving on

**Author's Note:**

> My thanks to Toluene for continuing to beta for me, despite my apparent inability to remember the correct use of a comma. All remaining mistakes are my own.

_  
1 May 2005_

_Dear Hadrian,_

_I’m enclosing press clippings from the big event that describes it in much more detail than I have the heart to do. Having lived through the travesty once, I can’t be arsed to live through it again. Not for you. Especially not for you._

_Suffice it to say that the wedding was all one might expect. It was a small affair – not counting the throngs of press, the swarms of ingratiating politicians, the better part of the MLE and the entire Harpies team, plus reserves, and not least, the Weasley clan and extended relations. There was a bit of noise, and not a little disappointment over Ginny’s and my decision to forego a magically binding ceremony. Molly wasn’t happy. For my part, I let Ginny defend the decision, saying that if I was around in twenty years, she would prefer to know it was out of choice, and not because I was magically obliged to be there._

_In some ways, knowing I can escape if I want to makes the whole thing more difficult to live with. The funny thing is that Ginny and I came to the decision without much by way of discussion. I think her heart isn’t in this any more than mine is. But we both stood up there and promised to be there for each other to the end of our days, and at least that’s a vow I think I can keep._

_She’s really beginning to show now and says that she can feel the baby moving inside her. I humour her and touch her belly and try and summon a bit of the excitement she feels at the slightest bubble of movement. But I confess to you that I’ve felt nothing. Nothing at all._

_I will get through this, but I feel as though I’ve been robbed of something important. This whole experience shouldn’t be something I have to get through. It should be something I can feel enthusiastic about. Bill and Fleur go on at length about the whole pregnancy and child-rearing experience, and all I can feel is a detached curiosity and a vague resentment at having had my own chance at life stolen away by this little unborn being, greedily gobbling up my future one day at a time._

_I hate what that says about me. You are surely not surprised that I’m a selfish twat, but it comes as a revelation to me._

_On the outside, I am Harry Potter, husband of Ginny Potter, née Weasley, Boy Who Lived turned Man Who Continues to Live against all odds. And I can be all that on the outside only because privately, to you alone, I can lay the truth bare. You’ve always seen the worst of me, and so my honesty is not likely to alienate you._

_I hope everything is well with you and the Coven. I hope my unanticipated visit did not cause any lasting damage to your quiet life. I enjoyed my last day with you and will use its memory to get me through the next twenty years or so._

_All is well._

_Yours,  
Harry_

_15 June 2005_

_Dear Harry,_

_I should start by congratulating you on getting through one of those rites of passage that I have managed to successfully avoid. Given my proclivities and particularly given the country in which I have chosen to take up residence, I feel confident that I will never have to endure such theatrics. I am pleased to learn that you have kept the contract strictly legal, as it offers you that all-important trap door should the commitment become too much to bear. While I regret that the decision was forced upon you by circumstance, I think you are lucky to have found someone so practically minded, with whom to begin the project of parenthood. I wish you well with at least as much sincerity as I wish things were different._

_For my part, the imminent arrival of summer is keeping me very busy. My garden is flourishing and as it grows warmer, people inevitably get it into their heads to perform sport they are too old, unfit, or too Muggle to accomplish, so my patient rosters are rapidly filling up._

_I was able to turn your brief visit and the consequential involvement of the Coven to my advantage. I told the truth, in short. The Coven were satisfyingly scandalised to learn of your impending marriage. Out of sensitivity to my presumed heartbreak, I have earned a reprieve from the constant onslaught of match-making attempts. I assure you I have done nothing to demonise you, but the hearts of women tend toward the spurned and frankly, it suits me to let them continue to judge me the victim._

_I have come to realise that what happened was for the best. The path we were on was destined to end in disaster. I think, in time, you will realise that as well. Twists of Fate, while often initially painful, invariably turn out for the best._

Severus re-read the last paragraph and snorted to himself. As though writing it would make it true. It was the truth as he wanted to see it, as he hoped he could eventually see it. Harry would be as irritated to read it as he was to write it, but when it came down to it, acceptance was the only choice left. At least, Severus thought, he could pretend toward dignity.

_I wish you and the missus all the best for the birth of the next generation of insufferable Gryffindors. I feel certain that your gloomy perspective will shift when confronted with the miracle of life. As trite as it is, I’m assured it’s true._

_Thankfully, I shall never be thus shifted._

_All is well, Harry._

_Yours,  
S._

Severus read through, realising that the carefully distant tone of his letter was belied by its closing. He didn’t care. Part of him needed the other man to know that he was not unaffected. All would be well, eventually. He believed that everything that happened was probably for the best. His heart had yet to catch onto that belief, but his heart and his logic were very rarely in agreement on such matters. He hoped that in giving logic its voice, the heart would eventually be persuaded.

The response to his letter came eleven days later. It said:

_All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well. All is well._

The writing began neatly and finished in a desperate mess. Severus let the parchment fall to his desk and covered his face with his hands. The words played on a loop in his head like a chant. An incantation. His heart lurched with a ridiculous yearning that he hadn’t yet managed to reason away. All was for the best, he told it. All is well, it screamed back.

It would be some time before he heard anything more, but he couldn’t bring himself to pen a response. Every time he tried, his hand moved to write those ridiculous words that he now sorely regretted speaking. Over time the yearning faded to an elusive feeling that he was forgetting something important. The ache calmed to indigestion. His work filled his days and a good portion of his nights, and sleep came without the plague of dreams for something impossible. As summer transitioned to autumn, Severus began once more to frequent his social circle and to involve himself in the life he’d built. While it would never again be untainted by the knowledge that it was not quite whole, it was sufficient, and Severus stopped staring at the absence. When at last word came, Severus unfolded the letter with his pragmatism well intact.

_  
10 September 2005_

_It’s a boy. He was born August 12th. 8 lbs, 13 oz, 19 ½ in. I’d tell you his name, but I don’t want to give you another excuse to hate him._

_He’s perfect, and you were right (as usual). Perspectives shift. And while all is still well, I can’t bring myself to actively wish for a life without my son. I have a choice, you told me. I can accept the way things are, or I can’t. I suppose I’ve chosen to accept my Fate. There doesn’t seem to be much point in struggling against it. I think I will always wish I could have had more time with you, but maybe things turned out for the best. I’d have only screwed up your life. And mine too, I suppose._

_I’m happy you’re still there, and I still insist that I need you to be there. While I’ve accepted the new mission I’ve been given, part of me will always be_

_Yours,  
Harry_

***

“Harry?”

Harry gave a low desperate moan as the whisper called him away from the precipice of precious sleep.

“You awake?”

“No,” he mumbled. At the feel of a soft hand slipping down the front of his pyjamas he gave another plaintive moan. “So tired, Gin.”

“I can help you wake up,” she whispered into his ear before scraping her teeth over it. A cold hand wrapped around his dormant cock. Harry made another sleepy attempt at protest.

“Come on, Potter. It’s only ten o’clock,” she said, urging him onto his back. It was only ten o’clock. Which gave him approximately three hours of uninterrupted sleep before James woke again for his nightly screaming fit that not even the dead could sleep through.

“I have to work,” Harry pointed out.

“And I sit on my arse all day?” she responded sharply, her hand giving him an encouraging squeeze. “It’s been months,” she said firmly before leaning into kiss him. 

Harry pried one eye open to look at the woman. Her lips curled into a slight pout. “Your wife has needs, Harry.” She grinned at him.

He managed to smile back, although his discomfort sat heavily on his chest. He could objectively see that his wife remained an attractive woman. Her figure had grown softer and rounder since having a child, but she remained slim. Her swollen breasts had grown to magnificent proportions. Her hair was thick and fiery, her skin like cream. She was beautiful.

But Harry had seen things no man should have to see. It had scarred him. Deeply. Her breasts, once a fascination for him, had become little more than food sacks. Her body, a vessel for human life. It was all very daunting. 

Ginny kissed down his chest before disappearing beneath the blankets, mouth moving expertly over his skin. It should have been exciting. She knew his body. She knew which buttons to push. But the buttons appeared to be broken. That tongue over his navel was too wet. The fingernails raking down his sides were too sharp.

He was ridiculous, he knew. Other men manage to still desire their wives after childbirth. Other men managed to forget the sight of a human head covered in blood and gunk pop out from between their wives legs. Harry felt a shudder wrack his body at the memory. Ginny moaned, interpreting it as pleasure.

Resigned to duty, Harry compliantly lifted his hips as insistent fingers tugged at his pyjamas. He felt himself get sucked into a warm wet mouth. That felt nice, at least. He closed his eyes. It might be anyone under that blanket, coaxing his desire to life. He cast his mind back to the first night with Severus. The night he was someone else. Someone without attachments, without inhibitions. And it felt more pleasant. Harry let out a moan, fingers weaving into straight black hair, hips thrusting up between those lips that were softer than he would ever have imagined.

The mouth disappeared from below to come up and kiss him urgently. A too soft, too round body pressed against him. Harry rolled over, forcing her to lie on her belly, before taking his place between her thighs. Ginny raised her hips and Harry took aim. “Ack!” Ginny exclaimed, before reaching down to correct that aim, bringing him into her.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and cleared his mind, not thinking about anything but the friction over his cock. His rhythm grew as steady as his breathing. The memory of his last night with Severus came unbidden, but this was all wrong. Too wet. Too soft. Harry let the memory go. He felt Ginny’s hand reach between her legs, her breath came in high whines as she slammed her hips back to meet Harry’s inward thrusts. There was no uniting of hearts and souls here. This was maintenance. 

Harry angled his thrusting downward to do what he could to help her along, to help himself along as his desire for release began to build. He forgot his aversion, his fatigue and let his body be driven by base instinct. Distantly he heard the strangled groan that was his cue to unleash his own restraint. He fell forward as he came, holding her tightly to him.

“Fuck, I needed that,” she sighed, and then laughed quietly into her pillow.

Harry gave a non-committal grunt and rolled off her. He cast a cleaning charm and stared at the ceiling waiting for his breathing to return to normal.

“We should go to Brum,” she said, rolling over to drape herself along Harry’s side. “We’ll get mum to sit for James.”

Despite himself, his interest was piqued. There was a certain club in Birmingham that occasionally opened for people with diversely deviant tastes. They’d not been in ages. Since before Ginny was pregnant. Before Severus. Before sex became complicated.

“All right,” he agreed.

“I’ll have to do some shopping. I think I’m too fat to fit into the cat suit.” Harry could feel her grin against his shoulder. 

“Don’t be stupid. You’re beautiful,” he reassured her automatically.

“Shh. Don’t ruin a perfectly good excuse to go shopping,” she reproached him, pinching his nipple playfully. “Maybe we can find you some fit bloke to satisfy your gay side,” she teased.

Harry snorted. “I distinctly remember ruling out threesomes, Gin. We’ll go to Brum if you want, but it’s just the two of us.”

Ginny raised herself up to her elbow. She twisted her mouth thoughtfully. “Would you want to go it alone?” she asked cautiously.

Harry frowned at her and then closed his eyes. “Don’t be daft. It was a one-off. I told you that.” The last time, Harry reasoned, was really just an extension of the first. The closure. It wasn’t quite a lie.

“You say that, but... Harry, you’ve been out of sorts since you came back after New Year. You and I both know that if I hadn’t got pregnant, we wouldn’t be here now.” Harry opened his mouth to protest, but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. “You did the noble thing. You always do. And we’re a family now, but I don’t want to be your noble cause forever.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Harry groaned. “You’re not my noble cause, Ginny. And we’ve been better, right? We don’t fight anymore.”

“Because you’ve resigned yourself to this. You put up a good front, but... Harry, I know you. You can’t tell me you’re happy.” Her eyes sought his. 

Harry's eyes closed. “I’m fine,” he insisted irritably. “I’m tired,” he amended. Bone tired and weary. He’d never understand why she always chose bedtime to engage him in these sorts of discussions.

“We used to fight,” Ginny said, head returning to Harry’s shoulder. “But at least it was honest. We were honest with each other.”

“I don’t lie to you,” Harry said indignantly.

“No. You mislead with the truth. You’re a master at it.”

Harry couldn’t respond to that. It was rather spot on. He sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand.

“We make a good family, Harry. We’re fantastic the three of us together. But you and I are not a couple anymore. I have no idea what’s going on with you. You don’t seem to care what’s going on with me outside of James and we can’t go on like that. I can’t live like that.” Her voice was steady and unemotional. Harry realised that what he was hearing was carefully composed and had been in waiting for months. She was right. About all of it. 

What could he do? Moan to her that he was doing what he could to get over someone he never really had to begin with? Tell her that whenever he looked at her, whenever she touched him, he couldn’t help but see all that she wasn’t? All that she could never possibly be? What good could come of that?

No good at all.

Instead he said, “I’m sorry. If I’ve been distant and if you have the impression that I don’t care. It’s been a crazy year, Gin. A lot of life-changing things and I’m dealing as well as I can. I’ll try harder.”

She moved her hand over to thread her fingers through his. “Okay,” she said quietly. “How about we start like this. I’ll ask you a question and you’ll answer honestly. No twisting the truth to suit your purposes.”

Harry opened his eyes to cast a doubtful look at her. “Sounds dangerous,” he said with a sideways grin. “I’ll agree, but I have the option to refuse to answer.”

Ginny gave him a defiant smile. “Refusing to answer is an answer in itself.”

“Ask then,” Harry said warily.

“Are you attracted to blokes?”

Harry pursed his lips and met her candid gaze. “No,” he said. “Not exactly. But I’m not attracted to women either. I’m attracted to you. I was attracted to the bloke in Switzerland. But it’s not gender specific.” Harry smiled up at her. “What about you?”

She grinned. “Of course I’m attracted to blokes,” she laughed. Harry narrowed his eyes and she laughed. “I’m attracted to women, too.”

Harry nodded. “Do you miss it?”

Ginny shook her head. “I haven’t yet,” she said. “But I suspect I will eventually. You?”

Harry paused before answering. Habitually, he prepared a suitably honest response to the question. He missed Severus. Did he miss sex with him? Could you actually miss something you never had regularly? “Yeah,” he admitted finally. He offered an apologetic smile. “It doesn’t mean I want to go out and find it, Ginny. I just don’t work that way.”

“I know,” she said, stroking his chest. “I’m glad you admitted it. Now we can work out a way forward.”

“Ginny,” Harry said, exasperated.

“Polyjuice,” she whispered. “Seriously.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You’re breastfeeding.”

“Only a few months longer,” she insisted. She lifted her head to kiss him on the mouth. Her mouth stretched into a wicked grin. It was a grin he’d come to know well over the course of the years. One which used to liquefy his insides with the promise of sexual adventure it contained. The promise of pleasure... or pain, or well... Kink, in a word. “But you’re not breastfeeding,” she whispered. “We can bring out your inner lesbian.”

Harry laughed. “You’re determined to emasculate me,” he accused her jokingly.

“No,” she smiled. “Just mix things up a bit.” She settled back to the pillow beside his head and draped her arm across his chest. “We can make this work, Harry. But only if we’re honest with each other and with ourselves.”

Harry turned his head to face her. He pushed her hair away from her face and was suddenly overcome with affection for this remarkable woman. He was lucky to have her. “I love you, you know,” he said, reaffirming it to himself as well. It was true. Despite everything, she remained the only woman in the world for him.

“Well, then. We have a chance,” she said and then kissed him.

-o-o-  
 _  
13 December 2005_

_Dear Hadrian,_

_It’s not supposed to be possible, but well, she is a Weasley. Ginny’s pregnant again. This time, I think she took the news harder than I did. For my part, one more kid will change nothing much, and it makes sense to me to have them all now and get it out the way. Ginny, however, had made elaborate plans involving Polyjuice potion and what she calls my Gay Side. She’s quite disappointed to have to put the experience off another year or so._

_My Gay Side, as it were, is a little relieved._

_Things have been good. Ginny and I have reached an agreement of sorts and I think I have finally managed to get over the fact that for all my wishing things were different, this is my life. When I started to examine my life, I realised how much of it I was taking for granted. It’s almost as though I was dissatisfied out of habit. There was no real source for my irritation, apart from my feeling that I wanted something different. Once I realised this, I was able to stop. I was able to reconnect to Ginny, and the rest sort of fell into place._

_I still think about you often. There are moments when I think I might burst from wanting to see you and to be with you. But the moments pass, and my life goes on._

_I hope everything is well with you. It’s been ages since I’ve heard any news and while I can’t threaten you with showing up on your doorstep anymore, I hope you will keep in touch. I want you in my life, if only from a distance._

_My Gay Side still belongs to you._

_Love (unapologetically),_

_Harry_

_  
Wishing you all the best this holiday season!_

_Hey. I haven't heard anything from you. I have another son, by the way. He's got my eyes. Ginny's pregnant again. She's due in September. Hopefully it's a girl this time, so we can stop. I miss sleeping._

_Anyway, Happy Christmas. I'll be thinking of you at midnight on New Year's Eve._

_Harry  
December 2006_

_**_

_CONGRATULATIONS!_

_Harry, congratulations on the new addition and the up and coming new addition. Everything is fine here. I'll try and write something more substantial soon._

_S.  
January 15, 2007_

_**_

_02 May 2008_

_Severus,_

_Yesterday was the ten-year anniversary of the first day of the rest of your life. I wonder if you remembered. I can't imagine you'd forget. Luckily for you, you were spared the celebrations. I had been invited to two dozen, but only went to two. There was an unveiling of the memorial statue in the Atrium of the Ministry. I've enclosed the photo for your amusement. I have to say, I feel lucky that my office is outside the Ministry because I'm not sure I could stand to walk past that every day. I think the sculptor was particularly kind to you. But while noble self-sacrifice is a good look for you, I think I prefer your sneering condescension. The white robes are a bit much, too. I'm sure I've never seen you in white. Dumbledore is the only one among us who was done well. I won't even comment on what they did with me._

_After the unveiling, we had a small private memorial at the Burrow. We drank to Fred. To Remus and Tonks. To Mad-Eye. And to you. We drank and drank and then passed out from all the remembering. I have to admit to finding it difficult to sit there listening to the discussions about you, the rounds of 'Poor, Severus,' and not reassure them all that you are fine. That you got what you wanted._

_It would be nice to hear from you, Severus. I don't know if you're deliberately avoiding me, or you just can't be arsed, but try and make an effort. I miss hearing from you._

_Harry_

-o-o-

The holiday season had always exhausted him, and this year was no different. Finding himself alone running the shop, this holiday season had been particularly gruelling. 2008 had proven to be a rough year economically and cuts had needed to be made. Severus lost Theda in September, when his young assistant had left him to help her mother, who had been forced to let her own part-time help go.

Severus welcomed the end to another day and sat sorting out his till when the sound of the bell reminded him that he’d forgotten to lock the door. He looked accusingly at the newest browsing customer. He might tell the man to sod off, but business wasn’t exactly booming these days, and men generally proved to be uncomplicated customers. Most of them were desperate to find a Christmas gift for some woman in their life, be it mother, sister, girlfriend or wife. They were easily persuaded to buy a gift set of essential oils or herbal teas.

The man smiled at him as Severus made eye contact. The corners of his eyes crinkled. 

“Can I help you?” Severus said, pleased with himself at having been able to extract the sneering exhaustion from his voice.

“You must be Hadrian Prince?” the man said, forming a question of the statement. It was a rather annoying habit of Americans. 

A referral, then, Severus thought, reaching for his appointment book. “I must be,” he answered with a forced smile. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“I’m David,” the man said, extending a hand, which Severus shook after a moment. “My sister, Susan, told me I should stop by.”

Severus tilted his head to the side as the pieces clicked into place. He studied the man’s features – the thin nose, the non-descript hazel eyes and the light brown hair. A thin spattering of freckles peppered the man’s nose, giving him a somewhat boyish appearance that was belied by the light wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. 

“Ah. This would be Susan 'you really must meet my brother' Jeffers, then, is it?” Severus gave the man’s hand a squeeze before releasing it. 

David laughed lightly and looked at his trainers. “Here’s hoping she’s pimped me as vigorously as she has you,” the man said sheepishly.

“She was a bit relentless,” Severus said fondly. “But as she’s been saying this for the better part of two years, I had begun to doubt you existed.” It wasn’t true, of course. He knew the man was a travel writer. He had read the book he’d written on India. After having read it, and enjoyed it, Severus had been looking forward to meeting the man behind the wit. “I hadn’t expected you until the New Year,” he said.

David’s eyes widened as though surprised that anyone would expect him at all. “Susi convinced me to come home with her for Christmas, so I came back a bit earlier than expected.” His tone was impassive, telling nothing of the discomfort Severus suspected the man felt at the prospect of seeing parents, to whom he hadn’t spoken in over ten years. Parents who were less than forgiving of their son for having dared to turn out gay.

Severus suddenly felt ill-at-ease about the amount of knowledge he had about the man, so he settled on a diplomatic and fully insincere, “How nice for you. You were in Africa weren’t you?”

David smiled. “I feel a bit at a disadvantage. I know next to nothing about you,” he said.

Severus shrugged. “There isn’t much to know,” he said quietly. “I’m not a famous writer.”

The man looked at him as though to determine whether or not Severus was taking the piss. He settled on rolling his eyes. “Travel writers are only famous among other travel writers. Occasionally one breaks out into the mainstream, but it’s rare. Who wants to read about a country they’ll never visit?” 

“I read your book on India,” he confessed. “It was very entertaining.”

“But you’ve lived in India, haven’t you?”

Severus nodded, conceding the point. “For the better part of two years.”

“Have you ever been to Brazil?”

Severus gave a small shake of his head and looked at the man with a bemused expression.

“I don’t suppose you read my book on Brazil,” David said with a knowing smile, eliciting a guilty smile from Severus. “I rest my case,” the man said definitively.

“Point well made,” Severus conceded. “You’re absolutely right. You’re not famous at all. I’m not even sure why I’m still speaking to you.”

A surprised laugh burst from the other man's mouth. “Because you know if you don’t do it now, you’ll be invited to dinner with Susi and the kids. If I understand correctly, you have an aversion to children.” The man gave an audacious grin.

“Preposterous,” Severus scoffed, feigning injury. “It is simply that my charm is lost on people under a certain age.” His mouth curled into an amused smirk as he rounded the counter to switch off the outside light. “I was just closing up,” he told the man. “I’ve been here all day and am rather eager to leave this place. Would you care to carry on this conversation over a drink, or is Susan expecting you back?”

David shook his head. “If you’re free, that sounds great. Only, could we make it dinner instead?”

It sounded more than reasonable to Severus, who’d only just had time to consume half a dissatisfying sandwich at noon. Having found himself without an assistant, his time was short. Between the shops and his patients, personal time was limited and lunch was a luxury reserved for successful business people who could afford the staff. “Do you have anything in particular in mind?” 

“I’ll defer to the local,” David said with a submissive nod in Severus’ direction.

Given how frightfully cold it was outside, Severus chose the closest restaurant to him, which turned out to be a small, family-owned Thai restaurant called the Green Papaya. The two men were seated quickly on the slow Tuesday evening. Severus ordered a lager. David ordered a Diet Coke.

“You’re not teetotal, are you?” Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“T?” David gave him a confused look.

“Do you not drink alcohol?” There were a ridiculous amount of Americans who looked upon booze as the essence of evil. Severus didn’t really have much to do with that sort of American.

“Ah. It’s not a moral thing,” he assured him. “I’ll have a bit with dinner. I’m diabetic,” he explained. He jingled a metal bracelet on his left wrist demonstratively.

Severus nodded. “I see,” he said. He didn’t really. While he had a better notion than most Wizards about the workings of the human body, Muggle illnesses were still a mystery to him. During the diagnostics he did on some of his clients, he would regularly encounter a feeling of wrongness and sometimes he could detect from which organ the problem was coming, but he wouldn’t have the faintest notion of what to do for it. Bones and muscles he was comfortable with. Everything else was the domain of professionals. “It must have made it difficult for you to travel,” he commented. What little he knew about the disease told him that perhaps visiting the farthest reaches of the third world might not be the greatest of ideas. 

David shrugged. “It was all right, once I was diagnosed,” he said with a smile. “Don’t get me wrong. It called for a pretty radical lifestyle change,” he laughed. “When the doctor diagnosed me, though, I was so happy to know I wasn’t dying that learning I had diabetes was almost good news.”

“Dying?” It was a bit of information he’d not had from the man's sister over the years. Severus thought it rather refreshing. Otherwise, he suspected he’d have to sit and solicit information that he already knew about the man just to make conversation.

“I was diagnosed when I was about twenty-five, I think. Before that, I’d been touring around Asia for the better part of four years. I lived a fairly wild life in those days, and I wasn’t exactly careful, if you know what I mean.” Severus didn’t, exactly. But he nodded to urge the other man on, suspecting that he’d be able to get the general idea without professing his ignorance. “I started to get pretty sick and losing a lot of weight. I didn’t get tested because I was terrified to know what it was. Then when my editor came to meet me about doing a second book, he took one look at me and flew me to New York to see a doctor.” David gave a half smile. “I was so relieved to know I didn’t have AIDS, that the inconvenience of insulin shots seemed relatively minor.”

Realisation dawned and Severus nodded again. AIDS. It was another of those diseases that Severus knew little about. For him, it simply met that he had to dress his cock up in some ridiculous rubber sock so as to put his companions’ minds at ease. Of course, the list of magical maladies was just as long and varied as the Muggle ones, and so Severus thought it balanced out somehow. Gods forbid that he should ever get sick. He didn’t suspect that a Muggle hospital would care for his blood work were they to see it. He realised he had no idea where the nearest Wizarding health centre was located.

“Is that how you and your editor got together?” he asked, making connections in his head with certain known facts about the man.

David gave him an exasperated look. “Maybe we should start by telling each other what we already know, and then go from there,” he laughed. “I get the impression that Susi's already covered all the first date stuff.”

At the word ‘date,’ a habitual spike of panic speared through Severus’ insides. He raised an impassive eyebrow. “Is this a date?” he asked with a smirk. “Then, I should tell you that I don’t date.”

David grinned. “That’s something I do know about you. Why is that?”

Severus shrugged. “It doesn’t interest me,” he said plainly. “I prefer my life uncomplicated by emotional entanglements. It seems that dating would only serve to mislead people.”

“Fair enough,” David answered. “In that case, we’ll call it a friendly dinner between two near strangers.” He laughed. “Although, I’ve been told that you’ve been set up with half the gay population in the Metro area.”

Severus heaved a great sigh and rolled his eyes. “Under duress, I assure you,” he drawled. “I’ve been looking forward to your coming here, actually. It will give your sister and the rest of the Coven somewhere else to focus their maternal energies.”

“The coven?” David laughed.

“I use the word affectionately,” Severus replied with a smile.

David shook his head. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Hadrian. I'm not letting my sister choose my boyfriends.” He wrinkled his nose.

Severus grinned wickedly. “We’ll see,” he said ominously. “If she doesn’t try, you’ll have to dissuade the rest of them.” His eyes flickered back to the waitress, who approached with their food. He moved his napkin to his lap, and ordered a second beer after David ordered a glass of white wine.

“Maybe you and I can work some kind of deal out to thwart them,” David said with a charmingly hopeful smile, before taking a bite of some unidentifiable vegetable in a thick yellow curry sauce.

“And miss out on the entertainment?” Severus laughed. He gave him a reassuring smile. “You might find that given that you just got out of a relationship will award you some time. How long has it been?”

“Two years?” he said doubtfully.

“Bad luck,” Severus said with a serious expression. “There’s little hope for you.”

David treated him with a half-hearted glare that was wholly ineffectual. The man had eyes that radiated kindness. “How long has it been for you?” the man asked after a moment.

“I don’t do relationships,” Severus repeated.

“Oh.” David’s brow furrowed, and Severus had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking. He successfully kept himself from sighing. “I thought you... had a thing with a student?” The question mark at the end of the statement begged for confirmation.

“I think you’ll find that most of what you’ve heard about me is based on erroneous assumptions made by the overactive imaginations of bored, middle-aged women,” Severus said irritably before softening his expression. “Of course, at times it suits me not to disabuse them of their delusions.” He gave a sly smile.

“So...” David gave him a searching look. “You weren’t having an affair with your student.”

Severus took a bite of chicken and washed it down with a drink of beer. He wasn’t precisely keen on discussing this particular subject, but felt compelled to correct a few of the details. “I maintain a close friendship with a _former_ student. A young man who held that happy title before the development of that friendship. I’ve seen him a total of two weeks over the last eight years. I’m not sure that constitutes an affair.”

David held his hands out defensively. “Just trying to confirm the facts I’ve been given,” he said with a placating smile. “It’s the writer in me,” he told him. “Susi seems to think the guy broke your heart when he went off and got married to some woman.”

Severus shook his head wearily and took another drink. “He married a girl he’d been with since they were both in school,” Severus confirmed. “And the two are now busy in their quest to overpopulate Britain. I find it amusing that the Coven believes me to have a heart to break.” Severus smirked and  
David rolled his eyes. 

“She said you were irritable for months after it happened,” he persisted, clearly not buying Severus' unaffected front.

“I’m irritable on a good day,” Severus told him. “The Coven saw what they wanted to see. For my part, their concern for my well-being meant that I had a handy excuse for not being set up with the other half of the Metro area.” David sat chewing thoughtfully, eyes searching Severus as though to see beyond the facade. Severus might have snorted incredulously, but he didn’t want to offend. “I wasn’t happy he was marrying her. I knew he was doing it because she was pregnant, and it was the noble thing to do. He’d just decided to end his relationship with her before she told him. I was annoyed on his behalf, if you like.” 

Severus gave an unaffected shrug and pretended to himself that he wasn’t lying through his teeth. He was a master Occlumens. Any emotion that would belie the story was buried so far below the surface as to be completely inaccessible. The truth of it all hardly mattered, and Severus wasn’t one to freely admit his foolish mistakes. “For my part I did explain all of this to your sister and her friends. But they insisted on believing me the victim and I had earned a year of relative peace before they decided that it was time for me to get back on the horse, so to speak.”

After a moment, David laughed. “Funny. Mean, but funny.”

“It’s not _mean_ ,” Severus objected. “They drew the conclusions they wanted to draw. They chose not to believe me when I insisted they were misguided.”

“Well, I won’t be the one to tell them how wrong they all were. I think they like their story.” David shook his head, a grin stretching across his face that wouldn’t fade. His eyes danced in the low light of the restaurant and glittered with amusement. “You really didn’t sleep with him?”

Severus raised his eyebrows at the direct question. “I didn’t say that,” he pointed out before letting his mouth curl into a lascivious smile.

David’s gaze dropped to his plate. He laughed nervously. “Sorry. I don’t mean to pry.”

The blatant lie surprised a laugh out of Severus. It echoed through the empty restaurant. “Of course you do,” he contradicted. “But I forgive you. Given that I’m pretty sure I know your life story, it’s a fair trade.” 

David covered his eyes momentarily with his hand. “My sister talks too much,” he complained. “Do you have a sister? Or a brother?”

Severus nodded. “A sister. Francesca. We haven’t spoken in many years. I feel reasonably certain that she doesn’t even know I’m alive.” He smiled. “She’s three years older than I. I was sent to boarding school when I was eleven, and she remained with my parents and went to the local state school. I’ve not seen her since our parents' funeral.”

David looked surprised at the information, which was puzzling. Severus was sure he’d already told the Coven that his parents were dead. “How did they die? An accident?”

Severus snorted. “It wasn’t an accident,” he said darkly. “My mother got fed up with being abused. She poisoned my father and then, regrettably, herself.” Severus was aware that his voice sounded cruelly distant, but he honestly couldn't summon any emotion when speaking about it. It was probably the smartest thing the women ever did.

“God, that’s horrible,” David gasped, looking frankly gobsmacked. “I’m really sorry. It must have been hard for you.”

Severus nodded because he felt it was expected of him. “To be honest, I was rather relieved. My father wasn’t a pleasant man and I was happy to know that, at least in the end, my mother recovered enough self-respect to put an end to it.” He took a long drink from his glass and met the man’s eyes. “I realise that sounds callous,” he admitted. “But she was a very unhappy woman.”

David shook his head to reassure him. “I understand,” he said hastily, before snorting incredulously at his own lie. “Well, no. I don’t. I couldn’t possibly, but I don’t think you sound callous. Pragmatic, perhaps.” He stared off for a moment before shaking his head again. “I’m amazed I didn’t already know that,” he said with a half smile.

“I don’t think the subject ever came up,” Severus lied. In fact, he distinctly recalled having answered the question regarding how his parents died with the vague response: Weariness. It begged the question, why did he tell the truth now? He had no real answer to that, but he didn’t suppose it mattered. It wasn’t exactly sensitive information.

“You were able to finish school anyway?” David asked.

Severus nodded. “I was on scholarship. I spent summers with friends from school and I had the family house when I came of age.”

“This is the same Headmaster as the one you worked for later?”

“For someone who claims to know nothing about me, you’re particularly well-informed,” he pointed out. 

“I told you she talks too much,” David said. “But nearly everything she said was prefaced with ‘We’re not sure, but...’ So I’m trying to confirm. If it’s annoying, you can tell me,” he said generously.

“I assure you, when I’m annoyed, I will not need to tell you,” Severus informed him. It was one emotion he displayed quite readily and naturally. “Yes. The Headmaster became a dear friend to me.” For want of a better word, Severus added silently.

“A friend? Or an ‘um-Friend’.” David grinned. “You know, like. This is my... um. Friend.”

When the meaning became clear, Severus’ face crumpled in disgust. “The man was roughly a thousand years old when I was a student,” he said. 

David laughed. “Ok. So no,” he said, clearly amused. “It was one of the theories they have for why you left Britain.”

Severus shook his head. He’d had no idea that that fantasy had been entertained. He’d have all too readily squashed it were it ever brought up. “Definitely no.”

“What was his name?”

Severus blinked. He had several ready-made answers to the usual getting to know you questions that he was forced to field. This one had never been asked and so he couldn’t determine straight away if it was safe to tell the truth. And if he were to lie, which lie would be easiest to recall and repeat. “Why?” he asked, stalling for time, as he went through the different possible consequences.

David shrugged. “For the story in my head. It’s not important,” he said.

“Albus,” Severus offered. He hoped the first name would suffice for the story in the man’s head, as he didn’t think it prudent to give the surname, especially given that any Wizard around the world would recognise it and thus would link ‘Hadrian’ to the Wizarding world were they to hear him speak it. 

“That’s an unusual name.”

“He was an unusual man.” 

A silence filled the space between them as the two men sat eating for a long moment. Severus went through the conversation so far and mentally catalogued the new information he’d shared about his mysterious life in Britain. Keeping track of the truths one told was just as important as keeping up with the lies if one were to maintain one’s back story. It was as he was going through the conversation that his attention caught upon one of the man’s remarks. “What other theories are there?” Severus asked, sincerely curious.

“Hm?” David said, around a mouthful of curry.

“You said that it was one of the theories for my leaving Britain. What other theories are those darling women entertaining themselves with?”

David looked at him warily. “If I tell you, will you give me details?” he challenged.

Severus tilted his head to the side. “I promise nothing,” he smirked. 

David sighed. “Well there’s the one where you’re a fugitive,” the other man said rolling his eyes as though to communicate that he realised how ridiculous the theory was.

Severus gave an amused grunt. “And this despite the fact that my only remaining contact in Britain works in law enforcement?”

David shrugged. “I can’t speak for the logic. Although I suppose it would be easier to evade capture if you had an inside man,” he pointed out with a grin.

Severus gave the man a bland look. “I left because I was unhappy there. It is no more complicated than that. I had no attachments, apart from superficial professional acquaintances. I wanted to move on.” It wasn’t really a lie. It was the basis of his reasoning behind faking his death, after all. That and fear of prison. And fear of vengeful Death Eaters.

“I totally get that,” David said. “I ran away from home too, after all.”

Severus let his fork drop to his plate and wiped his mouth with his serviette, before dropping that to the plate as well. “Why did you run away?”

David gave him a sheepish look. “I don’t know how much of this you already know,” he started. “I went to India to study abroad in my senior year of college. School was never really my thing. That I made it to college at all was a miracle. Needless to say, I wasn’t really studying much, and eventually, I gave up on the pretence. It took awhile for my parents to realise it. When they did, they cut me off to try and force me to come home. But by then I’d already started submitting articles to travel magazines. It didn’t pay well, but it paid enough for me to get by. The money I got from the book on India paid enough to see me through the next couple of years of travelling.” He shrugged. “I think the simple explanation is that I was gay, and it was easier to be gay when I was on the opposite side of the world from anyone who would care. The more honest explanation was that I was a bit of a selfish prick, and I was having far too much fun to stop.” 

“And then you got sick,” Severus filled in.

“Yeah,” he said. “It was probably the best thing to happen to me. I don’t know as I’d be alive now if I hadn’t. I stayed in New York for a few months with Ryan.”

“You were with him a long time,” Severus commented.

David nodded. “Eight years or so,” he confirmed.

“If it’s not too indiscreet a question, why did it end?” Severus asked.

The other man shrugged and looked into his wine glass. “We just got to a point where we couldn’t stand the sight of each other anymore. There wasn’t anything more dramatic than that. It all ended kind of ambivalently. You know how it is.” 

Severus nodded, although he really had no experience with this sort of thing at all. And he certainly didn’t regret this lack of knowledge. “It seems the way of relationships,” he said diplomaticall.

“I don’t know. My parents have been together for forty-five years. They seem happy enough,” he said. He snorted. “Of course, they don’t believe in divorce, so I guess that helps.”

Severus gave the man a long look. “Do they know you’re coming for the holidays?”

David looked distinctly uncomfortable with the subject. “Yeah. Susi said my mother was looking forward to it.”

Severus knew for a fact that Susan had slightly overstated the level of enthusiasm. “What about you?”

“I wasn’t a very good son,” David admitted. “I’ve been in and out of trouble since I was... twelve, I think. My parents were always very good to me. They prayed for my wayward soul every Sunday. When I told them I was gay, it was sort of the last straw for them. They lost hope. I called my mom five years ago to try and mend things. She asked me if I’d come back to Jesus yet. She didn’t really like my answer.” David sighed. “I don’t really expect my homecoming to be a happy one. But I think I need to try. They’re not getting any younger.”

Severus nodded. “I suppose your determination is admirable.” He gave the man a playful smirk. “If it grows too unbearable, you can always come back and spend Christmas amongst the rest of the damned.”

David smiled. “I appreciate the offer,” he said. “We’ll be back for New Year’s anyway. You are going to Susi’s party?” He gave a hopeful smile.

Severus nodded gravely. “I’ll make an appearance. But there’s only so much Karaoke that one can handle in a night.”

“You have to come,” David told him. “You can’t leave me alone with them.”

Severus feigned a thoughtful look. “I’ll consider it. What is my payment for enduring a night of badly sung, insipid love ballads?”

David laughed. “My undying gratitude? What else would you want?” His eyes glittered defiantly.

“I’ll have to give the matter some thought,” Severus said with a serious expression. “Indentured servitude might be fitting.”

David laughed and dropped his own serviette on his plate. The server came to take everything away and David insisted on paying the bill, as prepayment for Severus’ time on New Year’s Eve, he said. As they stepped out of the restaurant, Severus turned to the man. 

“I suppose you know your way home?” he said.

David nodded. “Thanks,” he said. “It was a good night. I love my sister, but I was going a little stir crazy not knowing anyone else.”

“It was my pleasure,” Severus said, quite sincerely. He pulled his collar shut against the cold. “I’d invite you home, but I wouldn’t want to risk invoking the wrath of your sister,” he said with a smile.

“Hm. Put that way, I’m tempted to go home with you just to spite her.” David laughed, and then met Severus’ eyes. “It's a shame I don’t really do the casual sex thing,” he added.

Severus gave him a contemplative look. “And I suppose formal but non-committal sex is out of the question.”

“As tempting as the offer is...” David said rolling his eyes.

“Pity,” Severus joked. “On the bright side, I’ll be able to tell Susan I have played nicely with her kid brother without having to stretch the truth too much.”

“Lucky me.”

Severus raised an eyebrow and gave the man a dark look. “A matter of perception,” he said with a smirk.

David’s eyebrows shot up. His mouth dropped open with a retort that never left his tongue, which darted out instead to wet his lips. After a moment he cleared his throat. “Goodnight, Hadrian,” he said finally.

“Thank you for dinner. If I don’t see you, have a happy Christmas.” He gave a faintly ironic look before shaking the man’s hand. He watched as David made his way down the street and then started off the opposite way to get back to his flat.

**

_  
10 December 2008_

_Hi,_

_I'm beginning to worry about you. I've not heard from you in ages and I have no way of knowing if you're all right._

_I’m writing to you now because there are certain developments in America that I am not sure you’re aware of. There are other developments that I feel fairly confident you know nothing about. I’m enclosing an article from the Prophet._

_I need to see you. I can come to you if you’d like or we can meet in the usual place. You’ll need to count on it taking a few days. It will be easier if you come to me._

_I have a few ideas to work around this. Ring me to make arrangements, please. We don’t have a lot of time._

_Yours,  
Harry_

_The US Department of Magical Affairs and Tourism passed a new law today that will require all foreign tourists and immigrants to register their presence on US soil. Brits wishing to travel across the pond will need, in addition to a passport, to register their magical signature._

_This comes after an onslaught of terrorist attacks, for which Muggle government officials have little explanation. In a rare collaborative investigation, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has teamed up with DMAT to conclude that the attacks have been magical._

_The new law will be effective as of 1 January 2009. Brad Roddick, Secretary of Internal Wizarding Affairs released a statement early yesterday._

_“Non-magical folk have had their travel tracked for years. It was only a matter of time before the same monitoring was required of Magical Persons. The United States welcomes tourists gladly, but we can no longer permit them to enter our borders unchecked.”_

_While they have kept their methods of tracking unregistered wizards and witches secret, Roddick has warned that “anyone seeking to enter the US through dishonest means will be found and dealt with.”_

_So, no more Confundus charms on difficult immigration officers. “We have a moral obligation to protect non-magical kind from those who would seek to harm them. All magic performed on Muggles with the intent of harming or deceiving them will be investigated, and the perpetrators will be appropriately punished,” Roddick said._

_The Ministry has refused to comment on rumours that similar tracking mechanisms have been put into place within our own borders, but the Minister of Magic has hinted that the roll out of the new American technology is being carefully studied._

_Invasion of privacy or just good sense? We want to hear what you think!  
_

**

“Potter,” Harry answered. The number had shown up as blocked and in the silence that followed, Harry became keenly aware of the identity of the person on the other end. His heart sped up.

“Harry,” the low voice answered, and touched something buried deep inside him. Something he’d spent years reasoning away. He’d grown immune to the sight of the man’s tight script in the infrequent correspondence, but the voice awakened a long dormant yearning. A memory of despair.

He’d been expecting the call since sending out his letter ten days earlier. He’d grown increasingly worried as the time passed that the other man wouldn’t contact him. “I’m glad you called,” Harry breathed at last.

“You mentioned in your letter I should come to you. Why?” Severus said.

“There are a few options. Based on what you decide, I may need to come back to the Ministry to sort things out. It'll be quicker if I don’t have to travel through America,” Harry explained. He leant back in his chair and surveyed the room to ensure no one was listening in.

“I’m concerned about getting back,” Severus said quietly.

“Don’t be,” Harry said. He’d spent months planning this out, going to different contacts in the Ministry and the American Embassy. He sat through painfully long lunches with people he normally wouldn’t talk to just to glean as much information as he could to form several plans. He didn’t expect any one of them to be ideal options for Severus, but compromises would need to be made, whatever the decision. “There isn’t a perfect solution, but you’ll get back if that’s what you want. You’ll probably be better off no matter what you decide.”

He listened to the silence on the other end a moment before adding, “Trust me, okay?”

“Will Boxing Day be too late?”

“No. It’s perfect. I would plan to stay the week, though. I expect I’ll have to run back and forth and the Ministry will be closed over New Year.”

Severus sounded slightly amused when he said, “We’ll drink a cup of kindness, then.”

Harry laughed. “For auld lang syne,” he finished. “I’ll look forward to it.” It was only partly true, and he dreaded that part of him that looked forward to it.

“See you soon, Harry.”

“Bye.”


	2. Technology

Severus sat in the Edelweiss Hotel bar, as per the instructions he found on the note in the chalet. He sipped a cup of mulled wine and waited nervously for Harry to join him. He tried reasoning with his nerves, reassuring himself that there was no reason for them. Severus had quite got over his foolishness of four years ago, and if Harry’s letters were to be believed, he had as well. 

However illogical those feelings had been, they’d been quite real. Severus had managed to replace his aborted hopes with the ritual of his daily life. In the privacy of his own mind, however, he could admit to worrying that seeing the man again would bring all the buried emotion back to the surface. He dreaded the awkwardness he knew would come with their reunion. While it was easy to remain indifferent when there was an ocean separating the two, it was easy to maintain objectivity when confronted with words on a page, Severus didn’t expect it would be so easy to see the man in the flesh. Hearing the man’s voice on the other end of the phone line had been jarring enough, and Severus had spent the last week dreading this encounter. 

He could feel the man’s presence behind him before he walked into view. At the sight of the short, relatively tamed hair, the green eyes, now naked without the spectacles to hide behind, the strong angular features of a face that had left boyishness behind, Severus was taken aback. Harry smiled. 

“Hullo,” he said hesitantly.

Severus returned the smile, although his heart thundered in his chest. “Harry,” he managed to say in a steady voice, before swallowing against a rising sense of panic. His eyes continued to take in the small, but significant changes to the man. He’d put on weight, Severus noted as the man slipped out of his black winter coat. He looked more solid. His grey jumper hugged the contours of his body, which had finally shed the gangliness of youth. “You’re looking well,” Severus said impassively. “Fatherhood has been good to you.” He managed to extract the bitterness from the statement.

“Yeah,” Harry answered, sliding into the seat opposite him, and depositing a rucksack in the empty seat next to him. “You...” He dropped his eyes and shook his head. When he raised them again, he treated Severus with a broad smile that Severus now realised he’d missed seeing. “You haven’t changed at all,” the man said fondly.

A thin, old, bitter-looking Swiss woman trudged to the table to take his order. “Gruezi,” she growled.  
Harry glanced at Severus' half-full glass. “Another?” Harry asked.

Severus nodded. “Noch zwei, bitte,” he muttered to the woman who left without a word to bring two more.

“How are you?” Harry asked as they waited for the drinks to be brought.

“I’m well,” Severus answered and a week ago he wouldn’t have been lying. “Business is rough at the moment, but I’m managing to get through it. How are you?”

Harry nodded. “Great. Everything’s good,” he said. His enthusiasm lacked sincerity, and his eyes darted everywhere but at Severus.

“Where are the rest of the Potters?” Severus asked with an even tone.

“They went with Bill and Fleur to the south of France for the holidays. I was with them for Christmas. I plan to go back once we’ve finished everything here.”

“Lovely,” Severus said stiffly. He drank down what was left of his wine and looked around for the waitress. When he didn’t see her, he said, “How are the kids?”

Harry gave him an amused look. “Everyone’s fine,” he said quietly. After a moment, he laughed and scrubbed his face with his hands. Severus noted that he’d still not managed to kick the habit of stroking that wretched scar. “Come on, Sev. You and I both know you don’t want to hear about my family.”

Severus gave the man a level look before barrelling onward. He was short of neutral topics and he couldn’t stand the thought of sitting in silence with this man. “When’s the fourth one due?” he asked with an unpleasant smile.

Harry rolled his eyes. “We’re done. Ginny’s got her girl.” He gave a lopsided grin.

“Lily, is it?” Severus asked.

“Yeah.” Harry fished his wallet out of his coat pocket to extract a photograph. “There,” he said definitively, sliding the photograph over in front of Severus. “James, Albus and Lily,” he said with a note of defiance in his voice.

Severus didn’t have to feign interest as he plucked the photo from Harry’s fingers. If he were honest, he’d wondered what the brood would look like. Seeing them now, he realised that he’d more or less guessed right. The names were unimaginative and not at all surprising. He’d already guessed at the elder boy’s name the moment Harry censored it in his letters. He’d been referring to the boy as The Second in his thoughts since learning of his birth. The sparse red curls on the baby’s head told him that Lily was aptly named, although she looked to have her mother’s brown eyes. Had he tried to guess at the middle boy’s name, it wouldn’t have taken him long to come up with Albus.

From the photo, Harry’s eyes glittered up at him as he reached to place a hand on the eldest boy’s shoulder. What might have been mistaken as a fatherly gesture, on closer inspection turned out to be a restraining touch. The eldest boy squirmed in his seat and every now and again his lips would wrinkle to a small pout. Mrs Potter held the rather round ginger baby and whispered to her, pointing at the invisible camera man as though bidding the child to look up. Albus , who most resembled his father, smiled up sagely with green eyes that were wiser than his years could account for.

The perfect picture of a happy family. “Charming,” Severus said, managing not to sneer as he returned the photograph.

“They really are,” Harry said reproachfully. “You’d not like James much, I think. He’s a handful. Molly says he’s a lot like Fred and George were at his age. Lily, well it’s hard to say with babies, but she’s not much trouble yet. She has my smile,” he said, brushing his finger over the image of her. “Al...” Harry tilted his head. “Parents aren’t supposed to have favourites, but...” He shrugged and then returned the picture to his wallet. His eyes shifted to follow the approach of the woman bringing their drinks.

“Are you staying here?” Severus asked, going for polite curiosity, and sounding something short of sullen. He’d been surprised at the request to meet at a hotel, and then reasoned that the other man would likely not want to be alone with him. It annoyed him to think that Harry wouldn’t trust Severus to keep his libido at bay. Severus wondered at the same time if it was Severus’ libido Harry worried about.

The younger man looked slightly confused, and after a moment seemed to understand. “It’s the only place in the village with Wi-Fi,” he said by way of explanation. “I-I wasn’t planning on staying here. I suppose I could if you prefer.”

Severus couldn’t explain the sudden weight on his chest. He should be relieved that Harry wasn’t avoiding being alone with him. It was just that he thought it might be better if the other man was avoiding him. He shook his head. “It’s your chalet,” he said indifferently. 

Harry gave him an exasperated look before turning to his rucksack and unzipping it. He pulled a gift-wrapped box from inside. “Happy Christmas,” he said, sliding it over. He took up his hot wine and took a cautious sip of the scalding liquid.

Severus eyed the black paper with the bright orange ribbon. He raised an eyebrow at the other man. “I’ve not brought anything,” he said quietly.

“Open it,” the man urged.

Severus nodded and gently untied the ribbon, setting it aside, before just as gently unsticking the sellotape and unfolding the paper. He glanced up to see the other man’s mouth taut with impatience. He offered an amused smirk, before pulling the paper away from the box and setting it to the side. He blinked, utterly surprised by what it contained. “A cell phone,” he said in disbelief.

Harry's grin told him he’d reacted as expected. “Get it out. Turn it on. I’ve got it set up for the internet here. I want to show you something.”

Severus lifted the cover of the box and stared down at the black shiny thing before taking it gingerly into the palm of his hand. He’d so far avoided being swept up in the frenzy of these detested gadgets, although the Coven had been threatening to purchase him one for years. Severus preferred a simpler life, where he could disappear and not be disturbed at any given time at the whim of those with whom he associated. Last year, he'd been gifted with a similar gadget that held more music than he could listen to in a lifetime. While reluctant to admit it out loud, he found he appreciated the compactness of the device and the automatic organisation and cataloguing that it performed. He, of course, had a computer for work purposes, but otherwise tried to steer clear of the electronic chaos.

Severus studied the infernal thing and pressed obvious buttons and, when nothing happened, gave the other man a baleful look. Harry reached over and pushed a small, flat silver button at the top. A little white apple appeared on the screen.

“What is this?” Severus said impatiently.

“A phone,” Harry said, grinning.

Severus gave the man a look he hoped communicated: I know that you idiot, but why on earth have you decided to plague me with it?

Harry seemed to have received the message. “It’s the reason we’re here,” he said. 

Severus glanced down at the thing that was asking him for a pin code. He looked up again. “You haven’t come all this way to give me a bloody phone,” he growled.

“1-5-98,” Harry instructed.

“How sentimental,” Severus drawled, punching in the date of his death. The screen changed and a close up picture of Harry wearing a cheeky grin flashed quickly before being hidden by tiny pictures. Severus pursed away the smile that was trying to curl onto his lips, and looked up at the other man for further instruction.

“Launch the Accio! App.”

He might as well have been speaking Swiss German for all the sense he made. Severus continued staring at him until the man reached over and touched one of the squares that had, on closer inspection, the word ACCIO! written below an image of a wizard’s hat. The wizard’s hat grew to take up the whole screen and Severus looked up to see the other man stretching forward to get a look at the phone. Severus tilted it forward to award him a better view, and the entire picture turned upside down. Harry touched the screen a few more times while Severus reflected at just how surreal it was to be fiddling with Muggle gadgets with Harry Potter, of all people.

“There,” Harry said, lifting the thing gently so that the picture turned around again. Severus found himself looking at a map of the region. Dozens of purple and blue flags were dotted around the screen. The blue ones had what looked to be names attached. A blue flag marked snitch1980 overlapped a purple flag that was unmarked. Harry’s fingers blocked his view as the man used them to zoom in on the map to show their exact location.

Severus frowned at the screen, and looked up to see green eyes studying his reaction. Severus looked back down at the phone trying to see what he’d missed. They were just a bunch of flags marked on a map. The flags... His blood ran cold. They represented wizards and witches, it suddenly occurred to him with stark clarity. He could feel his face go slack. He looked back up to the man for confirmation. After a moment, he could feel the hum of a silencing spell surround them.

“This is the commercially available version,” Harry told him. "It will detect anyone with magic, but will only identify those who are registered. American authorities have their own database. Every wizard or witch entering America will be registered and tracked. Anyone not identifiable from January the First will be investigated.” Harry gave him a grave look.

Severus felt a hole open up inside him, grow and threaten to overwhelm him. He stared down at the map, at the purple flag representing him – unidentified and unmarked. His life off the radar had come to an end. Harry’s hand moved to clasp over his forearm. “We have options, Severus,” he said quietly. “None of them perfect, but it isn’t as bad as you imagine.”

Severus nodded tersely, not really listening. He had blagued his way through Muggle immigration to get his residency in the US. A few Confundus charms, judiciously used, in order to urge compliance among the bureaucrats. He’d carefully avoided all contact with the American Wizarding world, going so far as to travel in those metallic death traps the Muggles called aeroplanes. His business, his life, all that had come to mean everything to him was crumbling around him. He was going to have to leave it all behind.

“Severus,” Harry said more firmly. His fingers moved across the table to curl under his chin, urging Severus to look up again. Harry met his eyes. “I’m here to help you. But I won’t be able to do it alone,” he said carefully. “Let’s go through this, yeah?”

Severus let the evil contraption drop to the table. He sat back in his chair, out of reach of the other man who was giving him a look of pure determination. Severus’ throat felt as though he’d swallowed sandpaper. He took up his half-finished cup of luke warm wine and drained it. 

“Your first option is that you come clean,” Harry said plainly. “Reveal yourself to the Ministry as Severus Snape. Face the music, and then apply for residency in America without fear of being found out later.” The other man went through this first option quickly, anticipating the flat out rejection. Severus refused to even honour it with a response. Harry sighed. “I know how you feel about this, Sev, but it wouldn’t be as bad as you think.”

Severus leant forward to cradle his head in his hand. He didn’t have to think hard before visions of the consequences of the first option popped into his head. The headlines, the press, the suspicion, the Wizengamot... The rest. “What other options?” he said hoarsely.

Harry gave him a dismayed look before pulling a file from his bag. “We fabricate a history for Hadrian Prince,” he said, sliding the file over for Severus’ viewing. “The Americans will do a background check on immigrants to make sure none of them are known terrorists,” he said. Severus glanced up before opening the folder and staring down at a file detailing a modest career with the MLE, trained as an Auror and then assigned to a special investigative unit specialising in Potions. A report detailing the tragic death of Prince’s family during the War and his letter of resignation addressed to Kingsley Shacklebolt directly followed. The file also contained fake transcripts from Hogwarts where he had a passable but largely unexceptional school career.

“You did all this?” Severus asked quietly.

Harry gave a wary nod. “Background checks are normally fairly routine. They want to know that you existed and that you’re not wanted by the Ministry. The woman who deals with the inquiries is new. She just checks the files, but wouldn’t question the validity of the information. The Americans will want to know who you are, where you worked, and why you left to live in the US. It isn’t likely they would see any of this, but the story you tell will need to correlate.”

Severus took a deep breath. The flood of panic was beginning to ebb as a ray of hope lit up inside him. He didn’t think he ever felt quite so thankful that he knew this man. That he had one last bridge. “Thank you, Harry,” he said. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt so grateful to one human being. 

“Don’t thank me yet,” Harry warned. He leant back in his chair. “I can slip this file into the archives, Severus, but without the proper signatures it will be an obvious fabrication. We can’t do this without Kingsley.” Harry studied his reaction warily. Severus’ erstwhile relief was replaced by a sickening doomed feeling. Harry looked at him imploringly. “You have the option of one other person knowing you’re alive or a lot of other people involved in the fabrication of a lie. Kingsley's uniquely qualified to sign every one of these documents. Or I can try to go around and convince a lot of other people to sign the documents separately.”

“What are my other options,” Severus growled stubbornly. His mouth pressed into a thin line and his arms curled around his chest. Going to Shacklebolt was out of the question. Telling anyone he was alive was out of the question.

Harry gave him an exasperated look. “Move back to India and hope that technology won't follow you,” he said bluntly. “Sev, this will spread. No matter where you go, you’ll have to face it at some point. France, Germany, Japan. It’s everywhere. Kingsley can help make this go far more smoothly than I can do alone.” His gaze softened. “Please, Severus. He’ll understand. He won’t like it, but he’ll understand and he’ll help.”

“Out of the question,” Severus repeated aloud, unwilling to even consider the consequences of letting Shacklebolt know of his existence. Never mind that Severus had always got on well with the man. He was a former Auror and the bloody Minister of Magic. Severus couldn’t think of a worse person to be in on his secrets.

“Ok. Well, then stay at the chalet and hope Switzerland doesn’t catch up with the rest of the continent,” Harry said irritably. “You’re being ridiculous, you know? If we can get Kingsley to agree, you’re free. You go to the American Embassy after New Year, legitimately register under the name Hadrian Prince and never again fear being found out. This can be a good thing for you. You don’t want to give up America. I know you don’t.”

He was right, of course. Banal as his existence decidedly was, it was peaceful. And his life was his own. He had found happiness in that wretched country, and now it was all threatened. If he didn’t do as Harry advised, he’d never see any of it again. He imagined the Coven calling and finding the shop closed. They’d begin to worry. Eventually the place would be boarded up, his green houses destroyed, his books carted off to charity shops. 

Severus scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed, before giving the other man a stern look. “Do what you have to do,” he said gruffly. “If this blows up, Potter...” He’d what, exactly? He didn’t have an answer to that. He felt the urgent need to lie down until he came up with one. Jet lag and life-altering revelations had taken their toll. Severus stood and fished a twenty franc note from his pocket.

“I reserved a room here for tomorrow,” Harry said, looking up at him. “I’d already asked Kingsley to meet me here. He doesn’t know why yet.”

Severus nodded and turned to leave the restaurant. 

***

“Harry,” Kingsley greeted as Harry opened the door to him. 

Harry tried hard to summon a smile, but he couldn’t manage to get it past the panicked thudding of his heart. He’d faced Voldemort with steadier nerves than this. But after a sleepless night in which he lay listening to an equally sleepless man in the neighbouring room, he wasn't feeling quite as confident as he had when he planned all this. Severus emerged from his room this morning steeled for the task and thrumming with purpose. Harry was more nervous than he'd been in years.

“Minister,” he answered. “Thanks for coming.” He stepped back to give the man room to pass. Severus sat stonily at the table in the corner of the room. Harry shut the door and then looked to Kingsley to gauge his reaction. He was momentarily puzzled when there wasn't one. Kingsley spared a passing glance toward the corner of the room, before turning to Harry expectantly.

Cloaking spell, Harry realised. He looked straight at the man with an annoyed look. “Sev.” 

With an irritable grunt, Severus cancelled the spell and stared up at Kingsley’s suddenly stunned expression.

“Snape?”

“Shacklebolt,” Severus said stiffly, before standing.

“Bloody hell,” the Minister breathed, staring at his former ally in shocked disbelief, before turning to look to Harry to make sense of the madness.

“Please, sit,” Harry said, gently guiding the man further into the room. “Would you like a drink?” he asked, worriedly, when the man hadn’t recovered.

“I’d like an explanation,” Kingsley said in a low rumbling voice. It made Harry think of distant thunder. 

He tried for a disarming smile, but his face refused to cooperate. He looked instead toward Severus, who had told him in no uncertain terms that he would do all the talking. Harry wasn’t to say a word. While Harry had advocated transparency, Severus had insisted that the truth would be doled out sparingly. Harry didn’t really think Severus’ approach would be successful, but it was Severus’ future and Harry supposed it was up to him to make the rules.

He looked toward the man now who, for all his earlier bravado, looked at a loss for words. His eyes met Harry’s and Harry thought he detected something of a plea in their dark depths. Harry cleared his throat and Severus’ eyes dropped to study his folded hands. “Where to begin,” Harry said weakly, trying desperately to lighten the mood.

“I want to make it clear that no one is to know about this meeting. If there were any other option, Shacklebolt, you wouldn’t be here at all,” Severus said. 

Harry’s heart sank. That wasn’t the way he’d have chosen to start the conversation. He opened his mouth to try and smooth over the harsh opening.

“You make a lot of demands for a dead man,” Kingsley said with a smile that served only to make the man look more formidable.

“Severus managed to survive the attack,” Harry interrupted quickly. Rather uselessly stating the obvious, he realised. “He chose not to come back and had made arrangements with Dumbledore to facilitate his departure.” Harry looked from one man to the other. “After he fulfilled his duty to Dumbledore, he... retired.” Harry felt pleased about his careful choice of words.

“And you knew about this?” Kingsley said, managing to shout without raising his voice at all.

“Not right away,” Harry said, calmly.

“And would it have been before or after your campaign to make this man a war hero?”

Harry cringed inwardly and decided not to look at Severus, who had no idea of just how hard he’d fought on his behalf. “I don’t see how that’s relevant. He’s a hero, alive or dead. But I found out after.” His eyes narrowed as he prepared himself for a fight. It was rather surprising really. Kingsley had been one of the only Order members who never contested the significance of the role Severus played. 

“For the record, I asked no one to name me War Hero. I find the very idea absurd. But I flatter myself to believe that after years of service, I’d earned my right to solitude.”

“Let’s call a spade a spade, Snape. You were fleeing prosecution,” Kingsley countered scathingly.

Alarm bells began ringing in Harry’s head. It occurred to him that perhaps he’d misjudged Shacklebolt’s feelings in regards to his former ally. He opened his mouth to try and save the situation, but Severus’ indignation beat him to the punch.

“My apologies, Minister. I had been led to believe that you had all the evidence you needed without my testimony, which would have been entirely discounted anyway. We all know what Death Eaters’ testimony is worth, don’t we, Shacklebolt?” He batted away Harry’s attempt at a calming touch to his shoulder.

“So, what did you have to fear, Snape? As you said, the evidence given by Dumbledore’s memories and Harry’s testimony were more than enough to acquit you.”

“Acquit me?” Severus snapped. “Albus Dumbledore was the last person in the world who had any faith in me whatsoever. He was also venerated by the majority of the Wizengamot. Do you truly pretend that they’d have been so forgiving if they had to look in the face of Albus’ killer?”

“Severus,” Harry appealed quietly.

“That doesn’t explain why you chose to stay in hiding, Snape. Allowing the whole Wizarding world to mourn you while you were, what? Vacationing in Switzerland?”

Severus let out a loud burst of bitter laughter. “Mourn me?” he said, raising his voice. “Are you joking? Not even my closest allies liked me enough to mourn me. The only man who might have given a damn was already dead.”

“By your hand,” Shacklebolt shouted back.

“It’s enough!” Harry cried. He was completely disregarded.

“By my hand,” Severus repeated in a low, hateful voice. He gave an unpleasant smile. “I like to think of it as suicide by manipulation, but never mind. Your vision of things beautifully illustrates the point I was making.”

“There’s no reason to do this,” Harry interrupted again. “We know he was innocent, Kingsley.” Both men snorted incredulously. Harry pursed his lips in frustration before saying, “Minister, we called you here – “

“Forget it, Potter. I don’t need your help. If you’ll both excuse me, I’ve somewhere I need to be.”

“Sev, please,” Harry pleaded.

“Fleeing again, Snape? We see the back of you more often than the front.”

“That was bang out of line, Kingsley,” Harry shouted.

“Not to worry, Shacklebolt. With any luck, you’ll not see any side of me in future.” As though to prove his point, the man spun and blinked out of existence with the barest of popping noises.

Harry stared at the space where the other man had been just seconds ago. How had it gone so wrong? How could he have so completely misjudged the situation? He turned a furious expression on the man. “Do you know what I went through to get him to agree to this meeting? How many years I’ve been trying to reassure him that the Wizarding World didn’t see him as a monster? What the hell was that?” Harry had started with a reasonable tone, but his outrage gained momentum until he was shouting.

“Was I supposed to be pleased to see the man?” Kingsley seethed back.

“I expected you to be shocked. I didn’t expect you to treat him so badly. No, Kingsley. I was naive enough to think you actually believed the story we were giving to the Wizengamot. I thought you believed me.” A feeling of desperation threatened to choke him. Severus was gone. He was leaving. Harry wouldn’t see him again.

“I never believed you would keep something like this from me, Potter. You’re an Auror!” Kingsley shouted. “To withhold details about a known fugitive-“

“Sirius Black!” Harry shouted incredulously.

“That was different.”

“You’re absolutely right. Because as far as I’m aware, Severus isn’t a fugitive. In fact, last I heard he was a bloody hero!” Harry ran his hands over his face, pausing to finger his scar and trying to decide what to do next. “He was right. There’s nothing our world has to offer him. And now, I doubt I’ll ever hear from him again.” He stood to gather his coat. Perhaps if he could catch Severus before he packed all his things... He looked down at the Minister, a man who, just hours ago, was among the top five people he most respected. “You’ll have my resignation after the holidays,” he said.

“Don’t be absurd, Harry. I’m not going to accept your resignation. I won’t let you throw your life away for Snape,” the older man said, leaning back in his chair.

Harry narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw. “You don’t seem to understand, Kingsley,” he said slowly. “I owe my life to that man. We all do.”

“We owe him nothing, Harry. Even if he has done all that he is said to have done, he is no more a bloody hero than I.”

“And me?”

“What?”

“The Ministry may choose to ignore it, but I know that without Severus’ help, without his constant intervention, I wouldn’t have defeated Voldemort.” Harry snorted and shook his head. “I’d not have lived long enough to see his return. I owe it to him to help in any way I can. The question is whether or not the Ministry recognises my contribution enough to help me help him.”

Kingsley’s eyes narrowed. “Your contribution has never been in question.”

“His shouldn’t be either,” Harry seethed, trying to bring his temper under control.

“I can’t help but question his motives for going into hiding. It’s suspicious,” the older man said defensively.

“I never questioned his motives. I questioned the validity of his reasoning, but after today I realised that he was right. He can never come back. And frankly, I think that’s disgusting.”

Kingsley frowned deeply, crossed his large arms over his chest, and stretched his legs out under the table. “What sort of trouble is he in?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “He’s not in trouble. He’s built this fantastic new life where he’s actually happy.” And now Harry had put all that in jeopardy. He’d failed him. Would he wait for Harry to come so they could decide on the next steps? Or would he be so irritated that Harry had gotten him into this mess that he’d just go?

But go where?

“What do you need from me?”

Harry raised his head and gave the man a pointed glare. “I need to know you’re not going to bugger this up for him. We’re the only two people who know about him and it needs to stay that way. If you don’t want to help him, fine. But let the man rest in peace.”

“How can I decide to help him or not when you won’t even tell me what you want me to do?” Kingsley growled, clearly frustrated. After a moment, he sighed, “You have my word. No one will know about him.”

Whatever Harry may have discovered about Kingsley today, he knew the man to have a great deal of integrity. If he said it would be kept secret, it would be. Harry’s expression softened. He slid the file from his bag and passed it over to the man. “He’s settled in America. The registration laws go into effect on the First.”

Kingsley opened the file and leafed through its contents. After he’d scanned the different pages, he raised his eyes to meet Harry’s. “A lot of work has gone into this deception, Potter.”

Harry shrugged. “I just need your signature, Kingsley.”

“He’ll have some trouble for posing as a Muggle. He’ll not have come by his Green Card honestly.”

Harry nodded. “I’m counting on there being quite a lot of wizards in that situation,” Harry said. “I’m hoping they’ll either forgive it or give him a slap on the wrist. I’ve got a few contacts in the American Embassy.”

“You’re not hiding anyone else I should know about?”

Harry frowned. “I respected his choice. It was his to make. Given what I knew about his past, I didn’t see how it was Ministry business to determine what he did with his afterlife.” He sat a bit taller and squared his shoulders.

“I would have liked to have known,” the other man insisted.

“And so you do,” Harry answered.

The other man scowled, but nodded after a moment. “I’ll have a look and then send you word. I suspect you’re staying.”

“Assuming he’s not half way to India by now,” Harry said plaintively. “I have my mobile.”

Kingsley reached the door of the room and then turned. “I reacted badly,” he admitted. “You might have better prepared me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I tried to convince him to let me speak to you first. I think he was curious to know how he’d be received.” And the experiment had confirmed the hypothesis.

“I suppose he’s the only one not surprised by my reaction,” Kingsley sighed. “What’s done is done. Assure him that I’ll do what I can to help.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

As the door clicked shut, Harry moved to the bed and flopped back upon it, staring at the ceiling. He knew he should go to the chalet and face the man – assuming Severus hadn’t fled entirely – but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Mission accomplished, he told himself firmly. But he knew that it had been a failure. That Kingsley’s reaction had put paid to any lingering hope he’d held that Severus would return.   
And why would Harry hope that? It was a question that he refused to entertain any longer. He threw his arms over his face and sighed into his elbows. He wasn’t looking forward to the conversation with Severus, where he would undoubtedly be reminded of how naive he still was after all these years.

“Threatening to resign was a nice touch,” a low voice intoned from the bathroom. “If a tad melodramatic.”

Harry’s heart jumped into his throat. He propped himself onto his elbows. “God! You scared the piss out of me. Have you been there the whole time?”

Severus nodded.

“We can trust him, Severus,” Harry said suddenly. It was imperative the man believed that. “He’ll do what he can.”

“I know. Thank you.”

The simple expression of gratitude served to bring home the fact that Severus was there. That he’d not left and that Harry hadn’t lost the man indefinitely. Rendered speechless, all he could do was shake his head to express that no thanks was necessary. On the contrary, he felt he should apologise for the stupidity of the Wizarding world. For his naivety in thinking that Kingsley would welcome the knowledge that his former ally was alive and well. “It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped,” he said quietly.

Severus laughed, and then walked over to lie next to him on the bed. “I have no reason to feel disappointed,” he said to the ceiling. “It went as I expected. Still...”

“I thought he’d be pleased to see you alive,” Harry admitted. “Well, once he got over the shock.”

Severus shook his head. “Most of what I did was done in secret,” he said. “The role of double agent, while a necessary evil, is rarely appreciated. Even if I’m proven to have favoured the right side, I’m not the sort of person one misses.”

Harry looked over at the man with a wry smile. “Oh, I don’t know.”

“You’re as daft as Dumbledore,” Severus said, nudging Harry with his elbow.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I think.”

“You don’t really still believe that tripe about owing me anything.” Severus looked over with a raised eyebrow.

Harry sighed. “We all owe you, Sev. I, more than most. But that’s not why I’m doing this,” he said.

“Ah. Your misguided sense of duty as my ‘bridge’.”

Harry frowned at him and shook his head. “I love you,” he said to the ceiling. A matter of fact. It was no longer the urgent, hopeless love of four years ago. Over time and distance, the feelings had cooled to a profound affection, the power of which took him by surprise when he looked at the man. He could scarcely make out his own voice over the thudding of his heart at the admission. Severus looked at him with an impassive gaze that, Harry imagined, spoke of wariness. Harry sighed and averted his gaze. “I want you to be happy.” 

His admission was met with awkward silence that grew thicker as it went on. A change of subject was in order. “You don’t really believe that no one mourned you? Because I can show you your memorial. I think you’d be surprised,” he said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Severus’ hand closed over his own. Harry looked over to find him staring. Harry offered a pleading look. “It’s not the first time I’ve said it,” he pointed out.

“I’m not accustomed to hearing it,” Severus said, looking away. “I thought you’d got over your foolishness.”

“Is it foolish?” Harry asked. “I’ve accepted my lot, Severus. That doesn’t exclude loving you. I live with it. I don’t actively wish my life would have been different. Ginny and I work well together as parents. I love my family. But part of me never left America that day.”

Severus lay silently beside him a moment. Harry could hear him let out a heavy breath. “Your gay side, is it?”

Harry recognised his own words and couldn’t think of any real reason to take offense at the man’s mocking tone. But it stung nevertheless. “Yeah,” he breathed. “What’s left of it.” He summoned a disaffected smile and sat up. He could feel the other man studying him and did his best to hide what he could.

“Emotion has never been my strong suit, Harry,” Severus said, pulling himself to a seated position.

Harry laughed. The understatement of the millennium. “Not the pleasant ones anyway,” he teased.

Severus grunted in accordance. After a long moment, he said, “It’s good to see you again.”

Harry took the statement for what it was: an admission of sorts. Severus was a man who chose his words carefully and Harry had become quite adept at reading between the lines over the years to see the heart behind them. One had to be with this man, for whom stoicism was a way of life. The message he’d received then was that Severus might love him too, if only a little. Harry’s grin indicated the message had been received.

“It’s more difficult than I thought it would be,” Harry admitted sheepishly. “Just hearing your voice on the phone...” Harry shook his head.

Severus snorted. “Sensory memory,” he said wryly.

Harry grinned. “Admit it. You bewitched me.”

Severus shrugged. “I’ll admit it if it will make you feel better.” He gave a wicked smirk. “I think it far more likely that your gay side has been mercilessly deprived of cock.”

And once again that word in that voice worked as an incantation to revive Harry’s long-repressed libido. It was all he could do to keep from gasping. He rubbed his forehead and bit his lip.

“No matter how hard you try, that scar will not rub off,” Severus noted.

Harry dropped his hand and grunted. “Nervous habit,” he muttered.

“Mr Potter,” Severus said with an affronted look. “Do I make you nervous?”

Harry gave him a look. “Not exactly,” he said, feigning dismay. His mouth twisted into an amused smirk. He let his focus soften to take in the sight of the man. The dark fathomless eyes into which a person might get lost. The proud nose jutting cruelly out of a thin face. The pale lips that Harry still dreamt about. He looked away and reminded himself that he was married. 

Both sides of him.

“What happens next?” Severus asked, suddenly back to business.

“When I get Kingsley’s message that all is in order, I’ll try my contact with the American Embassy to see if we can make your registration go as smoothly as possible,” Harry said. “My celebrity can be useful for some things.”

Severus nodded. “So, you’ll be going back to Britain?”

Harry stared blankly at the other man. He knew what he should answer. He should go back to Britain. There was little justification for him to stay. He could far more easily sort things out there and then pop back when it was all done. But...

Well, he didn’t want to.

The house was empty. Ginny and the kids were with Bill and Fleur while Harry was working on a “project”, followed by a few days of skiing. He and Severus were averaging one visit every four years and now that they were back to banter, the awkwardness was fading. And there was Auld Lang Syne to remember. “I don’t need to go back,” he said carefully. “But if you’d feel more... comfortable?”

“And miss the opportunity to watch you torture yourself?” 

Harry frowned at the amused smirk. “Torture myself,” he scoffed weakly. He thought Severus had got it in one, really, but he was not going to be the one to admit it. “You’re not that irresistible, you know,” he said dryly.

“I was referring to your skiing,” Severus said, flashing a smug smile. “To what were you referring?”

Harry opened his mouth to try and say something to salvage his dignity that he’d so thoughtlessly tossed away. The words wouldn’t come. He shut his mouth again. Severus laughed.

Let the torture commence, he thought darkly, suppressing a strong urge to kiss the man quiet.

-o-o-

 

They arrived back at the chalet after having a quiet lunch in the room Harry had booked for the night. The tension that had settled between them the day before had dissipated once they’d recognised the proverbial elephant in the room. A different, considerably more interesting tension sizzled between them now and grew with every lascivious smile, every innuendo.

In the back of his mind, the quiet voice of conscience insistently reminded Severus that the man was off limits – in part because he was married, and Severus supposed he had to respect that, despite his knowledge that it was a dutiful marriage out of circumstance. The larger part of the interdiction lay in his knowledge that Harry was detrimental to his sanity. He half hoped that Harry would have chosen to go back to Britain, back to his family. A nameless, rebellious part of him was thrilled the other man had decided to stay.

It was amazing how quickly the feelings had come back. As though they’d been in hiding over the past four years and had suddenly jumped out from some hole in the brick wall he’d erected around his heart, leaving him feeling slightly giddy and out of control. Stupidity, he called it. He was far too old and far too clever for such foolishness.

At least he could still better the other man at chess.

“I think we could call that mate,” Severus said smugly as he watched Harry’s king lay down his sword.  
Harry slumped back against the arm of the sofa and looked accusingly at his Queen-side rook. “I really hate this game,” he muttered churlishly. “I’d like to watch you and Ron play. I’m not sure which of you I’d want to lose more.”

Severus waved his wand to restore the pieces and then moved the board to the floor, getting rid of the border that separated the two men. Harry raised his feet to inhabit the space the board had vacated.

“And how is Mr Weasley?” he asked, picking up his glass of wine and relaxing into the corner of the sofa.

“Good. He’s quit the MLE to go into business with George. Did I tell you that?”

Severus shook his head. “Still with the joke shop?” He felt pleased at how little disdain he’d put into the phrase, proving that he’d grown capable of diplomacy in his old age.

“The Joke Empire, you mean. They bought out Zonkos and have opened two stores in the Muggle world. Pretty spectacular, really,” Harry said faithfully.

Severus grunted. Despite his feelings for the whole ginger brood, he had to admit that he’d always been impressed by the Weasley Twins’ talent for invention. There was a fair amount of skill that went into what they did. It was simply a pity that it had been wasted on something so frivolous. “And Ms Granger?”

Harry gave him a look that communicated quite clearly that Severus was fooling no one in his attempt to make small talk. He answered anyway. “Hermione is doing really well. She and Kingsley are collaborating on legislation to abolish laws that favour purebloods.”

“She still banging on about house elves?”

Harry laughed. “Yeah,” he said. “And she’s becoming more convincing every day. Although you can’t call them house elves anymore. They’re just elves.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” Severus drawled. “She’d do well in America, your Hermione.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “She’d do well anywhere,” he said.

Severus nodded to accord the point. 

“I told you Malfoy has bred.” Harry shook his head. “Who would name their kid Scorpius?”

“Who would name their kid Albus?” Severus teased.

Harry laughed. “Fair point,” he said. “You should hear his full name. He’ll not be thanking us.”

“I’m sure I don’t want to know. It is bound something suitably sentimental and disgustingly Gryffindor. Albus Remus. Or Albus Godric.”

Harry’s grin spread spectacularly across his face. “Something like that,” he said. “So, tell me about you, then. Anything interesting happening in your half of the world?”

“Nothing more than I’ve already told you. I work. I sleep. I attempt to bring some literary sophistication to the book club.” Severus sipped his wine. “The economic conditions are not favourable at the moment. Mary has had to let go her staff. Theda has gone to work for her mum, leaving me without an assistant that I can’t afford to pay anyway. We’ve had to cut down to three bottles of wine as opposed to our weekly habit of five. But on the whole, things could always be worse – as is evidenced by the news you brought me.”

“Not so bad,” Harry protested. “It’s nothing we can’t work out.”

Severus shook his head. “Your optimism never ceases to amaze me. I can’t understand how you could have lived the life you have, seen the things you’ve seen, been an Auror and still manage to see _la vie en rose._ ” He looked over and snorted. “I’ve long since stopped thinking of you as thick, so I’m left with no other rational explanation.”

“I can’t tell if that was a compliment or not.” He grinned. “I might be a bit naive, but I’m not optimistic without reason. I’ve spent the last four months planning and researching this, Severus. My optimism is founded in my research.”

As much as Severus sorely wanted to have faith, it wasn’t in him. He would prepare himself for the worst.

Harry sighed. “Come on. What’s the worst that could happen? Tell me what you’re worried about and I’ll tell you how I’ve mitigated the risk. If there’s something I haven’t thought of, we can talk about how to get around it.” 

There was a challenge in the other man’s tone and a fierce determination in his eyes. Once again, Severus had to recognise how fortunate he was to have Harry in his life, no matter how distantly. For years, when he’d looked at Harry he saw the mocking viciousness of James Potter. At the end of the war, he saw only Lily. Harry now had come into his own. An entity divorced from his forbearers. Only Albus had ever defended Severus so loyally – with an important difference. Dumbledore had protected him in as much as was necessary to further his cause. Severus did not doubt that the late Headmaster had cared for him; but neither did he have any delusion that Dumbledore had had Severus’ best interest at heart. In that, Harry was quite alone.

It was a rather humbling realisation.

When Severus failed to answer, Harry scooted closer to sit cross-legged on the centre cushion of the sofa, facing him. “Right,” he said, preparing his argument. “Worst case: Kingsley betrays us and you’re denied re-entry to the US. The entire Wizarding World curses you for a liar and a coward – apart from me.”

That pretty much summed up the worst case, except for, “The Wizengamot decides I’m not as innocent as they’d once believed and I get the Dementor’s kiss, or rot in Azkaban for the rest of my miserable life.”

Harry shook his head. “They can’t try you twice, Severus. They’ve already cleared you for Dumbledore’s murder, for treason and terrorist activities. Whatever they thought, they couldn’t do anything about it. Besides, there are no Dementors at Azkaban anymore. The Dementor’s kiss doesn’t happen.”

“They may decide to make an exception,” Severus said darkly. 

Harry shook his head. “Not without Kingsley losing all credibility. It was his campaign that made those laws.”

“I’d never find work again,” Severus pointed out. “Who would employ me?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “At worst, you open a shop in Muggle Britain and do exactly what you’re doing now.” Harry reached out to touch Severus’ leg. “Sev, listen. The entire Wizarding world wouldn’t hate you anyway. And well, you have me.” He gave a parody of a smug smile. “I’m quite popular, you know.”

Severus snorted and mentally smacked away an impulse to kiss the other man. “If I show up on scene,” he felt obliged to point out, “Your wife may start to draw conclusions.”

Harry snorted. “I have considered that, you know. And I’ve already planned how I’d deal with it.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “At one point, I accused you of being incapable of forward planning. I stand corrected. I’m impressed, Mr Potter. And intrigued to know how you’d planned to get around that.”

“I’d tell her everything,” Harry shrugged. “I never lied to her. I only... misled her with the truth, as she’d puts it. She’d understand why I kept it a secret.” A wicked glint sparkled in the man’s eyes. “I may have to offer up the memory to appease her,” he said, grinning.

“It would be a shame to have to kill you,” Severus threatened.

Harry gave a mad cackle before reigning in his expression to say seriously, “The only insurmountable problem I could see in the worst case scenario is that I don’t know if I could keep away from you if you were immediately accessible.”

“I’m not that irresistible,” Severus quoted.

“No,” Harry sighed. “But I’m rubbish at resisting temptation.” He removed his hand from Severus’ thigh, and then turned to sit against the cushion next to the older man.

“The scandal would be breathtaking,” Severus mused, some twisted part of him taking great pleasure in imagining the Saviour’s fall from grace.

“The Secret Life of the Boy Who Lived,” Harry said, wryly.

“The Love Story of the Chosen One and his Death Eater,” Severus added.

“Of course, you’d have slipped me a love potion or had me under the Imperius Curse,” Harry sniggered.

“Who’d believe that the Golden Boy would just naturally have such bad taste in lovers?”

Harry shot him a severe look before resting his head on Severus’ shoulder. “It’s true you’re an acquired taste,” he said, grinning. “But I have a refined palate.”

“Is that what you call it?” Severus snorted.

“Mm. What’s your excuse?”

“I’m clearly enamoured by your fame.”

“Enamoured, eh?” Harry turned his face to rest his chin on Severus’ shoulder, batting his eyelashes.

Severus’ heart skipped a beat to have that cheeky face so suddenly close to his own. He covered his momentary loss of cognitive brain function with a bland look. _Enamoured_ , his brain supplied.

“Best be careful, Potter. While I’m fairly good at resisting temptation, I’m rather disinclined to do so.”

Harry closed his eyes and gave a low, desperate whine. He pressed his forehead against Severus’ shoulder. “I’m over you, you know,” he complained. “It’s not supposed to be this hard.”

Severus smirked. “How hard is it?”

“Severus.” A warning tone.

“Sorry,” Severus lied unconvincingly. He clenched his fists to restrain them from reaching over to seek the answer to his question. His trousers grew tight with his curiosity. “If it’s any consolation, I’m not finding this easy either,” he admitted. The two were sexually compatible. Sexual desire was a physical, chemical reaction. The desire to pull the man into his arms, bury his nose into that impossible hair, and inhale him in was slightly more alarming.

“It’s nice to know,” Harry mumbled, sitting up again. He cast a regretful smile. “But not very helpful.”

Severus didn’t suppose it was, really. The limits placed upon them only served to raise the tension. Acknowledging that tension wasn’t really helping to alleviate it. “It’s getting late,” he said. “I’ll do us both a favour and-“

“No,” Harry insisted. “It’s only nine o’clock and this is nice. Frustrating,” he amended. “But we only have a few days and I intend to enjoy you while I can. Even if I can’t enjoy you as fully as I might like.”

Severus was doubtful of the wisdom behind the plan, but sexual frustration came with its own brand of pleasure, he supposed. It might be interesting to see which of them would break first – for if they carried on as they were, it was inevitable. He wondered if Harry realised that, or if he’d deluded himself into believing that he could withstand several days of unresolved need.

“You’re certain?”

“Certain,” Harry affirmed, pulling the man back to relax against the sofa. He weaved his arm under Severus’, his hand coming to rest on Severus’ wrist. “I suppose I should give you a choice,” he said after a moment.

Severus barked in laughter. “What generosity,” he drawled.

“I know, right?” Harry grinned. “Still, I imagine you’re tired.”

Severus shook his head. “It’s lunch time where I’m from,” he pointed out.

“True.” Harry laid his head on Severus’ shoulder, staring into the fire. “Do you feel better about things?”

“It’s in my make up to worry. I’m not accustomed to things going to plan and I like to have a plan B. What happens if the Americans decide they don’t want Hadrian Prince?”

“I really don’t think that would happen,” Harry said. “I’ve already presented your hypothetical case to the Ambassador in Britain. Well, Hadrian’s case. Even if your immigration approval was got by dubious means, you’re not alone in that. Tony said that they’re looking at these things on a case by case basis, but generally as this is a new law, old offenses will be ignored, provided you’ve shown that you’ve integrated easily. They’d have a hard time explaining things to Muggle authorities if they started revoking Green Cards for no apparent reason.”

Harry’s confidence was certainly infectious. Severus truly and sincerely wanted to believe, but the habit of expecting everything to go wrong was one which not even a few years of relative peace could break. 

“And if for whatever reason, it doesn’t work out, there’s always our other worst case to consider. Or... France. Switzerland?” Harry shrugged. “Whatever happens, if we have Hadrian’s file in place, we can make it work. Let’s just wait and see what Kingsley comes back with. We’ll take it from there.”

Severus nodded. “Talk about something else then,” he said.

Harry went quiet as he searched for a new topic. The fire crackled and popped. “Are you dating?” the other man asked in a tentative tone that was far too casual, Severus thought.

“I don’t date,” Severus insisted. “I recently went to dinner with the brother of a friend. He’s just moved to town.”

“What’s he like?” Harry asked, his expression carefully blank.

Severus’ mouth curved into an amused smile. “Clever. He’s a travel writer. He’s got a reasonably well-developed appreciation of irony for an American.”

He watched as the other man struggled to keep jealousy from coming to the surface. He failed spectacularly, and a very petty part of Severus was pleased to see it. But he decided to be merciful. “I don’t see it going anywhere,” he added.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “Why? You didn’t get on?”

“We got on fine,” Severus said. “He’s the brother of a good friend, and he’s not interested in casual sex. As I’m not interested in relationships...” He shrugged. On the whole it wasn’t a great match. “I was going to meet him at a New Year’s Eve party.”

Harry frowned. “What’s his name?”

“David Jeffers. Why?”

“I like to know the names of the people I hate,” Harry said wryly. He looked at Severus. “Not that I would want to push you or anything, but you might try the relationship thing. There are thousands of Muggle/Wizard couples.”

“I don’t need the complication,” Severus said firmly. 

“No. Far better to die alone at the end of a simple life.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I’m not afraid of being alone. I’ve been alone longer than you’ve been alive,” he pointed out.

“Well done.”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “Yes. Far better to be stuck in a passionless relationship with someone you love out of habit.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that,” Harry said sullenly.

“And you say this from your vast experience on the subject?”

“I’ve more experience than you,” Harry pointed out.

Severus snorted. “And you would wish your situation on someone else?”

“Well, you’re not likely to get him pregnant, are you?” Harry said testily. “And my situation may not be ideal, but at least I’m working at it.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not going to have this argument,” he decided aloud. “I don’t even want you to find someone, if I’m honest.”

“I don’t see why it would concern you at all.”

“I may not see you often as it is, but I would see you even less if you were involved,” he said simply. “It’s selfish, I know.”

“Preposterous. I fail to see how my being in a relationship would change anything.”

Harry widened his eyes incredulously. “Severus, your group of friends know we were lovers. Say you and David were to hit it off, how do you suppose he’d feel about you disappearing to spend a week in Switzerland with a former lover?”

“I don’t see why it would be any of his concern,” Severus said haughtily.

Harry laughed. “Right. How would you feel if someone you were seeing fucked off for a week with a former lover?”

They both knew the answer to that. Severus shook his head. “Complications,” he muttered. “This is precisely why I don’t bother. If it came to it, I would merely be truthful. You’re a married man with children. You also happen to be my only friend from a former life and despite a period of madness, best explained as youthful curiosity, our relationship remains largely platonic.”

“Is that how you think of me? A friend?”

Severus sighed. “The word has not been invented to describe how I think of you. I use friend as an over-arching generalisation,” he said. He narrowed his eyes and looked over. “You’re not going to call me on the youthful curiosity?”

Harry laughed. “When you’ve been in a relationship as long as I have, you learn to choose your battles,” he said sagely. 

“I bow to your wisdom.”

“Bow a little further, would you? My youthful curiosity is rather persistent.”

Severus grinned into his wine glass. He took a sip and then said, “So, while we’re prying into things that don’t concern us, how are the Polyjuice experiments going?”

Harry groaned and covered his eyes with one hand. “I really need to remember to self-edit in my letters to you.”

“If you do, I shall stop reading them. Your letters would be hopelessly dull without these little gems of information slipped in. So I assume Mrs Potter managed to make the potion?”

Harry nodded. 

“And she’s been able to indulge your gay side?”

“No. Between being pregnant and nursing, she’s not been able to take it yet. But I’ve indulged her gay side.”

Severus’ eyes wet wide. He had not even contemplated experimenting in that sense. He’d never had any desire to become a woman – even for an hour or so. “And?”

Harry shrugged. “It was interesting. Weird. Different,” Harry said, struggling to come up with a way to describe the experience. “It takes longer to get off, but when they do, it’s more intense, I think.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Intense how?”

“Do you remember that first night when you ... with your fingers?” Severus nodded and shivered at the memory that he’d revisited on a number of occasions. “Have you ever got off that way?” He paused to see Severus nod that yes, he’d been so fortunate. “It’s a bit like that, only it lasts longer. Like normally it feels fantastic, the feeling goes all... frenzied, your bollocks go tight and then you explode, right? Well, it’s kind of the same only more... dunno. Drawn out. And the second orgasm’s more intense than the first. It’s like your whole body gets involved.”

“I take it you enjoyed yourself,” Severus said. He’d quite enjoyed the telling of it, although he struggled to imagine the man next to him as a woman. He thought it best not to, really.

Harry grinned. “Yeah. It was interesting. But I was glad to have my bits back in the end.”

“I should think so,” Severus agreed. “So, I remain your only male lover to date?” He was irrationally pleased by that. He rather thought Harry’s wife should be content with owning the man’s life. That arse was rightly his.

“You’re my only male lover,” Harry affirmed. “And the idea of Ginny growing a cock is disturbing. She’s quite set on it, but I’m trying to talk her out of it.”

“You don’t miss it?” Severus said, surprised at the man’s reluctance. Although to be fair, while Severus was irredeemably gay, if the rate at which the other man had bred was any indication, Harry was content with the fairer sex.

“God, yes,” the other man breathed. “But...the desire has a name.” He gave a meaningful look and drained his wine glass.

Severus stared at the fire. “I suppose you’re well and truly committed?”

Harry gave a regretful grunt.

“Anything I can do to persuade you?” Severus smirked.

“Any number of things,” Harry laughed. “But I would prefer you didn’t try.”

“If you sit any closer you’ll be sitting on my lap,” Severus pointed out.

Harry rubbed his forehead with his free hand and gave a sheepish smile. “I’m sort of hoping that if I can have just a little contact, it will be enough to carry me through the week.” He stroked the palm of Severus’ hand.

“How’s that working for you?” Severus said wryly.

“Not so well. But persistence pays off,” he laughed. “You’re a lot easier to resist when you’re not here.”

“I could say the same for you,” Severus said, unweaving his arm from Harry’s to run his hand through the man’s hair. 

Harry took advantage of the opening to lean in further. He gave a little moan of contentment. “This is never going to work, is it?”

“But it will be entertaining to try,” Severus smiled. He gave into temptation and buried his nose into Harry’s dark hair. He breathed in deeply, allowing his arm to rest around Harry’s shoulders.

“Sadist,” Harry muttered.

“One might argue masochist,” Severus remarked. “Perhaps a bit of both.”

“I’ve always appreciated your diversity,” Harry grinned.

“I think I would prefer if you were slightly less diverse,” Severus answered, tracing his fingertip around Harry’s shoulder.

“Sev?”

“When did it become OK to call me that?” Severus answered in a tone of mild irritation.

Harry laughed. “I like it.”

“Mm. What were you going to say?”

Harry shot him a searching look before turning his attention back to the fire. His fingers traced along Severus’ thigh in a light pattern. “If I were free... if everything with Ginny hadn’t happened...”

“You’d be currently tied to my bed, begging for mercy,” Severus finished. Nothing good could have come from that introduction.

“You think?” Harry asked. “I mean, do you think we’d have carried on...considering your feelings regarding relationships.”

Severus sighed. “We might have given it a go,” he said. In fact, he’d once entertained grand designs to do just that. “Ultimately, I think it would have ended badly. Or worse: Indifferently.”

“You would think that,” Harry laughed.

“It was an impossible situation,” Severus pointed out.

“But I’m pretty good with the impossible.”

“A moot point now,” Severus said dismissively.

“Mm. What I hate most about the thought of you in a relationship is that I can’t stand the thought of you loving someone who isn’t me,” Harry said. 

“What makes you think I love you?”

“What’s not to love?” Harry gave a cheeky grin and then snorted at his own arrogance. “I didn’t say you did. Just that I don’t want you to love anyone but me. I’m not proud of it,” he added hastily.

“This from a married man,” Severus said.

“Does it bother you?”

“What?”

“That I’m with Gin?”

Severus shook his head. “You’ve always been with her. Just as well to be bothered that you’re British,” he said, quite honestly. The Weasley girl was like an invisible appendage that Severus chose to ignore.

“Would it bother you if I were with another bloke?”

Severus frowned and struggled to find an answer to that question. “And break your marriage vows?” he drawled evasively.

“That’s not an answer,” Harry pointed out.

“I would be mad with jealousy,” Severus said, infusing the truth with just enough irony to protect it.

“I think you would at that,” Harry said with an infuriatingly confident smile.

Severus pushed him away. “I don’t care where you stick your cock, Potter,” he said, irritably. 

Harry leant against him, laying his head on Severus’ shoulder again. “I know where I’d like to stick it, Snape,” he said quietly.

The words conjured images that dance behind Severus’ closed eyelids. He could name a few preferred places as well. “Care to expand on that?”

Harry laughed, but said nothing. He turned his head, eyes focussing on Severus mouth. He licked his lips before shoving his hand in his trousers to adjust himself. Severus thought the hand lingered in there longer than was strictly necessary.

“Everything all right there?” he asked dryly.

“All in working order,” Harry answered, pulling his hand out to lie on his thigh. Severus reached to take up the self-gratifying appendage and met the younger man’s eyes as he brought it to his nose to breathe in the scent of the forbidden. He placed a chaste kiss on Harry’s palm before letting it go. Harry’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth.

“Fucking hell,” the man breathed, closing his eyes. His throat worked to swallow. He brought his hand to his own nose. “I may need to go to bed after all,” he said into his palm.

Severus smirked. “The night is young."

“So am I,” Harry laughed. “It’s going to be a painful week, isn’t it?”

“But you like pain.”

“It’s been awhile,” Harry said darkly.

Severus shook his head. “I never understood that. Surely one of the advantages of coupledom should be the readily available sex,” he said.

Harry shrugged. “Sometimes it seems like a lot of trouble. Sleep takes precedence.”

“Tell me again why relationships are a good idea.”

“Can’t think just now. Ask me again tomorrow.” Harry grinned. 

“If it’s any consolation, it’s been dreadfully long for me as well,” Severus offered. “I think I’m getting old. I just can’t be bothered to go out looking for it anymore.”

“Good,” Harry said decisively. “It evens up the playing field.”

“Is this a game?”

“Isn’t it?” Harry answered quietly. He met the man’s eyes and for one aching moment, time seemed to stop. Severus’ heart thundered in his chest and every inch of him was calling for him to lean in and kiss the other man. Now. 

Harry’s eyes fluttered closed. “I have to go to bed,” he said desperately.

Severus nodded, unable to do much else. 

The two men banished the glasses and extinguished the fire before walking slowly down the corridor. Harry turned when he made it to his own room and stared up at Severus. “See you tomorrow,” he said quietly. 

Severus put a hand on the doorframe behind Harry’s head and leant in. He could hear the other man gasp as his face drew nearer. His eyes closed, his head tilted backward. Severus brushed his cheek against Harry’s as he moved closer to breathe into his ear, “I want to hear you come.”

Harry gave a low moan and turned to slide his nose up Severus’ neck, kissing it just below his ear. “You’re an evil bastard,” he whispered back. Severus pulled back to see the man grinning at him. 

Harry narrowed his eyes. “Good night, Severus,” he said with a mischievous look. 

“Sweet dreams, Harry,” Severus answered with a smirk.

After finishing his ablutions, Severus slipped between the cool sheets of his bed and let his mind drift lazily back along their conversation of the night. He was aware of Harry moving around, of water running and the toilet flushing. He could hear the other man go into his room and get into bed.

And then suddenly, he heard the rushing sound of breathing, amplified into his room. The slick sound of skin moving frantically over skin. He summoned the corresponding images and was quite inspired by what he came up with. The moans and whimpers filtering through the air were entirely for his benefit, but the effects were not diminished by their theatrical exaggeration.

The breathing gradually came more urgently as Harry neared climax. Severus wasn’t far behind. He heard the other man come with Severus’ name on his lips. Severus gave an answering groan before spilling over his hand.

“Was it good for you?” Harry whispered into the night. Severus could hear the man’s breathy laugh rushing through the room.

It could have been so much better, Severus thought.

“Good night,” the other man said. And then, the air went still.


	3. Realignment

At what point did flirtation become betrayal?

It was a question Harry awoke with, and he lay in bed contemplating the answer. Surely masturbating together, albeit in different rooms, probably already crossed a line. Another part reasoned that he’d spent many years wanking alongside others while at school, so surely it couldn’t really count as infidelity. Of course, at school, they’d used silencing charms to hide the fact, and he’d done quite the opposite. 

He was no closer to an answer when he heard the shower being turned off. He got out of bed and pulled his towel out of his trunk before going out into the corridor. He leant against the wall outside the bathroom, waiting for the other man to finish. When the door swung open, he was greeted by the image of Severus with only a green towel clutched at his hips. Harry’s stomach flipped over suddenly, leaving him feeling breathless. His eyes slid down the pale chest, catching on the two pink, pert nipples that his teeth ached to meet. He forced his gaze upward before it could go any further. Harry shook his head. 

“We should make a rule that you stay clothed this week,” he said with a grin.

Severus raised his own eyes. He smiled. “Killjoy,” he said. He stepped forward until Harry could smell the scent of his soap. “Sleep well?”

Harry nodded. “You?”

Severus shook his head. His eyes glittered darkly. 

Harry felt a shiver trip down his spine. He pressed the smile from his lips. “Stop looking at me like that,” he reproached. Pleaded.

“Like what?” Severus asked with an innocent expression.

Harry shot him a bland look, and Severus laughed. The older man brushed past him to get to his bedroom. Harry watched him go, longing to follow, and then closed himself into the bathroom.

A hot shower and an unsatisfying wank later, Harry made his way to the kitchen where a mug of tea waited for him. He joined the man outside and huddled next to him. He pulled his mobile from his pocket and turned it on, looking out onto an overcast morning as it loaded.

“So, the Ministry has gone over to the dark side, has it?”

Harry looked over at him. “What? Telephones?” He shrugged. “Muggle communications are more advanced and efficient,” he said. “But only a few of us have them. As I work a lot with Muggles, I need one. They’re catching on, though.” A bell tone sounded and the phone gave a little buzz to signal a message waiting. 

Severus’ gaze shifted back to the morning. He sipped his tea as Harry checked the message. 

_It’s done. Contacted Gentry. Prince should go to the US Embassy in Bern to meet with Ron Farthing. He’s expected the 3rd. Tell him I’m sorry, and that I’m glad he’s well. I wish him all the best. Enjoy your holiday. KS_

Harry passed the phone over to Severus and watched his expression as he read. His expression became tense as he stared at the words. Harry could see his jaw clench under the pale skin. Severus drew in a quick breath and held it as he passed the phone back. 

Harry’s own feelings were strangely mixed. He felt elated that everything had worked out. He hadn’t really been worried. He wasn’t lying when he told Severus how much work had gone into the arrangements. But he wondered at the twinge of disappointment he felt at the realisation that Hadrian Prince was an official being. He’d never consciously hoped that Severus would have to come back to Britain. Not under those circumstances, anyway. But some part of him must have hoped.

“I think a celebration is in order,” Harry said quietly. 

Severus exhaled in a long slow stream of air that clouded as it hit the outside of the warming charm. The man cleared his throat. “We’ll see how things go at the Embassy,” he said in a rough voice. 

Harry closed his eyes and let his head drop backward as he summoned strength to deal with the exasperatingly cynical man. “Sev, he’s gone to Tony Gentry, the US ambassador for Wizarding Britain. I can only imagine this Farthing bloke is his equivalent in Switzerland. You have the official endorsement of the Minister of Magic himself. You just can’t get safer than that.” Harry’s voice grew gradually louder as he delineated the different points. When would the man finally trust him? Severus should be happy. He had what he wanted and frankly, it was even better than Harry had hoped. 

The other man closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, lowering his head. His jaw remained clenched tightly. It occurred to Harry that this wasn’t stubbornness. This was barely restrained emotion. Severus drew in a ragged breath and Harry’s arm curled around the other man’s shoulders. He pulled him close and held him as he stared out into the morning. 

It took Severus longer to recover from the shock of the news than he would have liked. It was all he could do not to cry at the realisation that not only could he return to his humble but comfortable life in the US, the Minister of Magic was aware of his continued existence. His former ally had visibly forgiven his many misdeeds. Suddenly, the unthinkable catastrophe that had always lingered on the edge his thoughts – discovery – no longer loomed so menacingly. Severus was free in a way he’d never been before. 

There was an inexplicable grief that came along with it. He’d long ago mourned the death of Severus Snape. Why Shacklebolt’s apology and acceptance should resurrect the feelings of loss, he couldn’t say. And underneath the surge of sentiment raging through him, an undercurrent of profound gratitude toward the man who held him left him feeling overwhelmed, indeed.

Harry eventually excused himself to ring his family, while Severus collected himself. After that, they decided to begin their celebrations on the slopes. The two broke for lunch after a morning skiing and then Harry begged off, promising to meet him at the chalet later. Judging by the conspicuous smile with which the other man took his leave, Severus thought the man was planning something. 

The something turned out to be dinner, which was spread over the table when he returned. Each plate was covered to keep its contents warm ... or hidden. A single candle burning in the centre of the table was the only light. Harry stood, leaning against the counter with an impish grin.

“Happy birthday,” he said.

“My birthday isn’t for weeks,” Severus said walking further into the room to inspect the table.

“We’re celebrating the official birth of Hadrian,” Harry told him.

Severus’ insides twisted with some ghost of the sentiment he’d experienced earlier. “Where did all this come from?” he asked, redirecting the conversation away from unresolved inner torments.

Harry smiled mysteriously. “Sit,” he ordered and then a chair away from the table.

Severus couldn't help but smile as walked over to the table. He sat and Harry lingered behind him. Harry stopped Severus from bringing the chair closer to the table.

“Don’t move,” he said in a low voice. 

Severus twisted around to see the man sink to his knees behind the chair. He urged Severus to straighten back up, running his hands along Severus’ arms, before gathering his wrists to meet behind the chair.

“Harry,” Severus said, with a hint of question just before feeling soft binds slide across his wrists and magically tighten. “What are you doing?” he asked, his pulse quickening.

He could practically feel the mischief radiating off the man as he stood again. It occurred to Severus that this would be a more interesting dinner than the romantic scene he’d walked into would suggest. Harry’s fingers combed through Severus’ hair, pulling it out of his face. He felt the press of lips on the top of his head, and heard the man breathe deeply. “Celebrating,” Harry answered.

He moved away momentarily and Severus turned his head in as much as was possible to try and see what he was doing. Harry’s hands urged his head forward again, and he only had an instant to register the scarf in front of his face before it was pressed against his eyes, closing out the dim light of the room.  
“This is a good look for you,” Harry said, his tone amused.

“I should think I’m far too dressed to make the picture truly compelling,” Severus replied, his tone far calmer than he felt. “I thought we weren’t doing this.”

“Doing what? It’s just dinner,” Harry said back.

Thrown into darkness, Severus called on his other senses to try and make sense of the scene surrounding him. He could hear the scrape of plates across the wood of the table, the clacking of porcelain as the covers were removed. Cutlery scraped against the dishes. He was unprepared for the weight of the man coming down to straddle his knees.

“Dinner,” Severus repeated with an amused smile.

“Hm,” was the quiet reply. “Amuse-bouche?” 

Severus felt the light press of fork tines across his lips and opened his mouth to accept whatever was on offer. The flavour of lemon excited his tongue as he closed his mouth over the food. He chewed what he could only identify as a meatball, but thought the description sadly deficient to describe the flavours it carried.

“That’s really nice,” he said once he’d finished. He licked his lips in an effort to gather whatever remained of the sauce.

“Very,” Harry agreed, but Severus couldn’t be certain he was referring to the food. At the press of a glass to his lips, Severus accepted a mouthful of red wine that perfectly complimented the food.

“Either your knowledge of wine has improved, or you had help,” he commented.

Harry pressed a fingertip to Severus’ mouth. “I had help,” he said impatiently. “Feeding you will be difficult if I have to gag you.”

Severus would have glared if it would have made a difference. As it was, he could only nip at the finger silencing him.

The finger disappeared to be replaced by a different dish, this one no less wonderful. Devoid of the power of sight, Severus relaxed into the situation and let his senses be overcome by the flavours of the different foods he was fed. The selection was varied. The flavours were not necessarily suited to one another, but each one made his taste buds sing with culinary delight. A mix of lemon and ginger, mustard and sage, sweet, salty and spicy. It wasn’t so much a meal as a celebration of taste.

The intimacy of the experience added an additional excitement to the atmosphere. The murmured encouragements. The delicate dab of a linen serviette against his mouth. Not one to easily relinquish control, Severus found himself carried away, taken with the atmosphere and the mounting tension between the two men. He also felt humbled by the amount of thought and work that would have gone into the orchestration of it all. Severus had never before been so attended to.

Severus lips parted to welcome what he identified as ice cream with a hot berry sauce that incited his mouth to water. As he let the cold melt into his mouth, he felt a wet, hot tongue flick over his lips, followed by a warm breath on his face. Harry’s forehead pressed momentarily against his own. 

“I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone this badly in my life,” he breathed. He let his nose slide teasingly along Severus’. Severus tilted his head up almost instinctually, tongue darting out to taste the breath which fell upon it. His lips pressed into smooth shaven skin. A cheek or jaw.

It was gone, replaced by another taste of dessert. A crumbly biscuit of sorts with more ice cream and berry. Severus was no longer interested in dessert, but he accepted it as a sad substitute for what he wanted. 

A hand curled around the back of his head, fingers brushing lights along the side of his neck and a glass touched his lips. The bubbly tart taste of champagne flooded his mouth. He swallowed before tilting his head forward prudently. He identified the bits of the man he encountered as he felt his way to skin. His mouth sought the only taste that was being cruelly withheld.

Harry’s hand closed around the hair at the back of his head. Severus’ head was pulled back sharply. “Is this torture?” he asked the man with a smirk.

“Is it?” Harry answered. 

Severus smiled at the answer. “I thought it was supposed to be my birthday,” he reminded the man.

“So it is,” Harry answered quietly. “And you’re far too young for that sort of thing,” he laughed.

Severus tried to lean forward again, but the grip on his hair reined him in. “I promise I won’t tell,” he whispered wryly.

“Severus,” Harry said in what Severus imagine to be his “daddy” voice.

“Hadrian,” Severus corrected.

“Hadrian,” Harry echoed.

“Scoot closer,” Severus breathed back.

Harry expelled a shaky breath. “You’ve not finished your dessert.”

“Come closer,” Severus bid him, pulling his head free of the now loose grip to kiss whatever part of the other man he could reach. Harry’s jaw line, it turned out. Severus kissed his way back to Harry’s neck, teeth nipping at the skin there. Harry turned his head to nuzzle along Severus’ ear. Severus’ heels came up off the ground to force the man forward. Harry’s resistance was feeble. The older man gave a satisfied groan as Harry’s weight pressed down against him.

“God,” Harry gasped, rocking forward to press his erection into Severus’ stomach. His arms curled around Severus’ neck.

“Kiss me,” Severus whispered into his ear. He flexed his hips upward.

“Can’t,” Harry answered, grinding down to meet Severus’ movement.

Severus pretended that the whispered command was merely retaliation against the torture he’d endured that evening. He told himself that he wouldn’t take it too far. He would do what he could to help the other man uphold his vows. Severus’ better sense stared incredulously from some corner of his mind and demanded to know who he thought he was kidding.

“You’re delicious,” he said, running his tongue over Harry’s throat. “Let me taste you.”

Harry gave a low moan, his forehead dropping to Severus’ shoulder as his hips pressed forward one last time. “You’re better at this than I am,” he complained.

“At what?” Severus breathed, sliding his nose up the other man’s neck.

Harry gave a breathy laugh. “The game.”

Severus smiled. “I’d say we’re evenly matched,” he said, flexing his hips upward to prove his point.

“Relashio,” Harry said decisively and the binds around Severus’ hands dropped away. Severus flexed his hands and brought them to Harry’s hips. The blindfold came off next. Severus blinked to focus on the beautiful man in front of him, on the pink lips that curled into an amused, if slightly exasperated smile. 

Severus let his fingers stretch up under the man’s shirt to stroke his back. Harry scooted himself back to a safe distance, much to the dismay of Severus’ twitching cock. 

“Thanks for dinner,” Severus said. “It was an intriguing combination of flavours.”

Harry grinned. “I went to four different restaurants,” he admitted. 

“It was unexpected,” Severus said. “Thank you for going through the trouble.”

“My pleasure,” Harry said, lowering his eyes.

Severus nodded. “It certainly could be,” he said meaningfully.

Harry laughed. “I hadn’t really planned anything other than dinner. I, er ... got carried away.”

“An inspired turn of events,” Severus said in a low voice. “You realise, I shall have to think of a way to ... repay you.” Severus’ hands slid over the man’s arse, down his thighs. His thumbs pointed inward to graze tantalizingly close to Harry’s excitement.

Harry bit his bottom lip and then gave a desperate laugh. “No need. Really,” he said. “I’ve tortured myself quite enough already.” 

Severus was inclined to believe him, but the gauntlet had been thrown down, as far as he was concerned. If this was to be a game, he would not be beaten. He wasn’t certain what they were playing for, and even less certain that losing wouldn’t have its own rewards. He was absolutely positive, however, that it would prove entertaining.

Severus slid his hands under Harry’s arse, and then stood suddenly, pressing the man against the table and pressing himself against him. Harry slipped slowly to the floor, his arms curled tightly around Severus’ shoulders. Harry’s expression shifted from one of surprise at the sudden change of position, to fearful desperation. Severus leant forward, causing the man to bend backward awkwardly. His mouth hovered just over the younger man’s.

“Have you got anything else you’d like to feed me?” Severus asked.

Harry breathed out sharply. He let out a small whimper as he let his head fall forward to Severus’ shoulder.

“No?” Severus asked. “I suppose I’ll help you clear up, then.” Severus tried to step back to release the man, but Harry’s leg curled suddenly around his arse, bringing him forward again. 

Harry waved his hand to banish dinner. “Just stay here ... a minute longer,” he said breathlessly.   
Severus shifted forward to place his hands on the table. Harry brought his hips forward to meet an answering hardness in Severus’ trousers.

“God,” Harry gasped, praying for strength, or release, Severus couldn’t be sure.

“Harry,” Severus whispered back, breathing the scent of the man as he nuzzled in the crook of Harry’s neck. His own motives for the soft prayer were equally undecided.

“I can’t say what I’d regret more,” Harry confessed against his skin. “Cheating on Ginny or not doing it while I have the chance.” 

“You’ll let me know what the final verdict is.” Severus grinned against the other man’s ear, relishing the feeling of the man shivering against him. When Harry released his grip of him, Severus stepped away. Harry fell back to lie on the table and stared up at the ceiling. He buried his hand in his trousers to readjust. Severus slipped his own hand into his pocket to discreetly do the same.

“I’m going to die,” Harry swore to the ceiling.

Severus laughed. “Come, now,” he said. “You’ve survived worse.”

Harry pulled himself to sitting and smiled. “And I suppose you’re unaffected,” he said dryly.

Severus shook his head. “Would you like me to try and persuade you?”

Harry smiled and nodded. “No,” he laughed.

“You’re a terrible tease, Mr Potter.” Severus glared at the other man, who grinned in response. 

***

Harry awoke the next day in an irritable mood. As the two men couldn’t satisfy their desire, Severus and Harry had opted for trying to drown them. The physical fatigue from a day spent skiing, and the somnolent effects of the whisky had worked their magic and sent Harry into a dreamless sleep. But he didn’t feel rested in the morning. He had a hangover and an erection as hard as steel, and no satisfying cure for either.

He should go. Harry was simply incapable of not touching the man. And once he'd established contact, the desire for more became overpowering. He fed on the tension between them. He craved the excitement that came from toeing that line, from pushing the limits of his will. But his will was only as strong as his desire to exercise it, and that desire was quickly diminishing the longer he stayed at the chalet. Conscience shied away in the other man’s presence.

He should go. He’d done what he came here to do. His family waited for him in France. His place was with them. The thought only made him more irritated. A small voice born of impulse and desire argued that they never needed to know. He’d been a good father and a dutiful husband, but this had nothing to do with them. This was his alone. It wouldn’t affect his relationship with Ginny. He hardly ever saw Severus, after all, so it wasn’t likely to become a drawn out affair. Let this become his Gay Side’s holiday. What happened at the chalet, stayed at the chalet ...

He would go. Before that voice gained in strength and convinced the rest of him. He’d made a promise and he was a man of his word.

Harry got out of bed and threw on a jumper before going to relieve himself and wash up a bit. Severus’ door was open. The man was already up. Harry went out to the kitchen, poured a mug of tea and steeled himself to tell the other man what he’d decided. While his better sense knew it was the right thing to do, the decision made him feel slightly ill.

The day was bright and the sun was casting a rosy glow along the mountain peaks surrounding them. Fresh snow had fallen in the night. Severus smiled up at him as he approached. Harry smiled back, weakly, and then sat next to the man.

“Sleep well?”

Harry shook his head. “I’m knackered. You?”

Severus snorted, but said nothing. The two men stared out into the morning, alone with their thoughts. _I’m going,_ Harry insisted, but couldn’t bring his mouth to form the words.

“It’ll be a good day for skiing,” Severus said.

“The snow looks great,” Harry agreed. _But I’m leaving,_ he told himself firmly.

“We should go early. It’ll be packed today,” he said.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. He could go after skiing, he told his better sense. It would be a pity to waste the day.

“You all right?” Severus looked over at him. His dark eyes bored into Harry’s. After a moment, he smirked. “You do look knackered. Perhaps you should stay in bed.” There was a hint of flirty suggestion in the man’s tone. It conjured the grin that spread across Harry’s face. 

“You’re not looking too well-rested either,” Harry pointed out. “Perhaps you should join me,” he teased back. His better sense covered its eyes and groaned helplessly. 

Severus laughed and laid a hand on Harry’s leg. After a long reflective silence, the man said, “It’s really good to see you.” 

“I’ve missed you too, Severus,” Harry answered, leaning against the other man.

The two men skied hard. Harry drove himself to the limit, skiing until his legs threatened to buckle underneath him. When they arrived at the Chalet that evening, all thoughts of leaving had been squashed by Harry’s renewed confidence that he could manage this. He had to manage it, because when would he see the man again? If he left early, he’d only regret it later.

After a small supper, the two men took their habitual place before the fire.

“You’re a better skier than I,” Severus said with a reproving frown.

Harry grinned. “I’m all speed,” he admitted. “But your technique is better. You look nice when you ski. Controlled.”

Severus smiled. “It’s kind of you to say,” he said and sipped his wine. 

Harry shifted to tuck himself in the corner of the sofa, stretching his legs out. He reached his arm back to knead at his stiff neck. He momentarily entertained the thought of asking Severus to work it for him, and then congratulated himself on deciding against it. “Do you think your life will change now that you’ll be official and everything?” he asked the other man.

Severus stayed quiet a long moment before saying, “I might subscribe to a few periodicals,” he said. “Start following developments in Potions research again. It will be good to be able to start brewing properly and be able to procure some rarer ingredients that I can’t grow myself. But I won’t be joining any societies.”

“You don’t want to give the American Wizarding world a go?”

Severus shook his head. “I still have the face of a dead man, Harry. If everything goes well at the Embassy, I will have certain freedoms that I’ve not dared to indulge up to now, but I’ll still have to keep a low profile.” He snorted. “You know, I can’t even say if the Americans are even aware of what’s gone on in Britain. If their Wizarding news is as US-centred as their Muggle news, it’s entirely possible they’ve never heard me.”

“They’ve heard of me,” Harry said, recalling his treatment when he went to visit Severus before. As Security Guards didn’t tend to be the most worldly of people, he could only assume that the news of Britain's’ war had spread. “The whole world was watching Britain in that time. If we’d failed it would have been catastrophic for everyone.”

Severus nodded. “That they would know you is normal. You’re not only a war hero, you’re a famous anomaly,” he teased. “Surviving the Killing Curse once is notable. Surviving it twice makes you something akin to a god.”

Harry laughed. “Shouldn’t you be on your knees, worshipping me?” His laughter faded as a startling image was born of the offhanded remark. He blinked his eyes against it.

“Just say the word,” Severus said darkly. His mouth twisted into a smirk that sent shivers down Harry’s spine.

“Which word would that be? You know, for future reference,” Harry said, grinning into his glass. He couldn’t bloody help himself. It was fun. At this distance, he could pretend it was harmless flirting, but his insides became increasingly taut, and the excitement at this bizarre game became more and more urgent the longer they played it. He should stop. He knew that. But it all came so easily, so naturally, with this man.

“Please,” Severus said. “Or Now.” He smiled wickedly and then pressed the smile away. 

"Please," Harry said teasingly on a breath. 

Severus turned to him with an eyebrow raised, his eyes narrowing with a dark, glittering sort of menace. Harry's impish grin was caught beneath his teeth when the other man lurched suddenly forward, knees to the floor, and insinuated himself between Harry's legs. Hands move to grip Harry's hips, pulling them forward. Harry gasped, his hands flying to Severus' head, fingers weaving into his hair as the man dragged his nose up the inside of Harry's thigh. "Severus," he said in a panicked whisper.

"No?" Severus intoned, using his nose to lift Harry's t-shirt as his tongue darted out to taste Harry's skin. A firm bite to his belly caused a surge of arousal that manifested in a small pleading whimper. Severus slid his hands inward, thumbs slipping down to press at the apex of Harry's thighs. Harry felt a warm breath seep into his jeans as Severus ran his mouth over the cloth-covered, increasingly hard lump there. Harry's hips flexed of their own accord, yearning for the contact. His fingers tightened around the dark head of hair.

"Please," Harry sighed, pleading at once for the man to stop the torture and to put him out of his misery. He felt mostly sure that Severus was teasing him cruelly. Mostly. But would he stop if Harry didn't insist? And would Harry have the power to insist? Severus' teeth latched onto the fabric of Harry's jeans and pulled them free off the constraining button. His fingers gripped his thighs tightly as he nuzzled into the fly, inhaling deeply.

Severus let out an appreciative moan before attacking Harry's stomach again, tongue flicking down the strip of hair that led into Harry's shorts. Another strategic bite to his abdomen had Harry yelping from the sudden sharp pain that was magically assuaged by the feeling of a flat palm sliding up the centre of his need. Severus burrowed his head under Harry's t-shirt as he treated the rest of his torso to the same torture. The man's hand pressed against him with a warm, unsubtle pressure.

He would stop it in a minute. Let him first recall what it was like to feel the urgent desire. It had been years. A hot tongue slid across his right nipple before teeth scraped over it, teasing it with the promise of an all but forgotten pain. Harry stopped breathing, anticipating the spike of hot pain that would come when Severus bit down properly. But Severus' tongue moved to swirl around it. His thumb stroked teasingly over Harry's balls.

He should stop it, he knew. And he would – in a minute or so. As soon as Severus gave in to Harry's silent pleading to make it hurt. Instead, the man kissed a trail downward once more and then raised his head. His hand abandoned its post to smooth down his hair. His eyes were impossibly dark when they met Harry's. 

"Go home, Harry."

The man stood and then slumped onto the sofa next to him. Harry felt as though he'd had ice water thrown at him. He let his eyes close and his head fall backward against the sofa, as he tried to catch his breath. He scrubbed his face with his hands. 

He should go home. He had his family to think about, and he tried to focus on them, to conjure the devotion that normally came naturally at the notion of family. But currently all he could manage was a dull ache of resentment. Immature and selfish, he knew, but honest.

He rolled his head over to look at the other man, whose head rested against the back of the sofa. His eyes were closed as he took slow deep breaths. Harry wondered vaguely if the command wasn't self-motivated. The torture went both ways, Harry realised, as a wave of guilt added to the confused feelings of need and irritation that he was not as free as he wanted to be. "Is that for your benefit or for mine?" Harry asked quietly.

Severus snorted bitterly, but didn't answer the question. Instead he sat forward to pick his glass of wine up from the floor and drained it. "I'm going to bed," he said decisively.

"I need to know, Sev," Harry said. 

"What difference does it make?" Severus snapped suddenly. 

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the brutal tone. "It makes all the difference," Harry said firmly. "If you don't want me here ..."

"How selfless of you," Severus mocked. "Since when is what I want important?"

Harry's mouth fell open. A wave of indignant anger took him by surprise. "Are you fucking joking?" he said incredulously. Did the man not realise that everything Harry had done was for his benefit? The very reason they were there now was in Severus' interest!

"I'm through joking," Severus said. "Go back to your family, Harry. We've done what we came here to do. I'm grateful for your help. Now piss off back to where you belong."

Severus stood. Harry stood up after him. "No!" he shouted. "Not like this. If you want me to go, fine. I'll go. But not like this."

"Potter!"

"Don't do that!" Harry snapped. "What the hell is your problem?"

"What is yours? Really. Why are you here?"

"Because I happen to like your company, you prat. Because I haven't seen you in four years and who the fuck knows when I'm going to see you again?" Harry took a deep, calming breath and schooled his features into a more reasonable expression. He reached out to touch the man on the shoulder. Severus pulled away. "Why are you so angry with me?" 

"I'm not angry with you," Severus said irritably. He pinched the bridge of his nose. When finally he raised his head and spoke, his tone was far calmer. "I do not wish to add home-wrecking to my already long list of transgressions against you, Potter. It would be a poor way to repay you for what you've done for me. Go home to your wife."

The man pushed past him, intent on going to his room. Harry watched him walk away, his heart thundering loudly in his ears. "Is that all?" he called out just as the man reached the corridor. "Is that the only reason?"

Severus shot him a furious look before walking on.

**

Severus lay listening to the silence of the chalet. It was morning, he thought, although no hint of daylight penetrated his dark room. A hard knot of bitterness and regret under his sternum made it difficult to breathe. He dreaded seeing the other man again. But more powerful was the fear that he wouldn't see him.

Therein lay the problem.

He couldn't say now what had come over him the night before. What had begun as harmless flirtation and a bit of sensual torture escalated to a war between desire and conscience. Conscience had won out in the end, inciting an anger that came from nowhere. An anger he directed at the only other person in the room.

An anger that was justified. 

He'd expected Harry to stop him immediately. He pushed further, at once fearful of how far he was going, and intoxicated with the desire to go ever further. The smell of the other man, the taste of his skin, the sound of his breathy pleas and encouraging whimpers, spurred Severus on until Severus' ever reliable sense of duty pulled out of the sensual chaos and stopped it. Because one of them had to. Severus was unspeakably annoyed that he had to be the one to do it.

They were fools, the both of them. Fools to have begun the game at all. Fools to pretend that they were strong enough to resist slipping under the spell of the amoral little universe they maintained in this chalet. 

Harry would go. If only because he believed that it was what Severus wanted. And Severus thought he should want it, really. He attempted to convince every part of him to agree that he did, indeed, want the man to go away. The larger part of him, however, refused to be persuaded and yearned for the man to come through the door, slip into his bed and press that young, hard body against him.

Severus sighed, and then froze as he heard the telling signs of life stirring. He imagined Harry packing his things. He could practically see the miserable, but dutiful expression on the man's face as he stripped his bed down and tidied up his room, preparing it for another long absence.

Four days before he could go home, Severus thought. Four days of regretful silence and futile bitterness toward an uncaring Fate. He could only hope that he'd manage to shrug it off by the time he got back. As soon as the thought formed, his chest tightened with an inexplicable ache.

A small knock at his door mercifully redirected his attention. Severus held his breath, trying to decide whether to answer or not. The decision was taken from him entirely when the door opened.

"Severus?" a whisper in the dark.

Severus opened his eyes to see the shadow that was Harry against the light seeping in from the hallway. Harry walked forward, stopping to place a mug of tea on the table. Severus slid up to lay back against his headboard as Harry took a seat at the edge of the bed.

"You all right?" Harry said quietly.

"I'm fine," Severus said sullenly. The sound of the pout in his own voice irritated him.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. "I didn't consider that this might be difficult for you too. You're a lot better at hiding things than I am. And I sort of let myself believe that you're as unaffected as you pretend to be."

Severus frowned into the darkness. He refused to let the man think that he was suffering from some foolish sentimental longing. Even if it was more or less the truth. "Harry-"

"I'm not leaving, Severus," Harry said coldly.

Damn the explosion of joy that those words ignited. Damn the desperation that went along with it.

"I've spent the night thinking about it, and ... It's not your job to protect my marriage. If you're uncomfortable with ... what we've been doing, we'll stop doing it. But I'm not going to leave, because I'll regret it. And I'll go home and just be miserable and resentful toward people I care about, who have nothing to do with this. It wouldn't be fair to put them through that."

"And you suppose it's fair to me if you stay?" Severus seethed. The utter selfishness of the other man was astounding. The complete disregard for Severus' feelings on the matter maddened him. Severus had all but begged the man to leave last night, and now he was completely disregarded. Never mind he didn't really want Harry to leave. Never mind that he couldn't bear to think about spending the next four days alone in this wretched, isolated place. Never mind...

"That depends," Harry said, "on whether or not you really want me to go. I don't think you do."

"Why would I want you to stay?"

Harry laughed. "Because I'm good company. Because like it or not, you're fond of me. Because if I leave now, you'll be bored out of your mind until you can leave. Because we haven't seen each other for four years and who knows when we'll see each other again?"

Severus recognised the man's own reason for staying. He also privately recognised that they were all very good reasons. He refused to admit it out loud. He reached over and took up the peace offering from his night stand and drank down the hot liquid. He sat the mug down and stared at the barely visible pale face. "You're a fool," he said. There was no malice in his tone. It was a statement of fact. Harry was a fool. And so was Severus. "If you really think you're going to get through the next few days without doing something you'll regret, then you're delusional."

"God, you're annoying," Harry said before flopping back in exasperation to lie across Severus' legs. "How about you let me worry about that?" he said to the ceiling.

Severus' hands moved of their own accord to lie upon Harry's bare chest. "I'm not wholly convinced you are worrying about that," Severus said.

"Maybe I'm not," Harry muttered, his own hand coming to rest on top of Severus'. "Does that make me a bad person?"

Severus weaved his fingers between Harry's own. "Do you want my opinion? Or do you want to be reassured?" Severus answered.

"I may be a fool, but I'm not foolish enough to ever ask you to reassure me of anything, Severus," he pointed out in an amused tone.

Severus smiled despite himself. "You're not a bad person, Harry. You're just ... ethically challenged."

Harry snorted. Severus could see the gleam of his teeth in the dark. "That was very diplomatic," he said.

"One does one's best," Severus said.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Severus sighed. "You know I want you to stay," he said wearily.

"I know. I just wanted to hear you admit it." Harry pulled himself upright again and turned to put his hand on Severus' face. Severus closed his eyes and leant into the touch. "I'm just as much yours as I am hers, Severus," Harry said quietly, before leaning in to press his lips to Severus' forehead.

_Would it were so,_ said a sullen little voice in Severus head.

"See you outside," Harry said and the left the room.

A gust of wind greeted him as he stepped out onto the porch. Harry sat, at ease within the confines of a warming spell, watching as the wind battered his protective shield with snow. Severus hurried over to sit behind it. 

"No skiing today," Harry said.

"Hm. Probably for the best," Severus said, stretching his neck to the side, which was still stiff from yesterday's effort.

"What do you want to do?" Harry asked. If there was anything behind the question, it didn't show on his face.

Severus sat considering. He smiled. "Shall we make a list?" he asked with a smirk.

Harry laughed. "I'm trying to be good, you know," he said reproachfully. 

Severus shook his head. "I'd give up the effort if I were you. It's futile." He took a sip of tea before asking, "What do you have in mind?"

Harry grinned. "I have an idea," he said. "But I'm not sure you'd agree to it."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "As I recall, I'm not the one with the limitations."

Harry shook his head. "Not _that_ ," he said, rolling his eyes. "What would you say to a duel?"

Severus stared at the man a moment before laughing incredulously. "You can't be serious," he scoffed. 

Harry looked at him with a straight face before heaving an exaggerated sigh. "I realise you've been out of the Wizarding world for awhile. I understand if you don't feel up to it." The corner of his mouth curled upward.

"Potter, I have forgotten more about magic then you will ever know," he drawled.

"I've learnt a lot since our last duel, Snape," Harry goaded.

Severus narrowed his eyes. He knew that the other man was deliberately provoking him to get him to agree to such a ridiculous idea. But part of him was sincerely interested to know who would win. It had been ages since he'd tested his defences, and as an Auror, Harry would be far more practised. But Severus couldn't recall the last time he'd lost a duel he intended to win, and he would be damned before he let this man, of all men, get the best of him. "I won't promise to go easy on you," he said haughtily.

Harry beamed at him, his eyes lighting up with excitement. "I'd never expect you to. I'm not an easy target."

"We'll see."

After finishing their tea, the two men set about preparing the front room, moving furniture and erecting buffers to minimise any damage. When at last they faced each other, Harry felt supremely annoyed by the condescending smile on the other man's face. He thought he'd take great pleasure in wiping it off.

"Shall we go over ground rules?" Severus said.

"No spells that will require medical attention," Harry said. "Nothing irreparable," he added. Nothing dark, he meant.

Severus nodded. "Nothing that will damage the house. Did you wish to apply official duelling rules or will we see what you're capable of?" Severus smirked.

"I'd like to see what you can do," Harry said, mustering all the arrogance he could.

"You will regret those words, Mr Potter."

"We'll see," Harry said with a grin that made Severus look forward to this little battle with a renewed enthusiasm.

Severus backed away to place proper distance between him and his rival. Harry's eyes narrowed, his mouth a thin line of grim concentration. "Ready," Severus said assuming his duelling position.

Harry flashed a smile and nodded.

With a flourish, Severus cast a Jellylegs curse that was blocked by a protection spell. He only just deflected a disarming spell that seemed to have been cast simultaneously. He raised an eyebrow. Potter looked smug. Severus was begrudgingly impressed. The ability to split one's magical energy like that was frankly unthinkable. Most people would not have the capacity. The amount of energy needed to maintain a wandless shield under attack would exhaust most. 

It made Severus wonder how long Potter would be able to keep it up for. He sent a few test hexes his way, putting enough power behind it to try the shield, but not too much so as to distract his own defences. He warded off a series of attacks coming from various directions until he finally threw up a shield to catch the last, tiring of dodging the flashes of magic.

At the sight of a cocky grin, Severus was taken by a ferocious desire to hex the man's face off. He went on the offence, firing off five spells in rapid succession, causing Harry to abandon the wandless shield in favour of throwing up a stronger one, but not before a whipping hex made it through. Harry gave a yelp of pain and rubbed at his backside.

An explosion of triumph burst in Severus' chest. He breathed heavily as he stood facing the other man. It was a hollow victory, given the amount of effort that had been required to break through. He could feel the sweat break out on his brow. He wiped his sleeve across it and composed himself.

Potter glared. They both nodded to indicate that they were ready to begin again. Severus sent a disarming spell as Potter cast the same, which Severus side-stepped to avoid. He ended up colliding with a leg-locking charm, which sent him on his arse.

"HA!" Harry yelped, punching the air in victory.

Severus' anger surged. He was not going to be bested by this little brat, no matter how powerful the boy had become. Once he was freed of the spell, he stood, brushing off his trousers. Potter fought to suppress a grin. Severus fixed him with a stony glare as he evaluated his opponent.

Later, he would be pleased to note that as an Auror, Potter was likely to be a formidable opponent. Most of those who would try and resist apprehension would not be aware of the extent of the man's powers. It was only because Severus knew of his skill with wandless magic that he could see what he was doing. Any other opponent would merely assume remarkably fast wand work.

Potter's wand work may have improved since his student days, but he wasn't as skilled as Severus. By the time his spells fired, Severus knew what to block. He'd finally managed wordless magic, but he'd not yet managed discretion in his movements.

Severus took note of this as he parried and dodged the other man's attacks. He continually fired his retaliation, only to have his spells fizzle out impotently against the man's shield. They were at a stale mate. If Severus wanted to end it, he would need a way around the shield. 

No sooner had the thought been formed than Severus was struck by epiphany. Potter's shield was impervious to foreign magic, but his own passed unhindered. Severus watched the man's wand produce the body-bind curse and Severus' own flew to form the _Renverro_ spell. Potter's spell ricocheted off Severus' defence. Severus had just an instant to savour the look of surprise on the man's face before the full force of Potter's own spell hit him, launching him backward. Harry landed on the ground with a dull thud. He lay staring stiffly at the ceiling.

Severus' delighted grin spread spectacularly over his features. Were he a better man, he might release the man. Instead, he walked slowly over to enter Potter's field of vision.

Harry looked up helplessly at the man and wondered what the hell had just happened. The smugness he would expect to see was there in abundance. Harry wanted to frown, but couldn't.

"It would appear, Mr Potter, that I have you at my mercy," Severus was using that voice. The sex-voice, and it worked like magic. Part of Harry could think of nowhere else he'd rather be. But that intent stare, the salacious smirk lifting up the side of the man's mouth made him dread what was about to happen – at least as much as he looked forward to it. 

He watched Severus move to stand with his feet on either side of Harry's thighs before sinking slowly to his knees. "It occurs to me that I have yet to properly repay you for my birthday celebration," Severus said smirking.

Harry might have argued that last night was payment enough. He might have reminded the man how the attempt at retribution had ended in an argument. But he could do neither of these things. His breath came out in hot, unfocussed puffs. 

Severus sat back against his thighs and stroked his fingers down Harry's chest. "I've always wondered," he said quietly, "if one could get an erection while petrified. After all, blood flow is in no way restricted."

A low incoherent groan gurgled in Harry's throat. Had he been able to put words to it, he might have assured the man that if the telling stir in his trousers was any indication, being petrified had no effect whatsoever on his capacity to get hard. Or he might have begged the man for a reprieve. The whole idea behind the duel had been to find something sufficiently physical to do to distract both of them from desire. 

But then, he might have also begged to be touched. Now. For fuck's sake.

Cool, steady fingers gently pushed Harry's eyelids closed, for which Harry should have been grateful, but wasn't entirely. The fingers continued to stroke over his cheeks, his mouth, down his neck and coming to rest just over his thundering heart. From behind his eyes, he could see shadows flickering from the glow of the fire, and then a darker shadow, accompanying a hot breath over his face. Severus' weight shifted forward from Harry's thighs, pressing his hips to Harry's.

"There's that theory confirmed," Severus said wickedly. His nosed brushed down the length of Harry's. "Do you suppose a petrified man could come?" Severus' lips brushed Harry's jaw, his cheeks. He flexed his hips forward, sending a jolt of pleasure through Harry's abdomen. Harry could feel his balls tighten eagerly. 

"Shall I let you go now?" Severus breathed into his ear, scraping his teeth over Harry's earlobe. "Or is being taken by force on your list? Maybe your conscience would be clear if you were powerless to stop it."

Harry's heart sped up. Breathing at all became more difficult. His imagination, unhindered by the spell, launched into a fantasy of Severus undressing him. Of sitting on his petrified cock, stroking himself and coming all over Harry's helpless body. It was a powerful vision, and Harry might have come from that alone, but the continued movement of Severus' hips would soon make the fantasy impossible. He offered a plaintive groan.

Severus' dark chuckle shivered into his ear and down his spine. "No?" Severus said and pulled himself up to his knees again. "Very well. Finite incantatem."

Released from the spell, Harry raised his hands to his face and took a deep breath. "God, you're evil," he said with a slightly manic laugh. Severus moved back to sit astride his thighs and Harry dropped his hands to his sides. "I need a cold shower," he whispered.

"Want some company?" Severus smirked.

Harry nodded. "But that might be counterproductive."

"Mm. But more pleasant, I should think."

Harry raised himself to his elbows and met the man's eyes. The long look that passed between them made his heart clench and his breath hitch. Only one thought occupied his mind: _I want you._ No other words would come, and he was sure he saw the sentiment echoed in the other man's dark gaze. At length, Severus let out a long breath and rose to his feet, holding a helping hand out to pull Harry up.

A few minutes later, Harry stood under an icy cold spray, trying desperately to maintain an image of his wife and children. It was a futile effort. The image only stayed an instant before melting away, to be replaced by various images of Severus - Severus with his hands on Harry's hips, his stomach flexing as he thrust forward; on his back with his legs spread, the sight of his cock bobbing as Harry fucked him; Severus' face as he learnt that he'd be free to go back to America; Severus' nose buried in Harry's hair, inhaling deeply. 

Harry turned off the water and pressed his forehead against the shower tiles. He thought that if he could convince himself that it would be wrong, he'd have no problem resisting. He didn't want to be unfaithful to Ginny, but he couldn't really persuade himself that sleeping with Severus counted as infidelity. It was ridiculous, he knew logically. But logic had nothing to do with this.

She'd never know. It wasn't like he could continue on with a drawn out affair, anyway. Severus was a world away and he only saw him twice a decade. She'd offered to allow Harry to go off and relieve his gay side on his own if he needed to. The only problem was that if he told her, she'd want to see it. And she couldn't watch this. So, he couldn't tell her.

He couldn't tell her anything that he'd been doing – whether he gave into his desire or not. So, it was a moot point. Harry came out of the shower and stared at his reflection as he dried off. Would he regret it? Could he look his wife in the eye, knowing that he'd betrayed her trust? The disappointing answer was yes. He could. He didn't know what sort of person that made him, but he'd have no problem with it. Were it anyone beside Severus, he thought it would bother him.

Were it anyone else, he'd not have this problem.

Would he regret not doing it? The answer was a resounding yes. The only question that remained was could he live with that regret? 

Harry sighed and bent to pick up his discarded clothing, tucking the bundle under his arm. He held the towel at his hips with the other and awkwardly opened the door. He jumped a little at the sight of the man on the other side of it. Severus stared down at him with a look that liquefied Harry's insides and made him forget to breathe.

"You should have gone home," Severus said, before reaching forward to pull Harry into a crushing kiss. Harry's already feeble resolve crumbled under the power of it. Clothes and towel fell to the floor as he reached up to hold tight to Severus' face, ensuring that the man stay where he was while Harry plundered his mouth in return. The taste of the man overwhelmed his senses and Harry could swear he felt something click inside him – something that had been terribly misaligned slid back into place, and Harry was flooded with a sense of elation and longing. An indomitable sense of rightness.

At the sound of the low groan vibrating in Severus' throat, Harry was certain that the man felt it, too. When he felt sure the man wasn't going to break away, Harry's hands roamed down to feel the body in front of him, tugging up the man's shirt to get to the skin beneath. But every time he tugged it up, the shirt fell down again, depriving him of the silky feel of the exquisite smooth skin underneath. To rid the other man of the wretched garment, Harry would have to break the kiss, and there was no way in hell he was going to do that.

A low growl sounded in his throat before the shirt fell away in pieces. Severus gave a grunt of surprise, but Harry's hand moved to curve around the back of the man's head to ensure he went nowhere. The kiss slowed, tongues retreating to give way for lips to suckle lips, teeth to scrape their combined taste away. 

Severus was still far too clothed and Harry undid the man's trousers, pushing them, along with his pants, to pool at the floor. Severus reached forward and pulled Harry's body against him at last, as Harry pushed the man against the wall. He raised himself to his toes to bring as much of his body into contact with the other man's as possible, feeling inexplicably frustrated that he could never, ever be close enough. Severus' arms curled around him in a crushing embrace, and Harry clung to the other man in return, as though allowing any space between them at all would break the spell.

But a little space would be necessary to achieve the perfection he now sought. Harry let go the other man's shoulders to hold out one hand, silently summoning lubricant from his bedroom. He moved his stomach back just enough to be able to bring his hand between them, but before he could smooth it over Severus' erection, Severus' fingers slid over his palm to gather some of it. The man broke out of the kiss to stare into Harry's eyes. There was a question hidden in the darkness there. Harry summoned all the longing, desperation, need and love he felt in that one moment to power his answer. 

With his clean hand, Harry urged the man to sit on the floor. They could have moved the twenty or so steps it might take to make it to the bedroom, but neither was inclined to go so far. Severus sat with his back to the wall and Harry sat astride his lap. He leant forward to kiss the man again, his hand reaching to prepare him. Severus' own reached back to do the same.

The questing fingers slicked over his entrance before Harry felt them breach him. He pulled his head back, eyes closed, to gasp. It had been so long. Nothing he'd done since had filled him with the same insatiable need. Eventually, he was able to recommence his slow stroking of the other man, head tilting forward to rest against Severus' as he breathed to accept the intrusion. His erection strained forward, desperate to be touched, but forgotten at the moment as Harry's concentration was conspiring with Severus' fingers to will his arse to relax just enough.

He thought no more of promises made and promises broken. He thought of nothing at all, apart from the feeling of the man's thick cock against his palm and the pressure of those fingers easing his body toward compliance. He opened his eyes to see Severus' watching him with an indescribable gaze. A look that warmed Harry all over and made him feel truly desired. Severus' fingers disappeared when Harry sat back. Severus slid down further, sliding his feet to rest flat on the floor. His hands went to Harry arse, prising apart the cheeks as Harry lowered himself onto Severus' cock.

The resistance to the breaching was stubborn, despite all careful preparations. It had been four years since Harry had done this. Three years since he'd given up putting anything inside him at all. Even magically altered toys were poor substitutes for this. Harry bit his bottom lip in concentration as he eased downward, guided by Severus' hands. His face creased in pain as the head squeezed past the tight ring.

"Ah..." It was a tight sound that was dispersed by rough panting soon after. He looked down to see the man staring at him, expression concentrated. 

"Deep breaths," Severus reminded him, his fingers pressing hard into Harry's hips. Harry's own fingers dug into the skin of the man's shoulders, fingernails cutting into the skin there to share some of what he was feeling. "Kiss me," the older man ordered and Harry curled down to obey, feeding Severus his breath as he forced his way downward. 

Arousal was forgotten. This wasn't about release, it was about perfection. Harry needed the man inside him, he needed to feel the connection. Without the aid of clever spells, his cock was losing the battle with his seared nerve endings. He didn't care. He didn't have a thought to spare for it. Severus' hands urged him up and down again further, letting the lubricant work its magic and allow the act to be possible at all. Severus' mouth tasted him, distracting him from the pain to bring it into the realm of just tolerable.

Although they had done this before, Harry couldn't recall ever feeling the man so deep inside him. Perhaps his well-worn memories had simply faded, or perhaps it was the new position, but when he was fully seated, Harry had the impression that Severus had become a part of him. The two men were still as Harry waited for the pain to yield to the exquisite pressure. Severus slid his hands over Harry's back, drawing himself up to hold the younger man against him. 

"All right?" the man breathed into Harry's neck, kissing his question away.

Harry laughed breathily. "I'd forgotten how much of you there was," he grinned against the man's temple. He could feel Severus' answering grin against his skin.

"I shall endeavour to ensure you don't forget again," Severus low response came.

Harry tilted the man's face up to claim his mouth again. His tongue flicked against the other man's teasingly. "It's good to be reminded," he told him. "You're fucking perfect," he breathed, the searing pain, giving way to a teasing burn that begged for friction.

Harry leant back again, his back resting against Severus' thighs. The movement seemed only to send the man that much further inside him, causing Harry to moan. Severus' hand wrapped around Harry's now flaccid cock, coaxing it back to life. Harry slid upward, eyes fluttering shut as he concentrated on the feeling of the man stroking him from the inside. He thought he could just make out the shape of every bloody inch. A hard twist of his nipple caused him to cry out and sit back down hard. His eyes flew back open to see the wicked glint in the man's eyes.

"Don't close your eyes again," Severus said.

Harry's eyes narrowed, but stayed resolutely open as he slid up again, almost entirely, before impaling himself again quickly. He saw Severus' eyes go unfocussed, his teeth bared. Harry fought to obey the directive as he began a slow but hard rhythm. His hips canting forward on every down stroke searching to feel the electric burst of pleasure he knew was there somewhere. When at last he found it, his head fell backwards to address his shout to the ceiling. 

Severus groaned at the image, focussing on the man's face in an effort to avoid focussing on the choking tightness into which he was being pulled with every stroke. Having found his pleasure, Harry's hips moved in deliberate small movements, aiming with precision. His eyes were wild and struggling to remain open in deference to Severus' order. And Severus wholeheartedly appreciated the effort.

Nothing compared to this. No one compared to him. Severus enjoyed sex, the act and ritual of it all. The messy aftermath. And while his lovers had been more or less skilled, more or less generous, Severus had had no complaints. It was only here, reaching up into the squeezing heat, staring into those remarkable eyes, that Severus could feel the difference that love made. He felt an incredible sense of power and awe as he watched the other man overcome with pleasure, knowing that he was a part of that pleasure. He could fuck this man all day and not care one bit if he should ever get off.

It was a noble but fleeting sentiment that grew more and more difficult to hold as the man continued to slide up and down him. Thighs straining, stomach taut, lip alternately bitten and pulled free as the man let out another greedy groan, Harry was the very picture of homoerotic perfection. And he was entirely Severus'.

For the moment.

Severus released his grip on the man's cock in favour of grabbing his hips, forcing the man into a longer, more satisfying rhythm. Harry's own hand moved to take over Severus' work. Surrendering to Severus' punishing pace, Harry's concentration was pulled toward his own pleasure, hand speeding up to bring him closer to the inevitable end.

The end came in a dazzling display of abandon. Harry's body arched back, tightened up and froze, suspended as jets of pleasure spurted forth. Releasing control, Severus braced his back against the wall and his feet against the floor to thrust up fast and hard into the squeezing tightness, eager to join the man in his ecstasy, which he did moments later. Released from bliss, Harry's body helped to coax him along until finally Severus thrust up one last time, pulling Harry hard against him and shot deep inside him.

Harry leant forward, sucking and licking the traces of his own pleasure from Severus face, finally making his way to Severus' mouth to feed him the taste. Harry's arms curled tight around his neck, his legs wrapping around Severus' hips in an equally tight embrace. "Don't leave me yet," he breathed, kissing Severus gently. A small chuckle. "Ever," the man amended. 

Severus's own arms held the man tight to declare their willingness to obey.

***

Physically, it was quite impossible to make good on the promise to never leave the man's body. Over the next few days, however, Severus made his best effort to spend as much time in that body as he could possibly manage. Having once surrendered, it seemed quite unreasonable not to extend the surrender until they no longer had the luxury.

They didn't speak about right or wrong. Decisions were made and both men accepted responsibility for those decisions. Both men had their reasons for their decisions, and both men were at peace with those reasons. Guilt, if it came at all, could be staved off until the moment when they must necessarily part, to confront their very different worlds.

The two men returned to the long abandoned list and worked through fantasies – both Harry's and Severus' – both past and present. Harry exchanged a blow job for Professor Snape's silence in regards to his failed attempt at spying on the Slytherin locker rooms. Severus was shackled and fucked over the table after being discovered and arrested by a dutiful and pleasantly twisted Auror. Severus took up the mantel of professor again to teach Harry some of the more creative uses for mundane spells. He found Harry's eagerness to learn supremely gratifying.

Their New Year's celebrations were a quiet, intimate affair involving copious amounts of alcohol and a particularly stimulating game of chess, which had the pieces crying out in shock. Harry took to the game with a heretofore unseen fervour, given that for every piece conquered, he was allowed to issue an order. It became the longest game of chess that either of them had ever played, but they miraculously managed to take it to checkmate – if only to decide who would have the honour of topping. Harry, for once, wasn't at all bothered about losing.

At midnight, they tuned into the Wizarding wireless to listen to _Auld Lang Syne_. Both Harry and Severus added their loud and slightly off key contribution to the song, before retiring to Severus' room where they spent the night entangled and twisted in a sweaty, drunken embrace. They awoke, heads pounding and hearts beating in time with the seconds ruthlessly ticking them toward the end.

"Are you nervous about going to the Embassy?" Harry whispered, breaking the unspoken rule they'd had about bringing up the outside world.

Severus opened his eyes to see other man's pale face staring at him. "There's little point in thinking about it," Severus answered. Whatever happened now was out of his hands. He was cautiously optimistic that everything would go well, given the endorsements he'd received. Now that Harry had broached the subject, Severus felt justified in asking, "Are you worried about going home?"

"Not worried, no," Harry answered. He slid his hand across the pillow before putting it on Severus' cheek. He smiled sheepishly. "Not yet." He leant in to kiss the other man.

"Your mouth tastes of death," Severus told him.

Harry laughed and shoved his tongue forward into the equally foul-tasting mouth. Severus protested weakly, but eventually ignored the taste to kiss back. A wholly ridiculous and inappropriate thought sprang into Harry's head and fell out before he could think twice about it. "You're the Death Eater," he teased.

Severus stiffened and Harry worried that he'd gone too far. He pulled back, an apology ready on his tongue. The apology leapt away with a shriek of laughter as he found himself mercilessly tickled. He curled into a ball defensively and did what was in his useless power to get away, in between gasping for breath and howling from the torture. He found himself pinned to the bed, Severus' knees against his shoulders.

"Please ... no ... no ..." he panted desperately, and then looked up to stare at Severus' impressive cock, pointed between his eyes.

"Get it nice and wet, Potter," Severus growled at him. "The Dark Lord has given you to me to play with. You'll trust me when I tell you that the wetter it is, the better off you'll be."

Harry's eyes widened at the impromptu game, his arousal inexplicably stirring at the set up. His mouth watered at the sight of the thing, but in the hypothetical situation, he wouldn't be so eager. He wouldn't be eager at all, but some suspension of disbelief was always required for fantasy.

Severus' aimed his cock at Harry's mouth, which closed tight to forbid it entry. Harry gave a little whimper of resistance. "Your choice, Potter. I have my orders. I can fuck you dry, or we can make it as pleasant as possible. If you keep me entertained long enough, your rescue party might manage to arrive in time to save you from Him."

Harry gave what he hoped passed for a fearful look and, with a disgusted expression, he peeked his tongue out to flick over the large glistening head. He looked up hesitantly to see Severus' amused expression. His eyes narrowed momentarily and then closed as his lifted his head from the pillow, straining up to wrap his lips inexpertly around the tip. His mouth going wide as Severus pushed forward. Harry added a scrape of teeth for authenticity, earning him a hissed protest from the man above him. 

Harry laughed ... inwardly. In the game, he did what he could to keep the character of an inexperienced, reluctant boy sucking cock for survival. Severus' hand moved to his forehead and pushed his head to the pillow as his hips pressed forward. The man thrust in and out of his mouth, instructing him as he went along to use his tongue and mind his teeth, suck it hard and take it in. The orders fed Harry's arousal and soon Harry was humming around the impressive length.

"Finally, Potter, we have found something you are actually good at," the man said cruelly. "If you manage to survive this, we may be able to find you a job in a brothel."

Harry's choking had nothing to do with the cock jabbing at his throat. 

"You'd make a fine whore, Potter. Even I might pay for the pleasure of fucking the Chosen One."

Harry moaned as a whole new series of fantasies were born. He tucked them away for future examination and concentrated again on the task at hand. Severus' breaths came ragged now as Harry struggled to "entertain" him to the best of his abilities.

Severus hand worked furiously over the length that he couldn't quite fit into Harry's mouth. Harry massaged the prick with his tongue, swallowed over the tip whenever it drove into his throat and soon Severus pulled back until the tip kissed Harry's lips and came. Harry's mouth opened to collect whatever was offered, but most fell across his face. 

Severus' finger slipped across his cheek to gather the pearly white substance before running it across Harry's lips. Harry's tongue darted out to get a taste. He raised his eyes to Severus' and smirked before scraping his teeth over his bottom lip. "I so want to be your whore," he said, quite sincerely, and then laughed.

Severus snorted and released Harry's shoulders, sliding down to cover the younger man's body with his own. Severus' suckled Harry's bottom lip and then his top before shoving his tongue in Harry's mouth. Harry gave an appreciative moan, flexing his hips against Severus' belly. 

Severus pulled back to look down on the other man. His fingers traced the contour of Harry's ear, down his neck. "I'm not sure I could afford you," he said.

Harry grinned and cast a spell to clean his face. "Wouldn't be much. Not for my best customer," he teased. "Just, you know... your heart. Your soul."

"Is that all," Severus drawled. "I suppose it's an offer I can't refuse."

Harry's heart gave a foolishly joyful lurch. "I'd settle for your every waking thought if you'd like the honour of sucking off the Chosen One." Harry thrust his hips up meaningfully.

"Half my waking thoughts, and all my nightly fantasies," Severus negotiated.

Harry lifted his eyes in consideration. "You drive a hard bargain. Go on, then."

And so Severus did. And it was predictably brilliant.

The whole of New Year's Day was spent in bed. Whatever they needed to sustain them was summoned and only calls of nature could force them from their refuge. They cleaned themselves with spells, deciding showering was a pointless exercise when they would only spoil the effort as soon as they were able again.

In the lulls in between their play, they talked. The spoke about Harry's current case involving the mysterious death of three Muggle children, all of whom would have received their Hogwarts letters this summer. When Harry mentioned that they suspected poison, he and Severus discussed all the ingredients and combination of ingredients that might turn a person's organs yellow. Neither of them came to any conclusions and soon the conversation drifted to Severus' love of potions, which took them to Severus' love for his own mother.

"I have very mixed feelings for her," he said. "She took care to teach me everything she could about potions, about magic. She was a very good witch, but not an ideal mother."

Harry could feel the weight of that statement, and avoided prying further so as not to make the other man uncomfortable. "What happened to her?"

"Suicide," Severus said quietly.

"God, I'm sorry," Harry responded. 

"She was an unhappy woman," he said plainly, and leant over to kiss Harry. Harry took that as his cue to drop the subject.

When Severus pulled back, he met Harry's eyes before leaning back against the headboard. "We've never really discussed your mum," he said. 

Harry's mouth dropped open. There was a very good reason they didn't discuss her. There couldn't be a more difficult subject to broach. And given their current state of undress...

"I realise it's not the most appropriate subject just at the moment," he said with a small smile. "She was very powerful, your mother. I don't know if you saw that from my memories, but even before she had a wand, she was quite capable of controlling her magic, of bending it to her will. Most of us have random attacks of magic at that age during heightened periods of emotion, but she knew how to work it, even then. You probably got your wandless abilities from her."

"Yeah?" Harry smiled. "I hadn't really thought about it." He did now, trying to recall what he could from the faded copy of Severus' memories that were stored in his own. "You could as well," he remembered. He recalled Severus causing the branch to fall on Petunia.

Severus shook his head. "Not like her. Whenever something happened it was mostly an accident. My magic responded to my fear or unhappiness."

Harry nodded. "Me too," he said. "It was very hard to explain how I would suddenly find myself up on a rooftop whenever my cousin got it in his head to beat me up," Harry recalled without bitterness. That part of his life was so far removed from where he was now. He never even contacted the Dursleys again. He assumed that whoever had been protecting them gave them the news that he was alive, but he didn't imagine they cared one way or another.

Except for Dudley. Maybe.

"I wonder if we could all learn to do it, though. Control it. We're given wands to make it come more easily, but-"

"We're given wands to make it safer," Severus said. "It was fortunate for your cousin that your impulse was to protect yourself in your childhood. My impulses were to attack," Severus said. "And while I admit I didn't try hard to prevent accidental magic, mostly my attacks were just that. Accidental. My wand helped me to harness that impulse and keep it under control."

Harry thought he could see the point. "I remember you dropping a tree branch on my Aunt Petunia," he said with a grin. 

Severus grunted. "Your mum refused to speak with me for two weeks after that," Severus said. "They were a miserable two weeks." Severus looked at him. "Lily was my first friend. She was the only magical person, apart from my own mother, that I'd met, and I admit I coveted her. She was the first person who ever showed me any kindness."

Harry frowned and leant a bit closer to the man, taking hold of his hand. "I know what that's like," Harry admitted. "It's funny now that I have kids ... I see how little they are. How innocent. And I can't imagine how anyone could be cruel to them. I could never treat them as I was treated." Harry stopped, considering that his statement might be construed as an accusation. "Sorry," he laughed. 

Severus snorted. "It's just one more way that you're unique, Harry. I think you'll find that most people who've had childhoods like ours grow up like me."

"You're not so bad," Harry smiled, nudging the man. "Now," he laughed. "Or maybe I've just learnt to appreciate your wickedness."

"Hm. Lucky me." 

"Is it weird for you? Being with me when you were so close to her."

"It should be," Severus said. "But it's not. Is it weird for you?"

Harry shook his head. "It feels ..." Right, he almost said. He thought better of voicing that feeling. Nothing good could come of acknowledging it. "Not weird," he decided, not managing to smile as he said it.

"I see that your mastery of language has improved over the years," Severus mocked, softening the teasing by leaning over to nuzzle into Harry's hair. 

"You've fucked me senseless," Harry grinned. "Your fault. I lose brain function whenever you're close."

"I never cared for senseless men," Severus said. "For you, I'm willing to make an exception." 

"How kind," Harry snorted.

"Shall we see how much further we can lower your intelligence?"

Harry looked down to his lap. "You up for it?" he said dubiously.

"I'm up for it," he said ominously.

"What have you got in mind?"

Torture, it turned out. Two hours of slow torture that had Harry mindlessly gibbering by the end of it. It was part two of his education on the more interesting uses for household spells. He learnt what a dusting spell felt like as it worked the entire length of his body. He learnt what a stirring spell could do to on an unseen object in his arse. Or how a siphoning spell, applied to his nipples might feel like. Every spell the man cast and set worked independently. Severus threw in a few whipping hexes to mix things up a bit as Harry hovered just over the bed, stretched out and bound to the posts. He was magically tortured until he came without once being touched.

Being in that room, which gave no hint of time passing, the two men could maintain their little alternate universe, ignoring the world outside. When at last they collapsed to sleep, their bodies were pleasantly spent and their minds were sufficiently exhausted from the day's activities to allow sleep to come.

Harry opened his eyes to darkness. It was the absence of a warm body wrapped possessively around him that did it, he thought. Ginny had never been fond of cuddling during sleep, and so Harry was used to keeping to his own side of the bed. The two would occupy the middle together when awake, but sleeping was something they did alone. Harry had never minded. It never occurred to him that cuddling was something he'd enjoy. Over the last few days, he'd grown accustomed to waking up draped in a warm body. The absence of that body was jarring.

Harry wondered if it was morning already and if Severus had already risen. His ears perked to try and detect movement in the chalet, but instead the slow, steady breathing registered. Severus had just moved away. Harry rolled over and scooted toward the man, reaching out cautiously to wrap himself around him. A hand grabbed his and led it to Severus' chest.

"Is it morning?" Harry whispered, closing his eyes again and kissing the other man's shoulder.

"Not far off," Severus answered in a low voice.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Hm."

"Hm."

Harry's fingers wove through the other man's as he snuggled a bit closer.

"What time are you leaving?"

Harry sighed heavily. "Dunno. This afternoon, I suppose. Not too late." He wanted to get to France early enough to spend time with the kids before they went to sleep. They were at an age where changes happened so quickly and if you weren't paying attention, you'd miss something. He'd never been away this long. Not since James was born. Not since the last time he'd woken up next to this man.

He wasn't looking forward to leaving. It was to be expected, but he'd thought it would be easier this time. There was no question of what waited for him on the horizon. There were no tentative plans to carry on with this affair. Last time he was here, it had been at a turning point in his life. The urgency and dread of four years ago had spoken of Fate stirring – although things hadn't quite gone as planned. It was difficult now to regret the sudden change in direction in which his path had taken him. 

This time, it was different. This was a holiday. A break from routine and day to day business. Routine would greet him when he returned and Switzerland would become yet another memory to revisit.

"I'll make you lunch," Harry offered pitifully. He couldn't offer much else.

Lunch, Severus mentally scoffed. He'd once again woken up pressed firmly against his young lover. He stopped being surprised by it, but this morning, the implications annoyed him. He'd never had this problem. On those occasions when he entertained company until morning, he'd had no trouble keeping to his side of the bed. He hated being touched when he was sleeping. Normally, it disturbed him. So what was it about Harry that made him unconsciously seek him out?

He refused to go down that train of thought. He'd spent the last hour not defining the impetus toward constant contact. While he was absolutely not enumerating the many qualities of the other man had worth seeking out, he'd come to the irritating conclusion that he wanted more of this. The desire was so strong that it overpowered any pretence. At the prospect of losing it again, he felt the deep longing for the sort of intimacy he enjoyed with Harry. He chastised himself for being foolish enough to give into desire– to open himself up to this again. Then he wondered if it would have made any difference if he hadn't slept with the man.

He was tired of being alone. He'd never admit it out loud, but in the quiet of the morning, his logic refused to be persuaded otherwise. He tried to remind himself of all the reasons he had to keep the world at a distance. Look what happened when he let one person close. Wreckage. And try as he might, he couldn't help adamantly wishing that things were different. A small but soul-deep well of hatred opened for Harry's wife and children for stealing what was rightfully his.

Severus clenched his teeth and rolled to his side, taking Harry's hand with him. The other man moved closer to press against Severus' backside and tightened his embrace. Severus tried not to wonder what it would be like to wake up like this every morning. He tried to tell his suddenly wistful imagination that eventually the honeymoon would end and the passion and desire would wane to apathy. A far too large part of him thought that the experience between the beginning and the end would be well worth whatever pain of loss awaited them there.

He was too old for such foolish thoughts. He had seen far too much in his life to believe in happily ever after. He knew better than to believe that happiness lay in the arms of a lover. Any feeling of happiness to be found there would inevitably be short-lived. He'd always prided himself on his independence, his ability to be at ease with himself. It was a rare quality in people, and it was one of the few qualities that Severus possessed.

_Had_ possessed until now. 

Perhaps age was to blame for this sentimental foolery. Dumbledore had always believed that Severus' ability to love was the one thing that redeemed him. Severus had always argued that it was his ability to feel remorse that had driven his actions. It was the same thing, Dumbledore had claimed. 

"You all right?" Harry asked quietly, his breath tickling the back of Severus' neck.

"Yes," Severus said curtly. 

He was fine. He'd be fine once his head cleared of the fog that had settled around it. His stomach swirled with a sickening sort of restlessness that he didn't know what to do with. His thoughts were chaotic and refused to be reined in.

He was a man, nearing fifty, who had experienced love twice, not counting the conflicted emotion he felt for his mother and for Albus. He cared for the women he called friends, but in that same distant way he'd cared about Minerva McGonagall or the Malfoy clan, or Evan Rosier, the closest thing he ever had to a romantic relationship. Never too closely. Never close enough. The first person he loved, he'd senselessly lost in a fit of humiliation and, later, betrayed. That same woman's offspring came back twenty years later, dangling himself like a carrot that Severus would never be able to quite reach. Or stop trying to reach.

Severus lay still and stiff under the barrage of morose thoughts and sentimental yearnings. Harry's heart beat steadily against his back and Severus didn't have the will to wish him away. Because who knew when he'd see him again?

Harry moved back and urged Severus over. Severus kept his eyes shut as the hand caressed his face, as lips brushed his too tenderly to pretend it was merely desire that drove them. Severus responded in the same careful manner, letting his lips communicate what his voice would not. He loved him. He wished things were different. 

Severus spread his legs to accept the other man between them. He felt inexplicably grateful when Harry slid into him, anchoring his mind to his body. It wasn't sex. It never was when they knew it was the last time ... until the next time. It was communication. A slow, undulating dance designed to transmit messages that were far too dangerous to express in words. 

Harry's hands held tight to Severus' until Severus' increasingly urgent breaths begged for more than the deep, close movements. Harry rose to his knees and Severus' hand curled around his erection as both worked toward the finish that neither of them truly wished for. As they lay coming down from the summit, bellies sticking wetly together with every breath, Harry asked again if he was all right.

Severus answered in a wry tone, "All is well."

\--

On the way to the Delacour holiday home in Cassis, Harry stopped to have a cup of weak tea in a small French village. He needed to collect his thoughts and prepare himself mentally for the reunion ahead. The morning had been quiet and uncomfortable. Severus alternated frequently between surly and affectionate. Harry didn't ask what was wrong. It was clear in that too calm expression. It was written in the dark depths of that unfathomable gaze. Reluctance to let go. Resentment toward a fate that offered letting go as the only possible option.

Harry could relate, for all the good it did either of them. It was a hopeless situation. Perhaps they should have made a greater effort to keep their distance. They might have carried on treating each other with that careful politeness with which they'd begun the week. Maybe if they'd managed to keep the thing strictly amiable, the dreaded feeling of loss might have been kept at bay.

But Harry didn't think so. Leaving might have been easier had they spent the week carefully treading around the elephant in the room. Had he been forced to keep his feelings under wraps, to treat the man as someone who meant no more to him than an old acquaintance, Harry was sure he'd not have lasted the week. He'd have gone home. The deception would have been enough to break his heart, and he would now be suffering a wholly different kind of pain.

The two men had done what came naturally. _Naturally._ If there was a common thread in their long and complicated history, it was that emotions always ran high. They were anything but indifferent. To try and pretend otherwise was a disservice to all that they'd gone through together. Harry thought he much preferred the bittersweet ache he now felt to the confused hurt he'd have felt if they'd never moved beyond small talk and polite handshakes. At least they had been honest.

Far better to have loved and lost, the old adage went. Harry believed it wholeheartedly. His insides were twisted up and a lump had taken up residence in his throat since Severus had (jokingly?) invoked the once forgotten phrase. _All is well._ But he also had a week's worth of memories to hold. A week's worth of play that made him feel alive and young again. He carried Severus with him. In him. A host of sensual memories reminded him that there was more to him than the roles he played. In reconnecting with Severus – mentally, physically, emotionally – Harry had managed to find that piece of himself that had gone missing over the years. The piece that was Just Harry.

Harry stood, feeling strangely elated, despite his sadness. He tossed a few coins on the table and rose. It was by chance that he spied a stand of post cards. He smiled to himself as he picked one at random. On the blank side of a sprawling field of sunflowers, he wrote:

_You saved me again._  
No regrets.   
Love, Harry xxx 

When he appeared in the garden at the house, he saw James and Albus, crouched down with their heads together, studying something in the grass. Teddy and Victoire competed to see which one of them could swing the highest.

"Uncle Harry!" Teddy exclaimed, letting go of the swing and flying through the air to land gracefully. His hair was a bright blue, matching his winter coat.

"Daddy!" said his two boys in unison, running over.

Harry dropped to a knee and swept the two boys up, crushing them hard to his chest. "Daddy, come and see the flobberworms." 

"There are no flobberworms," Albus protested.

"I missed you," Harry told them , kissing one and then the other. 

James struggled out of his arms. Albus wrapped his tighter around Harry's neck. Harry stood, holding the younger boy. "All right, Teddy?" he asked.

The boy came over to wrap his arms around Harry's waist. "Where've you been, Uncle Harry? You missed it. Bill found a load of Bundimuns under the back porch! One of them nearly spit on Victoire!"

"Did not!" Victoire protested, her clear blue eyes narrowing into a glare.

"It did," Teddy told him. 

Harry laughed. "Are they gone now?"

"There weren't very many of them. Dad got rid of them," Victoire told him, smiling proudly.

"Sorry I missed it," Harry said solemnly.

"Auntie Fleur is going to bring us to see fairies," James told him, hopping in excitement.

Teddy rolled his eyes. "Who wants to see fairies?" he said. "That's girl stuff."

"I don't want to see stupid fairies," Victoire declared resentfully.

Harry grinned. "I'd like to see the fairies," he reassured James, who he could see was re-thinking his enthusiasm given Teddy's off-handed remark. "We'll all go together."

James grinned. 

"Me too!" Albus cried, not keen to be left behind.

"You especially," Harry said, rubbing his nose against Albus'.

He started to walk to the house as Ginny came out on the porch, holding her jumper closed against the cold wind. 

"I was beginning to wonder when you'd show up," she chided gently. 

Harry climbed the steps. "You've had a bit of excitement, I hear," he said. "Bundimuns."

Ginny snorted softly and closed her eyes as Harry leant in to kiss her. "How did it go?"

"Great, actually. Better than I'd expected. Kingsley helped to speed things up," he told her.

"So you did everything you needed to?"

Harry smiled and answered with an unwavering, "Yes."


	4. Welcome home, Hadrian

_  
9 January 2009_

_Dear Harry,_

_Everything went well at the Embassy. I arrived on time and met with Mr Farthing. They have this brass box of sorts hooked up to an apparently modified computer. I had to cast Lumos into the box which somehow then captured and registered my magical fingerprint. It was a befuddling but otherwise painless experience. The best part was being able to forego the Muggle Flying Deathtraps and take a Portkey home. While not more pleasant, the experience is at least far quicker than I am accustomed to._

_There were a few more bureaucratic details to sort out upon my arrival. I’ve spent the last week insisting, that no, really, I do not want to be on any public registry for Magical Persons. Nor am I keen to join any society, club, or other social group. I have, however, subscribed to the International Wizarding Times and the local Denver Herald. Although I have no interest in becoming involved in the Wizarding World, neither do I like to rely on others to inform me of potentially life-changing developments._

_Your post card arrived just after I did. I'm not really sure what you mean when you say that I saved you, but I've chosen to interpret it as you have no regrets. Were I a better man, I might regret my part in the compromising of your moral integrity. In all honesty, I’m having trouble feeling anything but supremely satisfied by your fall from grace. I enjoyed myself. I enjoyed you._

_I am now looking forward to beginning my life as a legitimate resident. The Coven will meet tonight and I have been extended an invitation, which, I am told, is more of a summons. I will owe them an explanation for my hasty departure before the holidays and my absence from the annual Year’s end party. I shall refrain from using words like “entertaining”, “interesting”, or “explosive” to describe my holidays._

_In any case, thank you again for your time and for your presence. I hope there are no resulting complications in your life. I am grateful for your help and indebted to you for your loyalty. I might say more, but I’m already bordering on sentimental and there’s only so much I’m willing to commit to writing._

_Yours,  
S_

__

Severus entered the Pizzeria and, after hanging his coat, headed toward the back of the restaurant. The noise of the chattering met him before the women came into view. He immediately saw David, who smiled uncertainly as their eyes met. David cleared his throat and suddenly all eyes were turned toward him. After a second, Severus was accosted by an explosive:

“Happy Birthday!”

Severus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I should have known,” he muttered, kicking himself for not having questioned the summons from Mary. He foolishly assumed it was merely for the habitual inquisition into his holiday and to satisfy their curiosity for the reason behind his speedy departure.

In truth, he'd come to escape himself. The nameless restlessness that he'd woke up to on that last morning, which he later chose to interpret as nervousness during his ordeal with the various bureaucratic bodies, had come back in the last few days. He'd tried to expend the energy by re-doing the shop. Taking down holiday decorations, and putting out love themed items to prepare for the dreaded Valentine's Day celebrations had only made him feel more wretched. So when Thursday came and he received a not so subtle hint that he was expected to join, Severus was not of a mind to argue.

He hadn't remembered it was his birthday.

Mary stood to pull him into an empty chair. “I don’t know what you’re worried about. You don’t look a day older than when I met you,” she reproached him.

“I age on the inside,” he assured her. 

“You’ll have to tell us your secret,” Susan said, sliding over a gift wrapped bottle.

“Divine justice. I was born an old man. My age is merely catching up to my looks.” He smirked and carefully unwrapped the bottle of 15 year Laphroaig. “This helps as well,” he said with a smile. “Thanks.” He met David's eyes. David looked away. “None of this is necessary,” he protested, as he tore into the remaining packages. 

“You say that every year,” Rebecca said, rolling her eyes. “How were your holidays?”

“Constructive.” He put aside the wrapping paper and turned over the book she gave him to read the back. “There were some administrative issues that required my attention. Everything was resolved far more successfully than I had anticipated.”

“Did you go home?” David asked. 

Severus took up his wine glass and shook his head. “Mercifully, I was able to do what I needed to do from neutral ground.” His careful response was met with knowing smiles. Severus offered a bland look. 

“And how is Harry?” Mary asked, brown eyes glittering with amusement.

He succeeded in not cringing at the name. Although it was quite unnecessary, Severus called upon his power as an Occlumens to close himself off from the emotion the name invoked. “Married," he reminded them. "But otherwise, well. He sends his regards.” 

He picked up the envelope and tore it open to find a birthday card signed by the group and a gift card to purchase music "on line". He raised his head. “Thank you." 

“If you ever decide to join the twenty-first century, you could use that to get apps for a cell phone,” Shannon told him with a grin. 

Severus raised an eyebrow and pulled out the phone he’d been gifted with. “Like this, for instance.”

There was a satisfying outcry of shock. He hadn’t yet made plans to actually hook it up to a network, but spent an inordinate amount of time tracking wizarding flags in his area. It would be a useful tool. “Don’t get too excited, I have no intention of using it as a phone,” he insisted. 

Collective eye rolling ensued. Severus accidentally touched the screen and suddenly Harry's face grinned up at him inanely. Charmingly. Beautifully. He took a deep breath to clear away the tightness. 

"He's still handsome," Mary said, peering over.

"Oh! Let me see!" Susan begged, wrenching the contraption from Severus' fingers. "He’s adorable!" Susan said. “So, this is Harry.” 

"Adorable," Severus echoed blandly. _Adorable,_ some ridiculous part of him emphatically agreed. Severus watched David glance over at the picture before meeting Severus’ eyes. Severus could see him trying to work out the answers to the questions the others would have no problem voicing. Severus decided that this time, for the sake of his sanity, he would deny everything. "If he's giving me gifts like that, it only proves he doesn't know me quite as well as I thought he did."

“Maybe he’s trying to give you a hint,” Rebecca said, passing the phone so that the others could see. “Wow, Hadrian. He almost looks legal now,” she teased.

Severus laughed. "Only just," he agreed. 

“How many kids has he got now?” Mary asked, smiling maternally at the photo.

“A billion or so,” Severus answered. “Two boys and a girl.” He pocketed the phone. “So, how did Christmas go?” he asked Susan and David, eager to redirect the subject.

Judging by Susan’s suddenly thunderous expression, Severus concluded that the reunion didn’t go as well as she’d hoped. David, for his part, shrugged dismissively. “As I’d expected,” he said diplomatically.

“The bright side is that I will never have to drive I-80 again,” Susan growled. “They’re bigots.”

“They’re not,” David argued. “They’re just...set in their ways.”

“Their bigoted ways,” Susan insisted. “They put out _pamphlets_.”

“Pamphlets,” Severus repeated, puzzled.

Shannon gave a grim look. “For a group that _converts_ gays.”

“Ah.” Severus had nothing to say to that. The idea struck him as so ridiculous that he couldn’t quite get his head around it. 

David laughed. “It shows they care?” he offered and set a placating hand on Susan’s shoulder. “Maybe in another ten years,” he said with a half-hearted grin. 

“How did the New Year’s party go?” Severus asked, hoping to find a happier topic.

It went well, by all accounts. Severus couldn’t help but notice that David said nothing through the descriptions. Much booze and karaoke, unlikely couplings, and vomiting. In short, exactly the same as years past. He was not entirely sorry to have missed it. 

“How was your New Year?” David asked him. Severus could see the intense speculation behind the man’s eyes. For one puzzling moment, he felt like he’d done something to betray the man. He dismissed the feeling as being patently ridiculous.

“Sadly, karaoke-free,” he said, smirking. “Quiet,” he added. “We played a disgustingly long game of chess, which I won, and drank a bottle of very fine whisky.”

“And his wife didn’t mind him spending the holidays with you?” Susan asked with a wry smile.

Severus sighed. “I didn’t think to ask. I assume if it were a problem, Harry wouldn’t have stayed,” Severus said pointedly. “Do you see what I put up with?” 

David grinned. “Don’t look to me for help. You abandoned me to the lesbians and karaoke.”

“If I know your sister, there would have been plenty of other available companions.” Severus smiled.

David shot a glare in his sister’s direction. “Mm,” he conceded. Susan gave a parody of an innocent smile. “One more reason to be angry with you,” David said to Severus.

“Sorry,” Severus said, almost sincerely. “It really couldn’t be helped.”

“Having seen his picture, I can understand,” David said.

Severus gave a frustrated look. “I see you’ve integrated nicely,” he said acidly, before addressing the rest of the group. “If you all must know, I had a property that I was trying to sell in Britain. Harry was managing it for me. It had been on the market for quite a long time and there was an offer that I would have been a fool not to act on. I went over to finalise the details. I took advantage of the time to enjoy a much-needed holiday and to catch up with an old friend. A friend who is, yes, attractive, and quite married.”

It was a story he’d prepared should the group’s prying become too much to bear. He didn’t care for lying if he could get away with carefully worded truths, but while it had once been entertaining to send the group off on a flood of speculation, for some reason David’s inclusion made it less entertaining. 

Sensing his irritation, Mary redirected the conversation toward the latest book the group were meant to have read. He’d brought the book along with him on holiday, but didn’t bother reading past the first twenty pages on the aeroplane. After that, he’d not given it a second thought over the week spent with Harry. As he’d portkeyed back home, he had little to add to the conversation. He listened half-heartedly and drank his wine, ignoring the other man’s attempt to meet his eyes to offer up an apologetic smile.

At the first opportunity, he stood to take his leave, kissing each member on the cheek, thanking them again for his gifts, and agreeing to meet Susan for lunch to go over the newest musicians that she wanted help promoting.

“I’ll walk you out,” David said, sliding off the end of the booth and putting his jacket on.

Severus hesitated, trying to think of a tactful way of telling the man to piss off, and failing. He tossed a twenty dollar bill on the table, ignoring the protests, and bid the Coven good night.

“I’m sorry,” David said once they’d moved out of earshot toward the door.

“Don’t be. I’ve grown accustomed to it,” Severus said dismissively. He pulled his coat closed as he walked out into the night air.

“Still,” David said. “You’re going home?”

Severus nodded. “I’ve some things to sort out,” he said. It wasn’t exactly a lie. There was always something to sort out.

“May I walk with you?” David asked with a hopeful smile.

“It’s not exactly on your way,” Severus pointed out. 

David shrugged and grinned. “I could use the exercise.”

Severus didn’t really fancy the company, but it was difficult to say no. He nodded and turned toward home. “Was the party painful?” he asked.

David laughed. “Extremely,” he joked. “But I made it to midnight before escaping. The music was good, until the band left.”

Severus smiled knowingly. “Ah, yes. And how many rounds of My Heart Will Go On were you subjected to?”

“Two,” David said grimly. “God, I hate that song.”

“Brave man,” Severus said darkly. “I never make it past the first. Luckily, I maintain a reputation of being rude and intractable and so I’m expected to leave early. You’re clearly too nice.”

“I’ve been accused of that before,” he said.

“I regret that I couldn’t be there to help you get away,” 

“It’s OK. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?”

“So I’ve heard.” Severus slowed as they approached his shop, he pulled his keys from his coat. “I suppose I should congratulate you on your success in avoiding Susan’s matchmaking efforts,” he offered.

David snorted. “I told you, I refuse to be set up by my big sister.”

Severus smirked. “And has that dissuaded her?”

The smile that he received could only be characterised as wicked. It was a strange look on the otherwise kind face. It transformed it to something more savage. Carnal. Naughty, in a word. Severus raised an eyebrow. “She’ll come around,” David said, eyes glittering darkly in the dim light of the streetlamps.

Severus’ attention was momentarily taken with trying to interpret the cause of the smile. He then decided it was a trick of the light. “That sounds ominous,” he said. “I’d invite you up...”

“But you have something to sort out,” David supplied. “Otherwise, I’d accept.”

Severus hesitated a moment. It was an opening if he’d ever heard one and while normally he’d have no reservations, this man came with complications. And Severus was also not without complications of his own. “Another time, perhaps,” he said formally.

David nodded, his smile fading slightly. “Happy birthday, Hadrian,” he said.

“Good night, David,” Severus answered, and watched as the man turned toward home.

-o-o-

David arrived at his shop the next day, bringing lunch. “Susi tells me you never have time to eat,” he said, offering Chinese takeaway. The two men sat behind the counter discussing Severus’ work, his gardens. David was rightly sceptical of herbal remedies, but Severus was able to persuade him that, done right, the effects could be quite remarkable. He told him that his mother was responsible for his interest in the subject, which wasn’t really a lie. Eileen Snape had been very good with potions and Severus had inherited her talent.

David discussed his attempts at writing fiction, which was progressing slowly. “It’s more difficult than I’d thought. With travel writing, you’re inspired by everyone you meet. It’s somewhat more interactive and research-based. With fiction, I’m sort of on my own.”

Severus offered his services as a critical eye. David extended the offer to lend Severus a hand in the shop if he ever needed it. The other man left when Mrs Dalton arrived for her adjustment.

When Severus saw the man again, David was staring hard at a computer screen, fingers stroking a small mouse pad beneath the keys. He didn't appear to be working, and so Severus thought he'd say hello.

"You're up early," he said, tucking his post under his arm.

David's surprised look spread to a welcoming smile. He leant back in his chair. "I woke up inspired," he said.

Severus nodded. "Then, don't let me disturb you. I was only passing through." It had been a rare morning free of appointments, and Severus had decided to take the trip across town to fetch his post and then treat himself to a double espresso.

"The well's run dry," David assured him. "You're only distracting me from banging my head against a wall." He shifted notebooks to allow Severus space at the small round table. "I was just thinking about you, actually."

Severus slid into the seat opposite and twisted around to meet the waitress' eye. The waitress walked over to the table. "Double espresso to go, please. David?" David shook his head and the waitress to her leave. "You were thinking about me," Severus reminded him. "Should I be flattered or worried?"

"Flattered? Maybe?" David laughed. "Do you like _Star Wars_?"

"Star Wars," Severus repeated.

David snorted. "Of course you don't like Star Wars," he said in a self-deprecating tone.

Severus felt pretty sure that it was a film, but he didn't know why he knew that. He could see the words written. He'd seen the logo before. "It's a film?"

David blinked. "Star Wars?" he said incredulously. "You've seen Star Wars," he said in a tone that suggested it was unthinkable to answer in the negative.

"I must have missed it," Severus said.

"Missed it," the man repeated dully. "All of them?"

"I don't get to the cinema often," Severus said stiffly, irritated at having his ignorance prodded. These situations were always awkward. He had little explanation for having missed key parts of popular culture. Sometimes it was easier to play the backward British card. As well-travelled as this particular American was, Severus wasn't sure if that would work this time. 

"Yoda? Obi-wan? Luke Skywalker?" David tried desperately to stir some recognition. "Darth Vadar?"

"Is there any particular reason you wanted to know if I like _Star Wars_?" Severus snapped.

"They're showing them in Denver next weekend. I was going to ask if you wanted to join me. Now, I'm not sure I'm going to give you a choice," he said, grinning. "Wow. How lucky are you to discover them for the first time!"

"Lucky," Severus said dryly. 

"Very," David agreed. His eyes widened suddenly. "Oh! We could rent episodes one to three this week and then see four to six Saturday."

Severus found himself amused by the man's boyish enthusiasm. "So I'll just close my shop for the week, will I?" he laughed.

David gave him a sober look. "You really need to get your priorities in order, Hadrian." His face split into another grin. "Three nights. Give me three nights and I promise I'll help you with whatever work you miss."

He didn't really have any reason to say no. He had to admit that spending the evenings resenting the walls of his flat had grown tedious. And while there was always work he could be doing, there was nothing pressing. He wanted to say yes, but that was precisely why he shouldn't. He'd not fully recovered from his 'holiday' and he was loath to bring someone else into his life before the gap left by Harry had a chance to close again.

"Come on. It'll be fun."

"Very well. Star Wars," Severus said.

"Excellent! Do you want to start tonight? Your place?" He paused. "Tell me you have a TV."

"I could. If it would make you feel better. " 

"We'll have to do it at Susi's," David said, disappointment clear in his face.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Invite the children. Make it a family event," he drawled. His expression left no doubt as to how amenable he would be to that idea.

"OK," David sighed. "We'll have to watch it on my laptop." He didn't look pleased about it. "But really these things should be seen on a big screen." He sighed and shrugged before grinning again. Beaming really. 

The waitress came back to put his cup on the table. He paid her and then pushed his chair back. "I suppose I will go before you can lay claim to any more of my free time," he said. "I'll finish around eight."

"It's going to be fantastic," David promised.

The man showed up at the shop at 7:45, cradling an enormous computer screen. Severus gave him a bemused look as he held the door to the shop open for him. "It's my computer," David said. "I couldn't let you watch it on a small screen. I've got my laptop so I can leave it here this week."

Severus grunted and then led the man up to his flat, letting him inside, before going back down to close up his shop. Although he was entirely indifferent to seeing the film, he had spent the day looking forward to the company – ill-advised or not. 

When he went up to his flat, it had been transformed into a makeshift cinema. His dining table had been moved to sit in front of his sofa and the monstrosity of a computer screen perched on top of that. The man had apparently come equipped with power cord extensions that snaked across his living room.

"You have a great apartment," David complimented him.

"I had," Severus corrected, eyeing the changes. He snorted. "It suits my purposes. Have you eaten?"

David nodded. "Earlier. You?"

Severus shrugged dismissively. "It will be a liquid dinner tonight," he decided. "Can I get you something?"

"Is that whisky?" Severus held up the bottle of Laphroiag and David nodded. "You should take better care of yourself," he chided gently.

Severus handed over the tumbler and stood staring at the screen, which displayed a picture of Mount Kilimanjaro. "I'm perfectly healthful," he reassured the man. "I don't recall the last time I was ill."

David's glass met his own. "Aren't you supposed to knock on wood or something when you tempt fate like that?" he said.

Severus grunted. "So, am I to be enlightened then?"

On the whole, it didn’t take long to understand where the film was going. A classic good versus evil story where the side of light stood for generosity, moderation and temperance. As far as he could tell, the dark side of the force was only dark because the practitioners were ambitious and greedy. Unscrupulous in their quest for power. In short, Slytherin. He took issue with a world that had no middle ground wherein the vast majority of the general population lay. The Jedi were uninteresting in their simplicity. The Siths were uninteresting in their single-mindedness.

The rest of the characters were just uninteresting.

Severus successfully kept these observations to himself for the portion of the film he watched. He must have dozed off at some point during the epic final battle as when he was nudged awake the screen had been shut off. David sat staring at him with an expression that was somewhere between reproachful and amused. 

“Let me guess: the boy dies and the robots take over the world,” he said dryly, straightening up. He ran a hand through his hair and yawned.

David laughed. “Something like that,” he said. “I’m not going to give up, you know. You’re going to have to watch them all.”

Severus snorted. “I could use the rest,” he said. “I managed to see most of it, surely.”

“What did you think?” David asked.

Severus hesitated before shrugging. “I think I’ll reserve judgement until I see the others,” he said diplomatically. 

“The first three were better,” David told him. 

“I thought we were watching the first one.”

“Yeah, but... well, this is the back story to the original three films. Which we’ll see Saturday,” he said insistently.

“I can hardly contain my excitement,” Severus drawled.

David snorted. “You were never a kid, were you?”

“Once, perhaps. For about five minutes. I think it was on a Wednesday.” Severus smirked.

“Hm. I suppose you’d better get to bed then, old man,” David said dryly.

“Some of us work for a living.” Severus ignored the injured look and reached for his glass to finish off the rest of his whisky. “I’d offer you one for the road, but I’m not convinced your old enough,” he teased.

David narrowed his eyes but reached for the bottle to pour himself a measure. “I’ll admit that when the Phantom Menace came out, it was a bit of a disappointment. I mean... Jar Jar Binks? The single most annoying character ever to be conceived. But then ... well, it was Star Wars. It added to a universe I dreamt of living in when I was a kid. So, you take the good with the bad.”

“So, you had Jedi dreams, did you?”

“God, who didn’t? Well, besides you.”

“I may not have dreamt of being a Jedi, but I had grand designs to be the most formidable Wizard to ever grace the Earth,” Severus confessed. 

“You’d make a good wizard. I can see you in a tall pointy hat with stars.” He laughed at Severus' severe look. “All right. So what magic power would you have, if you could choose?”

Severus struggled to think of an answer to that question. Whatever desire for power he might have would likely be difficult to explain. “I’ll have to give it some thought. What about you?”

“I think I’d like to fly,” David said, eyes cast upward in reflection. “Or to read minds. I’d like to be able to read your mind.” His eyes met Severus’ and narrowed as though trying to bore into them.

Severus snorted. “Whatever for? Surely, I’m an open book.” 

“Yeah. Totally transparent,” David said, rolling his eyes.

“I think I should like to control time,” Severus decided. To stop time at will. To go back and erase regret. This was power that was fully beyond his capabilities. There were devices, of course, to move within time, but those were highly regulated. All things considered, Severus thought that was probably for the best.

“What for?” David asked.

“Who couldn’t use a few more hours in a day?” Severus said.

David grunted. “I’m finding my days are far too long,” he said grimly.

“Getting restless already?”

David shrugged. “Not too bad. Yet.” He offered a sideways grin. “I’m just not used to staying in one place for too long. And I’m not used to living with my sister,” he said darkly. “I know she’s your friend. And she’s a good sister. But she’s my _sister_.”

“It’s only been a month. It doesn’t bode well,” Severus said, bringing his glass to his lips.

“Mm. If it gets too bad, I’ll start looking for a place. In the meantime, there’s Star Wars.” 

“Ah, so you’re using me to get away from home,” Severus said wryly.

“Maybe,” David said with a coy smile. “Or perhaps it’s a clever ruse to block twelve hours of your time in an effort to get to know you better.”

Severus blinked, surprised by the man's admission. If it was an admission. “That is clever,” he said. “Although if the objective is to get to know me better, I can suggest far more constructive ways to spend the next ten hours.” He offered a suggestive smirk that was purely for show. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.

“But that would be counter-productive to the primary objective, which is to educate you on the finer points of popular culture,” David laughed. 

“I admit, it isn’t my strong point. To be fair, if that film was one of the finer points of popular culture, I’m not sure I’ve missed much.”

“Hey!” David said, looking affronted. “Wait until you've seen them all,” he said, sounding confident that Severus would change his mind. 

Severus couldn’t see that happening, but was willing to give it a try. While the film hadn’t met his expectations of greatness, David’s enthusiasm was entertaining enough to make up for all that the film lacked. He offered a long-suffering sigh. “If I must.”

“Come on. It’s not that bad. What would you rather be doing?” 

“With you?” He met David’s eyes a long moment until the other man looked away and gave a breathy laugh.

“You’re very intense, you know,” David said, nudging Severus’ knee with his own.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Severus said. “I’ve been on my best behaviour.”

David grinned. “I don’t know what it is. The eyes, I think. I’ve never seen eyes as dark as yours. Or a stare quite as... penetrating.” He glanced over. “Or your voice, which is as dark as your eyes. I feel like everything you say holds a hundred different meanings. I’m just trying to work out if it’s deliberate or just... you.” 

“I can’t tell if I should be flattered or defensive,” Severus said.

David shook his head. “Neither. Or both. It’s not an accusation, by any means. It certainly explained why you have a hoard of women who are enamoured with you. If you were straight, you’d be in trouble.”

“Enamoured? I think your overstating things a bit.”

“No. I don’t think I am. You’re their favourite subject. Even the lesbians said they’d consider switching to give it a try,” David laughed. 

If Severus could blush, he might have then. He decided to believe the man was exaggerating. “Pity my charms don’t work on men,” Severus said, recovering.

“From what I’ve heard, you’ve not had any problems in that area,” David said. “Besides, you’re the one with a fear of commitment.”

It wasn’t a fear of commitment, per se, Severus would have liked to explain. It was a fear of complications involved with a commitment in his present situation. Of course, he couldn’t explain this and so didn’t bother refuting the man’s assumption. “Fair point,” he said quietly.

“So, how does a man get to be in his forties without ever having a serious relationship?”

“What’s it like to have an inexhaustible supply of curiosity?” Severus countered. He received a cheeky grin by way of response. Severus sighed. “I was relatively young when I began teaching. I lived at the school for most of the year and, as the head of one of the houses, I didn’t have a lot of free time to meet anyone, let alone carry on a meaningful relationship.” 

David grunted. “Sounds lonely,” he remarked.

Severus laughed. “I don’t recall having the time to be lonely,” he said. In those last few years he’d been more concentrated on survival. In the rare moments he’d wished for companionship, it was generally a physical longing easily managed through regular maintenance. 

“Well, that explains why you work so much,” David teased.

Severus raised an eyebrow. “I work so much because there is so much to do. I’m not lonely,” he insisted. He ignored the near constant ache in his gut that told him otherwise. 

David held up his hands. “All right. You’re not lonely.”

Severus gave him a stern look for good measure. “I think you’re projecting,” he said.

“Maybe,” David admitted. 

“Why not let Susan set you up? Or one of the others? If nothing else, you’ll meet people,” Severus said. “Perhaps they would be more appreciative of popular culture.”

“I like that you don’t know anything about pop culture,” the man reassured him. “I don’t want to be set up. I’ve seen the kind of men they know. Half of them are flaming and the other half are... I don’t know. I really think it’s just me. I’m a bit misanthropic.”

Severus snorted incredulously. “You’re not misanthropic,” he said with absolute certainty. “How can you be? You made it your career to travel around the world gathering people’s stories.”

“Oh, I’m interested in people. I’m just repeatedly disappointed by them. It’s the story I’m interested in, not the person.” David smiled. “It’s my dark secret,” he whispered.

“You’re a terrible man,” Severus said blandly. “But it explains why you’re here.”

“No, it doesn’t. It’s true that I’m interested in your story and perhaps if I chisel away at you long enough, I might be able to piece together something complete. Maybe. Someday.” David gave a reproachful look that was wiped away by a playful smile. “But I’m here because you’re pretty cool. Strange. But in a good way.”

“I think I can safely say that you are the only person who has ever referred to me as ‘cool’,” Severus laughed. 

David grinned and lowered his eyes. “Well, as I’ve already made an ass of myself waxing lyrical about your eyes, I thought I’d tone it down a bit.”

Severus considered a moment. “It’s true that I’ve never had my gaze described as penetrating before."

“Poor word choice,” David muttered, embarrassed. “I suppose I should go before I say anything else I’ll regret in the morning.”

“You’re sure?” Severus asked, deliberately lowering his voice. “It’s quite cold out there.” 

David closed his eyes and shook his head. “Should I stay on your couch, then?” There was a playful challenge in his eyes when they met Severus’ again.

“I’m afraid I haven’t any extra blankets. I don’t normally entertain house guests.” It was quite true, actually. On the rare occasions he’d had overnight guests, they weren’t interested in staying on the sofa.

“You’re cruel to tempt a lonely man,” the other man said. “I think you’re definitely closer to the dark side of the force.”

Severus laughed out loud. “You’re not the first person to say so,” he said, quite honestly. “Are you afraid of the dark?”

David shook his head. “I should go,” he repeated.

“Undoubtedly wise,” Severus conceded. “Although the offer stands. I sincerely have no spare blankets, but, while I may be dark, I’m fully capable of restraint. The bed is big enough for two. Besides, I have been warned in no uncertain terms that it would be unwise to do anything to upset you. As I’m rather attached to my bollocks, your virtue is entirely safe with me.”

David frowned and pursed his lips together. “That’s supremely annoying,” he said irritably. “How about you both let me decide what I want to do with my _virtue_. I’ll take care of my sister,” he said ominously. “Is Monday OK for the next film?”

Severus nodded. “I’ll look forward to it,” he said.

Severus managed to stay awake for the duration of the next two films, and, more miraculously, managed to hold his tongue in regards to the frankly atrocious acting. He couldn’t be blamed for the occasional incredulous snorting, but this appeared to amuse his companion more than anything else. When, at the end of the third film David asked him his opinion, Severus diplomatically replied, “I’ve been advised to reserve judgement until I’ve seen all the films.” While elements of the story were interesting, and while Severus was impressed by the fullness of the world created, he found the plot itself to be too predictable to be satisfying. 

The exemplary patience demonstrated during the three films was duly compensated by the good company and conversation that followed. When lying in bed, reflecting on the discussion he’d had with the other man, he often found himself astonished by the amount of information he’d freely shared. David had a talent for fishing for information that rivalled that of Dumbledore. While Severus had certain fixed mental stops when it came to revealing any details regarding the Wizarding World, he often found himself inadvertently speaking of his family and his childhood. 

By the end of the third night, David had constructed a very long list of films he would inflict on Severus next. The other man seemed to be systematically usurping Severus’ free time in the near future. Strangely, Severus couldn’t manage to be annoyed to have his time so managed, although he regularly insisted that there was no reason for pretext if the man was simply trying to get out the house.

Theda agreed to relieve Severus at midday on Saturday. David picked him up in his sister’s car. He was surprised to learn that Severus didn't know how to drive. Severus couldn’t tell him that the only real contact he’d had with cars before entering the Muggle world was the occasional encounter with Arthur Weasely’s rogue vehicle that haunted the Forbidden Forest thanks to Harry.

By the end of the film marathon, Severus’ arse hurt, his eyes hurt, and he thought if he never saw another film in his life, it would be too soon. Were it not for the fact that at every pivotal moment of the film, David’s hand would slide over to touch his knee, Severus might have fallen asleep. When finally, the touch lingered, Severus stopped attending the film, concentrated on the light warmth covering his knee. Caught between willing the hand to move somewhere more interesting and worrying about the implications, Severus was spared the nauseating redemption scene at the end.

The hand pulled away when the credits began. Severus took a deep breath and eased his way out of the torturous chair, joints cracking as he did so. 

“You want to get a drink?” 

“It’s quite late,” Severus answered.

“Well, what did you think?” David asked warily once they were in the car.

“The music was good,” Severus answered with a wry smile.

David gave him an incredulous look. “The music?”

Severus laughed. “The first two were tolerable. The ridiculous teddy bear creatures in the last film were irritating, but overall the acting was better than the first three we watched. I suspect it was quite exciting at the time to learn that Darth Vadar was Luke’s father, but as I had the benefit of the back story, the big revelation was rather ruined.”

“You hated it,” David said sullenly. 

“No,” Severus protested. “I don’t think enough about it to hate it,” he laughed. “I’m very sorry. Perhaps if I’d been exposed to it as a child.”

David shook his head. “Sorry to have put you through it,” he said, wrinkling his nose.

“Don’t be. I enjoyed the company,” Severus said. David glanced over and grinned. Severus turned to watch the road. 

Music filled the space between them. Music, at least, they had in common. David began to hum along to a song that Severus didn’t know. Severus closed his eyes and thought about the ghost of fingers along his leg. He thought of how his own hand clenched to keep from covering the man’s. Inaction that would be interpreted as disinterest, Severus thought. That was certainly for the best, wasn’t it? The two were not looking for the same thing and, if Severus were honest, he’d be reluctant to do anything to jeopardise this new friendship that was forming for the sake of purely physical satisfaction. Besides which, he wasn’t even certain that they would be compatible in that way. Giving up their acquaintance for lousy sex would be shameful indeed. And were they to give into urges and things went badly after that, there would be tension between him and Susan, which would then infect the Coven in general.

With the consequences well-defined in his head, Severus opened his eyes, resolute in his conviction that David, for all intents and purposes, was off-limits. He couldn't help but remember that Harry had been off-limits as well.

“You’re sure you don’t want to stop somewhere?” David asked as they approached the city limits.

“I need to be up early,” Severus lied.

David didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press the issue. “Well, thanks for sitting through it with me, anyway,” he said. There was something strained about his cheerfulness.

“Thank you for attempting to educate me,” Severus answered.

“I’ll have to come up with something more sophisticated next time,” David said. He turned onto the street nearest to Severus’ shop. He stopped next to the pavement and looked over.

Severus would have liked to invite the man up. He’d have liked to spend the next three hours talking about nothing of consequence. He’d have liked to lean across the car and kiss the man until he lost all inhibition. Instead he said, “I’ll look forward to seeing what counts as sophisticated in your mind.”

David waited a moment before snorting softly. “All right. I’ll have to consider it.”

“Sleep well,” Severus said.

“Good night, Hadrian,” David answered.

__

_21 January 2009_

_Dear Hadrian,_

_I’m glad to know that everything went well with the registration, although I wasn’t worried. I would have been surprised if something had gone wrong. You really couldn’t have been in a better position, politically speaking. You have friends in high places, Mr Prince._

_Speaking of which, Kingsley sends his regards. He feels terrible about how the meeting went and hopes someday to meet you again under better circumstances. He’s happy to know that you’ve found your place in the world, even if that place is America. Those are his words, not mine._

_So, I was chatted up the other day by a bloke. This is a first for me. Maybe I had a look about me that said, “I’ve recently been buggered.” I entertained a brief fantasy of accepting his advances, but it felt wrong. It doesn’t feel wrong with you. Somehow, with you, it’s not cheating. I wouldn’t like to defend that point of view to Ginny, but it’s different._

_I regret nothing, Severus. If we hadn’t done it, I would be sitting here wishing I had. I would resent Ginny for taking that away from me, and that would be unfair to her and to me. I’m rationalising, of course, but I don’t care. I needed it. I enjoyed it._

_I enjoyed you._

_What happens at the chalet, stays at the chalet. I miss you already._

_Love,  
Harry_

“Is that an actual letter?”

Severus let the paper fold and looked up to see David standing over his table with a mug of tea. “As opposed to a fake letter?” he said dryly, folding the letter back up and slipping it into the envelope.

“As opposed to normal twenty-first century methods of communication,” David said. “Am I disturbing you?”

Severus shook his head. “Not at all. I wasn’t aware that pen and paper were officially obsolete as methods of communication.”

“Not obsolete. Just a little archaic. They have been replaced by a little thing we call email,” David teased.

“Really,” Severus said dryly. He knew what email was. He had an ‘address’ that he used for business purposes because it was necessary. It wasn’t, to his mind, an acceptable method of personal communication. 

“Is it from your friend?”

“Harry. Yes. He is as archaic as I.” Although, he supposed that Harry was well-versed in modern technology, working as closely as he did with the Muggle world. He would necessarily have an email address. “How was your week?” Severus asked, redirecting his thoughts to the man sitting across from him. He’d been surprised that David hadn’t come by the shop since going to the cinema. A large part of him knew that this was for the best. They’d begun to be closer than was advisable in the time they’d spent together. Would that he'd not been so keenly aware of the absence.

“Good. I’ve got quite a bit of writing done. We missed you on Thursday.”

“I had a late appointment,” he said, truthfully. He could have gone once the session had finished, but he’d been feeling particularly irritated. It had occurred to him to go just to see if David was there. That only irritated him further, and so he’d stayed home, glaring at a book.

David nodded. “I wish I’d have skipped it,” he said with a smile. “I spent an hour being interrogated on the nature of our relationship. I think I’ve convinced them that it’s purely platonic.”

Severus snorted. “I think that’s charmingly naive,” he said with a smile.

“Not naive.” David dropped his gaze to his tea. “I agreed to go out with a friend of Rebecca’s,” he confessed. He glanced up to gauge Severus’ response.

At the news, some feral beast stirred inside him. Jealousy was the one emotion that Severus had never been able to suppress or ignore. His rational side set about quickly listing the reasons he had no right to be irritated, not the least of which was that he and David were not involved. Unfortunately, his rational side was no match for the small, unreasonable voice inside his head that hissed, “Mine.” He felt his features go hard and his posture stiffen. His smile held no warmth. “I agree that should be effective,” he said, carefully moderating his voice in as much as was possible. “You gave in, did you?” he said, trying for a teasing tone, but falling just short of sullen.

David hesitated a moment before shrugging. “I’ll need to meet people if I’m going to settle here. Otherwise, I’d have to pester you all the time and risk wearing out my welcome.” He gave a small smile.

“You’ll have to tell me how it goes. Who is it?”

“Matthew? A math professor, I guess,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve always hated math.” His grin disappeared into his mug of tea. “Do you know him?”

Severus shook his head. “No. But I wish you good luck,” he added stiffly. “When’s the big night?”

“Tonight.” David cast an uncertain look at him that Severus patently ignored in favour of rising. “Good luck,” he said again. “I have to go and open my shop.” It was a bit early for it, but he had a sudden need for fresh air and distance.

“OK. Maybe I’ll stop by tomorrow. Make sure you eat something,” he said teasingly.

“Have a good evening,” Severus answered, gathering his post and going.

The next day, lunch time came and went with no visit. Severus couldn’t say if he was disappointed or relieved that the man hadn’t come. He didn’t really want to see him until he could sort through, reason away or kill off the snarling beast that growled whenever he thought about David with someone else. But he also didn’t want to _not_ see David. That, he decided, was the bigger problem.

And so he’d waited since morning, trying to ready himself to appear disaffected and amused by whatever story David would tell of the night before. In advance, he prepared a script that he would stick to comprising, “I’m pleased you enjoyed yourself” and “I’m happy for you”, or, best case, “Oh, well. There’s always next time.” As lunch time approached, he grew more anxious and irritable. He distracted himself by putting his accounts in order, tidying up his inventory, rearranging displays. When one o’clock came and went, he dared to hope that the man wasn’t coming. Disappointment set in around 2:30 when it occurred to him that he got what he hoped for.

The rest of the day was spent damning himself for being foolish, and so when the time came to close up, he was well and truly irritable. He pulled his wand to lock the door just before the door opened to admit David. Severus subtly pocketed his wand. His carefully prepared script had abandoned him.

“Finished?” David asked.

“Just,” Severus answered, walking past the other man to turn the sign in the window to “Closed”.

“You want to get something to eat?”

Severus shook his head. “Sorry. It’s been a long day, and I’m looking forward to a quiet night,” he said. In other words, Fuck off.

“Can I come up?” he asked. “Just for a little while, and then I’ll go,” he promised. “If you want.”

He was going to face this eventually, Severus reasoned. If David were staying in town, he would have to come to terms with the fact that the man would eventually find love, pair off and live coupled ever after. As Severus had made a conscious decision not to pursue such a fate, there was little he could do in the matter. He appreciated David’s company, and that relationship, at least, was worth preserving.

His expression softened, and he nodded. “All right. You go on ahead. I’ll just finish up here.”

David disappeared out the back of the shop, and Severus closed up and settled the till. As there hadn’t been much by way of business that day, everything went more quickly than he would have liked. As he worked, he clung fast to his new mantra: the friendship is worth preserving.

David favoured him with an uncertain smile as he entered. Severus was able to meet it with a reassuring one. He offered the other man a drink, which David gladly accepted, with a drop of water. He leant on the counter in the kitchen area and watched Severus prepare the glasses. 

Severus handed the other man the glass and steeled himself for the conversation to come with a drink from his own. “How did it go?” he asked, trying to appear curious.

David gave him a long look before responding, “It was nice.”

“Nice,” Severus responded with a smirk. “And you call yourself a writer?” 

David laughed and took a sip from his cup. “All right. I met him at the Taj. He wore a pale blue sweater so that I could recognise him. It went well with his eyes. We sat down for dinner. He ordered chicken Korma and I had the lamb Rogan Josh. I told him about my travels. We discussed South America, where he’d travelled after finishing grad school. He was some sort of child genius, who got into Northwestern when he was sixteen. He’d been teaching at Ann Arbor for ten years before coming to Colorado in September. He was a little geeky, but as I just subjected someone to a six-hour marathon of Star Wars, I didn’t think I had much room to judge him for it. And I like geeks, generally speaking.” David gave a wry smile. “After dinner, we went for drinks where he attempted to convince me that math can be interesting if you understand it well enough. I had to concede that I’d never really given it a try. After that, he walked me home.” He punctuated his story with a shrug. “It was nice,” he repeated with a silly grin.

Severus snorted. He felt sure that he got the abridged version of the night, but David didn’t really seem the sort to kiss and tell, so his imagination went about filling the gaps. Attempting to distract it, Severus asked, “So, you’ll be seeing him again?” He chased the bitter taste from his mouth with a drink from his glass.

David tilted his head to the side, as though considering. “Do you think I should?”

Severus’ eyebrows shot up in surprise at the question. “I wouldn’t presume to advise you one way or another. But it would seem you enjoyed yourself.”

David nodded. “I did,” he admitted. He took his glass and came round to the end of the counter, closer to where Severus stood on the other side. “To be honest, though, I was distracted.”

“Distracted.”

“Hm,” David confirmed. “You know when you’re on a first date and everything’s new? It’s all subtle flirtation and coy smiles. And the tension builds as you pretend toward all the get-to-know-you details, finding things to talk about when all you are really thinking is, ‘should I kiss him, yet?’”

Severus took a drink from his glass to hide the sneer that couldn’t be suppressed. He nodded that he understood, at least, what that was like. Far too well.

David gave a small smile and met his eyes. “And then when the kiss comes, it’s all...awkward and exciting. All that tension that you held at bay through small talk propels you forward in a clash of teeth and lips. Clumsy eagerness. Reluctance to let it end there.”

At some point in the monologue, Severus’ gaze got caught on the man’s mouth which moved over the words like an incantation. Inside, he was all hatred and desire. He released his grip on his glass, lest he crush it. When the man stopped speaking, Severus’ eyes were released from the spell and raised to meet the other man’s. He had no words with which to respond, and so he raised an eyebrow.

The smile David gave could only be described as satisfied. “When he kissed me, it was nice. Nice to be kissed after two years of not being kissed. It was a pleasant end to a pleasant evening. Nothing more than that.” The man watched him from over his glass as he took a sip.

Severus released a held breath. “You were disappointed,” he said, something like relief blossoming within him.

“Not disappointed. Indifferent.”

The smile that curled onto Severus’ lips was quite sincere. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he lied, badly.

David laughed loudly and then shook his head. “I hadn’t pegged you for the jealous type,” he said with a challenging stare.

Severus’ smiled disappeared. “What makes you think I’m jealous?” he said, stiffly.

“Because, being a jealous person myself, I know it when I see it. No offence, but I think I’m better at hiding it.” He gave a small smile.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Severus scoffed. “Why on Earth would I be jealous?”

David’s regard was bold, unflinching and unconvinced. “That was the question that kept me distracted all night. Why would Hadrian care if I were out with someone else?”

“I don’t,” Severus insisted firmly. He reached his hand to take up his drink, but David took it in his own, holding it lightly. 

“Really?” David met his eyes. “I think you do. For the same reason I hate some guy in England whom I’ve never even met.” He walked around the counter now, causing Severus to turn so that his arse pressed against the edge of the work surface. 

Severus closed his eyes to will his pulse to slow, his breath to come naturally. He searched his mind for all the reasons this couldn’t happen, but his mind was stunned silent. “David,” he breathed. 

“Tell me again that you don’t care, and I’ll go,” the man whispered back, releasing Severus’ hand in favour of laying his along Severus’ jaw. 

Severus opened his eyes to stare into the defiant gaze. _I don’t care,_ he bid his mouth to say. His mouth had mutinous ideas. His hands conspired to pull the man close to him as his mouth descended to claim what was offered. Their lips met for one desperate moment before the dam that had been built to hold back the desire broke, the tension burst and carried the two men away with it. As far as first kisses went, Severus thought this one was all it should have been – made sweeter by Severus’ knowledge that it had to stop. In a moment. . . .

Perhaps a moment longer.

David’s hand curled around the back of his head, clutching over his hair, as his teeth scraped over Severus’ bottom lip. A low sound vibrated in Severus’ throat. His hands clenched tightly over David’s shirt, restrained by Severus’ better sense from escalating this moment to more than a perfect first kiss. At length, the urgency slowed to an uneven rhythm, drawing out the press of lips that were reluctant to stop. Finally, David pressed his forehead against Severus’. 

“That’s what I’m talking about,” he breathed before tilting his head up again to capture Severus’ bottom lip between his own.

Severus released his grip and let his fingers slide down the man’s chest before his hands came to rest at his sides. David’s own hands came to rest on Severus’ hips. His grin was supremely smug.

Severus rolled his eyes. “Don’t read too much into that,” he warned.

“Of course not,” David said solemnly, before beaming at him.

The corners of Severus’ mouth twitched with suppressed amusement. “Was it _nice_?”

“It was OK,” the other man said, feigning indifference. Severus narrowed his eyes and David laughed, bending his head forward to press into Severus shoulder. “I’ve wanted to do that since the night I met you,” he confessed.

Severus turned his head to nuzzle the man’s hair. “All the reasons you didn’t are still true,” he said quietly. He had to make it clear that his mind hadn’t changed. That despite the fact that he was not indifferent to David’s involvement with other men, he still had no intention of entering into any commitment. 

David grunted and then raised his head. “What do you mean?”

Severus looked at him. “I can’t give you what you’re looking for,” he said in an apologetic tone.

David’s eyes narrowed. “What is it you can’t give me?”

“Commitment,” Severus answered. “Love,” he went on. “A relationship.”

“Sex?”

Severus laughed. “If that’s all you were looking for, arrangements could be made,” Severus said wryly. But that wasn’t all the man wanted. He’d made that quite clear.

The corner of David’s mouth quirked up. “That’s all I’m looking for right now,” he said carefully.

“You don’t do casual sex,” Severus reminded him.

David nodded. “But you said arrangements could be made. I’m only looking for sex, Hadrian. But I’m not interested in sharing.” He took a step back and then leant against the cupboard behind him. He crossed his arms over his chest. “The only commitment I’d ask for is that if you’re sleeping with me, you don’t sleep with anyone else. The commitment, of course, would be reciprocal.”

Given Severus’ increasing reluctance to go out and find someone to satisfy physical urges, it was an appealing arrangement. It was all so simple. Deceptively simple. “It’s a bad idea,” he said.

“Why?”

“It would end badly,” he predicted. He felt absolutely confident.

David nodded. “There is that risk,” he agreed. “But think of the fun we could have until then,” he grinned at him. When Severus shook his head, David sighed and stepped forward again. “Come on,” he said, softly. “The worst that could happen is that the sex is bad,” he said with a sideways grin.

Severus laughed incredulously. “I think that would be the best of the worst cases,” he protested. “Although you raise a good point,” he smirked.

David grinned as he leant in to lay a brief kiss on Severus’ lips. Severus’ hands found the man’s hips, his fingers reaching under the man’s shirt to find warm skin. “I’m not afraid of getting hurt,” David said softly, pulling back just far enough to be able to focus on Severus’ face. “Are you?”

There were other reservations that took precedence, but somewhere in the back of his mind, that fear lingered. He didn’t attach himself to people often, but when he did it was invariably painful. He reasoned that being what he was, and David being a Muggle, there was little chance that he could let down all the barriers that would make a full attachment possible. He would necessarily have to maintain a careful distance.

“I’d feel better if I could talk to Susan,” he said. Taking note of the flash of irritation in the other man’s eyes, he followed, “Out of respect. She’s my friend and business associate. I can’t afford to alienate her,” he said.

“You’re really going to ask my sister’s permission to have sex with me?” Judging by the look on the man’s face, it wouldn’t be a good idea to admit to it, if he were. “I’ve talked to her,” David said. “She knows not to get involved. She also knows why I am here now.” He gave a slow smile. “She wished me good luck.” 

David slid his hands past Severus to rest on the counter behind him. One of his legs slipped between Severus’. David drew closer until he was flush against the man. “Hadrian,” he whispered, kissing the name into Severus’ lips. “Please.” 

Severus gave a low chuckle and slid his hands around to rest against the man’s arse. “It’s a bit soon to start begging,” he teased, before sucking gently at David’s lip. “We won’t have anything to work up to.”

Severus could feel the man’s grin stretch against his lips. “I think that’s a yes,” he whispered, kissing Severus just after. David’s hands moved between the two men to begin undoing Severus’ shirt.

Severus stepped away from the counter, pushing David back against the cupboard opposite. He broke the kiss to pull the man’s t-shirt over his head, and paused to take in the flushed face, the bright eyes, the thin golden torso with the freckled shoulders. He let his own shirt slide off his arms and fall to the floor. David’s fingers ran over the newly revealed flesh with a tentative touch.

“So,” he said with a smile.

“So,” Severus echoed. He bent forward to brush his lips over the man’s freckled shoulders as his thumbs caressed the man’s slim hips above his jeans. It had been years since he’d felt so uncertain. The last time, he had allowed himself to be carried away with Harry’s enthusiasm for discovery. With his past lovers, it had always been clear who would be leading the evening’s activities. Any initial shyness and hesitation was easily cast aside in the spirit of the role he traditionally took. Just now, he had trouble divining the role he was expected to take.

David’s nose brushed the length of his neck, lips pressing at the base of his throat. “Run-in with vampires?”

“Hm?” Severus pulled back as David’s fingers found the scars left from Nagini’s bite. Severus’ own hand covered David’s. 

Severus snorted. “Just the once,” he said with a smirk, and then brought the other man’s fingers to his lips.

“Explains a lot,” David teased. “You’d make a great vampire.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “My former students would agree with you. It was a common rumour.” Attesting to the quality of the Defence Against the Dark Arts education the little brats were receiving, but never mind. Being seen as a dangerous creature had its advantages.

“So what happened really?” David asked.

Severus sighed. “Snake,” he said.

David’s eyes widened. “Holy shit,” he breathed. “On your neck?”

“Hm,” Severus grunted, leaning in to kiss along the man’s jaw. 

“You’re lucky to be alive,” David said, fingers brushing the puncture marks.

“The thought had occurred to me,” Severus answered, wryly.

“Yeah, but how--”

Severus silenced the man’s curiosity with a kiss, sweeping the low moan of the dying question away with his tongue as he pulled the man against him. David’s skin felt cool and smooth against his. The other man’s hips pressed hard against Severus’ own. Arousal meeting arousal.

David gasped and broke away from the kiss. “God, it’s been like forever,” he breathed, fingers sliding along the waist of Severus’ trousers to meet at the button. He met Severus’ eyes. “You’re OK with this,” he said, certainly intending there to be a question mark somewhere in there.

Severus unclasped the man’s belt and made quick work of the button of his jeans, responding to the man’s undisguised appeal with a smile. “And if I say no?”

A plaintive grunt sounded in the man’s throat as his mouth latched onto the sensitive spot just under Severus’ ear. Severus bit his lip, hand stealing into the man’s jeans to press against his cloth-covered erection. “Too late,” David breathed, pushing away from the cupboard and pulling Severus toward the bed by the waistband of his trousers.

Once there, Severus kissed the other man, guiding him to lie down and then lying on top of him, grinding his hips against David’s. David groaned, hand slipping into Severus’ trousers to press against his arse, encouraging the rocking motion, which continued until David suddenly stilled. “Wait,” he gasped, face turning away to catch his breath. 

Severus moved his hips out of reach and busied himself with kissing the man’s neck and throat. David urged him to roll over and then moved to sit astride Severus’ thighs, hand buried in his trousers to adjust himself. He looked down at Severus with a sheepish grin. “I feel like a teenager,” he laughed. “This might go quickly.” His hand moved to trace the outline of Severus’ cock through his trousers.

_I have a spell for that,_ Severus thought with a pang of regret. He also had a device that might help, but thought better of bringing that up. He had no idea what this man liked. He’d consciously steered clear of that discussion during their previous conversations, having firmly decided against initiating anything like this. “We have time,” Severus said quietly to the man. To himself. Ample time for exploration and, if it proved necessary, introduction to the kinkier side of life. He could admit now that he was looking forward to it.

David grinned. “All the time in the world,” he agreed.


	5. Tricked

_20 September 2009_

_Dear Harry,_

_I hope this letter finds you well._

_I’m glad to know that our activities over the holidays caused you no problems. Against all reason, I agree with the notion that part of you belongs to me. Your arse, namely, although I don’t suppose I can stop her if your wife insists on taking that from me as well. At least I can say that I was the first...and, I like to think, the best. (It would be wise not to contradict me on this.)_

_It’s been awhile since I’ve taken the time to write. I’ve been busy. Business is not exactly booming at the moment, but I have a steady flow of loyal clients who help me to make ends meet. My garden, as always, eats up a great deal of my spare time. And over the last several months, I’ve also had my time usurped by a man who has made it his personal mission to bring me up to speed on Muggle popular culture – film, music, and, worst of all, television. I can’t complain, exactly, as I’ve been able to introduce him to various aspects of certain subcultures. The arrangement has proven mutually beneficial._

_The only upset to this is that the man’s curiosity rivals your own, and I suspect that his frustration at my continued evasiveness will eventually mean the death of whatever it is we’re doing. And while I will surely regret it when it’s over, I can’t bring myself to stop._

_Kindly spare me any lecture telling me that it doesn’t have to end. I have the argument with myself on a regular basis. It always leads to the same conclusion. Even if I were to come clean about the community from which I hail, I could never be fully honest. I should have never let this begin, but my better judgement was thwarted by a dangerous mix of charm and libido._

_I am human after all._

_When I began this letter, I had no intention of telling you any of this. Now that I have, I’m glad that there is at least one person out there with whom I can be honest. I don’t mean to cause you discomfort. It’s a subject that’s weighing heavily on my mind and, although I don’t expect you can help me out of this mess, I’m glad to be able to share the burden. You’re the one who waxed lyrical about the advantages of relationships. I’m happy to tell you, you were right. And wrong._

_Yours,_  
S.  


_5 October 2009_

_Dear Hadrian,_

_It’s the writer isn’t it? I knew when you mentioned him that I’d have cause to hate him. And so I do._

_That’s not to say that I’m not happy for you. As an old friend once told me, I wish you well, with at least as much sincerity as I wish things were different. Because you’ve asked politely, I’ll not remind you that where there’s a will there’s a way. I’ll not tell you that Muggles and Wizards routinely meet and fall in love. Instead, I’ll tell you to do what your heart says is right. Don’t let your pessimism get the better of you. Logic never made anyone happy, and you deserve happiness._

_Ginny is brewing again. As I write this, she’s at the Burrow, dropping off the kids so that we might have the weekend to indulge. We’ve decided that instead of satisfying my gay side, we’d change places. So you will remain my first, my last, and my best. My arse, as ever, is yours._

_It’s a pity that I can lay no similar claims to your parts. Instead I will content myself with saying that he can have Hadrian. Severus remains mine._

_Yours faithfully,_  
Harry  


Harry folded the letter and sealed it in the envelope, before sliding it under the bar and discreetly banishing it to the nearest post box. He met the bartender’s eyes and ordered another pint and the chicken and mushroom pie for his tea. He had briefly debated going home, but it would be empty tonight, and he was feeling rather sorry for himself. Instead, he decided to take advantage of a rare night alone to drown his sorrows.

He was happy for Severus, really. But that happiness had a bitter edge to it. Despite Severus’ protests, this day was inevitable. No man is an island, after all. Eventually, someone would have made their way into his world and thwarted his attempt at solitude. Harry thought he’d very much like to meet the man who’d managed it, but he didn’t think Severus would allow that to happen.

It was probably for the best.

Harry took his pint to a recently abandoned table to wait for his dinner. He pulled out his phone to pass the time by playing a ridiculous, but incredibly addictive game. After his dinner arrived, he began to pocket his phone when it gave a buzz. A message indicated that an unidentified Witch or Wizard had just entered the Royal Arms. Harry quickly cast Severus’ cloaking charm, looking up to see the man in question enter the room and make his way to the bar. It was no one Harry had ever seen before. Cloaked in anonymity, Harry began to eat his dinner.

A few minutes later, he was surprised to find the man standing next to him. “Is this seat taken?” the man asked. It was not particularly surprising that the man was addressing him. What was disconcerting was that the man was staring right at him. 

Harry made a quick check of the spell and found everything in order. That could only mean that the man knew he was here and was looking for him. Harry came to the pub regularly with his colleagues, so it wasn’t unthinkable that someone would look for him here. Normally, however, he’d be gone by now.

“Please,” Harry said, indicating that the man should sit. He waited for the man to indicate his business, but the stranger’s attention was drawn up into a Muggle newspaper.

Puzzled, Harry began picking at his dinner, surreptitiously watching his tablemate. The man was around his age, he estimated, but hadn’t gone to Hogwarts with him. Harry thought he’d have recognised him if he’d seen him before. He was good-looking, with a slender build and fine, feminine features. Light blue eyes shifted to meet Harry’s. The man smiled at him warmly.

Harry smiled back awkwardly before concentrating on his dinner.

“How’s the food here?” 

“It’s pub food,” Harry answered with a shrug. “Not bad for pub food,” he elaborated, but then wondered why the man would ask that. It occurred to him that the food might have been tampered with. He put his fork down and did a mental check. He didn’t feel like he’d been poisoned. He raised his eyes.

“I’ve never been here before,” the man told him. “I’ve only been in London a week, so I’ve not really been anywhere.”

“What brings you to London?” Harry said, playing along with the small talk routine to try and determine why the man had sought him out. And why was the man pretending he hadn’t. It was all very suspicious and Harry found himself caught between curiosity and paranoia. He didn’t think the man would try anything here at the pub. It was too public, and the man had to know that Harry was armed. He wouldn’t know that Harry knew he was a wizard, so Harry had clear advantage.

“Work. I’ve just started at an architectural firm in the area. It was a pretty good break, but the city’s intimidating,” the man said. 

“I can see how it would be, if you don’t know anyone,” Harry answered.

“I’m William, by the way,” the man said, extending a slender hand.

“Harry.” Harry squeezed the man’s hand more firmly than strictly necessary.

“Like the Princes,” William noted with a wry smile.

Harry snorted and pushed his half-eaten supper away. “Like the Princes,” he confirmed.

“Are you from London?” William asked, shedding all pretence of interest in the newspaper and setting it aside.

Harry shook his head. “Surrey, originally. I’ve been here for awhile now. What about you?”

“Leamington Spa,” the other man lied, but did so without batting an eye. “I have an uncle in Kensington, but we’re not particularly close. So, I’m pretty much on my own. What about you?”

“My wife and kids and I live pretty close to here,” he answered.

“You’re married,” William said, as though surprised.

Harry held up his left hand demonstratively.

“Pity,” William answered with a coy smile. “I don’t often get these things wrong.”

“Get what wrong, exactly?” Harry asked.

William laughed and lowered his eyes. “I had you pegged as... Not the marrying type,” William said diplomatically.

“Ah,” Harry said. “You’re not the first one to make that mistake,” he answered. It was alarming, actually. Since he came back from holiday, he’d been chatted up by men on three different occasions. Ginny joked that he might be getting gayer with age. It was difficult to find that funny.

Harry tilted his head and studied the other man a moment. The beginnings of a theory took root in his mind. He couldn't tell if he should be annoyed or amused.

“Does your wife not cook for you?” William nodded to the plate of food.

Harry smirked. “She’s at her parents' house tonight with the kids. I’m on my own,” he said. “But admittedly, it’s not her strong point,” he laughed. The man’s full lips tightened just perceptibly. It was a cheap shot, Harry knew, but if it was Ginny, she deserved it. He didn’t know what she hoped to gain from this charade, but he was determined to see how far she’d try and take it.

“Lucky me,” William flirted. Harry laughed and sipped his pint. William followed suit, sipping from his drink. 

“So, have you made plans for your one night of freedom, Harry?” William asked.

Harry shook his head. “This is it, really. Dinner and then home. The glamorous life of a married man. What about you?”

William shrugged. “It’s not easy to meet people in this town. Everyone has their own little groups of friends or they’ve all got families,” he said with a meaningful smile. “I suppose I’ll talk to you for a bit and then go on and find someone else to talk to once you’ve gone,” he said.

“Well, I have all night,” Harry said with a smile that he’d leave up to interpretation. He covered it with his glass.

“How many others have made the mistake, then?” William asked.

“Three, since Christmas. I’ve begun to wonder if there’s not some sort of sign on my forehead that I can’t see,” he said, honestly.

William tilted his head to the side and gave him a considering look. “You’re particularly well-dressed for a straight man,” he said.

“Ah, that explains it, then. My wife dresses me. I spent the first twenty years of my life in hand-me-downs, and she finally took control and planned my wardrobe,” he said. 

“Were you ever tempted?” William’s gaze became intense, seductive. He was a particularly attractive man. Ginny would know what he liked, he supposed.

Harry lowered his eyes and laughed. “I’m married,” he said evasively. “Happily,” he added.

“I don’t think that was an answer,” William said pointedly.

“Wasn’t it?”

William’s full mouth curled into a satisfied smile. “What do you do, then, Harry?” he asked.

“I’m a detective,” Harry answered.

William feigned surprise. “You don’t look like a cop,” he said.

“I’m not your average cop. Mostly, I do special investigations. I solve the mysteries the regular cops can’t.”

“What sort of mysteries?”

Harry shrugged. “All sorts. Anything from Murder to Identity theft,” he said. “I’m very good at it,” he said pointedly.

William’s gaze faltered a moment. The slip up was covered with another seductive grin. “Sounds dangerous. Doesn’t your wife worry?”

Harry smiled. “I try not to give her cause,” he said. “I think she trusts me.” 

Or so he’d thought. He wondered now if that were true. He could think of no reason she would try and entrap him. Apart from the activities over the holidays, he’d been the ideal husband. It was true that their sex life had become a matter of maintenance, but they’d had plans to put that to rights over the weekend. She’d had high hopes of having a gay experience, and had been disappointed when Harry talked her out of it, but this was going rather far.

Unless it wasn’t her, Harry thought. It could be someone from the Prophet, trying to get some dirt on him. Harry couldn’t think of any reason they would try to approach it in this way. There were only two people in the world who knew of Harry’s inclinations, and he couldn’t imagine either of them saying anything about it.

“You all right?” the man said, looking concerned.

Harry laughed and shook his head. “Sorry. I was thinking of something I’d forgotten to do today,” he lied. “It will keep. I take it you’re uninvolved?”

William shrugged. “There was someone back home, but nothing serious. Neither of us were committed enough to try a long distance relationship. Sex is pretty hard to manage at a distance,” he said with a grin.

Harry laughed and nodded. “I can see how that might be a problem.” He ought to go home, he thought. Were it not for the mystery of it all, he might do just that. Was it his wife, merely trying to spice up their relationship, or something altogether more sinister? He finished off his pint.

“Do you want another?” William asked.

“I’ll get it,” Harry insisted. “What are you drinking?”

“Gin and tonic,” William said. Harry had guessed the answer before he gave it. It was Ginny’s drink of choice when they were out. 

The pub was filling up quickly, and it took longer than he’d expected to get served. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see William surreptitiously sipping from a hip flask. He averted his gaze as the man looked over. It had to be her. The coincidence was too great. The Polyjuice was finished. Ginny would have had time to get to the Burrow and back by the time William showed up. 

Harry brought the glasses back to the table and smiled. “I’m just going to phone my wife,” he told the other man, pulling his phone out of his jacket. The momentary look of panic was all the confirmation he needed. “Say goodnight to my kids,” he said.

The other man nodded with a weak smile. Harry put his jacket on and went out the front door. He let the number ring until it went to voicemail. "You're not fooling anyone, Mrs Potter. We had an agreement." He hung up and went back into the pub. He shrugged in response. “She didn’t answer. The reception isn’t great at her parents,” he said. 

“I hate that,” William said with a smile. “How many kids have you got?”

“Three little ones,” Harry said. He extended his phone to show the photo of the trio.

“They’re adorable,” William exclaimed. “You’re wife’s a ginger?”

“Very much so,” Harry said darkly.

William laughed. “Fiery, is she?”

Harry nodded and met the man’s eyes. “She’s unpredictable,” he said with a smirk. Or not so unpredictable, really, but how far would she take this? And to what end? If it wasn't her, he'd have to be especially careful what he said. If it was ... well, he wasn't sure what would happen. He would need to be certain before anything happened at all, which meant she would have to come clean, or ...

"You have really nice eyes," he commented, taking advantage of those eyes turning toward him to slip gently inside. It was a matter of a split second before he found the image he sought. His wife, plucking a stray hair from an unsuspecting stranger. Irritation warred with relief. They'd had an agreement, even if she hadn't been happy about it. He wondered when she would reveal the game.

If she would reveal the game.

William blinked and lowered his gaze. "If I didn't know better, Harry, I'd say you were flirting with me."

Harry laughed. "Perhaps I am," he admitted. "But I'm pretty sure my wife wouldn't mind a little harmless flirtation."

William grinned, revealing a row of perfectly white. "Harmless to you," he said.

It wasn't their first go at role play, but usually they set up the scenario together. Having left the voicemail, he'd already given proof that he was going into this with eyes wide open. As such, he relaxed into his role as reluctantly straight married man, with a gay streak. He didn't have to reach far. 

He offered a contrite smile. "Sorry. I'll stop."

"I'd rather you didn't," William flirted. "So, Harry. Will you answer my question?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Which one?"

"Have you ever been with a bloke?"

Harry laughed. "I don't remember you asking that," he chided. "Is this the part where you ask me if I'd like to?"

William rolled his eyes. "Do you find me as crass as that?"

Harry shook his head. "I wouldn't call you crass," he said. “Before I was married,” he said “There was a man.”

Something like triumph flashed in William's eyes. “I knew I wasn’t wrong,” William said with a grin. “You know what they say about bisexual men?”

Harry shook his head.

“It’s only a matter of time,” William laughed.

“Who says that?” Harry laughed.

“I do,” William said quietly.

Harry lowered his eyes and shrugged. "Even if you were right, I'd never do anything to hurt my family," he told him. Her. Particularly her.

"I'm not proposing stealing you away from your family, Harry," William said dryly.

Harry met his eyes again and narrowed. "What exactly are you proposing, William?"

Harry could see the man falter. He thought the time had come to lay the cards on the table. He expected her confession, the resulting brief exchange of terse words, and then a night spent taking advantage of the opportunity. He didn't expect William to say, "What they don't know can't hurt them."

What was she waiting for? Why was she carrying on? Surely, she couldn't believe that Harry would just leap at the opportunity to fall into bed with some strange man. Harry thought she knew him better than that. "I don't keep secrets from my wife if I can help it," Harry said, very truthfully. He'd have told her about Severus, if he could.

William gave him an indulgent smile before stretching upward, reaching high and yawning as he looked around the pub. "It's getting crowded," he remarked.

"It's Friday," Harry answered.

"So it is." William sipped his drink, letting his eyes cast around the bar, watching a particularly merry group of men who'd extended their Happy Hour. "Would you like to go some place quieter?" William asked.

Harry gave an exasperated look and then shook his head. "Where do you have in mind?" he goaded.

William grinned, knowing full well that he was fooling no one. "I'm at the Best Western at the end of the road," he said. "There's a bar there that's quiet."

Harry blinked. She'd booked a hotel for the night? She was either going for authenticity, or she was truly trying to entrap him. Part of him wanted to call her on the charade right then. Part of him wanted to hope that she would eventually come clean. "I'm not sure my wife would approve," he said with a smile.

"Approve of you having a drink with a new acquaintance? Why would she suspect something dubious?" William's wicked smirk thwarted his attempt at an innocent expression. "I promise not to do anything she wouldn't approve of," he said solemnly.

Harry's laughter rose above the din of the crowd.

"What's funny?" William said, grinning.

Harry shook his head. "Go on, then," he said. He'd give her the chance to end this herself. He'd use the phone message as proof of his complicity. He drained what was left in his glass and then rose, sliding his jacket on, watching William do the same.

"The company's putting me up here until I find a place," William explained as they approached the hotel. When they entered, William turned toward the lifts. 

"Where are we going?" Harry asked with narrowed eyes.

William smiled. "Minibar's even quieter."

The hotel staff paid them no mind as they waited for the lifts. Harry was still under the cover of the cloaking charm. Harry wondered if Ginny had checked in as William or herself. He supposed it didn't make any difference. In such a large hotel, no one would notice the comings and goings of two reasonably well-dressed men.

An electric ping signalled the arrival of the lift and the doors opened. As they closed again, William pressed the button for the 8th floor and Harry leant against a metal bar along the back. William stood next to him, his hand touching Harry's own. "There's something about lifts, isn’t there?" William said in a low voice.

Harry glanced sideways and grinned. Harry closed his eyes against a sudden image of taking the man where they stood. A quick spell could halt the slow upward climb of the metal box, giving the two men the time it would take to finish. Harry could feel arousal stirring at the idea of slipping into that clenching, tight heat. 

"I'd give anything to know what's put that blush on your face," William teased.

Harry opened his eyes and released a held breath. He gave a mysterious smile as they arrived at their floor. Harry followed William out of the lift, eyes trailing down to assess the man's backside, which was unfortunately covered by his jacket. He never did this. He never looked at men. He deliberately avoided doing this.

Or so he told himself. It was true that since he'd come back from holiday, he'd noticed men a lot more. He couldn't tell if it was because he'd been chatted up by men, or if he'd been chatted up because he was looking. He wanted to believe that the only reason he was attracted to William, the only reason he had given the man more than a passing glance was because he was 'safe'. It was certainly the only reason he'd come this far.

William slid a card in the slot of the door and then transferred the card to another slot on the wall that turned the lights on. "So rum and Coke, is it?" Harry grunted as his eyes surveyed the room. There was no suggestion whatsoever that it was lived in. There was also no sign of Ginny here. 

"You've gone quiet," William said as he poured the drinks from miniature bottles of booze.

Harry accepted the glass when it was passed to him. He took a sip and laughed. "I suppose I'm waiting to see how far you take this," he said, speaking directly to Ginny. He gave 'William' a very direct look that he hoped communicated clearly that the time was now. 

William merely gave a coy smile and took a sip of his drink before putting it on the desk of the room. "How far would you like me to take it?" He slipped out of his overcoat and jacket and laid both on the desk chair. Harry watched him quietly, defiantly, waiting. It had to be now. She had to confess. And then they could carry on. William chuckled and moved over to where he stood. "You're far too tense, Harry. Go on, bottoms up," he said.

Harry lifted his drink to his lips and knocked down the contents of the small glass before putting it to join William's on the desk. "You should take this off," William said, running his fingers over the lapels on Harry's jacket before pushing them open. Harry compliantly straightened his arms to allow it to slide off easily. William licked his lips and met Harry's eyes. He blinked. "You look ready to kill someone, detective."

Harry blinked and snorted, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have come," he said.

William dropped his gaze to where his finger's stroked over Harry's tie. "But you did," William said, his fingers stroking upward before tugging loose the knot at Harry's throat. "Why did you?" 

"Curiosity," Harry said just as quietly. He tilted his chin upward, allowing William's fingers to loosen the button at his throat. They deliberately grazed over his throat. Harry swallowed reflexively. 

"Hm," William said, amusement glittering in his clear blue eyes. His fingers moved the length of the inside of Harry's collar exciting skin there with rough fingertips. If he softened his focus just a bit, Harry could get lost in his arousal. The man's chin was shadowed from the day and Harry knew, with aching clarity, that he wanted to feel the roughness against his skin as he kissed the man. His fingers itched to reach over and touch the hard body. His mouth watered in anticipation of the flavour of man. 

"Is that better?" William asked, dropping his hands to his side, but not moving away.

Harry's gaze was intense and unwavering as silently he bid her to just get it over with. His arousal was mounting and he was willing – enthusiastic, even – to go through with this, despite their prior agreement. But he began to doubt she had any intention of telling him. Was she testing his fidelity? Did she have so little faith in him? How the hell was she feeling now, believing that her husband had allowed himself to be so easily seduced into the arms of a strange man?

William laughed, lifting his hands to run over Harry's shoulders. "So tense," he teased. "I thought you said you've done this before."

Harry raised an eyebrow. He unclenched his jaw and took a deep breath. "I suppose I'm not used to allowing myself to be cornered like this," he said with an easy smile that was entirely put on. He lifted his own hands to pull loosen William's tie, before tugging the shirt free of the man's trousers.

"Cornered? Harry, you're not exactly my prisoner," William said with a wicked grin, hands running over Harry's chest. His fingers lingered over the row of buttons of Harry's shirt. "Do you want me to stop?"

He wanted honesty, just enough to make it all right to continue with the play. Just enough to make all of it okay. He wanted that honesty to come from her so that he could lose himself in the man standing before him. If she wouldn't give him that reprieve, he wanted to punish her for her deception. Harry's hand wrapped around the man's tie. He pulled him closer until he could feel the heat of his body through his clothes. The fiery anger and heated desire merged, melding together. Their breath met and clouded together.

William leant forward tentatively to close the gap, lips lightly brushing Harry's. Harry's chin tilted up to rub against the other man's rough skin. With a vaguely feral sounding growl, Harry grabbed the man and spun him around to push him against the wall, kissing him forcefully. Time was up. She'd had her chance for honesty. And now Harry would take his.

Harry's hands dropped to William's waist, pulling free his belt and wrenching open his trousers. William gave a surprised gasp as Harry sank before him, wasting no time before swallowing him whole.

"Fucking hell," William exclaimed, fingers curling into tight fists around Harry's hair, as Harry satisfied an inexplicable hunger. The flavour coated his tongue as Harry descended, breathing deeply through his nose to take in the male scent. His hands moved to push the man's trousers down completely as he debated ending it here. But his own arousal had grown to aching proportions and he knew that this would be the last time for the two of them. He knew, even if she had no idea, that he would never do this again. Some part of him wanted her to understand what it was like. To understand that which she could never give him.

Harry let the man's cock slip out from between his lips and stood to kiss him again. William responded with a tiny whine, licking his own taste from Harry's lips. Harry pulled away, staring at the other man as he unbuttoned his own shirt far enough to pull it over his head. His trousers came off next.

William looked stricken, uncertain, as though his bravado had just been sucked out of him.

"Something wrong?" There was an angry edge to his voice. 

Once again, he could see indecision on the other man's face. A hint of conscience. He searched to see if he could detect hurt somewhere behind those eyes, but after a moment, the impish smile had returned. "I didn't expect you to be so eager," he said seductively, while he worked to become as naked as Harry stood now. "Why'd you stop?" he asked tossing his shirt to the side. 

Harry's eyes dropped to take the man in. He was pale and lean with a thin patch of hair at the centre of his chest and further down a trail of dark hair leading to a nest of curls, out of which a long thin cock jutted out with a slight curve to the left. He stepped forward again to press close, gasping as his cock met with the other mans' and then trapping both between them. "I'm going to fuck you, William," he said in a low voice, laying kisses along the rough stretch of neck.

William moaned, hands moving to cup Harry's arse to pull his hips closer. 

"Have you got any lube?"

A small sound of dismay vibrated in the man's throat under Harry's lips. "I-" William gasped. "I'm not a bottom," he said. Harry smirked. No, she wouldn't be. While Ginny rarely flinched at sexual adventure, her adventurous spirit ended where her bottom began. She'd been quite eager in her campaign to fuck Harry up the arse, but didn't like the idea of taking it.

And that was just not on. "I'm not an adulterer," Harry breathed. He stepped back and looked at him full in the face. "Pity. I was looking forward to this."

He dropped to the ground to gather his clothes, leaving William to stare incredulously. "What are you doing?" William asked.

Harry gave him a surprised look. "I think this is what we might call an impasse," he said with a cruel twist to his mouth.

"You're not going?" William said in disbelief.

"I'm not letting you fuck me." He wasn't going to give her that satisfaction. She hadn't the first clue about using the thing which jutted so beautifully out from that body, and even if Harry hadn't dedicated his arse to someone else, he'd not be inclined to spend the night fumbling.

William's brow creased. His mouth pursed to a small pout. She was disappointed. She could be disappointed. He didn't care. "You're not going," William said, stepping forward to pull the clothes from Harry's hands, letting them fall to the floor. He took Harry's hand and tugged him toward the bed, kissing him feverishly as though trying to recreate the magic.

Harry pushed William down crawling up to follow the other man as he scooted to the top of the bed. His body covered Williams, hips shifting to meet hips, cocks nestled between them. The two men kissed, William's fingers digging into Harry's back as Harry began rocking his hips, eager for movement. The body below his was hard – exquisitely male and Harry wanted it. He would take what he wanted.

"Lube?" Harry whispered against William's mouth. William gave him an apprehensive look before fumbling in the side table drawer, extracting a new tube. Harry raised an eyebrow. "You've not been very busy," he commented, taking the tube and moving back to kneel between William's legs.

"I don't know anyone," William said, trying to regain his smirky seduction and falling flat under the weight of fear.

"Turn over," Harry said. He set the lube down to the side of him, watching as the pale cheeks came into view. His hands slid over them, thumbs meeting to slide down the crack. 

Williams' body lurched out of reach as Harry's thumb slid over the puckered hole. "Sorry," the man said sheepishly.

Harry laughed. "You're sure you want to do his," he said, darkly amused now at her discomfort.

"I've – I'm just not used to it," he said quietly.

"I'll be careful," Harry assured him. And he would. He wanted her to enjoy it. He wanted her to know exactly what it felt like. He leant forward to kiss down the man's spine, letting his tongue flick teasingly over his tailbone as he prised the cheeks apart with his thumbs. He could hear William gasp as Harry's tongue slid over his entrance, teasing it at first before prodding it forcefully. 

A light moan escaped from the other man. Harry gave an echoing groan as he redoubled his effort, tonguing the tight hole, slicking it just enough to allow the tip of his thumb to slide into the centre. "Relax," he breathed as the ring clenched forbiddingly. Harry held out his free hand, not bothering with pretence as he summoned the lube from its container, gathering it with his fingers to ease the preparations.

He was sure to prepare the other man thoroughly, waiting until three fingers fit easily enough. Waiting until those hips moved back against their efforts, greedily accepting the pleasure they could offer. When Harry snaked his slick hand around to stroke the man, William shouted his approval, forgetting entirely his erstwhile reluctance.

Good, Harry thought. Let her know. Let her understand what Harry was missing. If she was intent on wrecking their marriage with this deception, then he wanted her to understand what he'd sacrificed to be with her. 

William whined as Harry slipped his fingers out. More lube was summoned and slicked over his cock generously. "This is going to hurt a bit," he warned before taking aim and spearing in past the tight ring. William tried to pull away, but Harry held him in place with a hand. "Shh," he bid. "Just breathe."

"C-careful," William choked.

And Harry was. He was as careful as he could possibly be. He reached around to revive William's fading arousal as he pushed slowly inward into the silky heat. It felt beautiful. Hot and tight. Every inch he moved inside was an inch closer to bliss. It took every ounce of control he had to keep up the torturous pace, but that control was fed by a cold desire for revenge.

At last, he was fully buried. His head fell forward as he caught his breath. "All right?" he breathed.

"Just wait ... wait ..."

Harry leant down to kiss the man's back, one hand running over the man's chest while the other stroked the organ that was slowly swelling. He recalled that Severus had taken measures to prevent this their first time. He took a moment to continue to coax it out of its frightened state. Slowly, William's breaths came faster. Harry began moving his hips in tight circles, spreading the other man, bidding him open up and accept him.

It was rather awkward to try and stroke the other man in this position and keep any sort of rhythm, but Harry persevered. His hips thrusting forward, angling, just so, as his hand moved to bring the man to climax. William proved to be just as vocal as Ginny and his cries filled the air until at once they were choked off, the body went tense, squeezing around Harry's cock before releasing over Harry's hand. Harry pulled his hand away to grab William's hips, driving in earnest now that he was free to do so. He positioned every stroke to torture the man's prostate, cheered on by the surprised whimpers the movement elicited. His hips slapped against Williams arse until finally, he slammed in hard, spending himself deep inside the man's body. 

When he was released from climax, he slumped forward. William's legs straightened to lower them both to the bed. "That was amazing," William breathed.

Arousal at bay, remorse and disgust washed in. Harry rolled off the man and stared up at the ceiling. She'd let him cheat on her. She carried her deception through until the end. His insides were achy with anger and hurt. Some part of his brain whispered that it wasn't the first time he'd betrayed her. He didn't heed that voice. He wondered if she would come clean now. Catching him in the act.

He wouldn't give her that satisfaction.

He waved his hand to clean them both. "Was it a test?" he said, choking on his rising anger.

The other man gave a sleepy, "Hm?"

"To see if I was what? Gay? Faithful?"

"What do you mean?" William asked in a nervous voice.

Harry snorted and got off the bed. "I'll see you at home. Tomorrow. I don't want to see you tonight," he told her.

William sat on the bed and stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. "Harry."

"Don't, Gin." Harry said, pulling on his trousers.

"I wasn't – I meant to say something," she pleaded.

Harry turned to face her. "When, exactly?"

"I just didn't know how," she said. William's face looked pathetic, curled up in a pleading grimace. Harry sneered and shook his head.

"See you tomorrow," he said coldly before apparating home.

***  
She looked pale and worried when she entered the kitchen the next morning, to find Harry reading the paper. Harry gave her a furious look before focussing his hard gaze on the incomprehensible text before him.

"I wanted to say something," she said, slipping into a chair. "But it was too late and I didn't want to make you ..."

"Angry?" Harry growled.

"Stop. I didn't want to make you stop."

"It was the last time, Ginny. If you so much as look at a cauldron-"

"Harry. I get that you're annoyed-"

Harry slammed down the paper. "Annoyed? No, Ginny, I'm fucking furious with you! Tell me. If I hadn't let on that I knew who you really were, how would you feel now? How would you feel about me? How would you ever trust me again?" he shouted, standing up so suddenly that the chair toppled behind him. He waved is hand to right it again and stormed out of the kitchen.

"I wasn't thinking," Ginny shouted, following.

"Clearly!"

"I wasn't trying to trick you!" Ginny argued. "It was just a bit of-"

"Fun?" Harry seethed, his face curling into a cruel smile. "Well, you had your fun."

"I didn't hear any fucking complaints from you!" she shouted. "You knew all along, but you didn't fucking stop it either."

"What?" Harry shouted incredulously.

"Well, you didn't, did you?" she said with a hard expression that softened again straight away.

"Consider it a gift, Gin. Now you know precisely what I'm missing. I hope you find it was worth what it's just cost you," he said bitterly and then pushed past her and out the door.

When he came home it was late. He'd attempted to drown his sorrows, but couldn't be arsed. He walked around London, instead. Went to the cinema. Seethed. When he walked in, Ginny was waiting for him.

"Are you ever going to talk to me again?" Ginny asked, her face puffy and red from crying.

Harry stared at her coldly and shook his head. "I'll leave you if you ever do it again."

Ginny's face crumpled into an angry expression. "I said I was sorry, Harry. What more can I say?"

"Nothing at all."

**

"Mr Potter, Ms Weasley-Granger to see you."

Harry gave a puzzled smile but nodded at the elderly witch. "Thanks, Dahlia," he said. 

Hermione entered, looking smart in her skirt and jacket, her hair fastened in a neat knot at the nape of her neck. She greeted him with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. 

"Hey," Harry said, sitting down. "It's good to see you."

"You look tired," she noted, sitting in the chair in front his desk. 

Harry shrugged. "What's going on?"

"I was just in the neighbourhood," she said, far too casually.

"Well, you work across the street," Harry pointed out with a puzzled grin. "Is everything all right?"

She gave him a hesitant look. "Of course," she said with a forced smile. "Is everything all right with you?"

It was the way she asked that gave Harry pause. He gave her a long look. "Yeah, fine. Why?" 

"I just had lunch with Ginny," she told him, and then gave him a wary look.

Harry's stomach gave a sickening lurch at what that could mean. But no. Ginny wouldn't have said anything. She might have complained that Harry was angry with her. That he'd not spoken with her outside of what was necessary to maintain appearances. But she'd not have explained why. "Really? She didn't mention she was seeing you today," he said.

"She might have, if you were talking to her," Hermione answered. "What's going on, Harry? She's really upset."

The audacity of the woman. Harry couldn't believe Ginny would dare to complain to _his_ friend about him. An irritation that had constantly simmered since the Polyjuice Incident began to boil again. "Hermione, I'm not going to talk about this with you," he said firmly, with a look that he hoped she would take as a warning.

Hermione pressed her lips together and studied him. "OK. But do you talk to anyone? Because I'm here for you, Harry. You can't really go and talk to Ron about Ginny, but you can talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about. Things are fine," Harry assured her through clenched teeth. There was no way he was going into details about this. It opened the door for a whole lot of questions that Harry patently refused to answer.

"Harry-"

"Drop it, Hermione."

"She told me what happened." 

Harry's mouth dropped open. His ears burnt hot. No. She wouldn't. "She told you what, exactly?" he said in a quiet, cold voice.

Hermione bit her lip nervously. "She feels wretched, Harry."

"What has she told you, Hermione?" Harry insisted. His heart thundered. Harry brought his hand to his forehead and stroked his scar as he waited for an answer. She wouldn't have dared, he hoped. Not this. She couldn't have possibly betrayed him in this way.

But the answer was clear on her face. It was clear in the colour in her cheeks and the guilt in her regard. "I know about... the Polyjuice. I understand why you're angry-"

"How much do you know?" Harry said, barely able to put voice to the question. 

"It's not like I care, Harry. I mean, we all know what you two are like." 

Harry swallowed thickly. "Stay out of it, Hermione. I mean it."

"You're right to be angry, Harry. If Ron pulled something like that, I'd hex him. But it's not worth ruining your marriage."

Harry slumped back in his chair and closed his eyes, fighting for calm. "My marriage is fine," he insisted wearily. 

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. "So, you forgive her?"

"Damn it, Hermione," Harry snapped. "This is none of your business. She had no right to come to you with this. It's between me and her."

"Harry, if this were happening between me and Ron, you'd be in my office now, pleading with me on his behalf."

Harry gave her a look. His two best friends were about as vanilla as they came. The corner of his mouth twitched with a sudden dark amusement. "You two would never be in this situation," he said dryly. 

Hermione snorted. "I don't know. I wouldn't put it past Ron to take Polyjuice just to test my loyalty," she said. "But that's not why Ginny did it, Harry. She trusts you. She just wanted you to...be happy."

Harry shook his head. "What would she have done if I didn't let her know that I knew? How would she feel now? What would that have done to our marriage, Hermione?"

Hermione shook her head. "I don't know, Harry. I can't even begin to understand the two of you and I don't think there are many who could. But I think you're lucky to have such an understanding wife. And I think she's lucky to have someone who shares her..."

"Proclivities." 

Hermione blushed and gave a nervous laugh.

"You can't tell Ron," Harry said, serious now.

Hermione burst with laughter. "God, can you imagine? He'd be apoplectic. I'm pretty sure he's convinced himself that you had the kids through immaculate conception." She smiled at him. "You can always talk to me, you know. About anything. Ginny's my friend, but you're my best friend. I'll always make time for you."

"I know. Thanks."

"Is there anything you want to talk to me about?" she asked.

"No," he said firmly. He knew what she was reaching for and he would be damned before he would discuss it with her. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, but his secrets were jealously guarded. They were his and his alone.

Hermione stood, brushing the creases from her skirt. "We'll see you at the weekend," she said. "Don't be too hard on her for telling me. She knows I won't say anything and she needed to talk to someone."

Harry wasn't going to debate the issue. He had no idea how he was going to deal with Ginny after this. He rounded his desk to escort her to the door. She turned before she got there and wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him. She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "If you were gay, you'd tell me, right?"

"Go," Harry ordered irritably. 

Hermione grinned at him and left.

 

_  
20 November 2009_

_Dear Hadrian,_

_Where to start?_

_I was sitting at a pub the night I sent my last letter. Ginny was at her parents' for the night, dropping off the kids so that we could spend an indulgent weekend with a certain potion. We'd agreed that we would just switch places and that my Gay side would remain unindulged._

_I was using your cloaking spell, and so I was surprised when a man came up to me and began making conversation. Surprised and suspicious, really, given that no one expected me to be at the pub. The man was called William. My phone had already identified him as an unknown wizard, and yet he pretended not to know who I was. I went along with the ruse because I was curious and had nothing else to do. I wanted to know how far she'd take it._

_To a hotel down the street, as it turns out. William was very charming and flirtatious. Attractive. I let him toy with me, pulling my tie loose, undoing my shirt to help me to relax. I waited. I was sure she'd stop, if only long enough to let me know that it was all right for me to continue on. I waited in vain. I kissed him and she let me. I sucked his cock and she didn't say anything. She wanted to have a go at topping, but I said no. I spared a thought for you, but really, I just didn't trust someone who'd only had a cock for a couple of hours to do the thing properly. It's not the sort of thing you want to get wrong. So I fucked him into the mattress, and she let me._

_I called her on it just after. She swears she wasn't doing it to test my loyalty, but she has yet to give a good explanation of what, precisely, she was trying to do. She wanted to make me happy. She wanted to understand. Seriously. I was furious with her. I'm still furious with her nearly two months later._

_And now, she's outed me to Hermione._

_I could kill her, but I don't fancy life in prison, and my kids might not forgive me. I'm going to have to forgive her eventually, but for the life of me, I don't know how._

_Drama, anyway. I hope your (non)relationship is going better than mine. Well, I mostly hope so._

_Despondently yours,_  
Harry  


**

"Hermione, Gin? You told Hermione?"

His spoke softly, his voice cracking with the effort of keeping from shouting. But the children were in bed and he and Ginny had long ago decided to keep their arguments private. They had become master actors over the years, putting on smiles for the sake of their audience. 

She looked at him defiantly. "I had to talk to someone," she said coldly. "At least, I chose someone you can trust. If you'd talk to me, I wouldn't have had to bother."

"You had no right to do that," he hissed through his teeth. 

"You've not spoken to me in two months. What would you have me do? I can't apologise again, Harry. I made a mistake. If you can't forgive me, then leave. I can't live like this anymore," her voice faltered. Angry tears welled in her eyes.

"How am I supposed to forgive you? How am I supposed to trust you at all?" Harry seethed, his voice threatening to break from his careful hold. 

"Trust?" Ginny squeaked. "You talk to me about trust? What did you do over your holidays, Harry?"

Harry's stomach lurched violently. "What are you on about?" he snapped.

Ginny shook her head. "Do you think I'm an idiot? Do you think I didn't notice how quickly you changed? How suddenly affectionate you were? Do you really think I'm not going to know if you're fucking someone else?"

Harry sat in shock. He had no idea she even suspected him. He wanted to assure her that it wasn't true, but couldn't find the words to lie. 

She snorted. "You know, I don't even care? You were a better person afterward. It was like you'd come out of a coma, or something. You became the person I fell in love with and so, I didn't care." Harry stared dully at a dark spot in the wood of the table. He opened his mouth to say something, but words wouldn't come. "Are you going to deny it?" Ginny asked quietly.

Harry pressed his lips together and shook his head. "No," he said, his anger and hypocritical indignation escaping out the crack in his voice. A guilt that had been curiously absent for nearly a year rushed through him. 

She snorted bitterly, and then buried her face in her hands. He couldn't say anything to make it better. There were reasons he'd done what he had, but he couldn't share those reasons. He couldn't explain it to her. He wanted to, but it wasn't possible. He took a deep shaky breath and let it out, saying, "It won't happen again."

"For fuck's sake, Harry!" she said, raising her voice. "Are you not listening? Don't you get it? I don't _care_."

"Clearly," Harry said.

"I accept that you have this ... need. Merlin knows I've done my best to help fulfil it. What bothers me is that you keep it from me, Harry," she said, her voice taking on a desperate, pleading tone. "And you're going to pretend that it won't happen again?" She laughed. "You know, I think you believe that. I think you actually believe that you won't do it again. You can't even be honest with yourself."

Harry clenched his jaw stubbornly. He was angry, but he had no right to be angry at this point. There was nothing he could say to make her understand. He could tell her that it wouldn't happen again because Severus was involved. And if there was a time that Severus wasn't involved? 

He shook his head. "What am I supposed to say? That there are things I want that you can't possibly give me? Where does that leave us, Ginny?"

"No worse off than where we are, Harry. You don't think I know that? Merlin, Harry, you should have seen yourself that night. I don't remember the last time you looked at me like that. The last time you wanted me like that."

"I knew it was you," Harry said, exasperated. "I'd have never been in that situation if I didn't know it was you. I know you don't believe that-"

"I do. I know that. You'd never bring that part of you to Britain," she said. "You'd never do anything that might hurt me and the kids. Of course, I know that."

It was true. But it wasn't The Truth. The Truth couldn't be told.

"It doesn't change the fact that you wanted him. So badly that you were willing to go along with it until you had what you wanted," she said.

Harry shook his head. "It was the novelty, Ginny. You and I have been together for years. It's only natural to be excited by something new. When was the last time you wanted me?" He gave her a challenging look. It was all good and fine to push it all off on him, but they both knew that he wasn't the only problem.

She looked away and frowned. "At least I make an effort," she muttered. 

"I became a woman for you," Harry pointed out. "If that's not making an effort ..."

Her lips twitched. She looked as though she would smile for a brief moment, before the expression faded to weariness. "That's the problem," she said. "I think that was the last time I actually felt connected to you," she said. "It was great being able to introduce you to that experience, Harry. To show you how it feels. Why won't you do the same? Where does this block come from? And don't tell me it's 'weird,' Harry, because frankly, we've done some pretty weird fucking things."

Harry met her eyes and smiled a little. It was true. At one point, 'weird' had been the norm for them. He struggled to come up with a way to explain his reluctance that didn't involve some misguided sense of loyalty to Severus. That didn't make any sense, even to him. And frankly, he wasn't certain that's where his reluctance came from. "I dunno," he said, honestly. 

"Are you worried about realising you really do prefer men?"

"I'm not gay, Ginny," Harry said, giving her an annoyed look. "We have three kids to prove that."

"I don't think you're strictly gay, Harry," she said. "I knew you before you went and got yourself buggered, remember? But you can't tell me you're fully straight, either. Straight men don't suck cock like that, Harry. Straight women don't suck cock like that," she said with a smirk. "You wanted it."

Harry could feel his face go red. He closed his eyes and laughed. "I can manage to stop wanting it if I don't indulge it," he said quietly. "I'd stopped thinking about it almost completely," he said. "For four years. All right, sometimes I missed it, but in a sort of distant way. Like missing the trifle at Hogwarts." 

Ginny snorted. "Sex and trifle. They're so close."

"It's particularly good trifle," Harry said with a smile. "And then I went to Switzerland and I saw him ..."

"The same bloke?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah."

She blinked. "Oh. That was ... lucky," she said, frowning. 

He met her eyes. "It's not what you're thinking, Gin. I hadn't seen him since before we were married and I haven't seen him since," he told her. "I swear I didn't go to Switzerland with that in mind. I just couldn't ... didn't stop it. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's not going to do either of us any good, you being sorry, Harry. I don't want you to be sorry. I'd be lying if I told you that I hadn't considered having an affair. I'm too bloody young to feel so old and unattractive and that's how you make me feel," she said sharply. 

"Have you?" Harry asked.

She shook her head. "Who has the time?" she said with a small smile. "And it's too risky. Were my husband not the most famous man in Britain, I might have chanced it." She laughed and scrubbed her face with her hands.

Harry felt he'd been hollowed out. "I'm sorry, Ginny. I had no idea."

"That's because you can't see past your own nose, Harry," she said. "You assume that you're the only one who's unhappy. The only one who's sacrificing for this relationship. We're in this together, mate. I can assure you, you're no fucking picnic." She softened the blow with a touch to his cheek. "But I've loved you my whole life."

He leant into the touch and gave her a miserable look. "I'm really sorry."

"Me, too."

"You really were testing me."

She shook her head and snorted. "I wasn't. Really. I just got caught up in the moment. I was afraid you'd stop," she laughed. "Stupid." 

He tugged her up out of her chair and urged her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her. She leant her head against his. "I wouldn't have stopped," he said. "Did you like it?" 

She pulled back with a grin. "I can see why you're a poof," she said with a laugh. "It hurt like hell, though, at first. But after that... wow. Do you prefer to top, then?"

"Not really," he said with a smile. "But I don't fancy being buggered by an amateur."

"Hm. You'll have to teach me to do it properly, then, won't you?" 

Harry met her eyes and sighed. After a moment, he nodded. "All right," he said. 

_  
25 November 2009_

_Dear Despondently Mine,_

_I think that was the single most entertaining letter you've ever sent me. I hope you take note of the rapidity of my response, and take that as encouragement for more of the same. I like your Ginny. She'd have done well in Slytherin._

_I am truly at a loss for words. I can see your cause for anger. In your place, I would be furious. Despite Ginevra's Slytherin tendencies, she comes from a long line of Gryffindors. It is entirely possible that she wasn't thinking of anything other than her quest for discovery. I can imagine it is difficult for her to accept that there is a side of you that she can never really know. Maybe this was her attempt to get closer to you._

_Admittedly, her attempt backfired spectacularly._

_You'll forgive my amusement at your expense. I have no advice for you. I could point out that you might consider yourself lucky that you have a wife who is so sensitive to your needs, but I don't expect you feel particularly lucky. Perhaps you will again someday._

_My own arrangement is going well, thank you. Too well, I think. I find myself waiting for the punch line._

_Take care, Harry. Do let me know how it all works out._

_Yours,  
S._

**

_15 December 2009_

_Dear you,_

_Women are particularly scary creatures. The way they just know things that they can't possibly know, despite our best effort to hide them. After sending my last letter, I went home, ready for a fight. Ready to confront her for having outed me to Hermione. I told her I couldn't trust her and she laughed and asked me what I'd done over my holidays last year._

_Needless to say, I was speechless. She'd known all along. She said she could tell because I was a better person when I came back. More affectionate. I suppose I was. I'd felt better than I had in years after seeing you. I wasn't kidding when I said you saved me._

_Of course, having been confronted about that, I couldn't very well stay angry with her. She was incredibly gracious about everything. I don't deserve her. I really don't. We're planning a trip over the New Year. Just the two of us. There's still some potion left and I've promised to give her lessons in topping. It should be interesting._

_So, my arse is being offered in the name of redemption. I hope you don't mind too much._

_Happy Christmas, New Year and Birthday. I hope you like your gift. The witch who sold it to me said it's the best stirring rod that money could buy. She told me that you can set it to a timing spell and also to the stirring pattern so that you don't have to worry about missing the proper moment._

_Personally, I found its shape intriguing._

_Send my regards to David (ha ha)._

_Love,  
Harry _

**

_12 January 2012_

_Dear Harry,_

_It's been three years since Hadrian Prince became an official entity in Wizarding America. Ironically, in the last three years, I've never lived more as a Muggle. My wand has been relegated to a lock box under my bed. I'm so accustomed to using my keys to unlock my door that even when I'm alone, I scarcely think to use my wand. There is a ridiculously large television where once my bookshelves stood. I have a bloody espresso machine, and I switch on and off the lights by hand. The only moments I have to be a wizard are when I'm brewing, and that's infrequent enough._

_I'm not unhappy. On the contrary, I cannot recall a time in my life when I was happier. I've never before spent so much time in one person's company. I wouldn't ever have believed it possible that I could stand to be with one other person for so long. While officially, we each have our separate flats, more often than not, David is here._

_He's not here today. We had a row. It's not often that we fight, but it's always the same fight. He wants more from me. He wants to move in together. It's not unreasonable. It's a natural evolution of the relationship. But I've already given up so much of who I am, I fear if he moves in officially I will lose myself entirely._

_The laws in America that govern the Statute of Secrecy are far more stringent than at home. If you choose to tell a Muggle about the Wizarding World, you cannot do so without registering the Muggle with the appropriate offices. Normally, you have to be married to the person, which is quite impossible for two men here. There are ways around this for same-sex couples. There are contracts that can be drawn up, instead of marriage contracts. But as everything needs to be done through the state, and as I avoid authority at all cost, I am reluctant to do any of this._

_I'm going to lose him. He's insisted on staying away now two nights to punish me for my lack of commitment. I can't even be angry with him for doing so, because I know that he's justified. I suspect he'll come back soon. This time. But every time we discuss it, he grows more and more frustrated. More and more hurt._

_I can't explain to him that it's not a question of wanting to move in together. It's a question of whether or not I can give up being a Wizard for his sake. And I don't know the answer to that._

_It occurs to me that laying this at your feet might seem insensitive of me. You have the dubious honour of being my only confidant. As I have held that role for you for many years now, I thought I would pay you back in kind. If it makes you feel better, even if I had a choice, I would still come to you._

_Yours,  
S._

**

_16 January 2012_

_Dear Severus,_

_Don't be such a git. However cumbersome the process, the end result will be worth it. You can't stop being a Wizard. It's who you are. You're an amazing Wizard. I know you're worried about how he'll take the news. He'll be shocked, certainly. But think of the possibilities once he's accepted it. Think of the sex._

_(I'm trying not to think of the sex. I'm failing rather miserably.)_

_The point is you love him. He loves you back. After three years of more or less living with you, he's still there. I'm not sure there's many who would have that kind of strength. That's worth preserving, whatever it takes._

_Tell him the truth, Severus. Tell him everything. You've been wrecking yourself over this for far too long. It will be shocking and hard to understand, but you will both be happier for the honesty._

_The next time I hear from you, I expect good news. As much as I wish I were in his place, I'm happy for you. I hope you know by now that you can come to me for anything. Any time._

_Insanely jealous, I am nevertheless,_

_Yours,  
Harry _


	6. Coming Clean

“Where are we going again?” David asked for the fifteenth time since they set off. He looked around at their dubious surroundings. The dilapidated neighbourhood had certainly seen better days. The boarded up faces of shops surrounded them, while rough looking men leered at them as they crossed the street in front of the car. 

“There’s a parking garage two blocks ahead. You’ll want to pull in there,” Severus said tersely, hand in his coat pocket, wrapped around his wand, just in case. His stomach was in knots and it had nothing to do with the neighbourhood. He’d nearly bid the man turn around at least twenty times since leaving Boulder. If things went wrong today, Severus would have little choice but to end his relationship with the man. If things went well...

One thing after another, Severus thought to himself, refusing to allow hope to enter prematurely. They would take it step by step. Leave it to the Americans to have an official office in which the great revelations had to take place. A safe place, they called it. In the middle of the worst neighbourhood in the Denver area. As Severus looked around he thought “safe” might be stretching things just a bit.

“For someone who hates surprises, you’re certainly dragging this out,” David teased as he turned into the parking garage and stopped at the booth. A uniformed guard slid open the partition and leant out. David rolled the window down and Severus leant over. “Prince,” he said to the guard, who consulted a clip board before waving them on. The barrier allowed them admission. 

“I’ll explain soon,” Severus promised, reaching over to give a reassuring pat on the leg.

“If Susan’s car gets stolen, she’ll kill me.”

Severus grunted distractedly. It was the least of his worries. “If her car gets stolen, she can have my head,” he said with a weak smile. He unbuckled his seatbelt and looked over. He felt he should say something. Something that would capture that whatever else happened from this point forward, the intent of the meeting today was to demonstrate once and for all how much this man meant to him. Short of marriage, which wasn't possible, this was as big a commitment as Severus could make. Severus’ throat felt dry. “Ready?” he said with a worried half-smile.

David tilted his head and gave him a puzzled look. “Are you OK?”

Severus nodded and tried to school his features to appear ‘OK’. He didn’t have the capacity just then. “Shall we?” he said on a breath and then opened the door. He looked around and found a sign that said, "Integrated Internal Affairs Office" pointing to a door at the end of the floor.

David stopped and frowned before giving Severus a questioning look. "Sounds romantic," he said with an uncertain smile.

Severus’ expression was fixed on ‘OK’ and so he couldn’t muster the encouraging expression he had hoped for. “I promise I’ll explain inside,” he rasped, taking the man by the arm and leading him to the door.

“I can’t wait,” David said his tone unsure.

Severus got to the door and pushed a red button. “IIAO, do you have an appointment, please?” said a disembodied female voice.

“Hadrian Prince,” Severus said. A buzzing noise responded. He pulled open the door and waved his bemused partner through ahead of him. They entered a small waiting area with a woman at the reception desk looking impassively at them from behind protective glass.

“High security,” David joked.

Severus walked to the window. A clipboard was slid through a slot. “Fill this out please,” the woman said without looking at him. Were he not nearly mad with worry as to how the afternoon would pan out, he might have been able to summon enough of his hatred of bureaucrats to say something scathing. As it was, he took the clipboard and biro and went to sit in one of three olive-green chairs lining the grey walls. David sat next to him.

“You’ll explain soon,” he reminded him in a tone that said it wouldn’t be soon enough.

Severus snorted. David leant over to study the questionnaire as Severus filled in the date, his name and address. The second section was dedicated to information on the Muggle to be informed, or Non-Magical Person in American parlance. Severus began to write in David’s information. “What’s an NMP?” David asked.

Severus gave an exasperated sigh and looked over. A small smile curled on his lips. He shook his head before turning back to the clipboard, filling in the time that the NMP was notified of the appointment, indicating that the NMP had no prior knowledge of the reason for the appointment and then signing that he had told the truth in all previous responses before standing to slide the clipboard back to the woman.

“Please have a seat, Mr Prince. We’ll call you when we have a room ready.”

Severus nodded and went to sit down next to the man who was looking increasingly worried. “It’s going to be fine,” Severus reassured the man. Reassured himself, really. One way or another, the man next to him would be fine. It was his own well-being he was worried about. If for whatever reason David decided that he would really rather not know the truth about “Hadrian”, Severus would need to find a way to end his relationship with the other man. Or to force David to end the relationship with him. Either way, Severus lost that which he held most dearly. 

This was the only way forward, he told himself. Loath though he was to admit it, Harry had been right. Severus couldn't give up being a Wizard. If David couldn't accept this about him, then there was little hope for the future. The only problem was that Severus was absolutely rubbish at telling secrets. He had little patience for relating details and even less for emotional responses. His greatest worry, in short, was that he would fuck this up somehow.

“What is this place, Hadrian?”

“Hell, I’d say,” Severus said quietly. “Or as near to as I want to get.”

David gave him a bland look. “It had better be a very good explanation,” he whispered.

Severus laughed weakly. “Whatever else happens, I can promise that the explanation will not disappoint.”

David gave him a searching look before leaning in to say. "I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous before. It’s scary".

Severus nodded. It was indeed scary. "I would have chosen to do this a different way. But there are rules," he said ominously.

"Rules," David repeated.

"Mr Prince?"

Severus took a deep breath and stood, waiting for David to follow before meeting the short, plump, dark- haired woman at the small door. It led through to a communal office space where wizards and witches sat working at apparently normal computers. Nothing in the office suggested that this was anything but a normal, Muggle workplace. 

As they were led through the open space, a door opened to emit a couple. The woman's eyes were red-rimmed. The man looked as though he'd been Confounded. Or Obliviated. As the woman took his arm to lead him past Severus, the man looked at her as though he had no idea who she was. Severus' stomach clenched violently. It could all go so wrong.

She led them to another door that was labelled, "Meeting Room 1". She turned and smiled cheerfully as she waved them inside. The room they entered was far more accommodating than the sterile waiting room. The walls were coloured a pastel blue with abstract paintings in darker blue and greens. There was a sofa and chairs to their right, separated by a coffee table on which pamphlets had been arranged in a fan-shape. Severus' eyes locked onto the words, "Between Worlds." A rack of pamphlets below a window displayed the title, "Understanding your spouse: A guide for NMPs." He looked over to meet David's fearful gaze.

"Please have a seat," the woman said, waving them toward two plastic chairs that sat before a large wooden desk. "Ms Shipton will be with you in a moment."

"What the hell is this place?" David hissed.

Before Severus could say anything, another woman came through a door behind the desk, looking vaguely harassed. She pushed her red hair back from her face and set a stack of files on the desk. "Mr Prince?" she said, looking from one man to the other. 

"Ms Shipton," Severus said, recognising the voice of the woman with whom he'd been in contact.

As she sat, she shoved out her hand in greeting. "You must be Mr Jeffers," she said.

David took her hand and offered a polite nod, but stopped short of smiling back. Severus recognised it as the guarded look of a man too kind to demonstrate blatant irritation to a stranger. 

"I bet you're wondering what the heck is going on," the woman said sympathetically.

David gave a tight smile. "You might say that." He flashed a quick glare in Severus' direction. Severus, for his part, had his gaze trained on the stack of files, on which the questionnaire he'd filled in sat. The file underneath had his name typed up in bold print. Prince, Hadrian B.

"My name is Lucy Shipton," she informed them. "I've been assigned to your case. Hadrian – may I call you Hadrian?" Severus nodded impatiently. "Hadrian contacted our office in February to submit a formal concession request to the International Statute of Secrecy Laws," she said. 

David frowned deeply, turning his head toward Severus, who was busy staring at his file. 

"I realise you have no idea what that is. It couldn't be a statute of secrecy if people knew about it," she said cheerfully. "But you shouldn't be worried," she carried on. "It's very good news for you. It means, in short, that Hadrian is ready to share his life with you."

It had been years since Severus blushed, but he was sure he was doing so now. He hazarded a glance at the other man whose mouth had fallen open in shock. Were Severus not terrified as to how the remainder of the conversation would go, he might be amused at the look of absolute bafflement on his partner's face. 

"In order to do this fully means the statute must be breached," Lucinda explained unhelpfully.

"Hadrian?"

Severus looked at the other man with a wary expression. "Just a few more minutes," he promised. 

"Hadrian has opted to give you the details himself," the woman said. "I only need to explain the legal part and then I'll leave the two of you alone." She offered an indulgent smile before hurrying on. "Now, in order for our offices to grant this concession, there are two things we need to discuss. The first, David, is that once you are informed, and should you choose to remain informed, you will be bound by the same laws as the rest of us. That is, you will be required to sign a binding contract in which you promise to keep the secret. Penalties for breaking the statute are very serious, so I urge you to consider whether or not you wish to be burdened with the knowledge that Hadrian will impart."

"Hadrian," David said again, looking at once fearful and desperate to understand.

"Soon," Severus promised, his voice cracking. "It's not bad," he offered.

"You will have time to reflect after Hadrian speaks to you. You don't need to sign anything until you've had time to think."

David shook his head. "So, I have to sign a confidentiality agreement _after_ he tells me?" David said incredulously. "What if I decide I don't want to sign?"

Lucinda gave a patronising smile at the obvious question. "We can help to remove the knowledge," she said carefully. "It's a bit like hypnosis. We simply take back the memory and you are free to go on as you were."

"Hypnosis," David echoed.

"It's similar," Shipton placated. "It's really quite routine."

Hadrian gave a little nod as David looked to him for confirmation. "What if I don't want to know at all?" David said. "I mean, what is it? You're some sort of a ... spy? Or ..." Severus could see the man try and fail to come up with a reasonable explanation.

"If you choose not to know anything, you can go. Of course, this will continue to hinder the possible evolution of your relationship with Mr Prince, which is, after all, the reason we're here," the woman explained patiently.

"What's the second thing?" David asked irritably, no longer looking at Severus. His posture was stiff and defensive. Angry. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"Normally, these sorts of events occur at the moment of marriage," Shipton continued. "But as legal marriage is quite impossible among same-sex couples here in Colorado, we must find alternative ways. Other types of contracts, if you will." 

Recognising his cue, Severus reached into his coat and pulled out the contract in question, handing it over to David. David gave an uncomprehending look before unfolding the thick stack of pages. He watched a crease appear between the man's eyes as he searched the legal speak for meaning. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Hadrian, I don't want half your business," he said quietly. "Your apartment? This isn't what I was asking for," the man said, a bit panicked now. 

Severus closed his eyes. "It's all I have to offer," he said in a low voice. "In order to do this, we have to be bound by a legal contract. It's the only way."

"It's your business," David said.

"It's a requirement that was put in place to try and help keep the secret safe," Shipton added helpfully. "If every time a teenager fell in love he could share the secret, well," she laughed. "I'd have my hands full! In requiring the legally binding contract, we force people to consider carefully before disclosing."

David laughed weakly. "Jesus, Hadrian. I know you're not the romantic type, but this is one hell of a way to propose." His face cracked into a desperate smile.

Severus returned it. "I promise to let my romance policy slip if you'll see this through to the end," he said, meeting the man's eyes.

"Should I be afraid?"

"It won't change anything," Severus said. He smirked, "Apart from your world view."

"Oh, is that all?" David laughed.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Shipton said with a smile. "There is some literature available that might make this easier," she told Severus, nodding toward the pamphlets and book shelves. "Please make yourself comfortable and take whatever time you need. Practical demonstrations should be kept to simple casting. Summoning and the like. Apparation is not allowed. Just tell my secretary when you're ready."

They stood as the woman shuffled out the door, taking half the stack of files with her. 

"Practical demonstration? Apparation?" He folded his arms over his chest and looked expectant.

Severus took a deep breath and stepped forward, cupping the man's face with his hands. "I'm sorry," he said, leaning in to kiss the man. "Things aren't so structured in Britain," he said. 

"I'll wait until I hear what you're going to say before I forgive you," David said with a teasing smile. But he wasn't teasing. He laughed suddenly. "The Coven was right about you all along. A man of mystery."

Severus snorted. "David, before I say anything ... I just want you to know ..." It was pointless. If things went poorly, David wouldn't remember anything anyway. "Never mind. Let's get this over with."

If David had looked scared before, he now looked positively terrified. He let Severus lead him to the sofa and sat down. Severus sat facing him. He had no idea how he was going to manage to tell the man anything with the solid lump in his throat or his tongue glued to the room of his mouth. He swallowed dryly, took a deep breath and began.

"As you now know, there have been reasons for my reluctance to move in with you. I am not afraid of commitment, David. You are by far, and without exaggeration, the best thing that has ever happened to me. But there are laws. Laws that are far more strictly applied here than where I'm from. Laws that govern my world."

David, who had begun to smile at the beginning of Severus speech, now laughed outright. "Your world?" he teased. "Let me guess ... You're an alien?"

Severus offered a bland look. "No," he said. The words weren't coming. He had no idea how to say this. "Do you recall the first night we watched Star Wars," he said.

David smiled. "Yeah?"

"I had told you that my biggest ambition was to become the world's most powerful Wizard?"

David snorted. "I forgot about that," he said.

Severus nodded. "Let's just say that while I'm not the world's most powerful Wizard, I'm certainly among the most skilled."

"Wizards," David said.

Severus nodded. "I'm a Wizard, David."

“You do magic,” David said.

Severus gave a small smile and nodded. “I do magic,” he said blandly.

David rolled his eyes. “I know that magicians are pretty touchy about the secrets of their trade, but this is going a bit too far, isn’t it? I mean, contracts? Hypnosis?”

Severus frowned, momentarily confused. After a moment, he understood where the other man had gone wrong. He shook his head. “David, I’m not a magician. I don’t _do_ magic,” he tried to explain. “I _am_ magic.” He could tell by the puzzled expression that the man still hadn’t understood. “It’s the difference between being gay and fucking men.”

David blinked. Severus sighed. “There’s a whole world that exists in parallel with the world you know. Wizards and witches are real. Magic is real. The International Statute of Secrecy ensures that the Muggle world remains ignorant of the magical world.”

David took a breath and opened his mouth to speak. He closed it firmly just as quickly and stared at a pamphlet on the table. “You’re not alone,” the pamphlet told him.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Severus said quietly.

"I don't understand," David said dully. "A wizard? Is this like that Wiccan thing that Mary goes on about? Orgies at the full moon." He froze suddenly and then grinned. "Is this a joke?" He looked around the room. "Are there cameras?"

Severus pressed his lips together and stared, frustrated, at the man. "I have drafted a contract that gives you half of my worldly belongings, David. I assure you I'm not joking." He heaved a heavy sigh, "David," Severus began, tempering his voice. "I know this is hard to understand."

The man laughed weakly. “This is why you didn't want to live with me."

Severus shook his head. “It was never a question of whether or not I wanted to,” he said cautiously. 

“Christ, Hadrian. Three years. It took you three years to spring this on me? Three years and now it’s all ‘oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you that I’m not even _human_.’”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m not a different species, David. I just have different... talents,” Severus said. “I wanted to spare you this.” Severus made a wide gesture. “I wanted to spare _me_ this.” Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting for calm. 

David snorted. “Are there others? I mean... Mary? Rebecca?”

Severus shook his head. “No one I know about. I haven’t had any contact with the American Wizarding world,” he said honestly. “Apart from the officials.”

“Why? I mean wouldn’t you be happier, you know, around your own... kind? Then, you wouldn’t have to do all this, right?” 

The anger blazing in those habitually kind eyes was alarming, and Severus felt sick with it. He had known this conversation wouldn’t be easy, but somehow he didn’t expect the man to look so... what? Betrayed, Severus recognised. “I’m happy with you. That is what this is about, David. I understand this is difficult for you, but if we are to stay together you had to know.”

“I had to know a lifetime ago, Hadrian. Before I fell in love with you. Before we even started all of this.”

Severus pursed his lips. “If I recall correctly, all of this was supposed to have been confined to sex. I never expected it to go further and when it did... well, we’re here now. What do you want me to say?”

“I feel like a fucking idiot. Like I don’t even _know_ you.” David closed his eyes and scrubbed his hands over his face.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Severus said with forced calm. His patience was running on a tight thread. “I ask you just to keep in mind that I’m legally obliged to keep this secret.”

David dropped his hands and shook his head. “How the hell would they even know?”

Severus shook his head. “Trust me. They would find out. And frankly, given that I have all but renounced the Wizarding world, I would not welcome the attention.”

“Why?” the other man asked. “Why did you renounce it?”

Severus pursed his lips, damning himself for opening up that particular line of discussion. One great secret at a time, he thought. Given the man's response to this one, Severus wasn't keen to tell him the rest. “It’s a story for another day. Assuming there will be another day.”

David narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Severus gave the man an exasperated look. “If you can’t accept this, they’ll make sure you remember nothing of this conversation.”

“Hypnosis,” David said ominously.

Severus snorted. “It’s called Obliviation. It’s a simple spell that modifies the memory. You will likely have no recollection past this morning. They might plant a fake memory to fill the holes, but you won’t remember this.”

David’s eyes widened. “They can do that?”

“They can do that,” Severus confirmed.

“Can you do that?” he asked a little more quietly.

Severus paused before nodding. “Not legally. Not in the US. But I know how.” The wary look he received was worrying. The last thing Severus wanted was for the man to accept to sign the contract simply because he was worried about a simple memory charm. “Please don’t let that be your deciding factor. If you can’t accept what I am, you’re better off not knowing any of it. The memory modification is harmless and quite routine.”

“Ignorance is bliss,” David said with an unpleasant smile.

Severus shrugged. “It’s better than the alternative,” he said quietly. “You could be fined, imprisoned, or worse.” He would leave the worse to the man’s imagination. A more complete memory modification, in short. “The only thing you need to think about now is do you want me in your life, as I am?” Severus tried not to hold his breath, waiting for the response. He attempted to distance himself from the twisting in his chest, the thundering of his heart.

David gave him a searching look. “What happens if I decide I don’t want to remember?”

Severus’ voice was cold and even when he replied, “We’re doing this because you were frustrated with the lack of development in our relationship. This is the only way I can commit to more. If you can’t accept it, then I don’t suspect we’ll last much longer. You won’t remember, but I will not be so lucky. I will have to live with the knowledge that you were unable to accept me. What do you think happens next?”

David’s face fell, the anger and frustration melting away with the realisation that this was an all or nothing proposition. He leant forward onto his knees and balanced his chin on his hand. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Severus felt his heart cleave in two, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. A moment later he stood. “I’ll tell Ms Shipton we’re finished here,” he said gruffly.

“Hadrian-“

Severus rounded on the man, glaring down at him. “David, I can accept that this is difficult for you. But I will not accept it gladly. You’ve insinuated yourself into my life, knowing that there were things about me I preferred to keep private. You told me yourself that on your travels you saw things that made you believe that there was more to the world than science could explain. I had hoped that you would see this as confirmation of those beliefs instead of the personal slight you are intent to make it.”

David stared up at him through widened eyes. His mouth opened dumbly. “Sit down,” he said after he recovered. Severus obstinately folded his arms across his chest – as much to communicate that he wasn’t going to be told what to do, as to keep it from breaking apart. The other man’s gaze softened. He held out a hand. “Please?”

Severus sat stiffly on the edge of the sofa and looked over expectantly. David wore an irritated expression. “What I was going to say before you blew up is that I’m sorry I’ve taken this so badly. It’s not a rejection of you, Hadrian, but the shifting of world views is bound to be a little ... jarring. Okay?”

David shifted closer and ran his hand down Severus’ back. Severus concentrated on cautiously piecing his heart back together, and so was unable to say anything. He nodded instead.

“So... a wizard, huh? What? Do you wiggle your nose?” Severus looked over to see the man smiling at him.

“Do I wiggle my nose?” Severus repeated.

“Yeah, you know...” David attempted a demonstration, wrinkling his nose up. “Like Samantha?”

Severus blinked, trying to work out what the other man was on about. “Samantha?”

“Bewitched?” David tried. “Wizards don’t have TVs, do they?”

A small amused smile curled onto Severus’ lips. “I suppose some do,” he said.

“Wow,” David said, “This totally explains everything. I mean, you'd have to come from another world not to have heard of Star Wars.”

Severus snorted at the remembered incredulous expression the man had worn when he’d professed his ignorance, and the resulting film festival he had to sit through to correct it. “Muggle culture is not my strong suit,” he allowed.

“Muggle. Is that your word for us?”

Severus nodded. “It’s the British term for non-magical person. It’s more succinct, I think.”

“Holy shit!” David said, eyes going wide. “You’re a Jedi!”

Severus raised an eyebrow and stared.

David gave a cheeky grin. “Your Jedi mind tricks have no power over me,” he quoted, before laughing.

Severus couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity, before relaxing back into the sofa, pulling the man in toward him. He kissed the top of his head. “I would be supremely annoyed to lose you after going through this,” he said into the man’s hair. 

“I love you, too, Hadrian,” David answered, letting Severus hold him a moment before pulling away with an inquisitive look. “So, how do you do magic, then? Click your fingers? Wave a magic wand?”

Severus reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand. The man's eyes widened. Severus stiffened as David held out his hand. After a moment, he sighed and handed it over. “My magic wand,” he said.

David took it gently, running his fingers over the dark knobbly wood. “It’s just wood?” he asked. 

“Hazel,” Severus answered. “With a dragon heartstring core. I’ve had it since I was eleven.”

“Dragon? Like a real dragon?”

Severus laughed. “Like a real dragon,” he said, amused and charmed by the man’s boyish interest.

“They don’t really exist,” the man said in disbelief.

“Every myth you can think of has its roots in fact. The Wizarding world is bound by the secrecy laws to keep the magical beasts hidden from your world. There are teams of Obliviators around the world whose job is to modify the memories of all those unfortunate enough to see them.”

“So, can you turn me into a frog?” David gave a sly smile.

“I could, if you continue to mock me,” he warned.

David grinned and bumped Severus with his shoulder. “I’m not mocking. Not really. Just trying to get an idea of what is actually possible for a wizard and what is fantasy.”

“Fair enough,” Severus said with a nod. “What is possible, I would say, depends entirely on the wizard or witch doing the magic. Nearly anything is possible if a wizard has no scruples,” Severus said darkly.

David raised an eyebrow. “Can you raise the dead?”

“Not as such,” Severus said evasively. “Once a person is dead, the essence of that person will stay dead.” He thought perhaps it was a little too soon to begin discussing the Inferi.

David nodded. “Can you turn yourself invisible?”

Severus smiled and nodded. “Shall I show you?” At the sight of the eager, although slightly disconcerted smile, Severus moved to stand in front of the man. He cast the Disillusionment charm and then enjoyed the look of utter shock that crossed the other man’s features.

“Hadrian?” the man said quietly, eyes widening as though straining to see him. Severus sank to his knees before where the man was seated, and slid his hands up his legs. “Ok. That’s weird,” David said with a laugh, hands reaching to touch Severus’ as Severus came up and kissed the other man. David’s eyes fluttered shut. “God, the kink possibilities are endless,” David breathed against his mouth.

Severus chuckled before ending the spell and pulling away. “I think we’ll wait until we get home for that demonstration,” he said with a fond smile. David opened his eyes to meet his.

“So when you say home, would that be the collective sort?”

“If you’ll still have me.” Severus raised an eyebrow, but was no longer worried about the man’s response.

“Are you kidding? I will be the envy of geeks everywhere. I have my very own Wizard!” he said with a theatrical sigh.

“You can keep it a secret, can’t you?” Severus said, mouth curling with amusement.

David feigned a pout. “Really? Because this could be the start of a whole new series of books. The Wizarding World series. Think of the possibilities.”

“I would just as soon not,” Severus said blandly.

David smiled. “No? Ok, then. I’ll keep your secret. But it will cost you,” David grinned.

Severus leant in close. “Cost me?” he said, his tongue darting out to flick over David’s lips.

“Mm. I’ll have to think about it. But you’d better be prepared.”

Severus snorted. “I shall eagerly await the bill,” he declared before raising himself to his feet. “Shall we get out of here?” he proposed.

“God, yes,” David sighed and stood. 

Severus walked to the door and stuck his head out. He saw no sign of the woman who'd led them here. He stepped back inside with a dismayed frown. "There's no one out there," he said. Deciding on the direct route, he waved his wand. “Expecto patronum,” he said firmly, enunciating the words, more for show than necessity... and then, blinked at the relatively small animal that formed from the silver thread of magic. His mouth fell open.

"What is that?”

Severus blinked. “I believe that is a racoon,” he said after a moment.

“Did you not mean to do that?” Clearly the other man thought that accidental magic was even more entertaining than the intentional kind.

Severus shook his head looking at this new form of Patronus that looked back at him expectantly. He went to one knee. “It’s called a Patronus. An animal representation of ourselves,” he said quietly. “Mine has clearly changed,” he said. Again, he thought. He tucked the realisation away for future consideration, instead concentrating on his dire need to flee this awful place. “Please find Ms Shipton and tell her we are ready,” Severus said to his new Patronus. The silvery being scurried away through the wall.

“So it’s a messenger,” said David staring after the thing.

“It can be used as such,” Severus said, rising. “It can also be useful to chase off certain dark creatures.”

David tilted his head. “What did you have before?”

Severus looked toward the door. “A doe,” he said quietly. “Originally, it was a badger, but it changed when I got older.”

“Does that usually happen?”

Severus shrugged. “It can. The first time was just following the death of a friend. My Patronus shifted to hers.”

“Hers?” David said, surprised. 

Severus gave him a bland look. “Hers,” he repeated. “She was dear to me. She died not long after we finished school. I took it rather hard,” he said. A clear understatement, but again, it wasn’t a story he wanted to tell today. Or ever, really. He suspected that the shift in his Patronus could only mean that he’d finally put the regret he’d lived with to rest. Or maybe it was the horror of being the doe to Harry’s stag that finally decided the need for change. Whatever it was, he couldn’t help but feel that the change was right.

Not that he had any say in the matter.

The door opened, effectively cutting off another string of questions that were brewing behind his lover’s eyes. He’d managed to reach a point with this man where David had finally tired of asking questions about Severus’ past. Severus rather thought he was going to have to begin again. He hadn’t yet decided on the story that he’d tell, but he supposed he would have to soon.

“Mr Prince. A rather creative use for the Patronus," she said with a wry smile. "How did everything go?” 

“Fine, thanks,” David said, putting on his serious and reserved face for the benefit of the stranger.

“Do you have any questions?” she asked, looking first at Severus and then at David.

Severus shook his head. David followed suit. “I think I’m okay,” David said. “So, do I sign now, and that’s it?”

The woman gave him a condescending smile. “First, I’ll ask Mr Prince to step out so that you and I can have a chat. And then, if we’re all in agreement, you can join him in the waiting room.”

Neither man was particularly pleased with this, but it was a necessary evil. Severus walked out, feeling far lighter than he had in days leading up to this. It hadn't gone too badly, considering what he was asking his lover to accept. As he took his seat in the hideous waiting room, it was all Severus could do not to grin.

At least for the first twenty minutes. After forty-five minutes had passed, David opened the door and stepped out. He wore a confused expression. 

Severus' face fell. "David?"

A moment later, the man's grin broke free and Severus had a mind to hex him. 

"Let's go home, Merlin," the man said to him, beaming.

Severus' eyes narrowed. 

"Wait, did he exist?" David asked excitedly.

Severus sighed. It was going to be a long trip home.

**

_  
20 May 2012_

_Dear Harry,_

_I told him._

_I told him about being a Wizard. I haven't told him everything, but I think that was enough to be going on with. Initially, he wasn't very happy. The bloody Americans make you go to an office and then scare the piss out of the Muggles with a lot of legal jargon and penalties for breaking the International Statute of Secrecy. You can choose to have a neutral party break the news or to do it yourself. I, of course, chose to do it._

_I have been under attack ever since. There are no limits to the man's curiosity. I think I've done more magic over the past two months than I have since last I saw you. I've begun to understand what it feels like to be a circus exhibit. It's highly irritating, but understandable, I suppose. I've ordered a few books for him to ease my burden._

_I'm undecided about telling him the rest. I have no idea how to even begin that discussion. What little he knows about my past is based in truth. I explained to him that I was, indeed, a teacher, but that it was Potions and not Botany. I explained that you, too, are a Wizard, but not that you're The Wizard, so to speak._

_He's been trying to convince me to take him on a tour of the Wizarding World. I'm having a hard time explaining why I don't want to do that. I suppose I'm going to have to tell him eventually. I would really rather not. I don't know how I could possibly make him understand._

_I'll worry about that another day. For the moment, his curiosity is taken with the wonders of our world and that, I hope, will hold him for some time._

_I read about you in the paper the other day. It would appear that your idea for cooperation between Muggle and Wizarding law enforcement is catching on over here. You're a pioneer, Mr Potter. Among so many other things._

_I hope you're well._

_Yours,  
S._

_**_

_1 June 2012_

_Dear Severus,_

_Congratulations. I'm proud of you. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when you told him. Someday, maybe you'll share the memory. I can imagine you sitting very stiffly, struggling to find a way to say the words, "I'm a wizard." I can imagine your look of irritation when he laughed at you, as he surely must have. You, struggling to find the patience to ensure him that no, really, there are such things as Wizards. Really._

_I can entertain myself with this for hours._

_All kidding aside, I'm happy for you. If you should ever give into his pleas to visit the Wizarding world, I'd love to meet him. I realised as I just wrote that how horrified you would be at the thought, but I swear I would be on my best behaviour._

_Things here are well. The children are growing up quickly. In a few more years, James will be going off to Hogwarts. Teddy, Remus' and Tonks' son, is already in his third year. It makes me feel very old. I realise that thirty is not old, but when you have kids you begin to measure your age by theirs and suddenly you no longer feel as young as you once had._

_Ginny's gone to work as a Sport writer for the Prophet. She seems a lot happier now to have something to do outside the house. For a while there, she and I were doing really well. We found our kink and reconnected. But we invariably fall back into the rut of parenthood, concentrated on our common purpose, instead of on each other. I don't know if her working will help, but at least she won't have as much time to spend wondering if "we" are all right. In my opinion, that can only be a good thing._

_I've been asked to head up the Aurors. I'm a bit torn. Despite my statement above, I'm not sure I'm old enough or experienced enough to have that job. It would mean going back to work at the Ministry itself and not having so much contact with Muggle law enforcement, which I've enjoyed. I set up this division. I'm quite fond of it. On the other hand, it's a great opportunity. At this rate, I'll have the title of youngest ever! Head of Magical Law Enforcement by the time I'm forty, to add to Pioneer and the rest. The Prophet will need to start using smaller type._

_I miss you, by the way. It's coming up to four years._

_Yours,  
Harry  
_

"What good is having a Wizard as a partner, if he won't even show me the world that he comes from?"

Severus pursed his lips and treated the man with his best glare. "No good at all," he said, coldly. "By all means, find another."

David rolled his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "Come on, Hadrian, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that ... I've been _everywhere_ , and now I realise that there is a whole new world to explore. And you won't even let me see it."

"Did we not take a trip to Sutton's rock?"

"There were like twenty people, a café and a gas station. And no magic in sight. What is your problem with this? I just want to understand why you won't go back. And don't tell me it's because there was a war that put you off Wizarding kind. The war wasn't even here, so I don't see why ..."

"It's enough, David!" Severus said angrily. He could feel his temple throbbing. They'd had variations of this same conversation for months and frankly, he was sick with it. He was beginning to regret having ever told the man in the first place. "I told you about the Wizarding world so that you and I could be together. I do not intend to reconnect with it. I've deliberately distanced myself from that world. If you can't understand that-"

"How can I understand that, when you won't tell me why?" David shouted back. "Jesus Christ, Hadrian. How the hell do you expect me to understand when you won't explain anything to me?"

Severus clenched his jaw, fuming. It was a bad idea. He should have seen all this coming. He'd stupidly followed his heart, and this was the result. This was the very reason he'd avoided relationships. This conversation. This tension. 

He'd tried a hundred times to tell the man the truth. The secrets were so far buried, so tangled and interlaced, that it would require nothing short of surgery to extract them. There were no easy explanations. If he told him anything at all, he would have to explain everything. He couldn't tell him about his presumed death without discussing the war. He couldn't discuss the war without discussing Lily. He couldn't talk about Lily without giving the context. He couldn't give the context without explaining his family and Hogwarts and Slytherin. 

Frankly, his biggest fear was losing the man. Of showing him everything, only to have the man go, disgusted with the monster he'd been. He couldn't do that. He couldn't sabotage his life like that. It just wasn't in him.

"Do you love me?" he seethed.

David sneered. "What? Don't be stupid. This has nothing to do with loving you, Hadrian."

"It has everything to do with it. If you love me, you will try and understand that what you are asking me to bring you into has caused me little but pain in my life. I have reasons for not wanting to go back to it. Reasons which are quite complicated and painfully simple. There is nothing there for me, David. My life is here. My life is with you. Why can't you be happy with that?"

He watched the man's nose wrinkle in frustration, his lips pursing to a pout. After a moment, his sighed, his face transforming to a contrite expression. "I'm sorry," he said. He walked over and pulled Severus into his arms, propping his chin on Severus' shoulder. "Of course, I'm happy with you," he said.

The reprieve, Severus knew, would be short-lived. He would have to come up with an explanation that brushed close enough to the truth to carry a bit of it along, without inciting even more questions. He could lie, but if, for whatever reason, the truth came out, he didn't want the man to feel betrayed, as well as disgusted with him. 

He did what he could to assuage the man's curiosity by offering details of Wizarding Britain. Of Hogwarts and its houses. Of its ghosts and portraits. He told him of Hogsmeade, with its sweet shops and pubs. He told him about Platform 9 ¾ and the Hogwarts Express. They spoke of Gringotts and Diagon Alley. Of Knockturn Alley and its many shadows.

It was a mistake, in hindsight. Far from satisfying the man's curiosity, it only made him hunger to see it more. What's more, it made Severus want to show it to him. To watch the man's face go slack with awe. To see his eyes light up with the wonders the Wizarding World possessed.

They compromised by visiting various Wizarding establishments in the area. Severus, who habitually did everything by mail order, went under the cloaking charm into the bookstores and the apothecaries. They went to Potions supplies shops. While David was suitably amazed by what they found, Severus was disappointed. For him, this wasn't Wizarding. It was too new, too clean, too ... American. There was nothing like the cobbled streets of Diagon Alley. The glass-fronted shops to be found wedged between Dunkin' Donuts and a cheap shoe store in a strip mall, held nothing of the charm of Hogsmeade. The Wizards and Witches they encountered did not wear robes.

Against Severus' better judgement, a plan began to form. 

"How're you feeling?" Severus asked, posing a tray containing chicken broth with rice and weak tea. A long envelope sat next to the bowl.

David scooted up under the tray and smiled. He'd had stomach problems, and while he was still pale, he wasn't groaning in pain anymore. "Better," he said. "You're right. Your potion was far better than Pepto Bismal. Even if it did taste like shit. What's this?"

The corners of Severus' mouth curled up. "Happy Birthday," he said.

David gave him a look. "My birthday is next month."

"Is it?" Severus returned the look.

David grinned and ripped the envelope open, pulling out the aeroplane tickets. His eyes widened when he saw the destination. He looked up. "Really?"

Severus nodded. "Really."

David gave a little jerk of excitement, threatening to overturn the tray over his lap. "Oh, my god. Really? I mean ... you changed your mind?"

Severus' smile turned hesitant. "We will need to talk. And David, there are conditions that come with this. You will need to agree. But, I want you to see it. Our visit will coincide with September the First."

David gasped. "Platform 9 ¾?" He gave a delighted laugh and then shook his head. "I never thought I'd go to London just to visit Kings Cross. This is so cool. Thank you."

"There are conditions," Severus repeated. "We'll discuss it later. Now, eat."

"Yes, sir," David said with a wry look. Severus leant down to kiss the man on his forehead, which he was happy to find was no longer feverish. "I'll be back up later," Severus said, before returning to the shop.

He found the man that evening, lounging on the sofa and flipping lazily through the countless channels of shite. Television was not something Severus would ever get his head around. On the rare occasions he joined the man in front of it, it was merely for the pleasure of the proximity. More often than not, he was able to distract the man out of his brainless trance to pursue more interesting activities.

David turned the infernal thing off the moment Severus arrived. Severus sat beside him and summoned himself a whisky. 

"Conditions," David urged.

Severus snorted. "Anyone would think you were excited," he said. He had to admit the man's grin alone was worth the pains involved in the planning and plotting. 

"You're kidding, right?"

"David," Severus began and then hesitated. The speech was much clearer in his head when he'd composed it. "I'm happy to take you to Britain. But our trip will not be without certain ... complications. I told you about the war ..." David nodded. "During the war, I made a lot of enemies of some very dangerous people ..."

David frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean there are quite a few Wizards out there who would happily see me dead. It's one of the reasons I left Britain and one of the reasons I haven't returned. Don't get me wrong, the most dangerous among them are in prison. But there were a lot of sympathisers to the Dark Lord's Cause who resent having had to abandon it." 

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" David asked. His eyes flashed angrily. "God, you're so frustrating! You think I want to go someplace where you might be killed? Hadrian!"

Severus shook his head and sighed. "There are ways around it," Severus said. "I disappeared a long time ago. No one will be looking for me. The danger is minimal. But it means I will have to go disguised. It means that you can't ... talk to people," Severus said. "I know how difficult that will be for you, but it's important you agree to that."

David brow pulled down in concern. "Christ, Hadrian. We can't ... I don't ..."

Severus reached over to put his hand on the man's cheek. "David, I'm not worried. You shouldn't be either. I'm a very good Wizard and I do not take unnecessary risks. I want you to see it." He leaned over and pressed his lips to his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," David whispered, tilting his head to capture Severus lips. "Better," he assured him, tugging him closer. "You should have told me before," he chastised gently, scraping his teeth over Severus' bottom lip.

"I didn't want to face the barrage of questions that will certainly come next," Severus whispered, thrusting his tongue forward to stop them before they started. He could feel David grin around his tongue before he deepened the kiss.

He couldn't ward off the questions indefinitely. But perhaps a while longer.

**

"So, it's a potion that turns you into someone else?"

Severus nodded, siphoning up the liquid and distributing it out into several phials.

"And you need someone's hair?" He made a disgusted face.

Severus snorted. "Yes."

"And you just ... turn into that person."

Severus sealed and placed a preserving charm on the phials. He looked up. "Don't get too excited. The effects are temporary," Severus said with an amused smile.

"Can I choose him?"

"If you'd like," Severus said. "You'll want to be careful, David. I may begin to take offence."

David laughed. "God. It'll be like cheating. Only not." He waggled his eyebrows in the face of Severus' glare. "I'm just kidding," David assured him. "It would be too weird."

Indeed. The conversation made Severus think of Harry, which gave him a pang of regret. He'd decided against seeing the man while he was there. He didn't suppose Harry would be happy with him if he found out. Fortunately, Harry knew him well enough to understand Severus' misgivings.

It wasn't that Severus didn't trust Harry to keep a secret. It was merely that a public meeting with Harry Bloody Potter would ensure that all eyes were on him and his partner. Add to that, the awkwardness he suspected would accompany such a reunion, and Severus thought it was rather best to avoid the man all together. 

The decision was the correct one, but not without regret. It had been five years since he'd seen the man. He wondered how those five years would have changed him. He wondered vaguely how he'd feel, seeing him again. 

"Ugh. This stuff must taste vile."

Severus smiled. "It depends upon the character of the person you're to become," Severus told him. "We all have our unique taste." He gave him a suggestive smile.

David grinned. "We'll just have to find someone particularly tasty, then." 

Severus enlisted Theda's help with the shop one Saturday morning so they could go on their quest for the perfect man. Their search brought them to one of those abominations that Severus avoided like the plague: the shopping mall. Severus' patience held out all of five minutes.

"What about him?" he said curtly, pointing to a non-descript middle aged man who was trailed by two small children.

"No way," David said with a look of disgust. "I have far better taste than that."

"You're not shopping for a boyfriend, David," Severus reminded him irritably. "I could go as a woman," Severus said.

David looked scandalised. "No. You really couldn't. And I am kind of shopping for a boyfriend, Hadrian. You're coming along as my boyfriend. I would prefer you just as you are, but as that's not possible, we may as well find someone I could stand to look at for long periods of time."

Severus conceded the man had a point, but he fervently wished he'd decide quickly so that they could escape this hell. They spent hours browsing, feigning interest in the rubbish on display, while David's eyes scanned the crowds. When David began to feel dizzy, they settled under a sign proclaiming "Food Court". Eyeing the walls of neon signage, they settled on something resembling Asian food. Severus fought his way through the crowds, while David sat and watched.

"Thanks," David said weakly, cradling his head with his hands.

"You didn't eat much at lunch," Severus reproached him.

David gave an exasperated look. "You're getting as bad as Susi, you know," he said. "What about him? In the blue shirt," he said, nodding to the left to indicate a man who looked in his late twenties with very light blond hair that was shaved up the back, and then longer as it fanned over his right eye. The man spoke animatedly with a girl who wore far too much make up and had bits of metal decorating her face.

Severus gave a dubious look. "Him?" he said. 

David shrugged. "He's not really my type, but he's cute. No?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. 

David laughed. "I can't look anymore, Hadrian. I have a pounding headache. You choose." He lifted his chopsticks up, but his hands were trembling so badly that he opted to use the plastic fork instead.

Severus frowned. "While we're there, I'm going to look into this illness of yours and see what I can do for it," he decided aloud. He'd already done some searching on the subject, but as the man's daily injections had held the worst at bay, he'd not put a lot of effort into it.

David nodded distractedly and carried on eating. Severus' eyes scanned the room, looking for a suitable identity. As he himself was feeling rather worn and tired of the whole exercise, he decided the blond young man wouldn't be a terrible choice. He pulled his wand discreetly from his robe and cast a spell that loosed a few strands of hair, causing them to fall on the man's coat. The man scratched his head absently.

"I'll be back," Severus said, after draining his bottle of water. He weaved through the tables toward where the man sat. As he approached, he let his bottle fall, and awkwardly bent to pick it up. "Sorry," he said, touching the man's arm, gathering the hair and then standing.

The man gave him a dismissive look before turning back to his girlfriend. Severus threw the bottle in the recycling bin and made his way back to the table.

"Smooth," David said with a smile.

"Thank you. Are you finished eating?"

David looked down at his half-eaten plate. "I assure you, it's healthier if I don't finish."

Severus thought he was certainly right. "Come on, then. Let's get out of here."

Two days later, their bags were packed. Their tickets and passports were safely stored away in David's rucksack. Susan was set to pick them up in the morning to bring them to the airport.

"Are you nervous?"

Severus glanced over to where David sat reading in bed. After a moment, he nodded. "It's been fourteen years," he said.

David put his book on the nightstand and removed Severus' potions journal from his hand, dropping it to the floor beside the bed. He settled closer. "I'm excited," he said.

"You don't say," Severus drawled.

David snorted. "Thank you for doing this. I know you'd prefer not to."

Severus grunted and reached over to stroke the man's arm. "You'll make it up to me."

David laughed. "Any suggestions," he said, his fingers stroking down Severus' chest to slip under the blankets. 

"That's a good start."


	7. Exposed

Flourish and Blotts was buzzing with school kids, taking advantage of the last Saturday before school started to finish their shopping. Harry pushed through the door, trailing his middle child by the hand. He'd belatedly accepted to teach an advanced level Defence class at Hogwarts once a week for sixth and seventh years. It was to be added to his already full schedule, but he found he was looking forward to it. 

Unfortunately, as it was a last minute decision, the book he'd chosen didn't make it on the school list and hence, hadn't been ordered in time for the school lists to come out. He could only hope that the books would come in time for him to start the following Friday. After finding himself amid the hustle and bustle of the shop, he rather regretted his impromptu trip at the weekend. Better to have come Monday, when the children were off to Hogwarts and there was quiet.

"Dad, can I go look?" Albus asked, eager to see if the store had got in the next in the series of comics he was reading, Sam Jordan and the Vampires of Kent.

"Stick to the kid's section. I'll come to find you when I've finished, all right?" He took a moment to watch his son dart off toward the back of the shop, before weaving his way through the crowds to reach the counter where a long queue had formed. 

Harry sighed as he took his place at the end. As he looked around the crowds, he remarked a few wide-eyed expressions directed at him. It didn't happen very often anymore. As he lived in Diagon Alley, people were more or less accustomed to seeing him around. On a busy day like today, however, where people were flooing in from all over the country, there was bound to be a few who would strain their necks to get a glimpse of Harry - even when he was doing something as ordinary as queuing.

As he waited, he casually looked around, eyeing the books on display, smiling at the excited, soon-to-be first years. Had he ever been so small? Smaller, probably, having grown up in a cupboard. It was times like these, when he looked back on his childhood and found himself shocked by all he'd seen. Looking at these children, he couldn't imagine any one of them facing Voldemort.

His eyes roamed a bit more, before snagging on a bloke, standing in the history section, watching him, as though trying to work out if he'd seen him before. It wasn't a rare occurrence, by any means, but this bloke was so obviously Muggle that it was faintly surprising. He was a bit older than Harry, wearing a pair of worn blue jeans and a faded blue shirt that had the words _STAR WARS_ emblazoned across the front in cracked lettering. The man held an open book that he'd apparently forgotten about.

Harry gave him a small smile and then shifted his gaze to his boots, which were in need of polishing. He picked a loose thread from his robes, and glanced back over, to see the man hadn't looked away. After a moment, the man grinned. Harry felt a small, pleasant tug in his stomach. He looked away quickly and stared at the back of the witch in front of him.

It occurred frequently now. Gay men zeroed in on him, as though he had a homing beacon in his arse. It had become rather disconcerting, and even more disconcerting was that every time they did, it became harder to tell them he was straight. It became harder not to wonder what it would be like, just once, to flirt back. His play with Ginny hadn't helped matters. If anything, giving in, accepting that there were men other than Severus who could give him that sort of pleasure (even if those men were his wife), had made everything worse. When he discussed it with Ginny, they both decided it was probably better to quit while he could still get it up for her in female form.

When Harry looked up again, the man was a foot away, glancing warily up the stairs and advancing toward him. Harry's heart pounded in panic. They were in a store full of people. Wizards, who knew who he was and who, any one of them, would sell him out to the papers for little more than smiling in this bloke's direction. Calm down, he told himself. 

"Hi," the man said and then glanced up the stairs again. "Sorry to bother you," he said, in a distinctly American accent, "but is your name Harry?"

A snort from behind them caught Harry's attention. He turned to see an older witch giving him a complicit smile. Harry smiled back politely, and then turned the same smile on the man. He nodded, feeling strangely disappointed that the man's interest was likely fan-related. He was just that ridiculous. "Can I help you?"

Another cautious glance upward. It made Harry nervous so he glanced up as well. “I’m David. We have a mutual friend,” the man said with a cautious smile.

Harry’s mouth dropped open in shock. His mind was suddenly crowded under an avalanche of realisation. This was Severus’ lover. Severus would be somewhere nearby. In Britain. In Wizarding Britain. He didn’t tell Harry he was coming. Severus wasn’t going to be happy they’d met. And holy fuck, he'd been entertaining impromptu fantasies about Severus' lover.

His eyes cast around again, uselessly. He didn't think Severus would have come using only the cloaking spell for protection. He wasn't that daft. And why on Earth had he come at all? For _him,_ obviously. Severus' letters had let on that the man was hounding him about coming to the Wizarding world and well, it would appear he'd managed to persuade Severus. 

And that was an admirable power, indeed. 

All of this occurred to Harry in the space of a few seconds in which he stood, gobsmacked. The man laughed lightly at Harry's shock. "Erm... maybe we should ..." He hesitated, and then nodded toward a relatively quiet section of the shop, and then followed the man, deliberately not sizing him up. He wasn't reflecting that, on second thought, the man was rather on the thin side. And really, his smile wasn't all that nice at all. It was a little weak actually. And he had a lot of wrinkles around his eyes. And freckles just looked wrong on grown men.

When the man turned to face him, he mentally closed off the barrage of foolish jealousy to offer a kind smile that appeared only a little forced. “I'm sorry. I’m a little surprised.” An understatement. He shook his head. "Actually, I'm stunned."

The other man laughed and held out his hand. “I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time.”

Harry shook the man’s hand. “Me too," he said quite honestly. "I’m glad to finally have the chance,” he laughed. “Shocked, but glad. He’s here?” he said, his voice cracking slightly.

David nodded. “I’m sorry he didn’t tell you we were coming,” he said. 

It annoyed Harry that the man was apologising on Severus’ behalf, but he ignored his foolishness. He shrugged. “I imagine he didn’t want to draw attention to himself,” Harry reasoned aloud. He was mindful that he had no idea what this man had been told of Severus’ true identity. He decided to err on the side of caution and believe the man knew nothing more than that _Hadrian_ was a wizard. Although, it made him wonder how Severus had explained why he had to come disguised. 

“He told me it was a bit dangerous for him to come back,” David said, studying Harry carefully for confirmation. “But I don’t see how meeting an old friend would draw attention to him. Especially looking the way he does now,” David said with a half smile.

Whatever else the man might know, it was clear he knew nothing about Harry. Harry smiled back. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Perhaps he just wanted a quiet holiday with you.” He rubbed his nose to keep his sneer at bay. 

“Maybe he’s afraid of what we might talk about.” David said with a smirk, meeting Harry’s eyes.

Harry could feel his face go hot with the knowledge of what other things this man might know. As much as it once pleased him to have shared that with others of Severus’ new circle, David was a different matter entirely. Although the idea was patently foolish, Harry couldn’t help but see the other man as competition. 

He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s it” he said. Severus trusted Harry, for starters. At least, he thought he did. But why wouldn't he have told him they were coming? It had been nearly five years since he'd seen him. “I think he just doesn’t like when his worlds collide,” he said quietly. 

"He's told me a lot about you," David said. 

Harry highly doubted it, but didn't like to contradict the man. "He's told me a lot about you, too. I have to say I was curious to meet the man who finally won his heart. Or even forced him to admit to having one," Harry said, grinning.

The smile the man gave him was enough to make Harry feel a little guilty about hating the man. It was clear he was quite smitten. And Severus deserved that. If only Harry could get all sides of him to agree. "It wasn't so hard. I only had to distract him with sex long enough to steal it."

Harry went back to hating him. "Right. Well, he's not going to be happy with you if he sees you talking to me," Harry said, taking what small pleasure he could out of the thought of Severus being angry with the man. As Severus would just as likely be irate with him too, the pleasure was short-lived.

David’s eyes shifted to stare past Harry. “Too late,” the man breathed. 

Harry turned to see a young, tall, very blond man walking toward them, his arms full of books. It was true that the man didn’t look pleased, but the look on the rounded, somewhat boyish face appeared more petulant than intimidating. Harry laughed before he could stop himself. Light blue eyes narrowed at him. The man’s full mouth pressed into an approximation of a grim look. 

“I distinctly recall telling you not to talk to anyone,” he said to David. The man’s voice was softer and higher than the one Harry had anticipated. 

David gave an exasperated look. "Are you going to tell me that it's dangerous to talk to _him._ "

Severus turned on Harry, certainly with the intent of scolding him as well. Harry cut him off. “That’s a very good look for you,” Harry teased, trying to reign in a grin. David snorted, ducking his head down to hide his smile, as he scratched the back of his neck. 

Severus’ eyes scanned the crowd. While Harry could understand why the man would be anxious, he thought he was letting his nerves get the best of him. It wasn’t as though every time Harry spoke with someone it ended up in the Prophet. 

“Relax,” Harry said under his breath. “I’m just talking to an author of a book I once read, yeah?”

Severus darted another furious gaze at his lover, who looked wholly unimpressed by it. Nevertheless, Harry felt a small, petty satisfaction. “When did you get here?” Harry asked David, deciding it best to ignore the other man entirely. 

“Yesterday. It’s surreal. I feel like I’m in a movie,” he said with a laugh.

Harry nodded. “It’s been years, but I can still remember the first time I was here. How long are you staying?”

“A week,” David said, glancing over to Severus as though checking to see if he was going to get in trouble for revealing that. “Maybe we can go for-“

“David,” Severus muttered.

“Harry?”

At the sound of Ginny’s voice, Harry’s heart began to race guiltily. He could feel his face go hot. He turned to see her weaving through the crowd with James and Lily in tow. She offered an apologetic smile to the two men for having interrupted their discussion, and then gave Harry an exasperated look.

“Hey,” Harry said, damning his breathlessness. “I told you I’d meet you at home,” Harry said.

“I was overruled,” she smiled. “We’re going to Fortescue’s. Where’s Al?” Her eyes shifted again to the two men behind him. 

“Kid's section. He’s reading. David, this is my wife, Ginny and my kids, James and Lily. Gin, this is David Jeffers, the man who wrote that book I read on Africa, remember?” Of course, she’d remember. She’d taken the piss out of him for reading it at all. Of course, he didn’t really have a proper explanation for why he was reading it. He’d said he was doing research for a family holiday that they’d yet to take.

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh! I didn’t realise you were a wizard,” she said, extending her hand to shake his. 

David favoured her with a broad smile. “If only,” he sighed. “This is my partner, Jack,” he lied smoothly. “He’s the wizard.” 

Severus shifted the load of books he carried to shake her hand. He wore a stiff smile, but said nothing.  
David bent over to offer his hand to Lily, who let the man take her hand, while she buried her face into Ginny’s hip. David laughed. “You’re as pretty as your mommy,” he told her and then looked up to offer a charming smile to Ginny, who flushed and beamed back at him.

Harry hated the man. He hated his smile, his casual charm. He hated him for winning Severus’ affections and hated him, furthermore, for flirting with his wife. The feeling tightened painfully in his chest. He took a deep breath and fought for calm, lest he accidentally hex the man.

“Well, we won’t keep you,” Harry said, forcing a smile. “I’m sure you want to continue your sightseeing.”

“Oh, is it your first time here?”

“It’s mine,” David said. “It’s funny. I’ve travelled everywhere and thought I’d seen most of what there was to be seen. But there’s this whole other world that I’d completely missed.”

Ginny grinned. “I hope you’re not planning to write another book,” she teased.

David shook his head. “I’d love to, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy,” he said. He reached out to put a hand on Severus back. 

“Actually, someone should do a series of books on Wizarding areas around the world,” Ginny said. “For the Wizarding public anyway,” she amended with a grin.

“I think you’ll find it’s been done,” Severus said quietly, effectively halting the flow of conversation.

“Really? I have to admit, I’ve never looked,” she said, laughing. “Is this your first time in Britain?”

Severus shook his head. “I’ve been here a few times,” he said vaguely. 

“I would love to hear about America. I’ve always wanted to go, but haven’t had the time,” she said. "I travelled quite a bit before the kids, but well ...," she smiled. "You're welcome to join us, if you'd like."

“I’m sure they have better things to do than tell us about America,” Harry interjected. 

“The least we can do is invite them to lunch,” Ginny protested. “We’re going to Fortescue’s. It’s the best ice cream in Britain,” she said.

“David doesn’t eat ice cream,” Severus protested, earning a frown from his companion. 

“But we haven’t had lunch, yet,” David said with a terse smile.

“They have loads of other things,” Ginny said. “Sandwiches, soup...”

“They have soup,” David said with a hopeful smile. “And I need to eat something soon or I’ll die,” he exaggerated with mock gravity.

Harry searched for a way to save the situation, but came up short. He didn’t want this man to join them, almost as much as he wanted to spend more time with Severus. But not in front of his family. And not in front of David. And certainly not with his middle son anywhere around. He’d never told Severus the boy’s full name and he’d have a hard time explaining it if the man were to find out. He wasn’t sure Severus would believe him that it wasn’t his idea.

Judging by the blank expression on “Jack’s” face, he too was having a hard time finding a way to dissuade the two. “I’ve got to pay for these. Perhaps we can join you after,” Severus tried at last. Harry thought it was perfectly clear to everyone present that he had no intention of joining them.

“Good idea,” Harry said. “Why don’t you grab Al? I still haven’t found out about my books. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.”

“We can wait,” Ginny said, earning a groan of complaint from James. 

David laughed. “How about I come along with you? And then Harry can make sure Jack doesn’t get lost,” he said. Harry couldn’t help but notice that the man avoided Severus’ eyes, and only glanced briefly at Harry to offer a conspiratorial look. 

“Perfect!” Ginny said, and before anything could be done about it, they were gone. Harry stared after them, dumbstruck.

“Fuck,” Severus cursed under his breath.

“It’ll be all right,” Harry said, but he couldn't say who he was trying to reassure.

“Don’t talk to me,” the man muttered furiously.

Harry frowned. “That wasn’t my fault,” he hissed angrily.

“You should have never spoken to him,” Severus said under his breath.

Harry clenched his jaw. It wouldn’t do to be seen arguing with a stranger. He offered the man a smile and said through his teeth. “He came to up to me. Was I supposed to ignore him?” Harry released a breath. “All right. Let’s get out of here,” he said quietly before turning toward the till. Normally, it was against his moral code to use his celebrity to queue jump, but needs must. Harry walked to the front, with Severus in tow and addressed the owner.

“Beryl, hi,” he said.

“Harry! I’m sorry, love, but your books won’t be in until Tuesday,” the woman said. 

Tuesday was a bit later than he'd hoped, but that was the least of his worries at the moment. "Damn. Well, as long as I have them before Friday. Could you please put these on my account?” he said moving over so that Severus could put the books on the counter. He kept his eyes forward to avoid the glares he imagined he was getting from the waiting customers.

“Of course, love.”

The two left the shop and walked hurriedly through the crowded streets. “What does he know?”

“Nothing,” Severus growled. “And I’d hoped to keep it that way,” he added. After a moment, he said, “He knows I taught Potions at Hogwarts. I told him that I made a lot of enemies during the war and had emigrated for protection.”

“And he still dragged you here?” Harry said angrily.

Severus shook his head. “I wanted him to see it,” he said quietly. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Harry couldn't help but think that David was a bit too easily convinced to put Severus' life in danger. He shook the thought from his head. “It’ll be all right,” he said. “We’ll just ... guide the conversation,” he said. If they could get a word in edge-wise, he thought silently.

When they arrived, the place was heaving with weary shoppers. The children had been relegated to the kid’s corner of the shop. David and Ginny smiled up at them as they entered and squeezed in around the table. A pot of tea and a cup of milky coffee waited for them.

“Jack, I was just telling David about Quidditch,” Ginny said. “You have to take him to a game, if you can. I used to play for the Harpies. I could probably get a couple of tickets,” she offered.

“That’s very kind of you,” Severus said. “Perhaps next time we’re here.” 

David nodded. “Our schedule is pretty full,” he allowed. “But I’d love to see it. It sounds really great. I can’t imagine flying on a broomstick. Do people fall often?”

“Not too often. And wizards bounce a lot better than Muggles,” Ginny said with a grin. “Harry could tell you all about it.”

“Do you play, too?”

"Not seriously. I did when I was at school.”

“He was a brilliant Seeker,” Ginny added. “They’re the ones who catch the Snitch. He probably could have gone pro if he’d wanted.” Ginny touched Harry’s knee under the table.

“Did you play, Jack?” Ginny asked.

Severus shook his head. “Sports were not my strong point,” he said, quietly. 

“Potions, was it?” Ginny asked. “I saw all the books.”

Severus nodded. “It’s always been an interest of mine.”

“I've been known to dabble, too," she said with an amused glance at Harry. Harry deliberately didn't look at Severus. He wasn't sure he could handle it. "I quite liked potions at school. But our teacher was a bit difficult to handle,” she said with a wistful smile.

"Why was that?" David asked, clearly amused and eager to get an outsider's perspective on his partner.

Ginny opened her mouth to speak, but Harry interrupted. "Gin, have you seen Teddy?"

"I told him we were coming around here, but he's still getting his supplies." She redirected her attention toward the tourists. "You two have chosen the busiest weekend of the year to come to Diagon Alley. Everyone's scurrying around to get everything for school."

"Jack told me about Kings Cross. We're going Monday so we can see the Hogwarts Express."

"Harry will be there, too," Ginny said. "He'll be taking his godson, Teddy. Harry's a bit like a father to him. His parents died in the war."

"That's terrible," David said.

“What were you going to see today?” Harry asked David.

“Oh. We’re both pretty jet-lagged, so, today was just sightseeing. Shopping. But there’s so much to see here, maybe we’ll spend some more time tomorrow. I can’t believe how... medieval everything seems. Everyone in robes. All the little gadgets. It’s like I’ve gone back in time.”

“Is it much different in America?” Ginny asked.

David shrugged. “We visited a few places, but they didn’t look anything like this."

“It’s not as old,” Severus added. “America is more integrated. Everything’s newer. I’ve not been on the East Coast, but I suspect you would find something a little more traditional there,” he said.

“You’re the first Wizards I’ve met, except for Jack,” David added, grinning.

“Oh, have you just started dating, then?" 

David laughed. "No, we've been together about five years now. But he didn't really come out until about ... one and a half years ago? Nearly. He was posing as a Muggle."

Severus glanced at David in what would surely be an irritated glare, but came across as discomfort. After a moment, he said, “I'm Muggle-born,” he explained. “My school wasn’t a boarding school like you have here and so, I continued living as a Muggle. When I moved to where I live now, it was just natural for me to keep living that way.” 

Ginny snorted. “Well, you two picked one hell of a Wizard to meet,” she laughed.

A confused smile played on David’s lips. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Ginny,” Harry muttered under his breath.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Come on, Harry. He should at least know who you are,” she said.

David looked at Severus and then back to Ginny, waiting expectantly. “My husband is probably the most famous Wizard in Britain,” she said. 

“In the world, I should think,” Severus added quietly. 

Harry frowned at both of them and then studied his mug of tea. “That’s probably exaggerated,” he said weakly.

“I had no idea,” David said. Judging by his expression, he didn’t look happy about this gap in his knowledge. “What for?”

“For not dying,” Harry said with a tight smile.

Severus snorted. Ginny gave him a bland look. "Harry's really amazingly shy. One would think he'd have got used to the attention by now."

“Harry is the only person who has survived the killing curse,” Severus offered. "I did tell you about that."

Realisation dawned on David's face. He smiled. "He did," he admitted. "But I guess I missed the connection." 

“Well, he survived it twice,” Ginny said, flashing a teasing smile at Harry, who silently cursed her.

“But I think he’s better known now as the man who defeated He Who Must Not Be Named,” Severus said quietly.

“I didn’t do it alone,” Harry muttered, wondering whose side Severus was on. He appreciated that Severus was happy to turn the discussion toward him, but ... He sort of wished they'd stop now.

David laughed. “I was looking at a book on this at the bookstore,” he said, grinning. “I thought it was strange that someone wrote a book about a person they couldn’t name.”

“Voldemort,” Ginny provided.

“Voldemort,” David echoed. Harry could see Severus’ jaw clench reflexively. “I think Jack told me a bit about this,” he said, looking over for confirmation. “The Dark Lord, right?”

“That’s what his followers called him,” Ginny explained.

“It’s more concise than You-Know-Who,” Severus said coldly.

“How about we change the subject?” Harry suggested, aiming a kick at his wife under the table. She shot him a puzzled look. “It’s not a great introduction to the Wizarding world,” he added.

“I don’t mind. I love history and this all happened fairly recently, right? Besides, when will I ever get the chance again to hear it straight from someone who saw it all?” This last was delivered to Severus.

“It’s a sensitive topic,” Severus said in a low voice. “A lot of people were killed. Families ripped apart. Harry lost his parents....”

The man looked sufficiently cowed. He nodded. “Sorry,” he said to Harry. “Sometimes my curiosity overpowers my good sense.” He gave with a sideways grin.

Harry snorted. “The same has been said of me,” he said. He felt certain that Severus held back some snide comment to that, but for the sake of the character he was maintaining, the man stayed dutifully silent. “Repeatedly,” he added on the other man’s behalf.

“It’s all right, really," Ginny said, eager to make the man feel better. "It is a sensitive topic, but it’s been a long time now. We’ve all had time to heal,” Ginny said. “I lost a brother in the Battle of Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts? Wasn’t that your school?”

Ginny nodded. “When Headmaster Dumbledore died, the Death Eaters took over Hogwarts. That’s where the final battle took place. It was a horrible year. There were two Death Eaters that basically tortured students every chance they got and anyone who tried to defend them. Were it not for Headmaster Snape, I don’t know what would have happened.”

“Jesus, where were the cops when all this was happening?” David asked.

Ginny gave a bitter laugh. “They were looking for Harry,” she said grimly. “Voldemort had taken over the Ministry by then.”

David shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t realise it had got so far,” he said. 

“David, I can’t help but notice you’ve not eaten,” Severus interrupted.

David waved him off. “I’ll get something when it’s quieter,” he said. 

"David," Severus said irritably. 

The man shot him an annoyed look, before his expression softened. "I'm all right at the moment," he promised. “So, you had to go to school with these people? These ... Death Eaters?” David snorted. “It sounds like a bad heavy metal band.”

“They were a load of nutters,” Ginny said, grinning. 

"Why didn't you just ... not go?"

"They made it illegal for us not to go to school. I ended up running away, but I had to go into hiding," Ginny said. "I suppose it's hard for people to understand what it was like back then. Really dark. Really dangerous. People like Jack, Muggle-borns, were accused of stealing magic, which is ridiculous. But they were put into prison – if they were lucky."

"And the Headmaster ... Snape?"

"Jack, did you want to order something to eat?" Harry asked quickly. "I can flag her down. The tomato soup here is brilliant," Harry told them. "David?"

David offered a smile that looked distinctly suspicious. "Great," he said.

Harry made a show of waving down the woman. David opted for the chicken soup, and Ginny ordered another cappuccino. Harry stuck with tea and Jack with coffee.

"I hate to be the only one eating," David said. He blinked as a steaming bowl of soup immediately appeared before him. He lifted his spoon and blew lightly before taking a sip. "Mm," he sighed appreciatively. "Really good."

"It's a pity you don't eat ice cream," Ginny said. "It's the best."

"Hm. I can't have sugar. I'm diabetic," David said, before swallowing down another spoonful.

Ginny frowned. "What's that?"

David shook his head dismissively. "Just a problem regulating blood sugar," he said. "Jack's been trying to find a magical cure," he said, reaching out to touch the other man's shoulder.

"Well, a treatment anyway," Severus said. "I'm afraid as it doesn't really affect Wizards, there's little information to be found." Harry and Severus exchanged looks. Harry offered a small smile, feeling pleased at the disaster averted.

"That's too bad," Ginny said. 

David shook his head. "It's really not such a big deal. Jack's just worried because I lost a bit of weight. It's hard to find the right balance to make sure the body functions right. But really, it's nothing. I've lived with it for years."

"You two should go and have a look at the War Memorial at the Ministry while you’re here,” Ginny said, clearly sensing David's discomfort, and wanting to change the subject. It was all Harry could do not to cringe. “There’s a statue of Harry, there.”

"They don't want to see a statue of me," Harry said. 

"It's also got Albus Dumbledore, who was probably the greatest wizard that ever lived. And Snape-"

"Ginny, David can't go to the Ministry. He couldn't get in," Harry reminded her.

"You could get him in," Ginny frowned.

"I'd love to see it," David added hopefully.

"I'm sure Harry has better things to do with his time than to be our tour guide," Severus said.

Harry smiled apologetically. "It's going to be a really crazy week," Harry agreed. "Another time, perhaps."

"Well, you could go Monday," Ginny protested. "After you've taken Teddy. You'll all be at King's Cross anyway."

Harry aimed another kick under the table and smiled at the two men in front of him. "I have meetings," he explained. He glanced over to see Ginny's dismayed frown, but she didn't pursue it.

David gave him a tight smile and glanced over at Jack. "No worries," he said. "So, Ginny. You were telling me about the school during the war," he said, turning completely toward her and engaging her with a broad smile. "You said that without the Headmaster –"

Harry tried to meet Severus' eyes to indicate that he would need the man's bloody help here if they were going to avoid this. But Severus had brought his mug to his face. His eyes were closed.

"Snape," Ginny said. "Severus Snape."

"Severus," David said. "Like your son."

Severus coughed suddenly. Harry wanted to hide under the table. "Sorry," Jack said into his fist.

"Yeah. Albus Severus," Ginny said, ignoring the others.

"The name was Ginny's idea," Harry hastened to add.

Ginny gave him a look. "It's true," she said with a sly smile. "We fought about it for months. Albus we agreed on. When Albus was born, I added Severus to the registration. I like it," she said firmly. "And I carried the children. I should have a say in what they're called."

Severus laughed. It sounded like he couldn't help himself. Harry bit the inside of his lip. "What's funny?" Ginny said. "It's not that bad a name."

"I like the name," David offered, glaring over at his partner.

"It's a good name," Severus said solemnly. "I admit to finding it ironic, however."

"Ironic?" David said. Harry thought Severus might be silently kicking himself for the outburst.

Ginny grinned. "It is a bit," she said. "Severus Snape killed Albus Dumbledore," she explained to David, who look suitably shocked at the news. 

"It's hard to explain," Harry said. "And a really grim subject that I'd just as soon not go into," he added, for the benefit of his wife.

"Harry was there when it happened. We didn't know then that Snape and Dumbledore had arranged it all. That Dumbledore was dying anyway. He asked Snape to do it so that Snape could get closer to Voldemort and protect Hogwarts when the time came," Ginny explained, ever so bloody helpfully.

"You don't like the name?" David asked Harry.

Harry shrugged, but said nothing.

"Snape and Harry didn't get on very well," Ginny said with an amused smile. 

"I like the name," Harry insisted firmly. 

"You don't appear to have much choice," said Jack, his eyes dancing with amusement. Harry wanted to pull a face, but didn't. He wanted to offer a reproachful glare, but didn't do that either.

Ginny laughed and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "He's used to it now," she said with a smile. "And anyway, he's worked through his issues with Snape. It's thanks to Harry that his name was cleared."

"Is he still Headmaster?"

"No," Ginny said sadly. "He was killed by Voldemort. Well, Voldemort's snake. Harry was there for that too, weren't you?"

"Ginny," Harry sighed, staring at his tea. If Harry had been looking up, he might have noticed David's eyes glance toward where the scars on Severus' neck would be. He might have noticed that Severus appeared to be fixated on his coffee, clenching his jaw firmly.

"A snake?" David said. It was barely audible above the chatter in the restaurant. The strangeness in his voice caused Harry to look at him. His heart sped up. He glanced at Severus who looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"It was his weapon of choice," Harry explained, thinking quickily. "Even Ginny's dad was attacked by it. Loads of people were."

Ginny grunted. "That's the weird thing, though, isn't it? You'd think Snape would have been prepared for that. A fourth year can brew anti-venin," she said, to no one in particular. "And Snape was a Potions master," she told Jack, whose eyes slipped closed.

Harry looked at David, who was watching him. David's eyes slid over to Severus. "Potions master. At Hogwarts? He was your teacher?" he asked Harry.

Harry couldn't speak. He didn't have to.

"They hated each other," Ginny laughed, oblivious to the tension that had descended. "He was a good teacher, but really harsh. I learnt a lot from him."

"I see," David breathed. And Harry thought he probably did.

"Are you all right, David? You look a little flushed."

Severus turned his head now to look at David. His face was pulled into an expression of concern, but otherwise showed no signs of the panic that Harry himself was feeling. Harry’s heart pounded. His mind raced to find a way to make this better. A memory charm, perhaps, but he’d never tried that without his wand and wouldn’t want to get it wrong. 

“I’m ...” David took a deep breath and summoned a smile. “I'm not feeling so great ... Jack was right. I should have eaten earlier,” he said. “I’ll be fine, but I should ...” He shook his head and stood. “I really need to get back to the hotel,” he said. “It was really nice to meet you, Ginny. Thanks for everything.”

“Are you sure? We could get you something. Harry go and tell Julia-“

“No. Really. It’s better if I ... Thanks,” he said, holding out a trembling hand to Ginny.

Ginny stood and took it in hers. “You’re shaking. Are you sure we can’t help?”

Severus stood just after and put a hand on David’s shoulder. David stepped away from him. “Sorry,” he said. “Good bye.”

Harry couldn’t help but notice the man wouldn’t look at him. Severus mumbled a hasty good bye before following the man through the crowd and out the door. 

Ginny gave him a puzzled look. “That was weird,” she mumbled to herself. "You think I should follow? Make sure they get out all right?"

"I think they'll be fine," Harry said quietly. "Jack seems to know his way around."

Ginny looked at him and put her hand on his head. "You all right? You look a bit pale. And you've been acting really strangely," she said, frowning at the afterthought. "Since when are you reluctant to speak about Snape?"

Since doing so was going to ruin his life. Harry sighed and shook his head. "Let's go home," he said.

***  
Severus silently trailed two steps behind David as the other man walked at a determined pace toward the Leaky Cauldron. Through the muddle of panic and fear, anger and anxiety, Severus spared a thought to be astonished by the man's sense of direction. When they reached the exit, David waited silently for Severus to tap it with his wand, before rushing through without a word.

Twice, Severus had tried speaking to him since leaving the ice cream parlour. Twice, he was silenced by a furious look. Once they'd reached the relative safety of Muggle London, David turned to him. "I can't talk to you right now," he said in a low voice. "I'll meet you back at the hotel."

Severus clenched his jaw and turned a stony gaze toward the other man. "When?" he demanded.

"When I can stand to look at you again," David answered and, then turned to walk in the opposite direction.

Several hours later, Severus sat against the headboard of the bed, knees curled to his chest, staring at the darkening room. He'd started out in the chair, but the chairs were designed for decorating hotel rooms and not for their usefulness. He'd had several glasses of whisky that he'd purchased in the Duty Free at the airport, and now he sat dejectedly cursing everyone he could think of. Himself, first and foremost, for having gone against his better judgement and coming to this wretched country. He damned Harry for ruining his happiness and his foolish, garrulous wife for chattering on like a bloody hen. He cursed David for his blasted curiosity, and then he made the rounds again. Eventually, he came to the same conclusion he'd once abandoned: he was better off alone.

Some automatic self-preservation mechanism kicked in at the sound of the door unlocking. The lights were turned on. Restored to his normal, surly self, Severus turned a cold, black stare toward the man he once considered himself lucky to have met. His heart thundered and ached, his stomach was a mess of booze and dread. None of it showed. He wouldn't give the man the satisfaction of seeing how affected he was.

David leant against the wall of the entryway and crossed his arms over his chest defensively. He stared toward where Severus sat. Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Who are you?" David whispered.

Severus continued to look at the man impassively a moment, before his upper lip curled into a sneer. "Hadrian Prince," he said resolutely.

The man's face flushed with anger. "Are you even capable of telling the truth?" 

Severus turned to move his feet to the floor. He pulled out his wand and cast a pre-emptive silencing spell for when David began shouting at him – which would be inevitable.

"If there's something you want to know, ask," Severus said coolly.

"Who is Severus Snape?" David growled.

"It depends on who you're asking."

"Is this a fucking game to you?" David shouted. "I'm asking you."

Severus blinked. He took a moment to swallow against a lump in his throat. "He's a dead man," Severus said. "He was a Death Eater. He was a spy. He was Albus Dumbledore's servant and murderer. He was the victim of a madman he once called master. And now he's dead."

There was a part of him – a distant, quiet part that appealed to him to show something of the remorse he was feeling. To give something up. He was making things worse for himself. He was losing him.

He'd already lost him. There was little point in offering anything up; the man was already gone. The only thing that mattered now was pride and self-preservation. It was all he had left. 

David stared at him in disbelief. There was something like disgust in his expression, and hurt. Severus clenched his jaw and stared at the man stonily. His emotions were buried deep now. His breathing was calm. His head was clear. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Severus said.

"You lied to me about everything," David said. 

"I think you'll find I didn't."

"What's your name?" David seethed.

Severus pressed his lips together a moment, before saying, "My name is Hadrian Prince. After my great-great grandfather on my mother's side. Perhaps you should try asking the name I was born with," Severus suggested with an unpleasant smile.

"Oh, for god's sake! You're splitting hairs. What the hell is wrong with you?" The man buried his face in his hands, clawing at his head. Severus didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know what caused the block that kept him from spilling the story out. That had prevented him from telling David ages ago. He didn't know why he couldn't look at the man now, open himself up, and show him just how sorely he regretted his deficiency. 

After a moment, David looked up. "What was the name you were born with?"

"I think you've already worked that out for yourself, David," Severus said.

"Why can't you just say it? Jesus, I am this fucking close to leaving you," he shouted, pinching the air. "If you don't give me _something ... _"__

__Severus stood and walked to the small window, looking down. How many times had he tried? He was simply incapable. There was a distinct separation in his mind between the two worlds and while he could borrow from one to build the other, he couldn't break that wall down. Severus Snape was dead – to all but one, who served as the bridge from one life to the next._ _

__Severus turned suddenly and crossed the room to find his bag. He rooted inside until he found what he was looking for._ _

__"What are you doing?"_ _

__Severus turned the stupid thing on and waited as the apple mocked him by taking far longer than was necessary._ _

__"Who are you calling?"_ _

__"Harry," Severus said in a low voice._ _

__"Why?" David spat._ _

__Severus had two phone numbers stored in the phone. One was David's. The other was one that came with the phone, programmed into it under the name of Harry Bloody Potter._ _

__Severus tapped it and then held the phone to his ear, meeting David's eyes._ _

__"Potter."_ _

__"Harry."_ _

__A pause and then, cautiously, "This is he."_ _

__"Could you bring a Penseive and then meet me at the Sheridan near to the Leaky Cauldron? Room 651."_ _

__"Of course. Give me twenty minutes."_ _

__The phone cut out and Severus dropped it on the bed before going to the minibar and pulling out the remaining glass._ _

__"What's a Penseive? Why did you call him?"_ _

__Severus looked over at the man. "You want the truth. He can show you," Severus said, and then sat at the desk with his wand pointed at his temple._ _

__"I don't want the truth from him," David said. "He's as big a fucking liar as you are."_ _

__Severus narrowed his eyes. "Don't call me that," he said in a low voice. "I've never lied to you. I told you the truth that was safe, David. I told you what I could."_ _

__David shook his head. "Safe. For whom? Are you really too much of a coward to tell me yourself?"_ _

__The accusation ripped through his chest. He closed his eyes and fought for calm focus as he pulled strand after strand of memory from his head to leave it swirling in the glass._ _

__"What are you doing?"_ _

__Severus ignored him, concentrating on bringing these long buried secrets to the surface, flipping through his recollections to piece together enough of them to offer the full story of Severus Snape. As he finished, he wrote a note to Harry and then stood._ _

__"When he gets here, give him the note. He'll know what to do," Severus said quietly._ _

__"Why can't you just tell me?" David asked desperately._ _

__Severus cringed a little at the pain he heard in the man's voice. He had to pause to rein in what little control he had over his own before saying, "Would you ask me to cut my heart out?"_ _

__David blinked. "What?"_ _

__Severus shook his head. "If you want the story of a dead man, David, ask one who remembers him." He put two pound coins on the table and cast a Protean Charm on both so he could be summoned back._ _

__When he'd finished, he turned around and looked at the man. It occurred to him that this may very well be the last time he would see him. The last time the man could look at him at all. "I'm going. Harry will be able to call me, if you want me back. If not, please leave my things at the front desk."_ _

__David shook his head. "If you step out that door ..."_ _

__"David, you may not like what you learn. Once you've seen ... once you know the story, if you have questions ... I'll try and answer. It's the best I can do."_ _

__Severus stepped forward and, with a sideways glance toward his partner, left._ _

__**_ _

__Harry gave an awkward smile when David opened the door. The man looked furious with him, and frankly, Harry sort of understood. And he sort of didn’t care. He was more concerned about the fury of the other man, who Harry assumed was waiting inside._ _

__“Hey,” he said uncertainly._ _

__David stepped back to allow him to pass. Harry entered the small hotel room and looked around. The room was empty, as far as he could tell. He turned to give the other man a puzzled look._ _

__“He’s run away,” David said sourly. “He left you a note and ... some sort of ... brain slime,” he added, nodding toward the desk._ _

__Harry could see the hotel issue drinking glass, swirling with silver memories and a note written in Severus’ careful script. He frowned and walked over to read._ _

___Harry,  
I'm sorry to put you in this position. I wouldn't if there were any other way. You may accompany him, if you'd like, but I'll understand if you choose not to relive this. Some of it will be familiar, but some of it won't. All of it will be disturbing, so if you choose not to accompany him, I ask only that you keep watch in case it gets bad. As you've said before, my head is a grim place. My past is even grimmer._ _ _

___Please answer any questions he has. I'd do it, but it's too far buried and far too close to do so freely. This is the only way I know to give him the truth he deserves._ _ _

___If you want me back, tap the coin with your wand._ _ _

___In your debt (once more),  
S._ _ _

__Harry let the note drop. He stared at the tumbler of memories with a delicate mix of curiosity and dread. Severus knew him well enough to know that the promise of new information would ensure that David did not take this trip alone. He pulled the Penseive from his pocket, and set it on the desk before turning to face the other man._ _

__David gave a disgusted snort and went to sit heavily on the bed. “He’s too much of a coward to tell me himself, so he’s sent you,” he summarised._ _

__Harry gave the man a hard look. “You can call that man any number of things, and I probably wouldn’t disagree. But don’t call him that,” he said sternly. The man dropped his stubborn gaze toward the floor. Harry took a deep breath and let a bit of sympathy trickle in. "I know this must be hard for you."_ _

__"How the fuck would you know?" David snapped. "You know him. I've been with the man nearly every day for five years. Five fucking years and I don't even know his name. And does he apologise for lying? Does he try and make things better? Try and explain anything? No. He sends his fucking lover to smooth things over."_ _

__"I know it seems bad," Harry said in a calm voice. The man shot a furious look at him before turning it back to the carpet. Harry walked over to sit beside him. "For starters, I'm not his lover," Harry thought it best to point out. "We've shagged," he said hastily, "But I'm more his ... friend."_ _

__"You're going to tell me you're not in love with him next," David said, sneering at the wall._ _

__Harry's eyebrows shot up. "No. I won't tell you that. But I chose my path. And he has you ..." He hoped. He truly did. He didn't like to think how Severus would handle it if David were to leave him. He didn't like to wonder if Severus would ever speak to him again if David were to leave him. "I know him. I know how difficult he can be, particularly when he's cornered. I know how hateful he can seem when he's feeling particularly vulnerable." Harry looked over at the man, who didn't look any less angry, but he wasn't shouting anymore. "I also know that if he were really trying to keep the story from you, he wouldn't have asked me here. And he wouldn't have left you those."_ _

__David frowned and struggled to admit, "I don't even know what that is."_ _

__"They're his memories," Harry explained. "And that," he said, nodding to the Penseive, "will let you see them. As they happened."_ _

__David looked stunned. "You ... you can do that?"_ _

__"Yeah," Harry said. "He's tried to tell you for years. I really don't think he can. He's a very good Occlumens – that means he's capable of burying things so deeply inside him – secrets he needs to keep safe – that they're virtually inaccessible. Voldemort was, by all accounts, one of the best Legilimens that ever lived. He could read peoples thoughts as easily as you read a book. But Severus bested him." Harry shook his head. "He's very good at keeping secrets, David, but he's absolutely rubbish at giving them up."_ _

__David looked at him a long moment. "Sounds like a load bullshit to me," he said flatly._ _

__Harry laughed. "Severus didn't think much of the idea either. There's not enough people skilled enough to do any proper research, but ... I wonder. Luckily, there are Penseives," Harry said, standing. He took up the cup and carefully tipped it into the waiting basin. He looked warily at the swirling contents and then back at David. "This ... this will probably be difficult for you to see. You don't know him like this. Severus Snape was not a happy man." He looked over at David who'd come to peer into the light spilling out of the Penseive._ _

__David gave a curt nod, but looked relatively unimpressed by Harry’s warning. David's eyes were bright with the thrill of discovery. Harry thought he understood the sentiment. Of course, he was curious as to what new information Severus had added to the collection of memories he'd already seen, but Harry knew enough to be frightened. The memories wouldn't likely show Severus in the best of light._ _

__“Ready?”_ _

__“Are you okay?” David asked, seemingly against his will._ _

__Harry nodded. "A bit nervous," he admitted._ _

__“Do I have to do anything?"_ _

__Harry shook his head. He took a deep breath, grabbed the man by the arm, and plunged in._ _


	8. Severus' Story

Harry and David were greeted by shouting when they landed in a small, dingy kitchen that Harry thought he'd seen before. Tobias Snape's face was contorted into a furious expression. "What did you do to me, you evil bitch?" he screamed.

The smell of booze was thick in the air. Eileen Snape looked frail in his hands as she was shaken like a rag doll. Her lip had been split open. Tears streaked through grime on her face and her long, black hair stuck to it. "Please, Toby," she sobbed. "You've just had too much to drink." 

"You lying slag," he spat at her, shaking her again. "What did you give me? What did you poison me with?"

A small whimper behind him caught Harry's attention. He turned to see a skinny, frightened, little child, huddling between the cooker and the cabinets. His eyes were squeezed shut. He covered his mouth as though desperately trying to stay quiet.

Harry glanced over to see David, staring stunned at the boy. "They can't see us?" David whispered.

"It's just a memory," Harry assured him. Reassured himself.

Suddenly, a strangled cry caught their attention. They both turned to see Tobias, pushing Eileen backward against a table, his hands around her neck. Empty beer bottles crashed to the floor. Eileen struggled to pry the man's fingers away, but in vain. 

David stepped forward.

"Daddy, no!" the small boy cried, rushing forward and tugging at the man's arm. It was like a fly trying to move an elephant. "No, mummy!"

"Good god," breathed David into his hand.

Suddenly, Tobias' body was slammed backward, colliding with a wall before sliding down, unconscious. The boy rushed to cry into his mother's skirt as she coughed and spluttered to regain her grip on life. Her neck was purple-red where her husband's hands had squeezed. She slid to the floor, eyes wide at the sight of her husband slumped in a corner. She turned toward the boy, who clung to her desperately. "No, Severus. You must never, _ever_ use magic against Daddy," she told him severely, jabbing her finger in his face.

The little boy cried all the harder for his telling off, trying to climb into his mother's arms. She pushed him away to crawl to where Tobias was now snoring. Severus scrambled after her, tugging at her legs, her skirt, crying hysterically. His lips moved repeatedly to form the word "mummy."

The scene shifted, and David and Harry found themselves standing in front of Tobias, who stared through them at the television behind. On his lap was a child who Harry first mistook as Severus. They had the same long, black hair and severe gaze. But on second look, this was a little girl, whose nose more closely resembled that of her mother. Both father and daughter wore matching red shirts and stared at the telly with intense expressions.

Harry stepped around, eyes scanning the room to find Severus. He spotted the boy curled up under a wooden desk behind Tobias’ chair. He couldn’t have been more than eight years old. He read a tome that looked heavier than he. A crease appeared between his eyes, his lips moved over words he was surely too young to understand.

Suddenly, something exciting was happening in the game. Tobias and the girl leant forward. “Come on,” the man shouted at the oblivious players on the screen. The little girl added her voice to the increasingly urgent encouragements before both sank back with a disappointed groan.

“Fucking, useless cunts,” Tobias cursed, lifting his bottle to his lips, only to find it empty. He banged it down on the tea table with a dull thud. “Speaking of useless, where’s that freak brother of yours?”

The little girl twisted around to peer back at where Severus hid under the desk. He appeared not to have noticed the commotion around him, taken as he was by whatever he was reading. The little girl gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. “He’s under the desk again,” she said. There was a look of terrible anticipation on her face.

Tobias shuffled her to the side as he stood slightly to see over the back of his chair. “Hey, freak!” he shouted.

“God, what a prick,” David muttered.

“Hm,” Harry agreed, feeling angry and rather sick to his stomach. Severus had told him about his father, but in that way that Severus gave information. In palatable, understated little doses. Harry knew the man well enough to know that when Severus said, “My father wasn’t a very pleasant man,” it probably meant the man was a right bastard. He’d surmised on his own that the man was abusive, but it was another thing to see it.

Harry started at the sound of the beer bottle banging against the edge of the desk. It fell to the carpeted floor, miraculously intact, but the noise was enough to capture Severus’ attention. He looked out from beneath the desk like one who’d just been woken up. His eyes moved to where the bottle lay on the floor and then narrowed defiantly when they turned back to his father.

Harry’s stomach dropped to see that glare. He silently pleaded with the boy to be good. Be quiet. 

The look was enough to unleash his father’s ire. The little girl leapt from the chair to watch from the safety of a corner as her father rounded the chair and sank to his knees, groping to get a grip of any part of the boy he could reach. “Get out here!” the man shouted.

Severus was trying to back up into the wall behind him, kicking out his feet in defence. “I wasn’t doing anything!” he protested.

Failing to seize hold of the boy, the man grabbed the book he’d been reading. Harry got close enough to see the title, The Arte of Brewing. 

“Leave it alone!” the little boy shouted as the man took the book in hand and stood. Severus crawled out from under the desk. “Give it back to me!”

“Give it back to me,” the man mocked. “What the hell is this shite? Did your mother give you this?”

Severus pressed his lips shut and stared at the man in silent defiance. There was nothing fearful about the boy, now. Even as a child, he was a formidable force. Harry felt enough fear for the both of them. He could see the man grow angrier every second Severus refused to speak. Harry closed his eyes and waited for the man to strike his son.

“I can’t watch this,” David said quietly at his side.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Severus warned in a low, fierce voice.

Harry opened his eyes to see the man, holding a sheath of pages from the book menacingly. He gave a sinister grin. “Are you threatening me, you little shit?”

Severus shook his head. “The book won’t like it,” he said with an impassive expression, but there was something in his eyes that dared the man to try.

“Oh, the book won’t like it,” the man laughed. From the corner, the little girl snorted. With a sadistic sneer, the man pulled, trying to rip the pages from the book. When he couldn’t get a grip, he became furious and pulled at an individual page. There was a loud bang and a flash of light, followed by an enraged shout from Tobias.

Severus took a quick step back.

The man looked for all the world like he wanted to kill the boy, but he didn’t touch him. “Get the fuck out of my sight,” he shouted, and Severus wasted no time picking up the book and running out of the room.

The scene shifted again. It must have been later in the day as the man still wore his team shirt. He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a sadistic smile. Eileen stood next to him, her face a mask of determination. Severus faced the wall.

The woman waved her wand and shot a whipping hex at the boy. Severus cried out, pressing his forehead against the wall and cringing in anticipation of the next one, which fell shortly after.

Harry couldn’t watch. The boy was no older than James was, and he couldn’t stand here and watch a child be treated this way. He could only guess that Tobias had learnt early not to try and punish the boy himself. And so he left it up to Severus’ mother, who held nothing back. The blows were silent, but Harry could count them by the boy’s cries.

They were in a dark room, and Harry could just make out a bed. The door opened quietly. Eileen crept in.

“Severus,” she whispered, pulling back his blankets.

“Go away,” he said hatefully.

“You bring this on yourself. Why do you provoke him?” she said, in a tired voice. This was clearly a conversation these two had before.

“I was just reading!” Severus said in a choked sob.

The woman hushed him. Harry could just make out the gleam of her wand. He could hear the whispered words of a healing charm. “Do you think I like punishing you? Do you think I want to come home to this? Why can’t you just stay out of his way?” she hissed at him.

“Why can’t you just kill him?” Severus growled.

“Don’t talk like that. He’s your father. He loves you.”

“He doesn’t love me!” Severus shouted indignantly. “He doesn’t love anybody.” 

She hushed him again and stroked his head. The boy gave a wretched sob. “I know it seems that way sometimes, but you’re wrong. He’s going through a hard time, Severus. And your magic scares him. He doesn’t understand it.”

“It should scare him,” Severus said in a menacing voice.

“Don’t talk like that,” Eileen snapped. “Just stay out of his way. You’re a clever boy, and you’ll make a very powerful wizard. But as soon as you start school, I can’t protect you anymore. He’s afraid of your magic now because he believes you can’t control it. But we both know that’s not true, don’t we, Severus? When you go to school you’ll have the Ministry to contend with.”

The scene shifted again, and Harry was struck with an unspeakable relief at the familiar sight of the playground. His aunt and mother sat swinging with the skinny, awkward little boy spying on them. He scrubbed his hands over his face. If those memories were going to set the tone of what was to follow, Harry wasn’t sure how much he could take. 

A glance over to David confirmed that the man had similar thoughts. He watched the scene fearfully, uncomprehendingly. 

“Lily, don’t do it!” Petunia shouted.

David looked over at Harry. “That's the girl. His friend," he said, as though to himself. "He told me about her," he whispered.

Harry gave an awkward smile, but said nothing. He let David watch the rest of the scene while his own mind trailed back to what they’d just witnessed. The memories Severus had chosen to share were telling a story, but Harry couldn’t be certain what story they were telling. They’d just seen how difficult the man’s childhood really had been. It was horrific to watch, but not unexpected.

Harry accompanied the man through the shifting of familiar scenes through Snape’s childhood. As he’d already seen these memories more times than he cared to think about, he watched David instead. When they got to the Hogwarts Express, David looked between him and the boy sitting in the compartment. Harry nodded to confirm his suspicions. “My dad. The other one’s my godfather,” he said quietly.

“Charming,” the man said, sneering.

Harry snorted. He couldn’t take offence. He’d long ago come to terms with his father’s and Sirius’ more sinister side. He had only really seen them from Severus’ skewed point of view and there was something about Severus that brought out the worst in both of them. He knew, however, that there was a caring, admirable part of his father as well. It was the part that everybody except Severus had seen.

David was so taken with the decor of Hogwarts, with its bewitched ceiling and its twinkling stars, that he didn't pay much attention to the Sorting. His eyes followed Severus to the Slytherin table, and he looked at Harry with a confused expression. 

"She was sorted into Gryffindor," Harry told him, nodding toward his mother.

"Oh."

And then, they were in the Slytherin common room. Severus sat on a green sofa with his legs crossed, deeply immersed in the book he was reading. In neighbouring chairs sat three other boys, one of whom Harry recognised as Evan Rosier, minus the camp.

"Sev, lemme see your Potions notes," the boy to Severus' right said, holding out his hand.

Severus raised his head and stared at the boy's hand with a disdainful look that he was far too young to have mastered. A ginger kid laughed. 

"No chance, Avery," the ginger boy said. "You're not Lily Evans."

Severus' face coloured as he continued to read. His brow creased into a deep frown. "Lily takes her own notes," he muttered quietly.

"Don't be a git, Sev. Gi's your notes. I can't read mine," Avery insisted.

Severus gave the boy a dull look before the corner of his mouth twitched up in amusement. He sorted through a bagful of parchment and handed over two rolls.

"Cheers," the other boy said. He unrolled the parchment and frowned. Severus' smile became a grin when Avery's face crumpled in confusion. "What the hell is this?" the boy said indignantly.

"My notes," Severus said.

Avery glared at him. "You got anything in English? These aren't notes. It's rubbish," Avery shouted, balling up the parchment and chucking it to the ground.

Severus didn't appear happy about it. He took out his wand and flicked it at the parchment, watching it roll back up neatly, before sending it back to his bag. "'S not rubbish," he said. "They're symbols. My mum taught me. Saves doing a load of writing."

Avery rolled his eyes. "Useless half-blood," the boy cursed.

Severus' expression turned stony. "I told you not to call me that." 

"Half-blood," Avery taunted with a sinister grin. 

Severus gripped his book like it was a weapon. His mouth pressed so tightly together that his lips disappeared.

The other two boys laughed. The ginger kid took up the baton. "Actually, are you sure your mum's a pure-blood, Snape? What do you get when you mate a Mudblood and a Muggle, Avery?"

Avery grinned. "A whole lot of trash, I reckon."

A lot of things happened at once. Severus stood, wand in hand and book thumping to the ground with a dull thud. His wand flicked with a speed of someone twice his age. Avery and the ginger kid clawed at their own throats, eyes going wide as they fought to breathe.

"Don't you ever talk about my mum again!" Severus shouted.

Rosier had jumped out of the chair and now stood behind it, watching the scene nervously. "Sev'rus," he said cautiously, obviously not wanting the wrath to be turned on him. "Let'em go," he whined.

"Snape!" a voice barked behind them. Suddenly, they were surrounded by an audience.

Severus didn't appear to have heard either of them. He watched in a sort of daze as the two boys clawed at their throats, desperate to breathe. Lucius Malfoy put a hand firmly on Severus' shoulder and pulled him around to look at him. The spell was broken. Severus stared up, wide-eyed and shocked.

The two boys held their throats and gasped for breath. Severus looked like he was going to burst into tears as he lowered his eyes to await punishment.

"Bloody hell, Snape!" Lucius exclaimed, eyeing the other two boys. "Where did you learn that?"

Severus pressed his lips together and stayed resolutely silent. 

"They called his mum a Mudblood," Rosier said helpfully. 

Lucius looked at the boys. "Do you think that's something to joke about?" he asked them. "The Prince family is a well-known pure-blood line. My own family has crossed with it. Are you calling into question my bloodline?" The boy looked furious. 

"He's always with that Mudblood, Evans," the ginger kid said defensively.

"She's just a girl from back home!" Severus spat. "I've known her for ages. She's loads smarter than you pair," he added for good measure.

Lucius' lip curled into a sneer that Harry knew well. "But she's still a Mudblood, Severus. And a Gryffindor. We're not going to start fighting amongst ourselves to defend either of those things. Avery. Mulciber. Apologise."

The two boys muttered begrudging apologies.

"Snape. You want to be careful about using dark magic here. Dumbledore would have you out for something like that." He offered the younger boy a calculating look. His mouth curved up into a tight smile. "But I think you made your point."

The scene switched, and they found themselves in the abandoned playground. Severus and Lily sat on the swings. The boy's lank hair covered his face.

"He can't get away with it," Lily said, her face red with anger. "He can't treat you like that, Sev. We'll call the cops!"

"No!" Severus looked up. His hair fell back just enough for Harry to see the bruises. Severus' nose looked even more a cruel joke, having swollen twice its normal size. "Lily, you can't tell _them._ They'd only take me away and then I'd never see Hogwarts again!" His face was adamant.

Lily gave him a doubtful look. "That's rubbish, Sev. If you did get taken away, Dumbledore would just go and explain things to your new parents." She reached over and pushed his hair out of his face. 

Severus shook his head adamantly. "No. I don't want to live with-"

"Muggles?"

Severus looked uncertain a moment, before sighing. "It's only a few more weeks," he said. "I'll just stay out of his way."

The girl looked unspeakably sad. She stood up. Severus flinched as she came near him, and then his eyes widened as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms hung frozen at his sides. When she released him his cheeks went pink. "I wish I could do magic. Then I could heal you," she said, frowning. "Maybe you should write to Dumbledore," she said. "He can't possibly know what your parents are like or he'd never make you stay there." 

Severus blinked several times. It was clear that he was still trying to get over having been hugged. "He doesn't care about Slytherin," he said. "Everyone knows that."

She frowned at him. "That's rubbish. He's Headmaster. He cares about everyone."

Severus shook his head. "It'll be fine," he told her. The shifted his eyes awkwardly to the ground. "Thanks, though. For ... caring."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course I care, Severus. You're my best friend!"

He looked up in surprise. A smile came to his face. The cut on his lip cracked open.

 

The memory faded to some place very dark and damp. Severus was in front of them, his wand held aloft, lending a pitiful light to their surroundings. He crept cautiously down what looked to be a tunnel.

But wasn't a tunnel, exactly. "Shit," Harry breathed.

"What?"

"I know what this is," he said. And he didn't fancy going forward. He'd often tried to imagine this scene, but generally thought it was better not to. David followed Severus, and Harry walked behind them both, telling himself that they were in no danger. The werewolf couldn't touch them.

Severus inched closer to the entry of the shack.

"Snape!" the panicked voice of James Potter called from behind. 

Severus cursed, stepping up his pace.

"Snape, seriously. Stop!"

"Sod off, Potter," Severus growled and then froze as the sound of snarling and scratching came from the other side of the door. Severus looked behind to see James Potter running after him.

Suddenly, a terrible howl rent the air. David jumped.

"I knew it," Severus whispered. He looked terrifically happy about his discovery.

More scratching and then the horrible sound of wood cracking. A sliver of light pierced the darkness of the tunnel. Severus stood paralysed with fear. James wrenched him away from the door. "Get out of here, you idiot!" he shouted.

Both boys sprang into action, racing down the passageway, trailed by Harry and David.

"What is it?" David panted.

"Werewolf," Harry shouted.

"Were-" David stopped and turned around.

The scene shifted.

"He tried to kill me!" Severus shouted at an unimpressed Albus Dumbledore.

Dumbledore sighed. "Severus, your curiosity nearly killed you," he said calmly. "If you'd have left it alone-"

"How can you defend him? How can you let that ... thing in here?"

"Fair question," David muttered.

"Mr Lupin suffers from a very unfortunate affliction. We take every precaution to keep students safe –" Dumbledore held up a hand – "Provided they follow the rules."

Severus looked at the man with loathing clear in his greasy face. He pushed back his hair. "The parents will never stand for it. If the other kids know –"

Dumbledore looked suddenly frightening. His eyes were as hard as sapphire as he stood from behind his desk to peer down his nose at Severus, who was doing a pretty good job of not looking terrified. "You will tell no one," Dumbledore said firmly. "Mr Snape, you are here by the good graces of this school."

Severus went suddenly very still. His eyes narrowed.

Dumbledore took a deep breath and began again in a calmer voice. "As is Remus. We're happy to make allowances for our brightest students. In your case, a scholarship. In Remus', a safe environment in which to transform. I should be very sorry to lose either of you."

"That thing was a student?!" David exclaimed.

"That thing was one of my father's best friends and the father of my godson," Harry said through clenched teeth.

"I'd like a vow from you, Severus, that you'll not tell anyone what you saw tonight while you and Remus remain in school."

Severus was cornered. And Harry felt at once sympathetic for him and for Remus. Severus' face was defiant when he spat, "And Black?"

"Sirius will be dealt with," Dumbledore said gravely.

Severus looked murderous, but he nodded tersely.

Dumbledore gave a small smile. "I shall require something slightly more bonding than your word."

"What a fu-" David started, but then stopped as the scene switched.

It was a painfully familiar scene. Severus bent over his fifth year owls exam, his nose practically touching the paper.

"That's Dumbledore?" David raged beside him. "What kind of man lets werewolves into school?" He blinked as though just realising how strange it was to be talking of werewolves at all.

"A kind man who doesn't want to punish a boy for having a health issue," Harry insisted. "They're not all bad, and Remus was kept safely away from the school during his transformation. Severus was so hell-bent on getting my dad and his friends kicked out that he stalked them. It really was his own fault."

David gave him a doubtful look. "Well, your dad was a bit of a dick," he said.

And this scene wouldn't help dissuade him. 

Suddenly scrolls were flying through the air and Flitwick went tumbling backward. Snape weaved through tables, staring at his exam paper, and David followed him. Harry cast a dismayed frown at his father and walked slowly after the pair, following down toward the lake until both the Marauders and Snape had settled.

"That's him," he told David. "The pale, thin one. That's Remus."

David looked at the boy a long moment before frowning. He cast a contrite smile toward Harry. "He doesn't look so bad, does he?"

"And for the record, most people who remember my dad speak very highly of him," Harry said, irritably.

David snorted and looked over to where his father sat playing with the snitch, basking in the glow of Pettigrew's adoration. "I don't know. He looks a bit full of himself." He glanced over. "Sorry."

"You won't be after you see what happens next."

"You've seen it?"

Harry nodded. "I snuck into Severus' Penseive when he left me alone in his office once. He was not too pleased with me," he remembered. 

"What happened?"

"He threw me from his office and chucked a jar of cockroaches at my head," Harry said, with a suppressed smile. "It was the first time I realised that my father was infallible. For years, he'd been telling me that my father was an arrogant twat, and I thought he was just jealous of him."

Severus stood and began walking again. Harry stayed where he was and shook his head at David. They weren't going anywhere.

"All right, Snivellus?"

Harry gave a little grunt of dismay. While he loved his father, if the man were alive Harry would take a special sort of pleasure telling him that he was in love with the man he'd bullied.

Severus' wand flew through the air, and then he was thrown across the grass, much to the delight of Sirius.

Harry tucked his head down and rubbed his scar, not wanting to watch. Not wanting to hear. He couldn't stand the thought of Severus being treated so poorly. Particularly not after having seen what his home life was like. Nor could he stand the thought of his father as Severus' tormentor.

"Leave him ALONE!"

He watched the scene pan out with a sense of doom. There was a point at which he believed this to be Severus' worst memory because of what James Potter had done to him. He now knew it was because this was the end of a much cherished friendship. He wondered how much of Severus' life might have been different if he'd not said the word. Would they have remained friends? Would she have ever gone out with Harry's dad? Would Severus have become a Death Eater?

Don't say it, he silently prayed. 

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Oh, Severus.

"That was his friend, wasn't it?" 

Harry nodded. 

The scene ended and they were standing in front of the Gryffindor common room, watching the exchange that would sever the final link to Severus' conscience. The beginning of a downward spiral.

"... You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

The pleading, the desperation in his face. Didn't she see it? Didn't she realise she'd just sent him straight to Voldemort?

Harry looked toward David, who watched Severus with a mixture of concern and disbelief. It would be difficult for anyone to reconcile this pale, awkward, teenaged boy with the adult who had learnt not to beg for anything. A man who would never again appear so vulnerable.

Lily disappeared, and the scene shifted once more. It wasn't what Harry had expected to see next.

Once again, they found themselves in Dumbledore’s office. Severus stood, looking expectantly between Dumbledore, who sat behind his desk with a grave expression, and Slughorn, who offered the boy a sad smile.

“Please, have a seat, Severus,” Dumbledore said, motioning to the empty chair in front of his desk.  
Severus looked warily from one man to the other before sitting on the edge of the chair, back straight.

“Severus, we have some difficult news for you,” Slughorn said, reaching over to put a large hand on Severus’ rigid shoulder. “Your parents were found dead this morning, son,” the man said in a grave voice.

Both men waited for some reaction, but Severus just stared ahead of him, unblinking. He looked to have stopped breathing, and this was confirmed when he took a quick gasp of breath, blinking his eyes a number of times before saying, “How?” in a quiet voice.

Dumbledore shook his head. “There will be an investigation,” he said. “We don’t have any more information at the moment. I’m very sorry for your loss, Severus. Under the circumstances, you’ll be excused from your classes. If you’d like to go home ...”

Severus’ eyes widened. “Home,” he repeated to no one in particular. He gave a quick jerk of his head. “No, thank you, sir. Is that all?”

“We’ll need to discuss your living arrangements over the summer,” Dumbledore said kindly. “But that can wait if you need time.”

“If you want to talk, my boy, you know where to find me,” Slughorn said with a sympathetic smile.

But Severus didn’t look at either of them. He stood stiffly and turned to walk out the door.

Harry met David’s eyes and the scene shifted again.

They were in the Great Hall, standing behind the Slytherin table. In front of them, Severus sat, fork held up above his plate as he read. He looked to have forgotten it. Suddenly a flock of owls entered, dropping off the morning post. Nothing came for Severus.

The students chatted loudly as they read through the morning Prophet. Suddenly, the chatting died to hisses and whispers. People began glancing down to stare at the oblivious boy. Harry caught sight of his mother, staring over at Severus. A girl next to her whispered something, and Lily shook her head before lowering her eyes. Down the table, James and Remus sat huddled around Sirius' paper.

The blond-haired Rosier stood, shouldering his bag. He put a hand on Severus' shoulder. “Come on, love,” he said.

“Just a minute,” Severus muttered irritably. 

“Now, Severus,” Rosier insisted. 

“Evan, we have ages,” Severus said, looking up with a puzzled expression. He noticed the quiet that had come over the Great Hall, and caught sight of the rest of the table staring at him. 

“What?” he said, glaring menacingly at the lot of them. Avery pushed the paper in front of him. Harry looked over his shoulder to catch the headline: PRINCE DEATH A SUSPECTED MURDER-SUICIDE.

“Fucking hell,” Harry breathed. He’d had no idea. He looked to David, who didn’t appear at all surprised. Severus must have told the other man. He knew that Severus' mother had killed herself, but he'd never asked what happened to his dad. He seemed to know so few people whose parents were alive in the Wizarding World that it didn’t seem strange that Severus had no family.

After staring for a long moment at the article, Severus stood up. His face was pale, but impassive. Rosier took him by the arm and led him out the room, pausing at the door to offer a rude gesture to the staring masses. For the briefest of moments, Harry loved the Death Eater.

Harry stood in a daze as the scene shifted again to Dumbledore’s office. He listened as Dumbledore informed Severus that the Rosier family had offered to take guardianship of him until he came of age. Dumbledore made a counter offer to do the same, but didn’t look at all surprised when Severus refused him. He only gave him a slightly disappointed look and wished him a restful summer holiday.

The scene shifted again, and this time Harry’s attention was called back. A cold shiver tripped down his spine at the sight of Voldemort, seated in a study of sorts. The two were alone and Severus looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

“Is that him?” David asked

Harry nodded and worried his bottom lip. He’d always wondered how Severus had come to know Voldemort. He’d never had the nerve to ask him. It occurred to him now that this was the story Severus was telling them. Severus wanted David to understand why he'd done all that he'd done. Perhaps part of him wanted Harry to know as well. 

“I’ve heard good things about you, Severus,” the man said in his cold, high voice.

Severus kept his eyes lowered. His mouth twitched into a smile. “Thank you, sir,” he said quietly.

“I understand you've recently suffered a great loss,” the man continued.

Severus nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“You're very lucky to have a solid family like the Rosiers to take you in. Young Evan has spoken very highly of you ..." Voldemort gave Severus a covetous look, but the boy didn't see it. Harry held his breath and Voldemort continued, "I, myself, was an orphan. In fact, we have more in common than I think you know,” Voldemort said in a quiet hiss.

Severus raised his eyes then and blinked at the man. Voldemort gave him a tight smile and crossed his legs. “My father was a Muggle,” he said, the admission infused with bitterness. “He was the reason my mother disgraced her family line.”

Severus’ eyes widened ever so slightly, but he said nothing. He looked enthralled. Privileged to have something in common with such a great wizard. As he had seen where the man came from, Harry thought he understood the appeal Voldemort had for him. Even as every inch of Harry's skin crawled with revulsion.

“I understand that your father was abusive to you both,” Voldemort prodded.

Harry could see Severus’ jaw clench. “Yes, sir,” he said in a cold voice, remembering to look down at the floor.

Voldemort rose from his chair and walked over to stand by the window. “Your mother represents us all, Severus. Too long have we been repressed by those we have the power to crush. Those such as Albus Dumbledore would have us hide away in the shadows, lurking in our small corners of the world, while they have free reign. Your mother freed herself, Severus, and did the world a favour by taking one of them with her.”

Severus stared at the floor in front of him.

“Do you disagree?” Voldemort twisted around to look at him.

Severus looked up, boldly meeting the Dark Lord's red eyes, and shook his head. "No, sir."

Now David and Harry stood over a panicked Severus, the wind whipping the air. It was a relief when Dumbledore silenced the world around them. 

David looked on, shocked to see Severus so affected.

"What request could a Death Eater make of me?"

"The – the prophecy ... the prediction ... Trelawney ..."

"What's happened?" David whispered.

"He's been spying for Voldemort. Listen," Harry bid.

"... he thinks it means Lily Evans!"

"The prophecy did not refer to a woman. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July."

"You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down... kill them all..."

"That's his friend? That's how she died?"

"If she means so much to you, surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?"

"I have..."

"Christ," David breathed. Harry wanted to say something to defend Severus to the man, but couldn't bring himself to do it. It was his life, after all. His life that Severus was so willing to throw away.

"Keep her – them – safe."

"And what will you give me in return, Severus?"

"What?!" David exclaimed, horrified.

"Anything."

"What will he do in return?" David shouted at no one in particular, but they'd already switched scenes. They were in Dumbledore's office, and Severus was howling in a chair. David looked between Severus and Dumbledore with equal distaste.

"I thought you were going to keep her safe."

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person."

Harry glanced at David, who was frowning deeply.

"He was supposed to keep her safe," David said. 

"Her boy survives ... Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evans' eyes, I am sure?"

"He just let her die? After he was warned!?" David was beside himself with anger. Rage on Severus' behalf. "This guy's a real fucking piece of work!"

"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."

David stopped raging and stared. He looked at Harry with his mouth open. "Wait ..." he said on a breath. "Of course," he said eyes wide with realisation. "Lily ... Your mom."

Harry nodded to confirm and lowered his eyes as the rest of the scene played out. Every now and again, he could feel David's eyes on him. He could practically hear the question. How could he possibly forgive him?

Suddenly, they were in the stands, watching a game of Quidditch. David's eyes went wide. 

"Is this it? This is that game."

"Yeah," Harry said with a weak smile. He looked toward Snape who had his eyes narrowed, focussing very hard on something. Harry looked to see what he was staring at and then he realised where they were. Or rather when. He glanced around the stands and spied Quirrel. Harry suppressed a shiver at the knowledge of what was lurking beneath that turban.

Harry pointed. "There I am," he said, pointing at the spot high in the sky that way jerking around uncontrollably.

"Is the broom meant to do that?" David said, squinting to try and get a better look.

"No. That man there, in the turban, he's trying to kill me. He's ... sort of ... possessed by Voldemort," Harry tried to explain. The crowd had realised that something was wrong with Harry's broom and were whispering worriedly. Harry looked over at the low stream of murmuring coming from Severus. 

"What's he doing?"

"Saving my life," he said. "For the first time," he added.

Harry heard a disturbance in the crowd behind him and turned around, tugging on David's t-shirt. "And that's my best friend," he said, watching Hermione jostle Quirrel in her haste to get to Snape.

"What's she doing?"

"She thinks Snape's trying to kill me," he said with a grin as Hermione set fire to Snape's robes. Uselessly, as Harry's broom was already stable again. A moment later, Snape yelped and looked around for the cause of the sudden burn and then glared at the pitch to see Harry speeding down ... and swallowing the snitch.

Harry smiled at the relatively happy memory.

"Why did she think he was trying to kill you?"

"Because we always thought he was trying to kill me," Harry said. "He hated me."

He'd have explained further, but they were suddenly back on the Quidditch pitch in the middle of a Labyrinth. Severus was pressed closed to Dumbledore, growling low so as not to be heard. "It’s been too long," Severus said. "You should have never let him cheat his way-"

“Harry has assured us that it wasn’t he who put his name in to participate, Severus. I trust him. I think what’s happened here clearly suggests that Mr Potter’s participation in this tournament was planned.”

"It was clear from the beginning, Dumbledore. And you still let him-"

“You know as well as I that once the cup chose him to participate, there was little I could do to stop it happening,” Dumbledore said wearily.

Severus looked about to argue, but was stopped by something. He took a quick, pained breath and clutched at his left arm. After a moment, he looked stricken and slightly sick. “I have to go,” he said weakly.

Dumbledore turned to look, his eyes lowering to Severus’ arm. He met the man’s eyes with a grave nod. “There will be time enough for that,” the man said quietly. “You can’t go yet.”

“What’s going on?” David asked quietly.

"I've been captured," he explained quickly. He didn't want to miss this.

“Dumbledore, we have no idea where he’s gone. At least, this way I can find him.”

“And what will you do if you find him? Will you take on Voldemort and the rest of his Death Eaters?”

Severus clenched his jaw. “No. I thought I’d leave it up to a fourteen-year-old boy,” Severus said nastily.

“You can’t leave now, Severus,” Dumbledore said quietly. “I assume Igor has already fled. It will look suspicious if you go, too.”

Severus’ eyes narrowed. “Dumbledore, he can’t possibly survive this,” he said urgently.

Dumbledore took a deep breath. “I pray you’re wrong, Severus.”

 

They were in the Infirmary. Harry could see his fourteen-year-old self, pale and feigning sleep as the discussions grew louder around them. 

The scene was painful to watch. Even though he'd lived through it, he still held to the hope that Fudge would come to his senses. A remembered sense of futility swept through him as he watched the man refuse to believe that his safe little world had ended. Harry’s eyes darted to David when Severus raised his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark. David blinked, but didn’t otherwise react. He couldn't really understand the importance, Harry thought. And as it had faded completely since Voldemort’s death, he’d not have seen it before.

He fervently wished he could stop this viewing now. There were too many memories, too much pain associated with them. But he knew that he couldn’t leave David’s knowledge of the situation so full of holes. If there was any chance of the man understanding, David needed to stay until the end. 

Harry’s heart clenched to see Padfoot transform into Sirius. He felt nauseous to see Severus leave the room, knowing where he must be going.

It didn’t take long before they followed. 

“You’re late, Severus.”

“Jesus Christ!” David gasped, staring in horror at Voldemort’s appearance.

“My Lord, I came as quickly as was pru-“ His explanation became a shriek of agony as Voldemort cast Cruciatus. Harry’s breath caught in his throat as the sound rent the air. David panicked, stepping forward, and then stopping himself. His hands were pressed to his ears in an attempt to block out the sound of agony. Harry squeezed his eyes shut. He’d expected this. Harry’s escape that night had guaranteed that he’d be in no mood to receive Severus gladly. But he didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want to hear.

He owed it to Severus to watch. This was for Harry. Severus went through it all to protect him.

The curse lifted, and Severus collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily. “My lord,” he panted. “Please.”

“You have betrayed me, Severus,” Voldemort said icily. “You know what happens to traitors.”

“Never, my lord. Please, let me explain,” Severus begged. 

“Yes, Severus. Explain to me how you escaped being sent to Azkaban. Explain how you managed to secure a place in Dumbledore’s school, despite having been my presumably faithful servant,” Voldemort hissed. “Explain to me why you worked so diligently to keep me from securing the Philosopher’s Stone, Severus. To keep me from coming back to power.”

“My lord, I had no way of knowing it was –“

Tears sprung to Harry’s eyes as the torture began again. David grabbed his arm and screamed at him to please stop it. But he couldn't do anything about it.

"More, Severus? Or shall I simply end it now?"

Severus' limbs shook as he tried to push himself to his knees. "I-I have Dumbledore's trust, my lord. He sent me tonight. Please, I can be ... very useful," Severus said grovelling. "Had I but known ... Quirrell ..."

"I have little use for Dumbledore's men, Severus."

"My lord, let me show you. Let me prove to you ..."

Severus looked up, eyes wide and begging.

Harry watched it all with a deep sneer. 

Voldemort's eyes glittered as his thin mouth curved into a mockery of a smile. For a long moment he simply stared, with no indication that anything was going on at all.

"He's reading his mind," Harry whispered when he saw David's confused expression.

"Won't he see?"

"Severus is very good at keeping secrets," he said sadly.

After a moment, Voldemort laughed. "That blithering fool of a Minister," he said, suddenly extremely pleased. "So, Dumbledore is getting the old crew back, is he? Along with a couple of your old friends, Wormtail."

Harry hadn't even noticed the other man cowering in the shadows, his silver arm glinting in the firelight.

David looked at Harry. 

"That's the man responsible for my parents' death," Harry said coldly. "He betrayed them."

"Rise, Severus. I have decided to let you live," Voldemort said magnanimously.

"My lord. You are merciful," Severus said, cowering as he backed away. 

Just when both Harry and David heaved a sigh of relief, a hissed "Crucio," felled Severus again. His screams were even more terrible this time, echoing through the room and slicing through the stillness – 

And then just as suddenly, the scene switched.

Harry took a deep breath and covered his face with his hands, trying to gain control over himself. He could hear David’s breathing come heavily next to him, and beyond that Severus chanting. He looked up to see the man tending to Dumbledore’s cursed hand.

“I don’t want to see anymore,” David said, wiping tears from his eyes.

“You made him do this,” Harry said quietly. “You owe it to him to watch. I owe it to him to watch,” Harry said in a tight voice.

“What is he doing?”

“Dumbledore’s been cursed, he’s containing the curse in his hand.” Harry swallowed and predicted, "Next, he'll make Severus agree to kill him."

“I really hate that man,” David said.

Harry gave a grim smile. “I’m not too fond of him at the moment either."

But at least the memory was quiet and relatively safe. The memories that followed were equally familiar. Severus trying to appeal to Dumbledore to give him more information about what Harry was doing. The scene when Dumbledore revealed the truth about the nature of Harry’s connection with Voldemort. Harry was vaguely aware of David’s cry of disbelief, but he felt numb. The sound of Severus’ agony still rang in his ears. 

It would be naive of him to believe that there were no other scenes like that one. Harry had intimate knowledge of what happened when Voldemort was displeased with his servants, and he could only imagine what might happen when one of his schemes didn’t go quite to plan, owing to information that Severus had withheld. 

When they found themselves surrounded by Death Eaters on the top of the Astronomy Tower, Harry turned away from the scene. He’d seen it enough in his nightmares not to want to go through it again. David watched, horrified, as Severus gave in to Dumbledore’s pleas. 

They had to run to keep up with the rapidly moving memory as they made their way through the fighting in the castle. As they crossed the grounds, Harry could hear himself desperately trying to curse Snape. It was interesting to watch the scene with the benefit of hindsight. To note how, even in battle, Severus was trying to teach him, trying to coach him. The scene ended as Severus escaped and transitioned quickly to what Harry assumed to be Severus’ reception.

“Severus, you have served me well,” Voldemort said to the prostrate man.

“It was my pleasure, my lord.”

Voldemort smirked. “I expect it was,” he said. “You will be rewarded.”

“My lord, I expect nothing,” Severus answered to the floor. 

Voldemort reached out and set his long, white fingers on Severus' down-turned head. "Severus, with Dumbledore gone, I will have the Wizarding World at my feet. Tell me. What is it you most desire? I am feeling particularly generous this evening. When the world crumbles, what part of it will you take for yourself?"

Severus hesitated just a heartbeat before saying, “Hogwarts."

Voldemort laughed. “My boy, are you so fond of teaching?”

“Not teaching, my lord. I should like to run it as a Wizarding institution should be run,” Severus said.

“And so you shall,” Voldemort said, placing a hand on Severus shoulder. “Rise.”

The scene switched to a place Harry recognised from Severus’ earlier memories. It was his childhood bedroom. Severus sat across the same bed, back to the wall, staring into darkness. After a moment, the man stood stiffly and conjured a waste bin before falling to his knees and vomiting. As he sat crouched over the bin, his body jerked with anguished sobs. Harry’s own chest grew tight, his eyes prickled.

They were in the Hogs Head and Severus was planting the idea of Potter decoys to a Confunded Mundungus. They were back in Dumbledore’s office, listening to Phineas report that Harry was in the Forest of Dean. They watched Severus grab the sword and go off to help. 

They were in the Forest of Dean, watching Harry undress, staring into an icy lake at the glint of the sword inside. Severus was as still as the night beside them. Everything was so calm, they could hear the younger Harry gasping for breath as the cold air greeted his naked skin.

"Pervert," David whispered at Severus.

Harry laughed as the comment tore through the tense atmosphere. He hazarded a look at Severus, who gave no indication that Harry's near nakedness meant anything to him. A splash caused him to look over to see his young self, freezing his bollocks off, treading water as he searched for the sword.

"For fuck's sake," Severus said under his breath as soon as it was clear that there was something very wrong. "Come on, Potter ... come on ..." Severus took a step forward and then froze, darting back behind the trees as Ron came to the rescue. There was just a faint sound of Severus' sigh of relief.

The next memory found them in the shrieking shack. Voldemort was going on about the Elder Wand. Harry put a hand on David’s shoulder. “This is going to be bad,” he warned him. His eyes went to the dark passage where his own seventeen-year-old self watched from under the invisibility cloak.

Harry wanted to close his eyes when Nagini struck, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He watched the scene, eager to see what he’d missed that night. Some sign of the great charade that he’d fallen for.  
The move was so subtle that Harry completely missed it, but the glistening salve on Severus’ fingers was clear as his hand went to the puncture marks to stop the bleeding. 

David stood next to him, transfixed on the scene, his hand covering his mouth. Harry watched himself and Hermione appear from the passageway and do nothing at all to save the man. He watched Severus die again, his hand rubbing his forehead. He heard Voldemort’s proclamation that Harry had one hour to present himself, but stayed watching the immobile man a long moment. 

The memory twitched just slightly, but they were in the same room. The details of the room were fuzzy around the edges, as though a fog was rolling in, nothing quite as sharp and rich as Severus’ former memories. Some time had elapsed since the previous one, but Harry couldn’t be sure how long. He watched Severus’ body twitch. The man’s eyes opened. His hand went to his robes to extract a phial, which he slowly managed to bring to his lips. His limbs didn’t seem to be working properly. The effects of the venom, Harry thought. 

They followed his slow progress out of the house. Severus set alight the curtains, the bed, and anything else he could before making his way out of the room. 

He cast a Disillusionment charm, which had no effect within the memory. As quickly as his uncooperative legs would take him, he made his way toward the hills on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. He came to a cave that looked to have been prepared for this occasion. There were jugs of water and phials of potions. Stores of food. Severus made his way into the cave on all fours before collapsing, his face to the floor. As be breathed, clouds of dust stirred to stick to his sweaty face. Slowly, Severus rolled over and gingerly pulled himself up to rest against the wall.

His neck was a mess of dried blood that clotted in his matted hair. His eyes slid shut as he drew air in quick, pained gasps. Suddenly, the high, cold voice whispered into the cave, so close it sounded as though Voldemort was there, pressed up against them. David jumped, looking around. Harry put a hand on his shoulder.

"Harry Potter is dead. He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone..."

Severus' eyes snapped open. He stopped breathing as he listened, staring straight ahead for a long moment. His eyes looked dead, flat, and free of the glittering intensity that Harry had always associated with him.

After a long, still silence, Severus' body shuddered. His face crumpled as though he were in great pain. He lifted his trembling hands to his face and let sorrow overtake him.

On the wind, the sounds of the final battle rumbled like distant thunder.

Harry and David were abruptly spit out of the Penseive. David landed on his arse. Harry steadied himself on the table and struggled to breathe. His eyes were flooded with tears. He knew the man hadn't wept for him. Severus' grief had everything to do with his assumed failure to protect Lily's son. It would be three days before he'd learn the truth. It would be another half-hour or so before the Dark Lord would die for good. The magic of the mark would have been released, and Severus would have known that all had not been lost.

But in that moment, whatever the reason, Severus Snape grieved for him. He didn't mourn a beacon of hope, the Chosen One, or the Boy Who Lived. He grieved for a boy he'd dedicated his adult life to keeping safe. A boy who he, himself, had sent off to be killed.

"I ... I've got..." Harry rushed to the bathroom, closing the door firmly, as though he could leave the memories behind him. He'd _known_ all of this. He'd had no illusions that Severus' life had been anything but miserable. He'd had glimpses of Severus' dad and knew that he'd been abusive. He'd seen how the Marauders had taunted him. He knew that Severus' life as a spy would necessarily involve the occasional round of torture.

He'd known in it a way that one distantly knows that, at any given moment, somewhere in the world, a child is starving to death. Seeing it right in front of him, he could no longer maintain his detached sympathy. He ached with it.

His hands shook as he lifted them to his face, gasping for air. For control. Trying to recall his mission for the evening. Getting trapped in his own reaction to the memories would do nothing to help Severus. And he had to help Severus. At the moment, there was nothing more important than preserving the other man's too fragile happiness.

A small knock on the door made him jump to his feet. "Just a minute," he called in a rough voice. He splashed water on his face and peered into the mirror through red eyes. Thankfully, the mirror couldn't comment.

The door opened. David looked at him cautiously. "You okay?" There was genuine concern in his eyes, and the gentleness of it threatened to break the tight rein Harry held on his emotions.

"Sorry," Harry apologised gruffly. He slipped past the man to go and sit in the chair next to the table. 

"I don't know what he was thinking making you go through that," David said angrily. "I'm sorry you got pulled into this, Harry."

"I'd rather do it myself than make him relive it. It's hard to see it, but I'm glad I did. I've had a few questions answered that I never dared to ask." Harry snorted. "And now I have a few dozen more." He gave a wry smile. 

Like why did the Rosiers take Severus in? And what exactly was Rosier to Severus? A lover, yes, but Severus had told him it had nothing to do with love. To Harry, it appeared as though the boy genuinely cared, or at least protected Severus like he cared. Harry wondered how Severus felt when Rosier was killed by Moody. He wondered if that had anything to do with Severus' obvious dislike for the Auror.

"Could you tell me what happened after the scene ... after he ..." David sighed and shook his head. "The snake?"

"Of course," Harry said with a small smile. He told about going to Snape's office and looking at his memories. Of walking out to the forest to meet his doom. He didn't speak of the Resurrection Stone, but he mentioned the celestial King's Cross. He spoke of meeting Dumbledore and of coming back. Of being carried to the castle and of the invisibility cloak hidden beneath his shirt.

He tried to keep his recounting as brief as possible, not wishing to explain Hallows or Horcruxes, but his telling of Voldemort's death got tangled into the complicated magical circumstances. "It's really difficult to explain. Mostly it comes down to a series of extremely fortunate events that made it possible for me to kill Voldemort. Long story short, Voldemort's wand couldn't work for him, because it belonged to me. His magic wouldn't work because I'd sacrificed my life to protect everyone else. When he tried one last time to kill me, my own spell sent his back at him. He was killed by his own curse."

David mouth twisted up to one side. "Poetic justice," he said grimly. "What were you up to all that time? What was with the sword? What did that horrible old man have you do?"

Harry sighed and tried to think of an easy way to explain it. "Basically, Voldemort had ripped his soul to shreds and stored it in objects that he'd then hidden in various places. I was destroying them, and I needed the sword to do that. I was the one he didn't intend to create. That's why he had to be the one to kill me. Nagini, the snake, was the last. My mate Neville killed her, which left Voldemort mortal and able to be killed."

David nodded. And then he shook his head again. "Jesus."

"It's a lot to take in," Harry said sympathetically.

"You were what? Eighteen? At eighteen I was trying to sneak into bars. My biggest worry was that my parents would find out I was gay."

"Seventeen. But I'd already had 7 years of practice fighting him by then," Harry said with a grin. "And I had help. My friends. Severus. Dumbledore."

"How could that man put you in that position? How could he leave all of that to a kid? It's unbelievable, really. And to basically raise you to go and kill yourself?"

Harry looked at the man for a moment and tried to come up with a way to explain Dumbledore's actions. In truth, he had a hard time reconciling them as well. "Dumbledore was working for the greater good. Voldemort needed to be destroyed. There was a prophecy – the one that Severus overheard – that predicted that I would be the one to do it. It had to be me because Voldemort targeted me. Marked me," he said, raising his fingers to his scar. "All that Dumbledore could do was to ensure that I was ready to meet him."

"But you lived."

Harry nodded. "I lived. I think Dumbledore suspected I would. I don't know why he didn't relate this to Severus. I don't think he doubted Severus' loyalty, but he couldn't risk Voldemort knowing what was going on. Because of my link with Voldemort, he could get inside my head. He could see my thoughts. If I knew that, in cursing me, Voldemort would only destroy a part of himself, he might have found ways around that. The whole war was won owing to Dumbledore's ability to know where to plant the key secrets. It's hard to explain, but he was truly a great wizard, and, though you've not seen the best of him today, he was amazingly kind and generous. He cared about Severus and me a great deal, but he couldn't let that get in the way of the ultimate goal of preventing Voldemort from gaining control of the Wizarding World. It would have been catastrophic. No one individual life was worth more."

David blinked several times, looking shocked and somewhat lost from the explanations. "How did you find out that Severus was still alive?" David asked.

Harry snorted. "A few months after the fall of Voldemort, a letter came to me from Dumbledore's solicitor. Apparently, Severus did not intend to survive the war. He and Dumbledore made arrangements for him to disappear after he'd done what needed to be done. Severus, of course, didn't intend for anyone to know this, but Dumbledore felt that he should retain some contact with the Wizarding World. He said that it was unwise to burn all bridges, and Dumbledore wanted me to be that bridge for him." Harry's lips curled into an amused smile at the memory of that first meeting. "Needless to say, he wasn't too pleased to see me."

David didn't smile back. He studied Harry with curiosity and hesitation clear in his expression. "Why you?"

Harry grunted. "I've asked myself that question a number of times over the years. I've come up with a number of possible responses. I think Dumbledore knew that if Severus were ever to forgive himself for what happened with my mum, he needed to reconcile with me. It's a bit of an understatement to say that he and I didn't get along as I was growing up. He treated me like rubbish. I treated him with nothing but suspicion and contempt. We had a lot to work out," Harry said. He laughed. 

"He killed your parents." 

Harry's mirth faded. "He tried to save them," he corrected the man. "Whatever his motivations, once he knew what he'd done, he did everything he could to save them. He changed sides immediately and began working for Dumbledore. The bloke from the memory, the one with the hand, he betrayed them. And Voldemort killed them."

"Who was he?"

"Do you remember the scene with my father ... after their exams ... My father was playing with the Snitch – the little winged ball. There was a boy who was gushing over him, remember?"

David's mouth dropped in realisation. "That kid?"

"One of my dad's best friends. After Severus went to Dumbledore, my parents were to go into hiding. They chose one person as a secret keeper. It's a spell. Only one person is told the secret, and if that person stays loyal, then Voldemort could be standing next to my parents and never see them. Only, Pettigrew wasn't loyal. He was working for him."

"That's awful," David whispered, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

Harry shook off the apology. He'd made his peace with this. "He needs you, David. You're the best thing that ever happened to him."

"I don't even know him," the man said dully.

"Really? Because I'd think after spending the last five years with him, you know him better than anyone. You know who he's become. And you fell in love with the man you knew."

"The man I thought I knew," David said angrily. " _Hadrian._ I don't know this ... Severus." The man's nose curled up at the name. Harry thought he could understand. Severus Snape was not an easy man to like, let alone love. But Severus was no longer that man. He was more. A few years of peace had transformed him, and Harry hated to think what would happen if that peace suddenly went away.

"Severus Snape is dead," Harry insisted. "To everyone but me. Hadrian has taken his second chance and used it to become more than a broken man driven by duty. Hadrian found happiness, and no one deserves it more."

"I don't disagree with that," David snapped. "It's a question of trust. You said it yourself. He's very good at keeping secrets. What else is he keeping from me?"

Harry looked at the man incredulously. "Look, I'm not going to pretend that after all of this, he's going to suddenly become open and forthcoming. God, David. Can't you appreciate what he's just done? He laid his soul bare for you, knowing full well that he might lose you over it!"

David lowered his eyes sullenly. "He didn't have much of a choice, did he?"

Harry laughed. "Are you joking? Do you know how easy it would have been for him to make you forget ever learning about him? A flick of his wand, and you never met me. If he showed you, it's because he wanted you to know."

David frowned defiantly. "He said he couldn't do it. That it wasn't legal. He wouldn't risk getting into trouble."

"You're not in America, David. It's not illegal here. We don't track Wizards that way. I considered doing it myself when I realised that Ginny had already said too much."

David's eyes flashed angrily. "Why would you do that?"

"You're totally missing the point. He didn't do it. He didn't do it because he's been trying to tell you all of this for years. He's very good at keeping secrets, David. Good enough to have fooled one of the best Legilimens – mind readers – of an age. To do something like that, you have to know how to bury truths deep. I think Severus has been doing it for so long that he has trouble digging them out again. It's a question of safety for him. Survival. It took him a lot to tell you he was a Wizard, and since that day, he's been trying to find away to tell you the rest."

David stared at the floor in front of him. "I need to talk to him," David said.

Harry looked at the man anxiously. He was willing to beg on Severus' behalf if he thought it would make a difference. As it was, Harry stood and walked over to where the coin sat on the desk. He looked up. "I can accept that you're angry with him for keeping the full truth from you. He should have told you before. But Severus Snape has done his penance. He's paid for the one mistake he made as a kid. A mistake that has nothing at all to do with you."

David shook his head. "Hadrian is Severus Snape. You can't keep talking about them as separate people," he said, clearly exasperated. "Look, I don't know how to feel about any of this. About him. Who he was. What he's done. I don't know what to think about you and him because frankly, how you managed to forgive him is beyond me."

"How could I not forgive someone who spent his entire adult life keeping me safe?" Harry countered. "It's complicated. Extremely complicated. I can forgive him because I know that he will never fully forgive himself. I know how deeply he regrets what he's done." Harry took the coin up and leant against the desk, turning it over his fingers. "The question is, can you forgive him for not going into detail about his very painful and dark past?"

"When did you fall in love with him?"

Harry raised his eyes to see the man looking at him with a shrewd expression. He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not going to talk about that with you," he said coldly. "You have Hadrian. His present and future are entirely yours. If you can't see how lucky you are to have him, then you don't deserve him."

Harry pulled his wand and touched it to the coin. It shined with a blue light for a moment before returning to its former state. He put it back on the desk and went over to siphon the swirling memories out of the Penseive, restoring them to the glass. He pocketed the stone basin and turned in time to see Severus walk through the door.

The man's appearance was back to normal, and at the sight of those guarded, dark eyes and grim expression, Harry's breath left him. His lungs refused to expand to call it back. His mind was suddenly awash with images from this man's past. The horrors of his childhood and the screams of his encounters with Voldemort. He could see the man's face twisted with grief over Harry's presumed fate. 

Tears came unbidden to Harry's eyes. He blinked to try and hold them at bay, but they wouldn't be banished. He was overwhelmed with love and the powerful desire to take the man into his arms, to carry the man away to Switzerland where reality was easily distilled down to the two of them. But that was not his role.

Severus' eyes sought his, searching for some indication of how the evening had gone. Harry relaxed the barriers on his mind and did what little he could to communicate that whatever else happened, Harry was irrevocably his. He tried for an encouraging smile, but it wouldn't come. He was filled to bursting with a muddle of emotions that swelled still – pain, affection, desperation, sorrow, regret and above all, love. He hated David for being there. He hated David for keeping him from showing the other man just how much he meant to him. 

"I'll go," he decided, barely managing to put voice to the words. He didn't dare touch the man as he slipped past him. He couldn't look at Severus, and he didn't want to look at David, who must know how difficult this was for him. "Good luck," he whispered, before leaving.


	9. All is well

It wasn't love that Severus found in Harry's eyes before the man left, but pain.  In the many years he'd known Harry, he'd never seen him in tears.  It was saying quite a lot, given what he'd seen the boy live through.  In one brilliant master stroke, he'd effectively hurt the only two people in the world who ever truly loved him.  As the door clicked shut behind him, Severus wondered vaguely if both men were drowning, which one would he save first?  

He had no answer to that, and as he met his partner's frightened gaze, he struggled to decide if he should go after Harry or stay and face David.  It was something akin to trying to choose between your heart and your lungs, and Severus was paralysed with indecision.

The difference, of course, was that while Harry would certainly forgive him for staying, he didn't think David would be so understanding.  With that in mind, he stepped forward cautiously.  That the man hadn't said anything, hadn't done anything more than stare at him as though he'd grown a second head, didn't bode well.  Severus took a breath.  "I trust you have the story you were after."  His voice sounded cold, even to himself.

David took a step forward.  He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out.  His eyes flickered rapidly from left to right as though he were seeing double.  "I can't talk to you when you're looking at me like that," he said finally.

Severus averted his gaze to the desk where his memories swirled silvery-white in the glass.  He walked over and restored them to their rightful place, buried deep within the past.

"I didn't know that was possible," David said dully.  "Looking into someone's memories like that."

"It wouldn't have been prudent to tell you," Severus answered in an equally monotonous voice.

David gave a sad grunt.  "No.  I guess not," he said.  

"Do you have any questions?" Severus asked, turning around now and meeting the man's eyes.  He felt resigned to the interrogation to come.  He'd already  abandoned hope for  a reconciliation, but was determined to give the man the answers he needed to understand.  He had bundled up heartache and fear and buried both deep inside, in an effort to be able to meet his fate calmly.

"Do you have one of those ... things?"

"A Penseive.  Yes.  But not with me," Severus said.

David snorted.  "It's all right.  I wouldn't have wanted to see more, anyway.  Just ... well, it might be nice to see something happy," he said.  "Something to reassure me that your entire life wasn't miserable.  Did nothing good ever happen to you?  Like, ever?"

Severus' mouth curled up into a half smile.  "Death happened.  Everything improved after that."  He lowered his eyes when it occurred to him that his reprieve had only been temporary.  His past had come back to poison his present.  "For what it's worth, I'm sorry," he muttered.

 

"I think I hate the Wizarding world," David said, ignoring his apology.  "I hate that Dumbledore guy," he added.

"He was a good man, David. I understand that what you just saw wouldn't have shown that."

"He used you."

Well, Severus couldn't really argue with that.  "He used me as a Commander uses soldiers.  He had the bigger picture to think about," Severus tried to explain.  

"The werewolf thing?"

Severus frowned with a remembered fury.  And now he had the happy task of trying to explain Dumbledore's reasoning.   "He believed in giving people chances.  I can hardly resent him for that.  He kept me from going to prison.  My memories will not have shown that side of him, as I was trying to explain why I committed the errors I have.  He had a part in the decisions I made as a boy.  I despised him."

"That's why you didn't go with him when your parents died.  Because of the werewolf thing?" David asked.

"Because of the werewolf thing.  Because the general opinion in my house of the Headmaster was not favourable.  Because at the time, I was being actively recruited to join the Dark Lord.  Nearly all the students in my house joined him."

"Even that boy?  The nice one.  The flaming queen?"

Severus laughed bitterly.  "Especially that boy.  Evan Rosier.  He was doing the recruiting.  His father had gone to school with the Dark Lord and was one of his first followers."

"Rosier.  That was the family that took you in."

Severus nodded. 

"Man," David sighed.  "I actually liked him."

Severus grunted.  "He was a very likeable boy," he said.  "For a bigot."

"What happened to him?" David asked.

"He was killed by Aurors after the Dark Lord fell the first time.  He had a choice to make between prison and death.  He chose the more pleasant option," Severus said darkly.

"Was that hard for you?"

Severus considered a moment.  "I was relieved for him.  At the time, the prison was guarded by creatures called Dementors.  These creatures essentially subdued prisoners by trapping them into their most miserable memories.  I wouldn't have liked to see what that would have done to him.  Death was kinder."

"Did you love him?"

It wasn't an easy question to answer.  He didn't love him in the same way that he loved David.  But he'd liked Evan.  The boy had been inexplicably kind to Severus.  He'd attempted to help him, in his own misguided way.  "I've mixed feelings," he said.  "The short answer is no.  I never trusted him.  He was kind to me, but his kindness never came freely.  That said, apart from Lily, he was the closest thing I had to a friend at that time."  

"Did you never speak to her again?" David asked.  "After you called her that."

Severus shook his head.  "I joined the Dark Lord unofficially over the summer after my fifth year.  Six months later, I was marked.   I couldn't look her in the eye after that.  She made me feel ashamed and I didn't want to feel ashamed.  For the first time, I felt like I truly belonged to the Wizarding world.  I was able to reclaim my heritage.  It was very important to me."

"It's hard to get over the fact that you were essentially a racist.  I mean, I see how you came to that, but still."

Severus pressed his lips together.  "I'm not proud of it," he said quietly.  "I won't try and justify it.  I was foolish.  I have done what I could to make up for it since then."

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

Severus' jaw clenched.  He'd anticipated this question, but that didn't make it easier to discuss.  "You mean apart from Albus?" he said, a touch more irritably than he intended.

David nodded and lowered his eyes.

"Not directly."

"What does that mean?" David asked.

"It means I have brewed more than my fair share of poisons that were used toward their logical ends.  I have stood by and watched people be killed, doing nothing to help them.  I was once ordered to kill a Muggle, and then punished when I couldn't do so.  To kill by magic, you have to want to do it.  You have to mean it.  Luckily, the Dark Lord found me useful for other tasks, and so I was spared having to try again."

"That mark on your arm ..."

"It faded when the Dark Lord was killed," Severus said, rubbing his left arm unconsciously.  "It was bound to his magic.  He used it to summon us."

David nodded.  "Yeah.  I heard that."  He stared dumbly at his feet for a long moment before shaking his head, as though to dislodge some disturbing thought.  "Did he hurt you like that often?" he asked quietly.

"When I first went back to him, I had to work hard to get him to trust me again," he said evasively.  "Once I'd earned his trust, life became moderately easier."

"What does it do?  That curse?"

"It hurts," Severus said with a wry smile.  "I don't know how to explain it.  It works on the nerve endings.  It feels like you're on fire.  Like all the muscles in your body are seizing simultaneously.  The only thought you can manage during those moments is to wish for death.  People can be driven mad from the pain.  It's an Unforgivable curse.  You can get life in prison for using it."

David blinked several times.  "I don't think I'll ever manage to get the screaming out of my head," he said in a tight voice.

"I'm sorry," Severus said.  He meant it.  He could have left that scene out.  Part of it was that he needed David to understand what he'd endured to make amends for killing Lily.  But part of it was punishment for making him tell the tale in the first place.  It was cruel, he knew.  

"You should apologise to Harry," David said.  "He was really upset."

"I noticed.  I'll speak to him."

"I understand why you didn't want to be here.  I appreciate that you wanted to give me the space to decide whether I wanted to see you again or not.  But I can't believe you made him come here and relive that.  After all that he's been through.  After all you put him through."

Severus blinked, astonished by the admonishment.  He'd not anticipated this turn in direction.  He expected to have to explain why he didn't accompany David personally through his memories.  But not this.  "I –"  He didn't know what to say to that.  "He's seen most of what was there, David.  None of it should have been a surprise to him."  Harry may not have had all the details, but most of what was there were logical extensions of what he did know.  Harry had a close enough bond to Voldemort to know what happened when Voldemort was displeased with his followers.  Nothing in the memories he'd left would have been unexpected.

David looked at him in a way that made Severus doubt his assumptions.  The other man snorted bitterly and shook his head.  "You know he's in love with you, right?"

Severus' mouth dropped open.  "He said that?" he said.

"No.  He refused to talk about it.  But he didn't deny it, and it was written all over his face.  You didn't know?" David raised his eyebrows.

Severus sighed, and sat on the chair near the table.  "We have a complex history, David.  It has nothing to do with this."  

"So, you know how he feels about you, and you still put him into a position to appeal to your partner not to leave you.  Wow, Hadrian.  I realise sensitivity isn't your thing, but that's pretty rough, even for you."  David's mouth was curved into a smile that he always wore when he was angry.

"I didn't ask him to convince you of anything," Severus said defensively.  He hadn't, but he rather knew Harry would.  If he were honest, he'd counted on it.  "I asked him to stay on hand in case you had any questions.  You wanted to know.  I wanted you to know.  I wasn't capable of telling you myself, and I knew he'd be willing to help.  No one else is as well-placed to give you the information you wanted."

"So, you used him.  Did you even consider that your memories might be disturbing for him?" David said, going red in the face.

"He's seen most of them."

David shook his head.  "I'm going to wager that he's never seen the torture scene.  And you know what he said?  That he owed it to you to watch.  He _owed_ it to you, _Severus_."  The name was hissed at him and sliced through him like an insult.  He couldn't speak for a moment.  He'd thought himself well-protected from whatever might occur this evening, but hearing that name on that tongue hurt in unexpected ways.

Severus swallowed.  "You can't start calling me that," he said quietly.  "Whatever happens with us, David, you can't use that name."

"If I asked you to cut off contact with him, would you?"

"What? Why?" Severus said, his voice cracking.

"He's a man who is in love with my partner.  What other reason do I need?" David asked with a precarious calm.  "Just answer the question.  Would you stop talking to him if I asked you to?  Both of you have tried to convince me that Severus Snape is dead, and if that's true, there's no reason you should maintain that contact, right?"

Severus stared at the man, puzzled and panicked by the prospect of losing either man.  It was true that Harry was not in his everyday life in any real sense, but he was in the periphery of his thoughts always.  He'd been tucked there since his birth, and the idea of no longer being able to reach out and know the man was there made Severus sick to his stomach.  Could he just stop corresponding with him?  Could he abandon Harry for this man?

"No," Severus said in a low voice.  "I wouldn't."

David smiled unpleasantly.  "He would ... If I asked him.  He would sacrifice his ties to you for the sake of your happiness."

"What the fuck are you playing at?" Severus snapped, standing now.  "This is between you and me, David.  You will not bring Harry into it."

"I didn't bring Harry into it.  You did," David pointed out.  

Severus shook his head.  "He's a friend, David.  In case you hadn't noticed, I've not had enough of those in my life to so carelessly toss them away.  Particularly not for someone who would ask me to do that."  

David looked at him a long moment before sighing.  "I wouldn't," he said.  "It's reassuring to know that you're as loyal to him as he is to you.  After what you put him through tonight, I wasn't sure you deserved a friend like him."  He flopped back to the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Severus glared down at the man.  Outrage simmered just beneath the surface.  "It was a test?"

"Yep."

"Fuck you," Severus spat and then turned to go.  He wasn't sure where, but he was dangerously close to hexing the man so he couldn't stay.  

"Hadrian," David said, rolling off the bed.  "What the hell do you expect me to think?  You made it perfectly clear in your memories that you disliked him.  That you were only protecting him to make amends to his mother.  I needed to know that you were not that same person who would sell out a child to get what you wanted."

"What I feel or do not feel for that man has fuck all to do with you!" Severus shouted, wheeling around to face the man.  "You may not have known who I was, David, but I should bloody well hope that after five years you know who I am now."

David glared sullenly.  He crossed his arms over his chest.  "You're not allowed to be angry with me," he said quietly.  "This is your own fault."

"I told you I was sorry.  Would you have me grovel?" Severus said nastily.

David shook his head and stepped forward.  "I hated to see you grovel," he said, reaching out to touch Severus' face tentatively.  "I hated it."

Severus pulled away from the man's touch.  "I did what I had to do," Severus muttered.

David looked at him sadly.  "I'm sorry for calling you a coward.  You certainly didn't deserve that."

"You were right.  I was a coward.  I was afraid of losing you."  He gave a bitterly ironic smile.  "Look where that got me."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm still here.  If there's anything else you want to tell me, now's the time," he said, meeting Severus' eyes.  His gaze was anxious but determined.  He stepped forward again, until he was just a foot away.  He reached out to brush his hands over Severus' chest, up over his shoulders and around the back of his head.

Severus hesitated, unwilling to believe that this was the end to the argument.  But he thought if he could just pull the other man close, he might just be able to hold onto him.  His arms wrapped around the slight body.  David buried his nose in the crook of Severus' neck and breathed deeply.  Severus pressed his lips to the side of the man's head and whispered, "I hated Star Wars." 

He could feel the man shake with laughter against him.  David sniffed wetly and said, "That's it.  It's over."  His arms tightened to contradict his statement.

"I don't know what I'd do if you left me," Severus said, his throat constricting forbiddingly over the admission.  It was achingly true.  He'd spent all day trying to determine how things would go if David decided he couldn't live with the truth and all he could come up with was a nauseating feeling of emptiness.  He could no longer envision a life without the other man.  It made Severus vulnerable in a way that he'd never been before.

"I'm still here," David reassured him.  "I'm not going anywhere."

xxx

Severus didn't bother with the Polyjuice potion when he took David to Platform 9 and ¾.  They wouldn't be in the Wizarding world long enough to need it, and Severus had no desire to spend his day in the body of some young blond twit.  His cloaking spell was tried and true, and Severus felt reasonably certain that the two men wouldn't be seen unless he wanted them to.

David's eyes were bright and feverish, doubtlessly having caught something on the aeroplane.  Severus had thought to cancel the outing altogether, but David had insisted on coming.  As Severus had shown the man the worst the Wizarding world had to offer, he felt he owed it to both David and Britain to show the wonder and magic the world still held.  David assured him that it was worth the trouble of getting out of bed, just for the experience of running confidently through an apparently solid wall.

The two men stood in a corner of the busy platform, watching unnoticed as anxious parents waved farewell to excited children.  Some, Severus recognized as his own students, seeing off the next generation.  He offered a running commentary of their histories as Severus knew them, the houses they belonged to, and the houses to which their parents had belonged.  He held David's shivering form close to him.  

Severus spied Harry walking past them with a young boy with blue hair, who pushed a trolley with his trunk, upon which was perched a curious orange cat.  This was undoubtedly the offspring of Nymphadora and Lupin.  The boy had clearly inherited his mother's talent.  Severus felt vaguely envious.  It would be useful to be able to change one's appearance at will.

"There's Harry," David said.

Severus grunted.

"You should talk to him," David urged.

"I will.  But not here," Severus said.  He pulled his wand out and cancelled the cloaking charm over David.  "Go and say hi to him.  He'll know then to look for me.  We can arrange to meet back at the hotel.  You need to go back to bed."  

David smiled at him.  "I need to go to bed.  You and he should go some place to talk."

"We'll discuss it later," Severus said.  "Go on."

Severus watched his partner, wrapped in a brown leather coat, walk over to where Harry stood watching his godson board the train.  Harry looked over, surprised at first and then concerned.  David looked unwell.  Severus watched David shrug off his own health, as he so often did.  Harry's eyes went directly to him.   He smiled and then averted his gaze.

As Severus stood watching the two men, huddled together, chatting, a feeling of surrealism came over him.  For so long he'd kept his two worlds distinct, with Harry there to bridge the gap.  And now, the once clear-cut line between Hadrian and Severus was irreparably blurred.   He felt a kind of cautious optimism; a wary sort of relief.  Catastrophe had been averted, but Severus couldn't manage to trust the fortune that favoured him.  Like a cracked tooth, newly repaired, Severus prodded at it, trying to detect the fault in the seam, anticipating that at any moment, it would all break apart.

With a great gush of steam, the train lurched forward to carry the students away.  Harry raised his hand to bid the boy goodbye.  Severus felt an echo of the thrill he'd always had as a child at that moment when the train left behind his mother's misery, his father's violent anger, and carried him away to the relatively safe and magical world of Hogwarts.  Carried him to the only home he'd ever cared to recognise.

David and Harry walked toward him.  Severus turned without waiting and pushed his way through the barrier, back to platform 9.  "It never gets old," Harry was telling David when they appeared behind him.  "Sometimes I want to jump on it myself."

"It's weird, isn't it?" David said.  "You didn't exactly have an easy time at school."

"No, but it was home.  It was truth.  I would have rather faced Voldemort ten times over than to stay with my aunt and uncle," he said.  He glanced over to give Severus a nod of acknowledgement, before looking at David again.

"They were bad?"

"They hated anything that wasn't considered normal.  You can't get less normal than being a Wizard," Harry said with a grin.  

"It sounds like you and Hadrian had a lot in common," David said, reaching to take Severus' hand.

Harry's smile turned awkward.  "I don't know it was that bad," he said quietly.  "I'm glad to see you anyway. I wasn't sure you'd come."  His eyes flickered momentarily to Severus and then away quickly.  Severus couldn't work out if the man was simply trying to be discreet, or if his unwillingness to look at him was indicative of something else.

"I didn't want to miss it," David said.  "No matter how shit I'm feeling."  

"You should get him back to bed," Harry told Severus.  "Do you need me to bring anything?"

"I just need to rest," David said.  "Maybe the two of you could spend some time together," David cast an insistent glare in Severus' direction, knowing that Severus was reluctant to leave him on his own.

A crease appeared between Harry's brows.  "I'm sure he wouldn't want to leave you when you're unwell," he said.

"You'd be doing me a favour," David said with a tired smile.  "He gets incredibly bossy when he's worried.  And he wanted to talk to you anyway.  Didn't you?"

Severus frowned at the infuriating man and then tried to catch Harry's eye, but the man still avoided him.  He could see worry in that expression and Severus wondered at the cause if it.  "I do," he admitted.  "If you can spare a moment."

Harry nodded slowly.  "Ok," he said with a defeated sigh.  "I have to meet with Kingsley this morning, but I don't have anything too pressing this afternoon.  We could meet for lunch?"  He forced a cheerful smile on his face, but the dread was clear in the man's eyes.  

"Good," David said, his arm weaving under Severus'.  He offered his other hand to shake Harry's.  "I don't know if I'll see you again before we go.  I wanted to thank you for your help," David said.

"I'm glad I could help," Harry said, shaking the man's hand.  "I hope you feel better."  

"I'll be fine," David said dismissively.

Harry glanced at Severus.  "I'll meet you in the hotel lobby around 12:30?"

"All right," Severus said, puzzled by the man's evasiveness.  Had he really done so much damage?  His mind called up the image of those green eyes glittering with unshed tears the last time he'd seen him.  Severus wondered now if he really had gone too far by asking for Harry's help.

"Have a good trip back, David," Harry said.  "See you," the man muttered and then fled.  There was no other word for it.  Harry ran away, leaving both men staring after him.  

"Did he seem strange to you?" David asked.

"Come on," Severus sighed, taking David's hand and leading the man off the platform and down to the tube.

XXX

Harry's morning went by far too quickly.  It was always the way when one was dreading whatever the future would bring.  Under normal circumstances, he'd be thrilled at the prospect of spending time with Severus.  Now, he felt only foreboding and regret.  

He ought to have denied his feelings for Severus when David confronted him.  He ought to have tried to explain that saying he was in love with the man was inexact.  He loved Severus, but not in the way that David had thought.  He should have tried to explain that he posed no threat to David's and Severus' relationship.  That he wanted nothing more than to see Severus happy.

Instead, he refused to speak, and now, he imagined he was going to pay the price for his silence.  As much as he'd like to think that Severus wouldn't agree to cut him out of his life, Harry knew that Severus would do anything for someone he loved.  He was witness to the lengths to which Severus would go for love.  That was, after all, the very foundation of their shared history together.

Harry was not so selfish as to begrudge Severus his chance at happiness.  While part of him warred with anger at the thought that he could mean so little to the other man, another part of him understood that he himself had made a similar choice.  And what, after all, did their connection serve?  Their contact was sporadic, at best.  Severus no longer needed him as a bridge to the Wizarding world.  He'd not even thought enough of Harry to let him know that he'd be coming to Britain.  It was clear to Harry that Severus only kept corresponding with him at Harry's insistence.  Harry was certain that Severus had once cared for him, but now, Harry had been replaced by someone with the freedom to love the man as he deserved to be loved.

Harry waited in the lobby, resigned to the conversation that would take place, and determined not to  make it harder than it had to be.  Control over his emotions had never been Harry's strong suit, but now he collected all of his infamous courage and his years of training in order to maintain a passive expression.  The effort was wasted the moment the man came out of the lift.

"Hey," he said, his voice cracking like a teenager's.

"Hello," Severus responded.  The wary look on the man's face threatened to cleave Harry's heart in two.  

Harry took a deep breath, steeling himself against the storm of emotions raging inside.  "I'm not particularly hungry," he confessed.  "There's a place we could go if you just want to talk," he said.  He wanted to get this over with.  Let the pain be quick and sure, and then he could get on with life without the man.

When Severus nodded, Harry led him out of the hotel, to a small alleyway behind it.  Severus held out his arm and Harry took it without letting himself think too much about touching the man.  He disapparated them both to the seaside.  Below them, the white cliffs were assaulted by the waves of the Atlantic.

Severus gave him a wry smile.  "A bit melodramatic, isn't it?"

Harry snorted.  "I was going for secluded," he said.  The sun was shining beautifully in the sky, sparkling against the ocean below them.  The wind was easily held at bay with a simple charm.  "I should have brought something to sit on," he said.  He pulled his work robes from his pocket and restored them to their normal sized before spreading them over the grass.

Severus raised a quizzical eyebrow at him.  Harry sat down on the edge of his robes demonstratively and wrapped his arms around his knees.  Severus took a seat beside him.  Harry's heart pounded, drowning out the distant crashing of waves below.

"I wanted to thank you for your help," Severus said. 

"You don't need to thank me," Harry said quietly.  "I know he means a lot to you.  It was kind of my fault you were in that mess.  I was happy to help."

"I take responsibility for my own mess," Severus said dully.

"But he's forgiven you," Harry pointed out.  

Severus nodded.  "I don't know how, but yes."

"He loves you," Harry sighed.  "You're not an easy person to give up."  He tried for a teasing smile, but it wouldn't come.  The words were too close to his immediate truth for him to pretend that they were light-hearted.

"I should never have called you, Harry."

Harry swallowed and closed his eyes.  "That's what friends are for," he said gruffly.

"Friends," Severus repeated.  "We're not friends, are we?"

"Not really," Harry said quietly.  "But the word hasn't been invented yet to describe us," Harry said, recalling Severus' own words.  There was far too much confusion between them to so easily categorise their relationship.  It was the reason he couldn't easily explain his feelings to David.  Well, that, and the fact that it wasn't David's bloody business.

Severus gave a weak smile of recognition.  "Are you angry with me?" he asked after a moment.

Harry blinked as he stared out at the horizon.  "How could I possibly be angry with you?" he said, avoiding looking at the other man.  He thought he could take the conversation to its logical end if he didn't look at the man.  

"I'm not the most sensitive person in the world.  I knew that trekking through my past wouldn't be pleasant for you, but it didn't occur to me just how difficult you might find it.  It was unforgivably selfish of me to put you in that position," Severus said.

Harry forgot his resolution not to look at the man and stared over at him with a baffled expression.  "It was hard to witness just how miserable your life has been, Severus, but you don't need to apologise.  There were some things there I'd always wondered about, but never wanted to ask.  I'm happy to have the answers without making you relive any of it."

"You were upset," Severus said.  

"Who wouldn't be?"

"So, you're not angry at me for bringing you into this?  For putting you into a position to try and help me save my relationship?"  Severus stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"Why on earth would I be angry?"

"Then, what's the matter with you?" Severus demanded.  

"Is that why we're here?  For you to apologise for the other night?" Harry asked, eyes wide with realisation. 

Severus frowned at him.  "Why did you think I was here?" he said suspiciously.

Harry went dizzy as his fear of abandonment left him, making way for a sudden elation.  He put his forehead to his knees and took a deep breath.  "Never mind," he muttered, feeling suddenly very foolish.

"Never mind?"

Harry raised his head and wrinkled his nose.  "I thought you were going to tell me to sod off," he admitted.  

Severus' gaze hardened.  "Why would you think that?"

Harry shrugged.  "David asked me about ... my feelings for you.  I told him I wouldn't discuss it, but ... I thought he might feel ... threatened."

Severus looked at him a long moment before snorting.  "It's funny you should mention it," he said, shaking his head.  "After giving me a bollocking about subjecting you to my memories, he asked me if I would stop talking to you if he asked it of me."  Harry felt as though he 'd been hit in the stomach.  It must have shown on his face, for Severus hastened to add, "It was a test, Harry.  He wanted to know if I was worthy of your friendship.  You'll be happy to know I passed," Severus said with an annoyed frown.  "Do you really think so little of me?"

"I don't think little of you at all.  But frankly, if there was a choice to be made between a man who is an integral part of your everyday life and who is key to your happiness, and well, someone who's not around and just generally unavailable... You're a practical man, "Harry said.

Severus narrowed his eyes.  "I admit to being insensitive and selfish, Harry.  I know that I'm not particularly demonstrative of my ... feelings," he spit the word out like a bad taste.  "But I should hope by now you realise that I ... that I'm not indifferent to you."

Harry laughed – feeling both stupidly happy not to have to get used to the idea of Severus being off limits to him, and amused by the man's awkward declaration of ... well, whatever.  "I'm 'not indifferent' to you, too," he teased.  "So ..."  Harry's grin spread across his face.  "So, you chose me?"

Severus frowned to press away a smile.  "I don't take kindly to ultimatums.  If you asked me to choose, I would choose him just to spite you," he said with a feigned irritation.  

Harry could imagine that was true, but then, he'd never be foolish or cruel enough to put the man in that position.  He smiled.  "Thank you, anyway," he said.  "I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd have done it for him, but I'm ridiculously glad you didn't."

"If I'd have agreed to cut off contact, Harry, he'd have left me anyway," Severus pointed out irritably.  

"He's a brave man," Harry said with an amused smile.

"Foolish," Severus muttered.

"Thank you."

Severus' hand slipped around the back of him, pulling him close.  "Thank _you_ ," the man said.  

Harry leant his head on the man's shoulder.  "I knew what to expect, you know.  But I didn't anticipate it being so hard to watch.  Or to leave afterward," Harry said.

"I doubt very much that your own story would be much fun to witness," Severus remarked.

Harry lifted his head and looked at the man.  "Well no, but there was love in my life.  And happiness tucked between the near death experiences.  With you ... it was the inevitability of it all, you know?  You never really had a chance."

Severus made a small disparaging noise.  "I made bad choices," he insisted.

"Yeah.  But look what you were born into," Harry pointed out.  "It was Rosier, wasn't it?  He brought you into the Death Eaters."

Severus nodded. "He saw it as a kindness.  As a half-blood, I wouldn't have normally been considered for recruitment – at least, not at the beginning," he explained.  "I never understood why he took me in, but I was grateful to him and his family at the time."

Harry snorted.  "Strangely enough, I liked him – well, what I saw of him."

"Most people liked him." 

"I wish you'd gone with Dumbledore, but I get why you didn't want to do that.  I can't believe he threatened your scholarship," Harry said, bristling at the memory of that scene.  He could understand both sides, but at the moment, his loyalty was firmly with Severus.  He'd surely change opinions the next time he thought about it.

"Hm.  Dumbledore never hesitated to do what needed to be done.  It was what made him such a great leader," Severus said.  "In hindsight, I agree with the spirit of what was done.  Lupin was a formidable wizard.  He deserved his place in the school."

Harry smiled and looked out over the ocean.  A ferry was just visible on the curve of the horizon.  "How did you do it, Sev?  All those years ...  How did you survive?"  It was a rhetorical question.  Harry just couldn't imagine the strength of character it would take to withstand all those years as a double-agent.  People batted around the words bravery and valour, applying them to everyone who fought in the war.  Harry wouldn't take those descriptions away from any one of those people, but ... He couldn't help but think the words were inadequate to describe the man next to him.  

"The consequences of failure were unthinkable," Severus said quietly.  "Of all people, you should understand that."

Harry shrugged.  "Still, you're pretty amazing," he said with a sideways smile.

"If you insist," Severus said with a smile.

"It's really good to see you, Severus," Harry said, smiling at the man.  "You're a bit of a twat for not telling me you were coming."

"Hm.  It would appear the Fates agree with you," Severus commented.  "I was an idiot, Harry.  I'll do better in future."

"Wow.  That must have been hard for you to admit," Harry teased.

Severus' eyes narrowed.  "Don't push your luck," he warned.  "Tell me how things are with you.  The missus seems well."

Harry nodded.  "She's good, yeah.  She's enjoying working again.  It gives her something beside mothering to think about."

A look passed over Severus' face.  The man's lips trembled for a moment before he burst with laughter. 

"What?" Harry said, not aware of having said anything even remotely laugh-worthy.

"Albus Severus?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut before groaning and lying back to the grass.  "I tried to talk her out of it," he said.  "I really, really tried."

"Gods, if she ever knew..." Severus said, gasping for breath.

"I know," Harry said into his palms.  He let his hands drop to his sides and glared up at the man.  "I knew you'd find it amusing."

"Horrifying," Severus corrected.  "But amusing, yes. That poor child."

Harry laughed weakly, squinting up at the cloudless sky.  "It's one hell of a name to live up to," he said.

"I'll expect great things from him."  He turned slightly to be able to look down at Harry.  Their eyes met.  "Family life is good?  I've not heard much from you lately."

Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting the sun warm his face.  "Family life is good, yeah," Harry said.  "The kids are really great.  Ginny and I ... well, she's fantastic.  I sometimes feel like it would be kinder to her if we split up."

"How so?"

Harry opened his eyes to glance over at the other man.  "I'm gay, Severus."

"You don't say," Severus said blandly.

Harry's look went from hesitant to irritated.  "It's like a disease that just gets worse as time goes on," he said in a quiet voice.  "It used to be easy to separate.  My gay side was yours and the rest of me was hers.  But after the last time we ... well, the last time at the chalet, everything went pear-shaped.  Men started chatting me up like I had the word Sodomite written across my forehead in invisible ink that only gay men could see.  Then, the whole Polyjuice thing ... Well, the whole experiment backfired and instead of satisfying that part of me, it just fed it.  And now ... God.  You know, I was eyeing David before he told me who he was."

"Hm.  Pity he's unwell.  The afternoon could have been far more pleasurable," Severus said, smirking suggestively.

Harry groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands.  "I could do without that image in my head," he complained.

He could hear Severus sigh wistfully.  "Me too," the man said.  "I doubt David would be amenable.  He's more of a traditionalist."

Harry laughed weakly and then sat up.  "Developed a taste for vanilla, have you?"

"I've no complaints," Severus said, shrugging.  "I blame age."

"He's a very lucky man."  An awkward silence fell between the two, long enough for Harry to wish he could call the words back.  "How's he feeling?"

"He was sleeping when I left.  He doesn't like to be fussed over," Severus said.

Harry snorted.  "You're not exactly the fussy type," he pointed out.

Severus grunted.  "No, but I've found it difficult not to be able to match a potion to the malady," Severus admitted.  "I tried for awhile to find a treatment for his diabetes and only succeeded in making him ill for a week."

Harry's stomach clenched at the man's admission.  He recalled a particularly gut-wrenching case he had a few years back.  "You really need to be careful, Severus," he said gravely.  "We arrested a Wizard a couple of years ago who was posing as a doctor in a hospital in Brighton.  He was experimenting on cancer patients to try and find a cure for his wife, who was dying.  She died anyway, and he was sent to Azkaban for life."

"What happened to the patients?" Severus asked.

"The magic accelerated the cancer in some cases.  Three patients died.  With two others, there was no affect to the cancer, but the patients began having fits of accidental magic.  A sort of magical discharge.  One of them died in a fire caused by it.  Muggles can't metabolise the magic.  Their bodies can't cope with it."

He could see the message sink in.  Severus frowned.  "I think with certain potions, it might be different.  Analgesics seem to be helpful.  He can take a sleeping draught with no unexpected side effects," he said.  "With the number of mixed couples there are, one would think there would be more research into the area of magical cures for Muggle illnesses."

Harry shrugged.  "It's not exactly ethical to experiment on people," he said grimly.  "Sev, seriously, you can get into a lot of trouble."

"I understand," Severus spat irritably.

Harry sighed.  "Hermione did a bit of research on it a couple of years ago.  Her mum got breast cancer.  She got through it, but Hermione must have read every book there was on the subject before resigning herself to the fact that there wasn't anything she could do."

Severus nodded.  "What will you do?  About your marriage?" he asked, pointedly changing the subject.

Harry shrugged.  "Keep going, I suppose.  We're creative enough to get around ... performance issues." Harry offered a reluctant smile.  As it turns out, his body didn't pay any attention to the sex of the person on the other end of a riding crop.  It was the more traditional forms of intimacy that were trying.  "We'll make do, at least until the kids are at school.  And then ... well, who knows what will happen then.  She deserves better than this.  Than me."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Severus said, and looked like he meant it.

Harry grinned.  "You should be.  It's entirely your fault."

"Ah, yes.  How well I remember seducing you; working through your clear reluctance to bring you over to the dark side."  Severus offered a bland look.

"You were relentless," Harry said with an amused smile.  "Poor little innocent me.  I never had a chance."

Severus gave a darkly seductive look.  "Your innocence was particularly delicious," he said, causing Harry's belly to give a tight lurch.

"Damn, Severus.  I'm trying to be good," Harry said plaintively.

"It seems we've had this discussion before," Severus laughed.  "I suppose it's fortunate that there's an ocean to separate us," he said.

Harry couldn't help but agree.  "You're very good at resisting temptation, remember?" he teased.

Severus snorted.  "Touché," he said.  "Still, it might be prudent to go somewhere a little less secluded.  Are you up to eating something?"

Harry nodded and stood.  The two men opted for a cream tea on the terrace of a restaurant in a nearby village, Severus taking particular pleasure in the thick clotted cream and strawberry jam.  It was remarkably pleasant to see the man out in the sun, wearing a loose white shirt and black trousers, without the addition of several layers of winter clothes to hide his lean frame.  Despite the novel surroundings, Harry and Severus lost no time going back to the animated discussions that they enjoyed at the chalet, with the occasional flirtatious innuendo added in for spice.

By the end of the afternoon, Harry felt refreshed.  It was as though in having his twice a decade dose of his old friend, the world of routine he lived in became somehow more bearable.  And this, without the addition of sex, although he had to admit that he wouldn't have been too difficult to convince if Severus tried at all.  While he had no desire to mess things up between Severus and David, he couldn't help but feel that Severus was rightfully his, and David was merely a reserving his space until Harry and Ginny finally gave up the charade.

He thought it best not to share this thought.  He tried, in fact, not to think it at all.  For all his trying, though, it was there, in the back of his mind.  Fortunately for both of them, Harry did not have the freedom to act on it.

It was early evening when they went back to the hotel.  Harry accompanied Severus up on the lift and stopped in front of his door.  He looked at him awkwardly before giving into temptation and wrapping his arms around the other man's neck.  Severus' arms wound around him and held him close.  

"It was great to see you," Harry whispered.  He could feel Severus press a kiss into his hair.

"And you," Severus said, releasing him and stepping away.  "Thank you.  For everything."  He gave a small smile.  "I'd promise to try and write more often, but..."

"Yeah," Harry smiled.  He wasn't a very faithful pen friend either.  "Once a year," he reminded the man.

"Take care of yourself, Harry," Severus said.  

Harry nodded.  "You, too.  I'm really glad everything worked out for you."

Severus smiled.  "Coming to Britain turned out to be the best thing for me," he said wryly.  "I'd ask you to thank your wife for me, but..."  

He gave a wry smile.

Harry's response was cut off by the door opening.  A pale, tired face peeked out.  "I thought I heard you," David said.  He shot a look at Harry, who tried to hide his disappointment at having his last moment with Severus interrupted.  

"Are you feeling better?"  

David nodded and gave a weak smile.  "Thanks.  Do you want to come in?"

"No," Harry said.  "I was just going."

He looked toward Severus who had regained a careful distance, both physically and otherwise.  "Thank you," Severus said to him, a little stiffly.

"Anytime," Harry responded.  He cast a forced smile at David.  "Have a safe trip home."

As Harry turned to walk back to the lift, he could hear the hotel door clicked shut and the low murmur of Severus' voice.  He considered how strange it was to simultaneously feel pleased that the man had found happiness, and resentful that it was with anyone but him.  

In the end, it always came down to the same feeling.  He wished Severus well, but much more than that, he wished things were different.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has followed this story so far. Your comments and kudos cheer me on and feed my fragile ego. Part four will begin shortly.


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